What Does the Bible Say About Narcissistic Behavior?


Narcissism is addressed in the Bible in Paul’s second pastoral epistle to Timothy (2 Timothy 3:1-7) in the fall of A.D.67.  Paul seems to be concerned about the character and behavior of leaders within the church, so he warns Timothy to beware of those who act out of a “self love attitude”.  He says, “But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come.  For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power.  And from such people turn away.”  Here Paul names many of the attributes associated (in psychology) to-day with the narcissistic personality we are all becoming so familiar with.

The Science of Psychology and Narcissism as a scholarly study is relatively young, barely more than a century old in fact.  However, the term “Narcissism” is not confined to psychology alone, it is also seen through the lens of other disciplines, such as sociology (i.e. Narcissistic Culture); Political Science (i.e. Citizenship and Moral Narcissism); Criminology (i.e The Narcissist and Threatened Egotism); Theological Anthropology (i.e. Theism and Narcissism); Theology (i.e Hedonism and Narcissism).

In Psychology, the term “Narcissism” was first introduced by Alfred Binet (Sexologist) in 1887, however, its usage today has grown more from the notions of Freud’s work in 1914.   Mankind has been interested in all aspects of mental processes and behaviour over many millennium, as far back as two thousand years ago the Ancient Greeks explored the meaning of the mind through the myth of Narcissus.

Contrasting the Bible with Psychology:

Let us take a few moments to contrast and compare what St.Paul says to Timothy two thousand years ago with today’s psychological understanding of what narcissism is:-

St. Paul says: “For men will be lovers of themselves”

Psychology says: The narcissist form of self love is not a healthy one, as they are really full of self-hatred and self-loathing, which they must disown.  Unable to love their True Self, they fall in love with a reflection of themselves (False Self).  It is through this projected image that a narcissist is able to generate the much needed Narcissistic Supply that they crave for their very survival.  When I speak of  “Narcissistic supply” I am referring to whatever feeds the appetites of the narcissistic defenses, whether that currency is Primary or Secondary Supply.

St. Paul says: “Lovers of money”

Psychology says:  The narcissist needs money to maintain the false image and keep them on the pedestal they put their selves on. Money is the enabler that allows them to surround themselves with symbols of wealth; the flashy car, the big house, the clothes etc.  Wealth to the narcissist portrays both psychological and financial power, putting them on a pedestal of “greatness” where they can be worshiped by everybody, including themselves.  They are addicted to adoration and attention, money buys that for them.  Because the narcissist grew up feeling deprived of love, they are always seeking love substitutes, and money represents that love that they constantly seek.  Money, and their attitudes to it, affects all of the narcissist’s relationships.  For example, it is a useful commodity for cajoling and seducing people as a source of future narcissistic supply.

The narcissist use their open display of money in order to get social approval, this often adds to their sense of entitlement.  That sense of entitlement often leads them to feel that they are also entitled to other people’s money, they will use any means for extracting what money they can from others.  Their grandiose fantasy leads them to believe that they have more money then they really have, and this often lends them to spend recklessly.  Money is also useful when their frail ego takes a blow, when this happens they are likely to go on compulsive shopping sprees to comfort and calm themselves.  Overstretched and in dept, they are always looking for ways of making more money, so they will hound people, or even commit financial crimes in order to get it.

St. Paul says: “Boasters”

Psychology says: Boasting is a key trait of narcissism.  The narcissist boasts about everything, exaggerating their achievements, success, wealth, education, occupation, conquests, power etc, anything in fact that helps them to build a grandiose image.  The narcissist suffers from jealousy and envy, anything another person has they want, so they set out to get it.  They use their grandiose image as part of their art of seduction in order to attract others to them for their exploitation.   However, once they extract what they want from this person they loose respect for them, they are then soon discarded in a terrible fashion, often ruining their reputation in the process.  The truth is that narcissists have little or no self-esteem or self-worth of their own (no such ego functions), in fact their boasting implicitly implies a serious lack of self-worth.  Boasting has many advantages for the narcissist; to start with, it acts as a defense mechanism against feeling inferior. In order to mask their underlying feelings of inferiority, not just to the world, but to their own self, the narcissist has to maintain their image of superiority, and boasting helps them do that.  When you are in their favour, then you will have to be prepared to endure a pretty much one sided relationship, where they are the constant topic of conversation, with their “I”, “me”, “my” and “mine”.   If you do manage to talk about yourself, you will soon see them become bored and impatient with the conversation, and somehow the conversation switches back to them, and once again they are in the limelight.

