Author Archives: ANA - After Narcissistic Abuse

What do you do when a narcissist is on one of their verbal attacks or rampages? The ANSWER – disengage, disengage, disengage because they WANT you to react!

What do you do when a narcissist is on one of their verbal attacks or rampages? The ANSWER – disengage, disengage, disengage because they WANT you to react! We can’t engage with their chaos and conflict because they are aimed directly at diminishing us and managing us down to SUPPORT their agenda! Narcissists are masters of spin and diversionary tactics to drive their “conflicted reality” home through brute verbal force, emotional dismissiveness, psychological games, and delusional reasoning. If you’re involved with a Narcissist, you know these communication strategies firsthand.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

When you present facts that contradict their beliefs, they bamboozle you by using off-topic tangents, changing the subject or creating a new accusation AGAINST YOU or creating CONFLICT! It is NEVER about FACTS – but instead distorting FACTS to support their agenda. While you’re still defending your original point and its validity, the Narcissist blows you off (because you’re making sense/telling the truth) and distracts you by jumping to another topic that’s completely out in left field. and then they somehow condemn YOU with some off tangent nonsense. They are always judge, jury, and executioner.

Narcissists have absolutely no capacity for context or truth. Either you see things their way or you must be crushed into the ground – and believe me they think nothing of how they will crush a person into the ground. You can’t respectfully agree to disagree with them. Any criticism or difference of opinion is a challenge to their “authority, power, and control” and is seen as a threat and will be treated as such and you will be devalued, demeaned, debased, dehumanized, and destroyed – it is just that serious to them. BUT serious to them is not in any normal context – it is complete denial and avoidance all bundled up in all of these tactics to be in control and exert power over us. Remember we are only an object to serve them so we must revere them as well OR ELSE!

The Narcissist employs loud and deliberate RAGING as another tactic when all else fails. The more wrong an emotionally and abusive Narcissist is the louder and/or more resolute they get with their attack. Their level of fake outrage, vindictiveness or emotional withdrawal is in direct proportion to how accurate you are. They will either talk over you, or shout at you, repeating the same simplistic, emotionally charged statements over and over until they drown out all reason, you pass out from the exhaustion of it all, or they give you the silent treatment until you submit and apologize for your “offense.” BUT THEY COMMITTED THE OFFENSE, and they are very adept at diverting from the truth with their pathological bullying so we better retreat and learn our lessons. My Narcissist employed this tactic every time they would find some anonymous sexual partner that I would find out about. First the incredulous story that I would shake my head at in total disbelief, then the extreme rage attack because I just didn’t believe this Narcissist, and then my morals were attacked if I was the guilty party.

LASTLY, let’s remember that Narcissists are also very adept at shifting blame to all others for everything that is wrong and never consider how they contribute to and cause the issues as well as their own unhappiness. They just shift responsibility to make you seem bad and crazy in an effort to shame you into submission. They will punish you for their own offenses as well – that is what we are “employed for” by the Narcissist because THEY need to project onto us. We are here to serve them, save them, take care of their every need, change their diapers, accept all of their faults as if they are our own, allow them to betray us and accept it as well as be blamed for it, we must allow them to extort everything they can from us, and we are not allowed to view any of this as anything but a privilege to be in their company – AND they never give anything in return. If we follow all of these rules, we are allowed to be their friend, their beloved family, or love them but we must also pay the price for this wonderful relationship by being stripped of our individuality, integrity, self-esteem and driven to insanity from their delusional abuse.

At heart, a Narcissist is a terroristic bully who will try to steamroll anyone who disagrees with them or when they DON’T get their way. It’s not just about controlling THEIR reality, but controlling everyone else’s reality, too. When you allow a Narcissist to determine reality, it would be like letting one of the inmates control/run the asylum. There is only ONE way with a Narcissist and that is discarding them from our life with no/minimal contact. Greg

With this abuse, we must TRY to understand that we as ‘normal’ people find it hard to wrap our heads around their actions BUT we must do so to move on and up to a higher level of recovery. In other words, we must accept that they are what they are, they will NOT ever change – then move forward with this NEW clarity and truth, do some damage control, seek good solutions, and return to the healthy life we deserve!

With this abuse, we must TRY to understand that we as ‘normal’ people find it hard to wrap our heads around their actions BUT we must do so to move on and up to a higher level of recovery. In other words, we must accept that they are what they are, they will NOT ever change – then move forward with this NEW clarity and truth, do some damage control, seek good solutions, and return to the healthy life we deserve!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

What I am going to try to do here is to explain why the educational process is extremely important to recovery. I am not using the word education in a manner that only describes the Narcissist or abuse and “there you have it!’ Instead, I am trying to emphasize the importance of education being vital to desensitizing the abuse messages that play in your mind, as well as defining the manner that a Narcissist drives this abuse straight into your heart, soul, mind and world.

Targets/victims get so lost in the day to day managing down that they fail to see just how effective the Narcissist is at distorting their reality (the manipulation.) You are never having a REAL conversation with a REAL person. This is the essence of ABUSE and how we become desensitized, and our reality distorted. Everything a Narcissist says (and does) has NOTHING to do with a normal ‘back and forth’ conversation between two normal people! You (target/victim) are COMMUNICATING and believing that the Narcissist is reciprocating, but they are observing and scheming through your words and actions AND using what they know about you AGAINST YOU. They are drawing information from you in a manner to know your strengths and weaknesses and again, how to use those against you. They may reply in what seems like a normal manner but they are actually interrogating you to draw out what they can and then they distort what they can so you never have a cohesive conversation with them. When they start to devalue you, they will draw upon what they have learned about you – embellish it, PERSONALIZE it, and then use it against you – that is what can make it feel so personal and real to us. They will also do the same with the very things you like/love – and of course use that to keep you hanging on and believing in them. Everything is just a tool for them to carry out their agenda.

You will always find yourself WONDERING about something or other. The end result is that they have you where they want you – trapped in your own mind and heart. Along with that they employ so many techniques to confuse you, or make you question what you said, or basically always feeling like you have to explain yourself and perform for their approval. That is how they gain the upper hand! Beyond the CHARM or love bombing which was just another grand scheme to emotionally manipulate you into the abuse with words and actions, the remainder of the relationship will consume you with always feeling the need to defend yourself. There is no such thing as individuality with a Narcissist and they are not going to allow you to have needs or be anything but what they want you to be. The KEY point here is that the love you FEEL (conned into) connects you to a Narcissist as well as blinds you to the abuse because they dangle that love in front of you and make you basically beg to have it back. That is purely behavioral modification using withholding techniques to change you to accept their disordered abuse! Remember that they are employing their disguise to con everyone around them to get what they want, but the primary 24/7 supply suffers the most from this abuse. They have other sources of supply on the side to feed their out-of-control lifestyle, and minions that sing their praises. How sad and destructive for the primary 24/7 target/victim to believe that what they have with a Narcissist is LOVE when it is nothing more than a place for the Narcissist to have constant supply as well as a refuge to hide the truth of just how perverted they are.

