7 Deadly Sins of Narcissism

Hotchkiss identified what she called the seven deadly sins of narcissism:

  1. Shamelessness: Shame is the feeling that lurks beneath all unhealthy narcissism, and the inability to process shame in healthy ways.
  2. Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to dump shame onto others.
  3. Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may reinflate by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.
  4. Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability by using contempt to minimize the other person.
  5. Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an “awkward” or “difficult” person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.
  6. Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed.
  7. Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist there is no boundary between self and other.
  1. Perfect description of my father He’s such a jerk

    Of all six kids two are ass kiss enablers, two left the country 11yrs ago without a trace. My brother and i avoid any contact. My mother chief enabler throughout our childhood has dementia and doesn’t remember anything ( thank god for small mercies)

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  2. Sry, this is long…
    Looking back on the nightmare that was our marriage is painful but also helps me. Because now I can see it clearly & even get closure to so many issues. There were lots of incidents over the years that left me hurt & confused. Life would be going along & out of nowhere a bomb would drop, not literally. It would be a terrible mean comment, or a temper fit. I think a lot of it was to insure I did not feel safe. But, even deeper, he was having problems of his own, maybe he was bored, maybe troubles @ the job, insecurities; who knows?! Probably he was jealous of my peace & joy while caring for our kiddos & keeping house & garden. So out of nowhere; duck for incoming!
    Of course, he was innocent, he didn’t mean it the way it sounded. But there were no apologies. I was the one who overreacted after all. We’d argue but it got nowhere. He would walk out & disappear for days. When he came back, he would still appear angry & sullen. Not once did we ever resolve the issue. It was usually petty. Usually I had no idea what it was about. But there was no kissing and making up. It was the silent treatment, then I was told I was not happy unless I was nagging & constantly riding him. I was told to quit digging up the past. Move on, it’s over.

    Now I understand he created the drama for a few reasons. #1 was to keep me wondering what my problem was. #2 was so he could leave & hook up with whomever he just managed to meet online, or a girl from work or even a friend of mine. Or just go get a bottle of booze, sit in his car, get drunk, & look @ porn. He’d always bring his laptop or phone & park in a parking lot where he could access WiFi. Simple pleasures.
    Very clever. He leaves me in tears wondering what I said or did to upset him so much. And I would have to hold it together so I did not upset our kiddos. And he is off doing his thing. And the delusional part was he actually came to conclude I was the bad guy & he was a victim. Poor baby had to sleep in his car. I wanted him home!
    And the shameless thing….
    Well had no shame! Nvr apologized. Nvr showed any remorse. Nvr explained why he left or where he went. Just seriously acted like a victim and pretended he was hurt by me!
    Because he believed it! As time went on, I became enemy #1. But he nvr told me so. Just everyone else, strangers, coworkers, family & friends. Even our children, more & more as they got older.
    And he worked on sabotaging their success as well. He could not have any of us making him feel inferior. So he shamelessly undermined us & then criticized us for being “losers”.

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  3. Please anyone
    If you are near a narc,run a mile and start your new life.Narcs have no heart and in the end you are suffering and no one else.
    Pleeeeeeeeease do a favour.Get out of the fake and start looking after yourself before you go mental.I only have started to get my sanity back after 8 years of abuse

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  4. Wanna talk about waking up in hell, then realizing your first hell was a 4 star hotel with buffet.
    Thought my mom was having mental issues and as she is my dad’s caretaker( mild stroke 4 years ago) I was concerned. Turns out they both are complete borderline narcissists and I realized at 44 year old and an only child of course the layers of damage . Without remorse or thought done by always controlling the narrative and running from the moments a kid needs … Anyway. They are poisoning me I’m pretty sure to avoid paying for my relocation. Yeah me.

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  5. my ex push her accountantvto shooo me.they connibings he learns to lies.so much.my ex saying his supplier r is for her.sucks but thanks I’m out.

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  6. my.ex is narc.it’s.really hurts me.and he use.his accountants to shooo me in a.publicway he let his natives.Indian friend to confronts.me he just look never say a.words.for his eyes

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  7. Omfg. She ruined me and my whole life. She stole my son, and I am just lost without him. She left me in complete ruin and before I can even think about starting recovery of any kind, I have to dig myself out of the giant sink hole of quicksand she she continues digging for me. I am so overwhelmed. 😞

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  8. On my fourth therapy visit, the therapist said…”well have you had enough yet?” That remark hit me like a ton of bricks. I walked out on a 25 year marriage and have not spoken to him since. My divorce lawyer assisted me during hours of mediation to avoid coming face to face with him. The worst part.. our son had to live with a father that never praised nor nurtured him and always showed disapproval, disappointment or disinterest. The good news is that son is now transitioning from that self doubting, troubled child to a happy, young college man with goals, who has also not spoken to his father for a year and a half.

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  9. Sorry to burst your bubble. But shamelessness should be replaced with shame. The narcissist might not feel shame. But he definetly will tell others to feel ashamed. And use this to manipulate their behaviour.

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  10. Omg I married one 😠19years of his crap bullshit and story’s playing victim is soooo his thing I filed for a divorce and custody of the little ones I think these people are dangerous and con men .I think in time he’s gonna fall flat on his face.