St. Paul says: “Proud”

Psychology says:  The narcissists inflated pride convinces them that they are superior to everybody else.  In such a place of pridefulness, the narcissist is overly sensitive to any form of actual or perceived criticism that could threaten their self-image and cause them shame.  They will react harshly and haughtily to anybody who dares to threaten their false self and magical thinking; therefore threats will not be tolerated for an instant.  As the narcissist is always right in their own mind, they will judge anybody in opposition to them immediately as being inferior to them, and therefore deserving of their rage and retribution for daring to attack or humiliation them.

Paul says: Blasphemers

Psychology says: Narcissists cannot handle being upstaged in any way; you must not be seen to be more powerful, more successful, more beautiful, more intelligent, in fact “more” anything.  To do so renders you to becoming the narcissists arch enemy, an instant rival to be spoken of in an irreverent or impious manner.  Narcissists are masters at using character assassination as a subtle railing tactic to undermine anybody who poses as a threat to their fragile self.  Preoccupied with living in their fantasy of power and brilliance, their fragile ego is easily offended, and can often find offense where none is intended.  Whether the threat is real or imagined, the aggressive, attacking and abusive narcissist will retaliate by setting out to expose and destroy any person who poses as a threat, and he will do it in any way possible; defame the person with lies and gossip without conscience, then happily by proxy, where they use others to become unwitting character assassins for them.  Many narcissists operate through a “God Complex” that is so arrogant that they consider themselves as living Gods, and more than that, they are a god that does not submit to any mere mortal.

St. Paul says: Disobedient to parents.

Psychology says: In the context of the Bible, the parent represents “authority”.  The narcissist does not bow to any authority; they see life in terms of self-entitlement in the pursuit of serving their own needs.  For that reason, their inner drive is not driven by community values, actually they sneer at them. They do not respect an authority which endeavors to constrain them and make them accountable for their actions; on the contrary, they prefer to live by their own flexible laws and rules of engagement where they are the “authority”.    They dedicate their waking time to the constant pursuit of acquiring their own personal authority, and this can be achieved by any means available to them: through their immediate family, the workplace, friends, collogues, peers etc.  Indeed any type of relationship that guarantees their flow of Narcissistic Supply will suffice, and in the procurement of their much needed supply, the narcissist will gladly misuse their authority in order to reach their goal.  Furthermore, the narcissist sees theirself as a guru, and therefore is inclined to encourage a personality cult following from all their relationships.  Then like all cult leaders, they demand total obedience and control over their dominion.

St. Paul says: Unthankful:

Psychology says: Because of their immense sense and expectation of superior entitlement, narcissists are ungrateful and unthankful for whatever they have been given in life.  Because they regard themselves as “special”, they seriously believe that they are entitled to have whatever they are given.  Generally, with such an exaggerated sense of self importance, their actual levels of achievements are not in accord with their fantasy.  Because the narcissist is addicted to excessive amounts of admiration, they come to expect preferential treatment when dealing with others.  In short, they live in a world of fantasy, a world in which they are brilliant, powerful and successful in every way imaginable.  They expect people to dance around then, so why should they be thankful for anything; actually, it is others who should be thankful to be in the service of such resplendence.  If one is silly enough to tell them that they are “ungrateful”, they will defend their right to their entitlement to the very end.  They will be outraged by your criticism, and they will insist on a full repayment from you before they will ever consider forgiving you, and if they don’t get it, they will hold a grudge on principle, their need for revenge will be high, and you are likely to be alienated.