The dynamics of a relationship with them is built solely on the premise that you are a PERFORMANCE object to this distorted creature for as long as they want you to be OR until they have extorted everything, they can from you, OR you uncover the truth about them. Unfortunately, you are coming from what you believe is a real relationship with them, so you are blinded to the day-to-day subtle manipulation and abuse. Love, commitment, and growth are your goals, but slowly but surely your emotions and thoughts are eroded away until you lose the person you were for so many years. The Narcissist does not ever stop the abuse because they need to devalue and discard you and they manipulate you into temporary insanity. They push and push you so that you react in ways that MAKE you out to be the ‘crazy one’ and then they use that against you. This is what they are and what they do. There is absolutely NOTHING you could have done to change any of this. This is a predator with an agenda to secure its prey, feed off it, devalue it, destroy it, and then move on to new hunting grounds to find another person to prey on. BUT they are so good at this game that few see through them until it is too late! Add to the fact that a Narcissist will destroy each of their targets/victim’s integrity to cover their tracks by using the insanity they forced you into AGAINST you. The world is none the wiser to these criminals. Try explaining your incredulous experience and you have sealed your faith as being the ‘crazy one’ just like the Narcissist has described you to everyone and BEHIND your back. The Narcissist has everything covered as far as the abuse is concerned.

Targets/victims that are abused must understand that the abuse does not have anything to do with them and the actions of the Narcissist are not their fault. What you are feeling and reacting to is the many years of the brainwashing or manipulation (same thing.) You are NOT this person but instead a brainwashed individual that has had your dignity striped away from you by a highly disordered and destructive abuser. This is one of the hardest things to realize that there is absolutely nothing you could have done that would have any influence on changing this creature. Targets/victims of emotional/psychological abuse often think otherwise hoping they can fix things and only end up in this vortex of blaming themselves as being the defective one as well as the reason for the failing state of the relationship. Again, this is the Narcissist doing what they do so well, confusing you and using mind control to make you accept their disordered agenda. It is the only way these creatures could function in our world and that is through lies and manipulation, otherwise they would be in jail for what they really are.

Just some reality and the truth! With a Narcissist you will give until you are emotionally, spiritually, and physically bankrupt and receive little or nothing in return AND you will lose yourself completely. Just take a hard look at yourself today and then compare that with your state of being when you first met your narcissistic partner. You are more than likely psychologically and emotionally worse off and feeling totally numb and a different person. Narcissists are thieves and once they have taken all you have to give, you are history, and they discard you and move on to new and plentiful supply.

PLEASE, please internalize that they waged a psychological war that had an agenda with you from day one! Narcissists are amoral and you CAN’T engage with them in any moral or conscience-based issues and expect to achieve anything or better yet win. They DON’T love, bond, care, friend, or even relate to people — they abuse and extort. Narcissists have absolutely no sense of guilt or remorse for their actions. They abide by no rules or laws. They are not REAL! There is NO WAY you can shame them into accepting responsibility for their thoughtless and CRUEL approach to other people, especially yourself. They feel COMPLETELY entitled in this world. If you are looking for revenge, then you will never achieve any satisfaction in that arena either. They do not connect to your thoughts or words as they concern any opinion that you may have about them, nor do they care. You are an object and supply, and it begins and ends there!

ONCE you get to your ‘ah ha’ moment with them – go no/minimal contact and stay as far away from them as physically possible. Add to this that you must also train yourself to distance yourself as far away EMOTIONALLY as possible too! SERIOUSLY know that they never loved you nor could they love you because they are void of empathy and emotions! This means that you DON’T trespass in their abode or hunting grounds, and do not peek at their online social sites. Also do not ever get into conversations, phone calls or texts thinking that they are missing you and softening in their approach to you, they are only gaining information to use against you. Remember they were very adept at abusing you and putting you in the place of despair that you are presently in. You have put your best foot forward or probably both feet and every other thing you could put forward to end up where you are now. They do not change overnight or EVER for that matter. Remember that you cannot fight and expect to win on their turf because it is disordered, delusional and abusive. That is not what you or I are about, nor will we ever be able to wrap our heads around a Narcissist’s dark and destructive lifestyle – it would be like walking through a dark maze with a one lit match. We are people of empathy, integrity, respectful, and loving – and we must embrace this and protect ourselves by moving on and away from them. The truth ALWAYS comes out in the end! No/minimal contact. Greg

Completely empower yourself with these words:  We can NEVER engage with their chaos and conflict because they are aimed directly at diminishing us and managing us down to SUPPORT their agenda! Narcissists are masters of spin and diversionary tactics to drive their “conflicted reality” home through brute verbal force, emotional dismissiveness, psychological games, and delusional reasoning. If you are involved with a Narcissist, you know these communication strategies firsthand.

Completely empower yourself with these words:  We can NEVER engage with their chaos and conflict because they are aimed directly at diminishing us and managing us down to SUPPORT their agenda! Narcissists are masters of spin and diversionary tactics to drive their “conflicted reality” home through brute verbal force, emotional dismissiveness, psychological games, and delusional reasoning. If you are involved with a Narcissist, you know these communication strategies firsthand.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

When you present facts that contradict their beliefs, they bamboozle you by using off-topic tangents, changing the subject, or creating a new accusation AGAINST YOU or creating CONFLICT! It is NEVER about FACTS – but instead distorting FACTS to support their agenda. While you are still defending your original point and its validity, the Narcissist completely dismisses you (because you are making sense/telling the truth) and distracts you by jumping to another topic that is completely out in left field. and then they somehow condemn YOU with some off tangent nonsense. They are always judge, jury, and executioner.

Narcissists have absolutely no capacity for context or truth. Either you see things their way or you must be crushed into the ground – and believe me they think nothing of how they will crush a person into the ground. You cannot respectfully agree to disagree with them. Any criticism or difference of opinion is a challenge to their “authority, power, and control” and is seen as a threat and will be treated as such and you will be devalued, demeaned, debased, dehumanized, and destroyed – it is just that serious to them. BUT serious to them is not in any normal context – it is complete denial and avoidance all bundled up in all these tactics to be in control and exert power over us. Remember we are only an object to serve them so we must revere them as well OR ELSE!

