Deprograming our minds from the many questions and mixed messages from this abuse with KNOWLEDGE and EDUCATION so that the abuse isn’t like an avalanche of mixed or confounded thoughts that leave a target/victim feeling like there is no place to start as far as recovering, because it sure can feel that way.
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @http://www.amazon.com
Recognizing and understanding emotional/psychological abuse is definitely where we must start. What I mean about this is simply actualizing the truth that we were abused by a personality disordered individual. This is a necessary process of validation so we can purge out all of the negativity and feelings of worthlessness that have been forced down our throats and into our conscious and sub-conscious mind from the manipulative control and mind games of a Narcissist. We have to start by having a healthier relationship with ourselves and STOP beating ourselves up with the repetitive messages that play in our minds that somehow we were the cause of anything that would enable another person to abuse us – or worse yet that we deserved this abuse.
We MUST stop defining ourselves through the negative messages from our abuser and redefine ourselves with new and positive messages. We have to switch our energy back into ourselves and away from the Narcissist and the abuse we experienced. We need a mental health vacation so to speak so we gain the necessary clarity to start the recovery process. This is a must and what got me to my recovery. My point here is that a strong education and knowledge of this abuse and the personality disordered Narcissist will give you that ‘ah ha’ moment where you see that this wasn’t YOU being crazy, worthless, wrong, bad, obsessed, a horrible person, or any of the negative things the Narcissist described you as. You will also understand that this abuse disabled and traumatized you emotionally and psychologically with extreme manipulation, gas lighting, and YES even brain washing. That is what slowly but surely managed you down to believe the atrocities that the Narcissist accused you of throughout this entire relationship with them and has you feeling so lost, empty, and stuck after the discard or parting from this Narcissist.
I can probably recite verbatim how you spend so many of your days feeling so alone and confused about your situation. Days that you probably feel like you just wanted to lay down on the couch and hide from the world. You probably feel such an overwhelming tidal wave of negative emotions flushing through you. These emotions are real because you BELIEVED this was love but what is at the root of this is the psychological abuse that managed you down to feel so worthless now and it is all so conflicting in your head! It is a mix of emotional withdrawal from the relationship ending so abruptly as well as the overwhelming confusion as to why this happened and all the hate that is surrounding you from your abuser. There are no answers at your fingertips just this overwhelming sense of doom. Even though you know you were fighting an uphill battle every day you were with this Narcissist it may still seem very real to you. This all has to be put into the correct perspective so you realize that even though your love was real (to you) it wasn’t real to the person that purposely abused and extorted your love as well as put you into this place that disabled you.
You feel worthless, physically unattractive, anxious, and depression sneaks its way into the equation and you just want to find a way to end all of the pain. Your first thoughts are to contact your Narcissist, but you are guarded and even scheming about how you can make contact without seeming interested JUST TO GET A SMALL CHANCE at some sort of connection and even a reconciliation or SOMETHING to ease this pain. This is just all of your distorted realities that you have become accustomed to from being a prisoner of this abuse with your tormentor, but THIS time it is different because this is the BIG discard. But what sits in the back of your mind is that you have felt like you have been discarded many times before and is it any different this time? Your mind is still locked up in the confusion you only knew throughout your relationship with them. But then the realization sets in that they are off and into another person (supply) and that eats at your soul.
All of this keeps you running in a circle and you are jumping from one distortion to another and never accomplishing anything but adding more to your own grief and more and more levels of confusion to an already confused state of mind. It is exhausting and it feels like there is no way out. You even feel fearful of life in general and lacking a general consciousness of the reality around you. There doesn’t seem to be any relief and you almost feel like you are completely losing your mind and headed straight toward a mental breakdown or even insanity. It is just TOO OVERWHELMING. This is why you have to move on and away from these thoughts and that Narcissist completely. It is your survival and your life at stake now. This is so different from any other breakup you may have experienced in the past (with a normal person) and THAT is the emotional and psychological damage that has been inflicted on you by this Narcissist!
Everything is one huge confusing blur. It is like someone has wrapped you up in layer upon layer of darkness, fear, angst, confusion, depression, anxiety, pain, sleeplessness and everything you have never experienced before. You feel like you are completely disabled. You are forgetful and just don’t seem to care. ALL OF THIS IS TRAUMA from being abused. You probably don’t sleep well and if you do you have nightmares. How do you fix this? How do you get them out of your mind? How do you move forward? Who do you turn to? People listen but they don’t see the severity of the situation! You are reaching out to a world that doesn’t understand how debilitating this abuse is because they don’t see a black and blue mark on your body or a broken arm but the truth is that you are so lost in all of this wondering who you can turn to for HELP! You have been injured but the scars are on the inside where nobody can see them so your abuse is INVISIBLE to everyone but yourself. So is it real or what the heck is going on. IT IS REAL – enough said!
When we seek out the knowledge as well as the support of other victims and survivors that is when we understand that we are not ALONE in what we experienced OR what we are feeling. The education and knowledge WILL give you perspective enough to help offset the vast confusion and disabling effects of the abuse and give you a new direction or the truth and validation to understanding that YOU are OK, YOU can move forward, there is a name to this as well other people that HAVE experienced this and recovered. The further you walk forward into this knowledge the more you will learn about recovery, who to reach out to, the support systems available, solutions, answers and so much more! YOU are amazing, YOU are strong, and YOU can and will recover from this when you empower yourself with the knowledge that will lead you to the truth of your situation and closure. This is a personal journey and a process that you must commit to because what is at stake is your life, well-being, happiness, and a healthy future where you can and will return to the world again. No/minimum contact to start on your journey! Greg