St. Paul says: Unholy

Psychology says: The purpose of all human life is to become “Holy”, holy means to become “whole”.  When we are whole we are grounded in a sense of our True Self, and the interconnectedness with all that is sacred.  That interconnectedness is directed by the natural laws of love, wisdom, reverence and compassion, where we can be other centered.  Narcissists, on the other hand, are solitary beings who are grounded in a False Self that renders them addicted to their own self-centeredness.  Focused only on their own needs and wants, they become “unholy” predators cut off from all life (secular and sacred).  They are at the centre of their universe, with little or no moral code they become intent on violating everything in their sights in order to get their needs meet.  In doing so they have no consideration for any damage they cause to others.   It is such evil intent that becomes the dualistic opposite of good, rendering the narcissist unholy.

St. Paul says: Unloving

Psychology says: Ego Psychology uses the term “Narcissism” to describe someone who is self-centered, and in love with their own image (as in the myth of Narcissus).   Narcissists, by and large, grow up feeling unloved and abandoned.  Without experiencing the mirroring of love from another, they lack the ability to love others, or even themselves.  Freud spoke of “primary narcissism” as a necessary stage of infant development.  He theorized that before a child could love others, it must first learn to love itself.   A child devoid of love experiences intolerable painful feelings. In order to survive, they cut-off from these painful feelings and develop an idealized false-self mask that camouflages their suppressed inner feelings of being defective and unlovable.  Suspicious and fearful of their own disowned feelings, they then become suspicious of any displays of affection toward them.  They interpret these displays of feelings by others as a sign of weakness.  This weakness in others then becomes a tool for the narcissist to exploit and manipulate for self gain.  While cut off from their true feelings, they fail to develop true empathy for others.  As a result, any so called love relationship the narcissist develops lacks true warmth of affection for the other person; rather it is a relationship that is totally focused on the narcissist’s self gain and self worship.

St. Paul says: Unforgiving

Psychology says:   Due to their magical thinking, the narcissist False Self utterly believes that they are unique, omnipotent (all powerful), omniscient (all knowing), in short, perfect in every way.  Because they strive for perfection, they cannot face their own shortcomings without it triggering personal shame, and shame causes them to experience narcissistic injury (a threat to self-esteem and self-worth). Their response to narcissistic injury is to invariably fly into a narcissistic rage (Kohut), their rage is a direct reaction to a perceived slight, insult, criticism, or disagreement.  So anybody who dares to humiliate or reject them in any way (whether it be real or imagined) will not be forgiven, and the narcissist will develop an obsessive need for revenge against that person.  You may think that you are offering them constructive criticism in a manner that may be helpful to them, but this will not be decoded as being helpful to the narcissist, but rather as a threatening act against them.  When they feel threatened they feel like a caged animal, and this is sure to illicit an emotional volatile response from them.  In their effort to build their damaged ego and escape from their intolerable narcissistic injury, the narcissist takes flight into an escape plan that involves powerful destructiveness.  For such a transgression their escape plan involves punishing you, bringing you down and devaluing you without any mercy…….metaphorically “killing you off”, as it were.

St.Paul says: Slanderers

Psychology says: Narcissists build an inner shrine to themselves where they self-aggrandize to an extraordinary degree so that they can feel intrinsically superior to all others.  Of course, their highly inflated view of themselves is an illusory false-self (a pathological ego) that becomes the basis for all future misinterpretations of their reality.  Their feelings of being superior in everyway to everybody, becomes the source of much pain and envy for them when ever they feel outshined by anybody.