The Narcissist employs loud and deliberate RAGING as another tactic when all else fails. The more wrong an emotionally and abusive Narcissist is the louder and/or more resolute they get with their attack. Their level of fake outrage, vindictiveness or emotional withdrawal is in direct proportion to how accurate you are. They will either talk over you, or shout at you, repeating the same simplistic, emotionally charged statements over and over until they drown out all reason, you pass out from the exhaustion of it all, or they give you the silent treatment until you submit and apologize for your “offense.” BUT THEY COMMITTED THE OFFENSE, and they are very adept at diverting from the truth with their pathological bullying so we better retreat and learn our lessons. My Narcissist employed this tactic every time they would find some anonymous sexual partner that I would find out about. First the incredulous story that I would shake my head at in total disbelief, then the extreme rage attack because I just did not believe this Narcissist, and then my morals were attacked as if I was the guilty party having these constant affairs.

LASTLY, let’s remember that Narcissists are also very adept at shifting blame to all others for everything that is wrong and never consider how they contribute to and cause the issues as well as their own unhappiness. They just shift responsibility to make you seem bad and crazy in an effort to shame you into submission. They will punish you for their own offenses as well – that is what we are “employed for” by the Narcissist because THEY need to project onto us. We are here to serve them, save them, take care of their every need, change their diapers, accept all of their faults as if they are our own, allow them to betray us and accept it as well as be blamed for it, we must allow them to extort everything they can from us, and we are not allowed to view any of this as anything but a privilege to be in their company – AND they never give anything in return. If we follow all of these rules, we are allowed to be their friend, their beloved family, or love them but we must also pay the price for this wonderful relationship by being stripped of our individuality, integrity, self-esteem and driven to insanity from their delusional abuse.

At heart, a Narcissist is a terroristic bully who will try to steamroll anyone who disagrees with them or when they DON’T get their way. It is not just about controlling THEIR reality, but controlling everyone else’s reality, too. When you allow a Narcissist to determine reality, it would be like letting one of the inmates control/run the asylum. There is only ONE way with a Narcissist and that is discarding them from our life with no/minimal contact. Greg

The magical Bait and Switch – Tricks of the Narcissists trade or baiting their victim into reacting to THEIR abuse so they can then turn it around to BLAME the victim and accuse THEM of abuse. Reactive Abuse from a Narcissist: A Narcissist always uses their toxic and abusive words to purposely create a negative reaction that they can turn around on their target/victim and use it against them! THEY are the abusers without a doubt, but they bait us into nonsensical arguments – ones where they accuse us, maybe make fun of us, belittle us, malign us, etc. – so that WE react and then they call us the abuser!

The magical Bait and Switch – Tricks of the Narcissists trade or baiting their victim into reacting to THEIR abuse so they can then turn it around to BLAME the victim and accuse THEM of abuse. Reactive Abuse from a Narcissist: A Narcissist always uses their toxic and abusive words to purposely create a negative reaction that they can turn around on their target/victim and use it against them! THEY are the abusers without a doubt, but they bait us into nonsensical arguments – ones where they accuse us, maybe make fun of us, belittle us, malign us, etc. – so that WE react and then they call us the abuser!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in between with a Narcissist

Again, a Narcissist will always set this TRAP for their victim – basically pushing or better yet FORCING us into a corner so that we react and even verbally reply/lash back out to protect ourselves from something so toxic and negative that they have said to us – and what they say is always horrendous and shocking. It is that very reaction from us that they are looking for and baiting us into because they want to use it against us and makes US out to be the toxic person. They will then react to our reaction with pure intent, maybe with a sigh of pure disgust, act fearful of us, state how WE have hurt them, how we overreact, shame us and even blame us for starting an argument, or whatever they can muster up to pin this on you and I!

So, what goes on in the omnipotent Narcissist’s distorted version of life? DIMINISHING THEIR VICTIM and they want them to feel isolated and insecure. There is no such thing as a POSITIVE value judgment as it concerns any other human being on this planet because people are merely living objects for a Narcissist to use and abuse, play with, and discard at will – and ‘in between’ they will completely manage their victim down in any way they can. It is a very controlled mechanism in their arsenal of abuse. Normal people respect all life, but a Narcissist does not deem life as worthy of THEIR respect – it is there for them to use and manipulate. So, by treating others as unworthy the Narcissist is acting as if they are beneath reprieve for their actions, and we are totally insignificant, very disposable, and infinitely less important than the all-important Narcissist or we DESERVE this treatment!

A Narcissist has no more regard for us than a person that steps on and squashes a poor bug that is minding its own bug-business on the ground. Basically, and unequivocally, we are nothing and the Narcissist is everything in their world and at all costs, even if it means total destruction of an individual OR squashing us like that poor bug! They will even step up their game by making a person feel physically unattractive by making fun of them and backing it up with FALSE testimony from friends, family, co-workers, etc., again – NONE of which is true.

Let us take it a step further – and to another level of how they malign us through their ‘CON BOND’ with us. IF you believe in their sincerity or participate in any of their ‘poison laced conversations’ you are allowing a Narcissist to access your mind and uncover your deepest and darkest secrets and insecurities AND they will exploit them completely at a future time, but always under the guise of concern and caring to exploit those very secrets. They will even fuel a conversation to manipulate you into ‘providing’ personal information about yourself, a situation, or a familiar person to extort the knowledge and use it against you. Narcissists are backstabbers pure and simple!

What is carefully hidden under their ‘fake’ empathy is an agenda to manipulate and exploit those weaknesses and use them against you in any number of different ways. They will call upon this personal information AT ANY TIME to dehumanize you and invalidate you USING those thoughts that you genuinely trusted them with. They will take those ‘innermost thoughts and secrets’ and make themselves ‘in the know’ about your private and personal life issues with ‘others.” They will run with this information and negatively triangulate with friends, family, your boss, and co-workers with that ‘very personal’ information they have gained through sharing your private concerns with them. It is natural to vent with the person you love or trust, but NEVER with a Narcissist because they will use it against you. Give them a little bit of information and they will find out everything and anything connected to it that they can use against you – and they are very shrewd and sneaky about it – you will not know what hit you. They are ALWAYS looking for that ‘in’ to manage a person down! Most importantly is understanding that this is not ANY type of love, caring, friendship, or relationship – it is subjugation and abuse. No/minimal contact ALWAYS. Greg

Nothing about this relationship was real as far as a normal connection – this is so important to understand for more clarity. The Narcissist’s MASTER PLAN and only plan, and YES, it is an agenda/plan to get WHAT THEY WANT — Divert, divide, conquer, isolate, and CONTROL! BUT it is hidden behind by the CHARM or the trap to pull us in.