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  11. oh plus he user’s all my past etc and twist it too throw in my face… hes contacted my landlord saying he gave me money to pay rent… when he never lucky for hin my landlord told him some truths that I was a 100%payer for 3yrs untill she met a man like you… and that it was him who’d owed him money for ex amount of times he took the rent and spent it…

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  12. After two years of a awful relationship with what I now know him to be a narc…. I feel so relieved to know it weren’t me ,I weren’t crazy I wasn’t over reacting, all I felt all the time was there was just something about him, he always seem to have a agenda couldn’t quite put my finger on it… We have a baby daughter which is proving to be even more hard to keep him away because im also getting all the emotional blackmail, each time I got him out my life after waking up having had enough of his lies his total lack of respect to my too older children calling them names like he called my 14yr old daughter a dirty lill s..g he calls my son a fat lill s..t.. he always made them feel not welcome to sit with us watching films etc would buy cakes sweets etc sit and eat them not letting kids have any.. when I went to hospital to be induced to have our baby the morning I never had her he was in a foul mood started kicking off at me cos I hadnt had her yet threatened to throw hot coffee over me I walked out the room to let him calmed down went outside crying he came out and was telling me too stop the tears its embarrassing him… well anyways I then went onto have our daughter later that day.. as I was giving birth I tried reaching my hand down to.feel our baby in birth canal to encourage me to give one last push … he slapped my hand yelling at me to stop that and just push… the midwife had a go at him and said its natural thats what women do let her feel and she place my hand said there you go feel her hair… I had baby he after half hr said oh well gotto go now I’ll come get u ttomorrow… when I went home he seems really nice then booom I was
    starting to go out do things with baby “parent club’s etc oh noo he went to drs he was suffering depression turned all focus on him gave his job up stopped me going to baby clubs saying oh babe stay in with me I need you , he stayed out of work for 6 months we struggled so bad baby hardly had anything as she was growing he never batted a eye he blamed me said it was my ffault for all stress while I was pregnant the worry etc as I had gestational diabetes so dr had to keep a closer eye on me… oh that all amounted to him being ill from it.. never mind the fact I was the one going through it all it was me.. he always got messages on his phone making excuses saying it such an such, he had all the social media sites.. facebook twitter,instagram you name it he had it well my daughter ran away I went on facebook to try find her “on my old deactivated account” he went mad oh now you’ll be getting all men to measage you “huh total head scratcher I was wanting to find my 14yr old daughter anyway good news found her facebook forgotten well untill I looked at his he wasn’t my friend anymore hed removed me while id been off it hmmmm suspicious well anyway didnt say owt just deactivated then I was on instagram thought I search him ohhh well he had a open one the stuff I saw was unbelievable chatting up loads of women… saying he was single that the cute baby was his but we’d split up… ha making out he had a great life.. my life more like my house and nice things my beautiful dog’s a bmw which I paid for which was infact supposed to be a family car but no he picked a 3 door sports.. not thinking that our baby was due in 2months time well he did think of “himself.”… well kicked him out but he had nothing no family friends or owt so I ended up paying for him to say in a carvan ha well he wormed back in oh and yeah got a job…. thought finally hes gonna change turn a corner no no no.. something evem worse he had to get another phone as he needed it because battery kept draining so he needed good battery for work… well well well thought why would he still take this phone everywhere with him hahaha silly me before he wanted to leave it laying about he needed to get everything off it … right ha as by the way never once as he let me handle his phone and if I wanted to borrow it to make a call he’d dial it in then pass it me had codes on his phone etc … well he then left it in house my thinking “something always gave me a off thing with him my gut always said he wasnt right.. I picked up his phone switched it on oooo no code haha… also nothing on it lol… untill I put wifi on the emails started coming through from dating sites pof, bado… lol then I thought oh google drive back up photos ” he werent a bright person… he forgot to delete all them off there… I found endless pics of women some yes nice etc yarda yarda… then booom a pic of my daughter ? why…. I then scrolled down further to my surprise I found pictures of teenage girls .. naked… uncomfortable pictures” not my daughter” but of four young girls age range 13-15 16ish… the picture of my daughter was just her face a pic took from her instagram…. my daughter says after I have asked her she dont know etc but my feeling is bang his agenda was to do what ever he felt he could.. think I have uncovered a proper sick man… I confronted him about all this ..recorded him for my protection as he as a nasty temper.. well he threatened me if I dont keep my mouth shut cos people whom have pics like that go to prison.. he will Bury me or he will go to prison do his time with a smile on his face get an education better himself come out and see me and whoever gets in my way man,women and child… ive since alhad alsorts of threats hes left now but I dont wont my baby going with him dont trust him.. but hes saying hes gonna take his life etc then threats too me I had to change both my phone numbers he tuen turns up throwing stuff “my summer seat” at the window kicks my front door he only left because a neighbour said they’d call police… but I just dont know what I can do… he makes me feel bad and that im spitting his daughter beong a jealous bitter ex … advice would be great am I bitter am I crazy or am I well right to do this..

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  13. Thank you very much for impormation and knowledge how difficult. To handle a narcissist spouse…”

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    • Hi. After 30 years of marriage, hit rock bottom (a gift!). Left 3 years ago with divorce finalized in July 2013. He took our beloved cats to an animal shelter and had them euthanized via gas chamber, the cruelest form of ending their lives. I had already found a loving home for both cats with my best friend. He had agreed with their new home because he did not want to be “tied down” with their care. Am seeing a skilled and compassionate therapist and taking one day at a time. i am 58 years young. Please get help to leave if you are in the daily despair of life with a N.

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      • I’m so sorry I’ve been married 19years I’m 43 and left we have 17/6/5 kids my little ones stay with me I filed for custody and divorce I got tired of his mind games and abuse .

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