Pathological envy and jealousy is an integral part of narcissism (envy is a desire for what another person has, while jealousy is the fear that what something can be taken away).  Narcissists are envious of anything in others that they lack in themselves (i.e. beauty, possessions, knowledge, personal qualities, power, skills, achievements, qualifications, relationships, money etc.  Their envy consumes them, and the list of their covetousness (“I want, I want”) is endless.  Envy is a normal human feeling which can range from mild to severe, from healthy to unhealthy, from positive to negative.  For example, “healthy envy” has positive qualities.  Healthy envy acts as a valuable guide for your heart, leading you in the direction of what your soul requires, so in effect, the thing you desire acts as a mirror for personal growth. For example, if you envy the knowledge of your tutor in college, perhaps there is a part of your soul that yearns to become a teacher, or to be in a position where you can impart knowledge.  Healthy envy is empowering because it brings you nearer to your life’s goal.  Whereas, unhealthy envy is disempowering because it keeps you bound to a fantasy, making you blind to your own true nature.  Because the narcissist acts out of a False Self, they suffer from a twisted heart, leaving them at the mercy of their “unhealthy envy”, and envy that can trigger their feelings of vulnerability, shame and self-loathing at any moment.  Any of these feeling can result in narcissistic injury, to which the narcissist invariably react to with rage.  In order to rid themselves of such emotional turmoil and recover their equilibrium, the narcissist projects those intolerable feelings outward onto the person of their envy.   Once you become the object of the narcissists envy you are in serious trouble.  In order to improve their own self image they are likely to do a character assassination on you.  This is not innocent gossip, rather it is an intentional and premeditated smear campaigne of “projection and smearing” that is aimed at maligning you in order to tarnish your reputation and make them feel better about themselves.  Be warned, they are cold, ruthless, and self-serving, and by the way, they take no prisoners.

St. Paul says: Without self-control

Psychology says:  When we speak of the narcissist in relation to “control”, we find we are dealing with a paradox that is somewhat ironic.  In truth, most people would consider narcissists to be “control freaks”, when the fact is they are constantly under the threat of loosing self-control.  Due to some circumstance in their childhood, the narcissist would have experienced a loss of control that would have a devastating effect to their sense of self.  With a poor sense of self they are left feeling very unsafe in all areas of life.  The consequences of feeling so out of control, is that they as adults seek to dominate each and every interaction they have, whether it be with an individual or within a group, whether it be in the home, the workplace, or in social settings.  This need to control makes them feel powerful.  However, their power is not “power with”, but rather “power over”, and this becomes their springboard to verbal and emotional abuse in all their relationships.  For the narcissist, power and control go hand in hand.  Strangely enough, they see themselves as masters of power and control, however nothing is further from the truth.  In reality the narcissist uses acts of control as a major defense against ALL that appears hostile in their eyes.  Control is just one of their obsessive multi-addictions in an organized energy-system that they use to insulate their fragile ego from narcissistic injury, to counterbalance their mental peculiarity in their interpersonal connection with others, and to shield them from their constant feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.

At first glance the narcissist appears to the unsuspecting onlooker as being full of self-control; they come across as charismatic, educated, confidant, charming, and sociable.  However whenever the narcissist shows an interest in someone, it is not as innocent as it first appears.  Because of their obsessive need for attention, the narcissist is on the constant lookout for the narcissistic supply that they crave.  They are really good at making themselves appear attractive to others, they are willing to invest a great deal of energy in the beginning of any relationship so that the person feels safe and secure with them.  What the unsuspecting victim does not realize is that they are being enticed to becoming a source of supply that the narcissist can control and manipulate.  When this is achieved, the narcissist feels empowered and in control of everything within their sphere of influence (i.e. the where, the when, the why etc).

St. Paul says: Despisers of good

Psychology says:  Most of mankind is motivated by self-interest, however most can exercise impulse control due to their personal core values.  Narcissists on the other hand appear to be disconnected from their personal feelings, therefore lacking a personal value system. This lacking of a value system leads also to a lack of integrity, empathy and a social conscience.  Operating from a primary impulse drive of self interest, they rationalize that morally wrong actions are justifiable where self glorification is the end goal.   Bankrupt of moral obligation, their grandiose sense of entitlement is free to conclude that the world owes them everything, and that rules that apply to everybody else do not apply to them.  They are lovers of good, but only when that good applies to them, because they are really true lovers of self.  They resent “do gooders” as they trigger their shame.  Of course they will deny this, even to themselves, as they boast that they are moral, and lovers of the common good.  Their evil behaviour is a direct result of their “lack of the good”, and they will have no moral conscious about lying about their so called compassionate, righteous and generous nature, all of which is a deceptive camouflage.