Nothing about this relationship was real as far as a normal connection – this is so important to understand for more clarity. The Narcissist’s MASTER PLAN and only plan, and YES, it is an agenda/plan to get WHAT THEY WANT — Divert, divide, conquer, isolate, and CONTROL! BUT it is hidden behind by the CHARM or the trap to pull us in.

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! 

The Narcissist is basically grooming others WITH a deceptive agenda – divert, divide, conquer and control. In a normal relationship, people go out of their way to prove that they are trustworthy, but a Narcissist does exactly the opposite. They are constantly throwing subtle hints out there that make you and keep you feeling insecure. Perhaps they may be pursuing other people, other options, or spending their time with other people, so that you can never really settle down or feel secure or have any sense of a real connection with them. Mine sure did! They want to keep you on the edge of confusion and chaos constantly. They will always compound this manipulative ploy by denying it if you should bring it up in a conversation, calling you jealous, possessive, ALWAYS starting a fight, or even crazy. The Narcissist works everything they do into every possible vantage point (or spin) to control and manage you down. Where you started off and became accustomed to such a high level of charm and flattering attention – after they first lured you in with the extreme charm and love bombing – NOW feels very personal and unnerving because they are directing that attention elsewhere and they know what they are doing – devaluing you and controlling you through managing you down.

They have a methodology to put all of this into place, so some examples. They will perhaps totally cancel plans with you or spend a day with a ‘good’ friend AND perhaps the very one that supposedly complains about or dislikes YOU, or a friend you have never even heard mentioned before. They will ignore you perhaps saying they are spending more time with their family or close friends, and again they have probably told you that they were all horrible people and troublemakers in the first place but now they want to spend time with them – those mixed messages that confuse! They will keep you waiting until the last minute as far as it concerns finalizing plans and perhaps cancel at the last moment. They are never clear about plans perhaps suggesting something and then never mentioning it again. They will say they are going out to dinner with work friends out of the blue and it just does not seem to make sense! They will seek the sympathy of an ex when there is a problem or tragedy in their personal life, and then explain that they just have such a “special bond or friendship” that you would not or couldn’t understand. More than often that ex is someone they first claimed was crazy, a problem, abusive and unstable. Remember everything is all concocted garbage to manage you down and to make you feel detached as if you are not worthy, important or their first ‘go to person.’ In my particular situation most of these themes were used repeatedly but in reality ‘my Narcissist’ was never with whomever ‘my Narcissist’ said they were with. You can use your imagination to figure out the rest.

When you are going through this it is never apparent because so much abuse is circling around all your conscious thoughts that you never have the time to think anything through with any sense of reality or realizing the real truth that what they say is just more of their ‘crazy making!’ You never truly get through one level without other levels piling up on top of each other. The Narcissist is basically pitting YOU against a false situation AND people to make you feel that you just do not meet up with the Narcissist’s expectations or what they expect of you. It is the process of managing what you do or have done down through the Narcissist’s incredulous and fake stories to make everything, and everybody seem so much better than you OR anything they do better than what YOU do. Think about this and then ask yourself this very important question is any type of relationship a competition? Then ask yourself why you felt you had to try harder and harder.

So, what it boils down to is that this is just an attention seeking tactic that the Narcissist procures by managing us down to make us feel that we are not worthy enough by constantly comparing us to other people to make us feel that they are better and worthier than us. You in turn feel that the Narcissist should be embracing your unconditional acts of love or caring AND seeking comfort in you as they did in the beginning – this is how normal people relate in a normal relationship. You have always helped and healed them in the past, and been there for them, so what is up or what is different now? They once proclaimed their unending love as well as claimed that you were the reason, they were so happy. But now, they turn to friendships or past relationships instead of you, and they embellish the situation with subtle hints to make you feel that YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. This is also part of the devaluation phase for sure and you wonder if perhaps you are jealous, or you SHOULD do better – and there you have it!

Let’s take it a little further and look at technology. We now live in an era where technology makes it so much easier for Narcissists to manipulate and triangulate on social media sites that we all seem to use. It can be as simple as the Narcissist liking a comment from a complete stranger, old friend, or an ex, while ignoring ones from you. They will upload photos where they are with an ex, family, or anybody they claimed to dislike or hate before. Everything APPEARS to be unintentional, and you attribute it to the Narcissist’s insensitivity toward YOU but make no mistake – it is carefully calculated and placed there with an agenda in mind. They are always looking for supply by seducing anyone and everybody into their game as well as being braggarts and using media as a form of Narcissistic public relations.

They will strategically post ambiguous statuses that suggest you might be “losing” them. They will share things that are intentionally meant to lure in new and old targets by keeping their status as single. For example, the Narcissist may have an ongoing conversation with someone that is a stranger to you and more than likely a possibility for a new source of supply for the Narcissist. This does many things to the target/victim by first leaving them feeling confused, anxious, isolated, and YES probably jealous – BUT it also makes, and this new person (or potential new supply) NOW feel confident, loved, and special. That Narcissist is looking for and grooming others as they erode your identity and essentially killing two birds with one stone. They are putting themselves out there for whatever may come their way (as they always do in reality – but now you can see it in writing)! They are very subtle, strategic, and efficient with their agenda ALWAYS. They seriously bump this up after the discard to really disable you to feel completely worthless, as well as rub their new and amazing life in your face – just a little more abuse to already add to the devastation. Nobody with any integrity or empathy would make someone that loved them, and they supposedly loved back, feel this way. A Narcissist seriously gets off on this. You must wonder just how the new supply does not see through this, but they don’t (in time they will experience it too.) Narcissists are masters at controlling people and spinning situations.

It is just simply described as bait and switch! They want you to confront them about these things, because they are MADE to seem minor in nature BUT by you mentioning something it will make you appear crazy and jealous just for bringing it up. They will calmly provide that ‘excuse’ for everything and then blame you in a manner to make you seem obsessed, jealous, etc. It is basically impossible to prove because it is always strategically placed and ambiguous. You cannot prove that they’re luring in new supply with some sort of personal connection, but you know it – and THAT is called your intuition. This is the icing on the cake or how they finalize their crazy making. Think about mentioning or complaining about a social site status or comments that the Narcissist makes, and it does seem immature to ask, and that is exactly how they want you to feel, and that is how they strategize and trap you. Seriously there are no secrets or surprises when you love another person in a normal relationship. Intuition is always a strong indication and something I believe we have all ignored in favor of trying to fix the relationship or make things right! Hindsight is always 20/20 as they say and looking back at all of this it is so much clearer to me personally – but when your mind and heart are enmeshed with the manipulation, chaos, crazy making and everything else it is too confusing, and it overwhelms you at too many levels to think clearly as you can when you are away from the situation.

You will try to give them more positive reinforcement in response to the managing down, but it will NEVER be enough. The Narcissist WILL eventually get bored with you BECAUSE they cannot form healthy human bonds. There will always be a current entourage of new supply and fans that will always be there spoiling and admiring them, making you believe that the Narcissists really is a great person. Think of it ONLY as the Narcissist’s public relations plan, always recruiting and using any opportunity for new supply!

But take a careful look at your own thoughts because most of these fans and minions are just a fleeting fantasy that the Narcissist capitalizes on and most do not have that strong personal connection, or they were just a sexual conquest that hangs around. All that praise on the social sites is just carefully placed because the Narcissist is networking for future support or supply. Social networking sites are an extension of the fake mask they wear in public. Many of those pictures are just selfies to support their stories and lies and more than likely the person in these pictures with them may be wise about how disordered this Narcissist, and it was just a photo opportunity that the Narcissist took advantage of to say, ‘look at me, I am just that special!’

In the end we MUST internalize the truth even as hard as it is to do so. The sad reality is that this becomes clear once you are well on your way to recovery, so be patient because it is a process. If we would have understood this in the beginning, we would not have suffered through the abuse. BUT real information is necessary to move forward so you become clear and CAN recover. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

After the discard you are dealing with so many corrupt messages meant to only abuse AND control you more and more into a submissive and silent role. It is done to basically silence you by making OR pointing you out to be the ‘crazy one’ or the troublemaker so the Narcissist avoids exposure. Very much of the destruction that the Narcissist inflicts on us is ALWAYS done well in advance before we are aware of their real motives during the discard phase, and they just embellish it a bit more by puling us into more chaos. They will keep pulling you into this crazy making for one reason – to use as more proof that you are only obsessed and crazy by turning it all around. My Narcissist kept it up for a year after I decided I was done. Begging me, pleading with me, to stay, etc., and then turning it around if it was me doing the begging and pleading and I was scorned or obsessed. Again, just a trick to make you believe in them once more – but that Narcissist is gathering proof while you are believing their sincerity and they will use it against you. Even when there is absolute proof staring them in the face they will still lie and deny! I had the clarity to establish ‘no contact’ and THEN and only then was I able to accept all of the distorted truths that I met up with a real-life monster! Do not stay stuck to this monster because you will only remain a puppet to their disordered and abusive agenda and running in circles. No/minimal contact to live and love again. Greg

There MUST be that CHARM for a Narcissist to trap a new target, soon to be victim!  The biggest lie and manipulation that the Narcissist uses is their ‘CHARM’ and ‘love bombing’ to con people to varying degrees (depending on the type of relationship) by pulling them into their entitled world where everybody is objectified to fulfill a particular need and then diminished after that need is fulfilled and then they move onto their next target soon to be a victim.

There MUST be that CHARM for a Narcissist to trap a new target, soon to be victim!  The biggest lie and manipulation that the Narcissist uses is their ‘CHARM’ and ‘love bombing’ to con people to varying degrees (depending on the type of relationship) by pulling them into their entitled world where everybody is objectified to fulfill a particular need and then diminished after that need is fulfilled and then they move onto their next target soon to be a victim.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Once the Narcissist has caught the attention of their new target, they will move in for the kill. The narcissist will begin by coming on extraordinarily strong, telling the target that they are special and of course the Narcissist will say they were meant for each other because they are a match made in heaven or SOUL MATES. The Narcissist will constantly flatter their target and be very attentive, calling them many times a day, just to say “they’ (the Narcissist) were thinking of them. The Narcissist will quickly assume a strong role and become an important person in the target’s life, and he/she will find that they are swept off their feet by this “wonderful, perfect partner (the Narcissist)”. Once the Narcissist has become totally entwined in the target’s life and vice versa, the role will change for them from target to victim.

They do NOT love, care, bond, or feel emotion and they have NO empathy whatsoever. What does that say? They are cognitive/conscious of their actions because they use these very actions as a tool to con people into their world. They will use this ‘charm’ all throughout the relationship to keep you constantly confused and holding on until they are done with you, gotten what they wanted, or met new supply.

The victim becomes less and less of what they use to be prior to meeting the Narcissist. It becomes a vicious cycle of denigration, debasing, dehumanization, and destruction by the Narcissist until there is nothing of substance left of the victim. The dismantling of the victim was skillfully orchestrated by the narcissist, and then as if to add INSULT TO INJURY the Narcissist will unmercifully criticize the victim for “not being the person” the Narcissist fell in love with. All the “blame and shame” will ceremoniously be dumped on and into the victim to kick them down even further into feeling worthless and the source of all of the problems. The Narcissist will even “project” their betrayal and perverse lifestyle onto the victim and accuse them of what they (the Narcissist) is actually doing.

The Narcissist will not yield to anything once they have the reigns of terror going and will even physically make fun of their victim to inflict every possible form of damage they can. This disables the victim completely so they are so vulnerable that they cannot possibly fight back. The Narcissist has been back-stabbing and “smearing” the victim to family, friends, co-workers, and any other people that will listen to inflict further damage to the target/victim’s integrity. The Narcissist will then discard the victim quickly and without regard. The cycle of abuse and destruction has been completed. The victim has been devoured by the narcissist and left by the roadside. The Narcissist has smeared the good name and integrity of the target/victim to make THEM seem like unstable, having issues or even the abuser. This describes NARCISSISTIC ABUSE or better yet psychological rape of their victim. This is not simply “emotional abuse”, or a bad relationship between two people, this is akin to a calculated attack of a predator after prey. This is a disordered human being that willfully harms good people. EVEN their own biological children will become victims of their damaging cycle of abuse. Predator after prey! Break the cycle of this abuse with no/minimal contact. Greg

SO IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND THIS: You CANNOT go to the source of your abuse – a Narcissist – for answers, validation, closure, truth, or anything, because all you will get back is the same – MORE abuse! We MUST understand this and NEVER engage with them in a manner to attempt to find any sense of cohesiveness, validation, closure, the truth, or anything – THEY ARE ABUSERS!