St. Paul says: Traitors

Psychology says: A traitor is one who betrays another’s trust.  So in what way does a narcissist betray trust? Narcissists are not interested in authentic relationships, that is why they betray people constantly.  However, they do need people to boost their fragile ego, that is why they are always on the look out for their narcissistic supply.  Once a narcissist identifies a person as their potential supply, they will be stalked as prey by their predator.  Once the hunt commences, then every trick at seduction will be engaged until the person is truly hooked.  Once a victim is hooked they are seen as fair game for total exploitation.  Phase one is called the initial “Idealization Stage”, the narcissist puts on their “best face” in order to mould their victim into a symbiotic relationship with them as their narcissistic supply.  If their potential prey is part of a group, they will target them in such a way until they manage to separate them from all protective friends.   For a while the narcissist will shower them with attention in their bid to glean all knowledge about them, their value system, their vulnerability, their interests, their needs and wants.  They will then feign those same common interests in such a way that the unsuspecting victim believes that they have found their soul-mate, someone who understands them fully.  The victim mistakes what is happening in the relationship as friendship, rather than being a victim who is being used to provide the narcissist with something that they lack.  When the narcissist has what they want, they will move into The Devaluation Stage: Almost overnight the narcissist becomes decisively cold and uncaring. The victim’s falls from grace is a hard one, they cannot seem to do anything right anymore; the narcissists loving words turn to criticism, everything the victim tries ends in a negative effect, and they find themselves devalued at every turn. Totally confused, the victim has no idea what is happening, and they become increasingly stressed, unhappy and depressed with the situation. The narcissist “gaslighting behaviour” has reached its peak, and they despise who their supply person has become (weak and worthlessly inferior).   Having been devoured, the victim’s utility is exhausted, and the game enters into The Discarding Phase: Once this happens, the narcissist ardor for the game has dampened, in their eyes they have already won the contest, and the fun is over and they go in for the kill without any remorse. By this time, the narcissist is totally indifferent to any needs or wishes that the victim may have, in effect they no longer exist in their mind. Not so for the victim, they are left confused and raw with emotion, and are eager to find solutions in order to “fix” the dying relationship.  It is this behaviour of setting out to find a victim to use, abuse, then annihilate that makes the narcissist such a traitor

St.Paul says: Headstrong    

Psychology says:  A person who is headstrong is one that is determined to have their own way, and often this is achieved through willfulness and obstinacy. Headstrong types are not easily restrained; they are ungovernable, obstinate and stubborn.  Narcissists are driven by this type of impulsiveness, even though they do their best to hide behind a facade that helps them to look like they have a self that is controlled and micro managed.  Truth is that their headstrong nature is neither controlled nor well managed.  The narcissist lives in their heads, and their headstrong attribute can be detected in their magnetic eyes, which can be seductive one minute (when they want to get their way), or a raging monster the next (when they feel thwarted in reaching their goal).  All narcissists have an inordinate fascination with themselves, and they expect this also of their narcissistic supply.  So any act of opposition against them, whether it is real or imagined, is likely to make them become violent, obstinate, ungovernable,  untractable, stubborn, unruly, and vengeful.

St.Paul says: haughty

Psychology says:  To be haughty means to act with blatant arrogance or disdainful pride. The narcissist displays all of these characteristics in that they consider themselves to be better, more superior than those around them. The haughty narcissist basically has an overall attitude that causes them to scorn others, to see them as inferior, by so doing they set themselves above everybody else.  This puts them at the centre of the Universe, with everything revolving around them. They have little or no concern for anybody else, preferring to live by their own rules.  It is such pride that often brings them down with the law.  Without humility of heart the narcissist has no proper perspective beyond himself.  Their haughtiness gives way to grandiosity, an overwhelming need for admiration and entitlement, impaired ability to have empathy towards others, and a lack of commitment to others.