SO IMPORTANT TO UNDERSTAND THIS: You CANNOT go to the source of your abuse – a Narcissist – for answers, validation, closure, truth, or anything, because all you will get back is the same – MORE abuse! We MUST understand this and NEVER engage with them in a manner to attempt to find any sense of cohesiveness, validation, closure, the truth, or anything – THEY ARE ABUSERS!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else I Between with a Narcissist

Let’s start with the facts — a Narcissist can’t allow others to see who AND what they really are, an empty dark and angry person that loathes life and people, as well as repulsive, perverted, and abusive. So the Narcissist creates a highly likable, moral, good and ‘normal’ image that will procure adulation, affirmation, and attention or everything the Narcissist requires to survive and walk among the ‘real’ or ‘normal’ people – AND THEY MUST ALWAYS MAINTAIN THIS FACADE during every phase of their abuse – even when they devalue and discard us. The WHY is because they need the basic things that only ‘functioning’ human beings can provide, SO they ‘harvest’ people and we become “supply” to them. THAT IS ALL WE ARE – and that is all we will ever be – and most importantly – we ALL have an expiration date that also involves the Narcissist maintaining that facde WHILE destroying us to protect themselves (except they are not very nice about it). So don’t go to them for an explanation because they are not going to tell you the truth that they are abusers and extortionists, and WE were only ONE of their targets — BUT they will manipulate and trick you more so they can avoid exposure.

The closer the association to a Narcissist the more pathological the Narcissist becomes, and the more damage done to the target/victim. Their needs are far more than just extorting basic life and biological needs – it is their psychological needs that cause the most damage to their target/victim. It is their need to CONTROL and gain dominance or power over other people that damages and destroys them. They are BASICALLY human with most of the same biological needs (like eating, breathing and sexuality) but when it comes to mental functions, they are delusional and seem to have a battle that rages in their head to seriously manipulate, confuse, malign, and harm people that love them as if they loathe all people and need to destroy them one by one. We MUST understand this and NEVER engage with them in a manner to attempt to find any sense of cohesiveness, validation, closure, the truth, or anything – THEY ARE ABUSERS!

Unfortunately, we believed it was a real EMOTIONAL bond no matter what the relationship is/was with them, be it one that was FALSELY created from care or love – be it a wife, husband, partner, mother, father, brother, sister, or friend – but it was a lie and a con. As harsh as this definition sounds as it concerns our involvement with a Narcissist, it is real and just the very truth of the biggest lie, manipulation, betrayal, extortion, and destruction we will ever experience in our lives. It is abuse at the hands of a very disordered personality, one that will look you straight in the eyes and state that they care or love you, but they have a knife to your back to control you AND ready at any time they decide to stab and harm you and even destroy you for no reason other than an association you have with them be it a family bond or an association by chance – and especially once you have clarity about the truth of what they are.. ANY association with them for ANY length of time and for ANY reason is toxic and poisonous and they will do some sort of damage to your life or well-being.

A Narcissist is calculating for the sake of procuring PERSONAL power and supply – they need it to feel relevance because they lack the mechanics that you and I have – especially empathy – and that requires a great deal of Narcissistic magic and skills to play pretend with us! Control allows them the power over others that they need to function and survive in our world as well as facilitate the intense insecurities that rage inside of their world – as a matter of fact it is imperative to their functioning and survival. It also protects them from exposure and facing the truth of their own disordered and abusive lifestyle. That false mask hides AND protects the Narcissist from having to face themselves off in the mirror and see the reality of WHAT THEY ARE – a modern day ‘DENIAL’ monster that is destructive and abuses life and people – it is ALL consuming. Unfortunately, the only way to create their false self and maintain it is to completely drain us of our life and amazing energy and they are NEVER going to give it back. They most assuredly will destroy a target that catches on to them, plus they already have the replacement waiting in the wings to pick up the whole process where they left it off with us, stealing ‘supply’ and sucking the very life out of the new target. No fuss, no muss, NEVER any closure, emotions or love just a parasitic relationship where the Narcissist always has a host and a new host ready and waiting – seriously this is the truth. There is nobody there for us – except a very dark and damaged person that we CANNOT ever go to for any reality or help!

In the overall design of things, misfortune to others does not matter to the Narcissist when they have objectified a human being to obtain their drug of choice or “supply” – especially after they have gotten everything they came for. It is solely based on what this person has to offer, or what can be taken from this person, and this must resonate in the Narcissist’s grand scheme of things. The Narcissist is convinced of their uniqueness (omnipotence) and basically, we are there to serve their needs – they are delusional in this manner. There are no written laws that the Narcissist will comply with when it comes to how they treat other people — so NEVER expect them to treat you with any sense of reality – especially once they are in the devaluation and discard phase – that is only about their safe transition to move onto their new source, and WE have reached our expiration date.

There are no human rights involved either and it is DESIGNED to be that way! Basically, we are/were there for their use and they completely exploit everything they can from us – mentally and physically. They feel no remorse in their acts of deviance to secure supply in the least bit – NOR will they ever admit to their scam or offer any closure. Lies, betrayal, manipulation, etc., are only tools to extract what they need before they move on to the next and the next and the next. They have perfected and honed these tools to work to their utmost advantage to meet their needs in EVERY situation – and they will never allow you or I to threaten their façade of lies.

This is extremely hard for many people to understand for the simple reason that we are the direct opposite of a Narcissist. We learned about life and love, and we have empathy that would prohibit us from even remotely living or conceptualizing an abhorrent and perverse lifestyle where we would purposely use another person, deplete them of their life, and then destroy them. It is not even human to act out in the manner a Narcissist does. Unfortunately, they exist, and they are dangerous to people and to life in general – and we must actualize this and never turn to them for anything – the only turn we NEED to make is turning completely AWAY from them and NEVER allow them in our thoughts, heart, or mind ever again! The truth is that YOU are an amazing human being and the direct opposite of these abusers. YOU have the ability for introspection and growth and most importantly you when faced with a disaster, YOU have the ability to heal from the adversity and become a survivor that WILL thrive. No/minimal contact ALWAYS. Greg

Remember EVERYTHING that they do or say has an agenda behind it – and that is to ALWAYS benefit their need for CONTROL and POWER over others. Getting to KNOW these Narcissists and their manipulative and destructive games! PROJECTION – how they dump their many wrongs onto/into us AND diminish something good about us at the same time. Narcissistic hocus pocus to MANAGE US DOWN!

Remember EVERYTHING that they do or say has an agenda behind it – and that is to ALWAYS benefit their need for CONTROL and POWER over others. Getting to KNOW these Narcissists and their manipulative and destructive games! PROJECTION – how they dump their many wrongs onto/into us AND diminish something good about us at the same time. Narcissistic hocus pocus to MANAGE US DOWN!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist.

Projection and smearing at the same time is a work of art for the Narcissist, and it is uncanny how they manage to accomplish it. It’s all in the way their words are carefully placed, because not only do they ditch one of their faults, but they also muddy up one of our virtues in the process until they eradicate some of our goodness that they envy and truly despise. They are so glib and amazingly adept at ‘killing two birds with that one stone,’ or with projection.

But understand and remember this, the Narcissist is not attacking your ‘faults and shortcomings,’ he/she is attacking your ‘virtues and accomplishments.’ Consequently, when the Narcissist is conducting a smear campaign or a one-on-one character assassination against someone, the proverbial gun the Narcissist shoots never hits one of your real flaws, it is shot to just wound you enough to disable you emotionally and psychologically. Believe me they will keep shooting and wounding you in the hopes of completely crippling you as time goes by because they must. Remember they will also find something/anything (usually an insecurity of ours) and super-embellish it in a manner to make us feel wrong or bad too. It is all about managing us down in every possible way.

Think of it in your own normal and functioning world as to why you would ever project slander and lies onto another person Well first off because you would be hiding some sort of ugly action and trying to redeem yourself, so you will not be cast off and out of your circle of friends, family and loved ones. Lying is the use of words to project a false image to correct the real or bad image – the Narcissists whole image is based on this! Lies could also be used in a good way by over complimenting or flattering someone to win them over, perhaps even exaggerate a few things here and there, but basically lying has a deceptive agenda attached to it. With the Narcissist think of it in bigger terms or EVERYTHING that constitutes their personality or life is based on lies and hideous distortions and it is pathological in nature and all consuming. You or I could never have known this when we met them, nor could we have done anything to correct any of their dysfunction. This is their normal and they just utilize their talents to jump from one relationship to another and they are not looking back at any of the damage they have caused to anybody – they are only looking for personal gains from every relationship – and nothing else matters.

This is how they justify the HUGE denial of their disordered life AND make it work. If they are creating these amazing qualities to hide the truth, then they are obviously cognizant or aware of just how damaged they are to HAVE to hide them. They can’t hold onto that awareness of being damaged and destructive, so THIS IS WHY they are projecting an altered and amazing persona. Just part of the process to create their false world as well as dragging us into it to see this amazing BUT self-created reflection through us! This process holds them together, so the truth doesn’t make their head implode. BUT always remember there is absolutely NOTHING real about them – let me repeat this again – NOTHING IS REAL ABOUT THEM!!

They absolutely know this so when that damaged child starts surfacing after they have betrayed us, cheated, lied, stole or any number of things, they need to dump those feelings of inadequacy and guilt ASAP and usually in the form of BLAMING us. They MUST patch up that mask or false image to save themselves from seeing their REAL image or reflection – as well as making sure the public doesn’t see WHO they really are? So, they just dump it onto and into somebody else and that would be our role in all of this. We are the mirror or big screen, and they are a self-contained fortress full of fake images to adorn themselves with as well as establish and enable some sort of reality to hide all of their damaged parts! STOP BELIEVING IN ANYTHING ABOUT THEM it is all chaos and CONTROL! No/minimal contact because Narcissists are not real by any means and damaging to all people that orbit in their chaotic world. Greg

REMEMBER – you are amazing, you KNOW love, you HAVE empathy, and you can move forward to recovery because you are stronger and even more amazing than you know – that is why you are here today!

So, what is the definition of a Narcissist? Let’s spell it out with complete clarity and never forget what they are! Nar•cis•sist [nahr-suh-sist] – noun – con artist, life HACK, scammer, chameleon, shape shifter, liar, extortionist, manipulator, great pretender, thief, user, “Charms to Harm,” abuser, and PERSONALITY DISORDERED. PREDATOR after PREY! Dangerous to ALL humans no matter what the connection – even their own children!

So, what is the definition of a Narcissist? Let’s spell it out with complete clarity and never forget what they are! Nar•cis•sist [nahr-suh-sist] – noun – con artist, life HACK, scammer, chameleon, shape shifter, liar, extortionist, manipulator, great pretender, thief, user, “Charms to Harm,” abuser, and PERSONALITY DISORDERED. PREDATOR after PREY! Dangerous to ALL humans no matter what the connection – even their own children!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Beneath that thin mask the Narcissist wears is the reality of their pathological self PLUS their WHOLE past of victims/targets they have abused and an envy for life that shows in their raging temper that is like a volcano that can erupt at any given moment. YES, they are aware of their actions because they use lie after lie to cover up their abuse. Like a child that stole a piece of candy and lies about it to avoid being punished – so does the Narcissist at a monumental level. Remember their past is always following them and should they ever stop for a moment it will catch up with them and completely consume them because they are abusers that have damaged many people’s lives – even their own family so they try to extinguish the flames from that past with MORE lies. When the going gets tough the Narcissist gets going – so they are off and running to new supply ALWAYS surrounding themselves with a protective circle of new targets/victims, MORE NEW LIES, as well as a new and WONDEROUS life to shore up their disordered life AGAIN – and this equation ALWAYS includes the demise/destruction of the previous source of supply and the “believers” that support the delusional Narcissist! Thus the cycle of abuse – they are emotionally and psychologically abusive vagabonds always looking for the next target/victim.

The Narcissist is a human that is not fully functioning – and quickly becomes very adept at “fitting in” with camouflage or “a mask” as it is described clinically. Initially, the Narcissist will size up AND take in as much if not of all of the new target’s behavior and mimic it or mirror it back to them to SEEM like they have so much in common with the victim – NO MATTER WHAT THE RELATIONSHIP IS. The Narcissist is VERY ADEPT AT THIS and will carefully study the target’s interactions with others, as well as their body language, tone of voice, and general demeanor. As an expert predator/hunter, the Narcissist will methodically craft a plan of attack and begin to track and assess their target’s every thought. The Narcissist will slowly approach the target with complimentary words and statements and then the Narcissist will model themselves and their behaviors to what he/she thinks will please and SNARE their new target into their web of deceit and destruction. The Narcissist will assume the behavior of the target’s “perfect partner”. The Narcissist knows what the target desires in a partner, friend, or mate and morph’s right into that role – the MOST PERFECT friend, lover or again whatever the relationship may be. This is the most important aspect in the Narcissist’s arsenal of tools – GAINING TRUST of their target soon to be victim – this is the CHARM or love bombing. Without it the cycle of abuse and extortion will just not happen, and the Narcissist is unable to secure their LIFE SUSTAINING supply, so they HEAVILY invest in this tactic. Remember without it they CAN NOT get to their precious source of supply NOR can they survive without it – so this basically describes the truth of the situation or that they are PREDATORS AFTER PREY. Also remember that they must create their league of supporters or minions on the side to protect them as well. A Narcissist’s true colors will always show that they are abusive, so they need their support system to protect them once they are outed.