  2. On a personal level I can see how utterly destructive being associated with a narcissist must be. With passion, I hate the evil inflicted on victims of narcissism. I’m sure it’s common that as this article is read that the reader mentally identifies the description of the narcissist with persons known to them. For me, I see this description being a perfect fit for the current US President.
    What are the dangers to democracy and the US’s standing in global affairs when a narcissist is president?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m overwhelmed now. I know now for sure that I’ve become my husband’s target and although I’m hard to kill, going in almost 12 years, he seems more determined now so he just got me arrested. No charges pressed but now he’s got another weapon to attack me, undervalue me and do all of the above against me. I have nobody to talk to that can help me get out of this marriage. I have a toddler with him that now seems to be obsessed with him and therefore “prefers” him over me. I’m very scared and desperate.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Wouldn’t you agree that Satan was the first narcissist??? Look at the damage he’s done..after being involved with several in my life..I would say RUN and never look back. They will destroy you!


  5. ..good to know they will reap what they’ve sown!


  6. I want to know what the Bible says about leaving a narcissist.


  7. This is heartbreaking. So many narcissistic assholes in my life. Stepmother, one of her brothers, exes. It’s a wonder I survived. Without God I wouldn’t have.
    Now my children are, and I don’t understand. I have always loved them, and did everything I could for them. Why?


  8. im dealing with a narcissistic older father i moved in to help out around the house….i am labeled a guest i pay rent and i do everything around the house he does nothing. He locked the food in a cupboard so my brother and i couldnt eat. We got so hungry we found a way to slide the lock with a butter knife…hooray we could eat…if only for a day. As kids we didnt think of him doing inventory so when he fed himself that night he knew we had gotten in there and taken food. We were punished with hitting and sent to our room. The next day when we went back to eat our loving father had put a metal plate across the lock so we could get the butter knife in there to open it. Hes doing all the narcissistic things to me and i feel im losing my mind….my only hope is to run away from this person i feel awful….i know what to be aware of now. Very good read thank you so much.

    Liked by 2 people

    • foglight story doesnt make sense


    • Loethloria Silverthorn

      I know what you’re going through. I had a narcissistic mother who was also borderline too. She did the same sort of things to me and my younger brother. It drove me to suicide on a regular basis. YOU have to leave. I know you are probably looking at your younger sibling and asking how you two are going to get away from this. The only answer is to either A) move in or stay at friends houses or family as much as possible until you are old enough to move out. or B) if you are old enough to legally move out, then get ready to go, DON”T TELL YOUR ABUSER YOU ARE MOVING! Prepare secretly and then you and your sibling can leave perminately. Limit or cut off contact with your abuser and get help from counselors. If you need FOOD right now. Look up getting foodstamps in your area and go to that office and apply for them. Tell them you are not a dependent of your parent and you don’t get food from them. You do not share meals. They should issue you a foodstamp card and they should expedite money to the card so you can buy some groceries for you and your brother. You can also call 911 and tell them about the abuse, but know this – if you do that and they don’t remove you and your brother and put you in foster care, you will have to deal with that parent’s narcissistic rage. HE WILL RETALIATE, HE WILL PUNISH YOU. Be ready. So if you want to keep the peace, get on foodstamps, move out. If you’re 16, pack a bag and sleeping bags and keep it in your car so you can sleep in your car if you have to so you can get away. If you’re under 15 and so is your brother – you can go to your school counselor and principle and tell them ALL ABOUT THE ABUSE. They can help you.

      Be strong, you can survive this. Don’t take your own life. Your father’s mental problems are not YOUR problems. Ok? There is nothing wrong with you, you just have an asshole for a parent. He’s crazy. You are entitled to be treated with respect, and you are entitled to be fed. It’s LAW that he feed you, otherwise it’s Child Neglect! He can go to jail!

      Keep your chin up, you can get through this. Try to be avoid him as much as possible until you have a plan on how to get yourself and your brother safe.