A Narcissist is so seductive that he/she makes you believe in him/her with your whole heart, mind, and soul. Unfortunately for all who tread on this emotional rollercoaster with a Narcissist they do not realize just how dangerous this connection with them is until it is too late. The charm a Narcissist utilizes creates an oblivious feeling of being connected or very attracted to most everything about them. We can become fascinated with someone because of their physical beauty BUT a charming and captivating Narcissist does not necessarily have to have good looks to draw you in. Good looks can increase the magnetic pull towards the Narcissist, but that is not at the core of this abuse, it is the manufactured charm that is a psychologically damaging and a deceptive tool used to manipulate, condition, manage you down and control you.

They charm people to death (figuratively) and this is what literally attracts us to them or that CHARM. But with a Narcissist it is that magnetism that makes you feel a sort of hypnotizing attraction that manifests itself in your psyche and every level of your soul and right to your core beliefs! You are being charmed by their shrewd ability of REFLECTING back everything that is YOU creating this intoxicating and deep-rooted bond. This intense connection is created when a person gives you the feeling like you have known them a long time, soul mates, or you feel very safe with them – perhaps you have known them in a prior life or whatever fantasy belief that Narcissist has instilled in your mind. BUT they will suck the life out of you once they find a way in and THAT is why they CHARM us so heavily in the beginning – again, so much so that it is intoxicating.

Narcissists work extremely hard at making themselves believable as it concerns their overt lies and myths about themselves. They arm themselves with a vast array of learned information they have harvested through their observations of other humans. They acquire and then wear, personalize, or enhance this information as if it is truly theirs. So, what is the goal again with all of this? To snag you into his/her Narcissistic lair to make you supply them with the things they need and cannot get because they are a dark and manipulative personality that envies life, love and people.

Remember and completely internalize this – there is no marriage vow, relationship (even family), friendship, or connection to the care and love they proclaim they have for us. NOTHING prohibits a Narcissist from doing exactly what they want because there are no consequences they feel internally and really there is NO RELATIONSHIP or bonding with them – just an agenda to objectify ALL people. BUT also remember this – YOU do possess empathy, YOU can love people, YOU can bond, YOU can have all kinds of relationships, and YOU will recover from the hack on your life from this creature! YOU were too strong for them and saw through their façade because YOU are amazing! The miracle here is that the Narcissist is out of your life no matter how painful it feels right now – be strong! No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg

It is highly unlikely that anyone (even those people you tried to explain Narcissism to) HAVEN’T ever experienced someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder – they were just charmed into believing they were NORMAL. Narcissists are ALWAYS flying under the radar with many disguises.

It is highly unlikely that anyone (even those people you tried to explain Narcissism to) HAVEN’T ever experienced someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder – they were just charmed into believing they were NORMAL. Narcissists are ALWAYS flying under the radar with many disguises. They are the most CHARMING charmers, and just so nice to people who are in the position to do something for them, or to people who do not have a personal connection or primary role in their life to see reality of who and what they REALLY are. Once you get emotionally close to a Narcissist, THEN AND ONLY THEN do you get to see them drop their carefully crafted and charming mask that hides the out-of-control and abusive creature hiding behind it AND that is after they have TOTALLY fooled and conned you into their world.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

A Narcissist is so seductive that he/she makes you believe in him/her with your whole heart, mind, and soul. Unfortunately for all who tread on this emotional rollercoaster with a Narcissist they do not realize just how dangerous this connection with them is – HOW would we because in the beginning it is rewarding.

The charm a Narcissist utilizes creates an oblivious feeling of being connected or very attracted to most everything about them. We can become fascinated with someone because of their physical beauty BUT a charming and captivating Narcissist does not necessarily have to have good looks to draw you in. Good looks can increase the magnetic pull towards the Narcissist, but that is not at the core of this abuse, it is the manufactured charm that is a psychologically and deceptive tool used to manipulate, condition, manage you down and control you.

They charm people to death (figuratively) and this is what literally attracts us to them. But with a Narcissist it is a magnetism that makes you feel a sort of hypnotizing attraction that manifests itself in your psyche and your soul! In reality you are being charmed by their power of REFLECTING back everything that is YOU creating this intoxicating and deep-rooted bond. This intense connection is created when a person gives you the feeling like you have known them a long time, soul mates, or you feel very safe with them – perhaps you have known them in a prior life or whatever fantasy belief that Narcissist has instilled in your mind.

This is the Narcissists goal, and they are the biggest con artists that exist, and they mean to extort everything they can from you. They have unlocked the door to your head, and they are planning on using that entry to their advantage. They will move right in manipulate and manage down most everything that is your reality as you KNEW it. A skilled and extreme Narcissist knows just how to reflect your image right back onto you so that you feel like you are almost twins. What is not to like and trust when you have EVERYTHING in common?

A Narcissist creatively figures out some unique and impressive angle quickly, and one that few people would ever engage in. Basically, they are manipulating your emotions to gain entry into your heart and mind. Narcissists can typically manipulate most people with their extreme CHARM. They are always ten steps ahead of you, so much so that it is uncanny. They are very QUICK with these unique approaches and “BAM” they have swept you off your feet and keep you there to get something YOU have that THEY want. What else is there to do but bask in the glow of this unique relationship! You are undeniably intrigued by everything about them. When your relationship sours because the ugly truth rears itself with a Narcissist, you better duck for cover and be ready for a whole lot of damage control. ALSO, they have their minions or support team on the outside world that will take up their cause WHEN they start to destroy your integrity. CHARM is their tool to create their entourage and protectors. Their whole world is fake, and they construct each and every component of it to effectively protect themselves.

Again, they are ten steps ahead of you and have already thought through how you will react and are ready to discredit, disable, and destroy you. You can trust that they are determined to humiliate and obliterate you to avoid exposure of the truth that they are abusive predators. More than likely, they have already started another relationship well before they ended the relationship with you. It is always about a constant source of new supply, and they will keep up this abusive cycle all throughout their lives. NO/Minimal Contact! Knowledge is your power to getting to recovery. Greg

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