      *BIG HUGS* Don’t give up! And if you’re really upset and you think you’re going to take your own life call for help 1-800-273-8255. It’s the national suicide preventional hotline.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I have been married for 35 years to one. I didn’t know they had a name. The most unforgiving,lying,and hurtful person I have ever known. I use to say strangers are more important than me. Now I know they are. The emotional pain I am not sure I will ever get over. The physical brusies are gone. The nightmare still in my head. He had a new girlfriend within two weeks of course saying what he did I did. And then saying I left him not that he stabbed me in the throat with a fishing pole and hit me over the head with a jar. Of when I said say your sorry. No was his answer. Totally not worth bringing around. At least I am I am worthy now. I want a lifetime restraining order. Of course I have already told the kids. If he is coming I am not. I am so tired of the holidays or party being ruined. Am grateful for my daughter telling about Pinterest. So grateful!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Cynthiana G. Hernandez

      I am a stage 4 metastatic breast cancer patient. I escaped for fear of my life at the beginning of Nov. 2017. I am in assisted living/hospice now. When my oncologist recommended hospice bc of my health. I jumped at the opportunity. Finally, I had a viable reason to escape from under his thumb. The Lord has placed me under Eagles Wings, this place is my sanctuary, my refuge, my safe place.

      The more serious my illness became, the meaner, more vendictive he became bc I had become a burden. to him. Caring for a home, the role of care-giver is meant for a woman, not a NARC, therefore, he punished me through witholding basic needs. Twice I had to increase the hours of my caregiver from 12, 20 to 35 hours per week. Although, my spouse was home, retired, he resented caring for me.

      When going from severe emotional abuse to physical abuse on a cancer stricken, bone involved body. I feared when he shoved my back against the 2nd floor wooden railing, my spine & right scapula hurt so bad. I had to use my pain pump to help he lieve my pain. I feared, I would crash through the railing rolling more than 10 stairs onto a tile floor. I called police. They are a true brotherhood. He was protected. It was swept under the rug, as he retired from 25 years of being a cop. Suffering from stage 4 cancer with a 3 month prognosis, I knew for my protection. I had to leave.

      Narcissism is a brutal disorder. They are not at all remorseful for the destruction they inflict on their entire family. The ironic thing is I’m in couseling, my son is seeking pastoral advice, while my daughter was his “flying monkey” implementing all his bidding. Being raised by a Narcissist becomes the normal behavior for your children. He created a position for my daughter as spreading his smear campaign, while my son & I were made the blacksheep of the family which connotes rejection, withdrawal of any type of emotions, such as unconditional love, compassion, empathy, support. While my husband emotionally abused me, my daughter abused her younger brother, calling him a looser, criticizing everything he ever did. She even lunged at him when he was a grown man hitting him on the chest.

      Lots of destruction caused by this selfish, selfcentered, covert Narcissist who will NEVER admit to the damage he created at his hand. Everyone left picking up the pieces, while he is free to walk away & look for another victim.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Cynthia, My heartfelt prayers go out to you this morning. PLEASE, for your peace and joy during this difficult time, cling to the Lord – his intention for you is not to endure 1 more moment of abuse by a malevolent narcissist here on earth. Please let us know if we can do anything to help.

        If writing about your experience is healing to you I’d like to offer you a platform to do that. Please let me know if this is something that would be good for you.

        In God’s Holy Name, I pray for you – Amen!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dear Ms. Hernandez,

        I read your message of how you are living through pain and suffering. As being a child of narc mother and a former cancer patient myself, still I cannot even begin to imagine what that must have been for you and what you are going through right now. My wife showed me to your post and I knew I had to tell you about a form of treatment that may be able not only to ease your suffering, but actually to reverse the disease for you. Through God’s infinite mercy, a few months before my own diagnosis I came across a book called “Outsmart your cancer” by Tanya Harter Pierce. In it there are listed many alternative approaches to healing cancer and other chronic illnesses, especially easy to use and potent being a drug, called Protocel. Another good option is the Cesium High PH therapy that is very strong and fast acting. Please, you have time still, take a look at it. It is available at Amazon on Kindle, so you can start reading it right away. Also, please google the Cellect-Budwig method which is the jewel of the alternative medicine. I will pray to God that you are healed and be able to live a long and happy life. May God bless you.


  10. I have been dealing with a narc on and off for the past 17 years. It took me this long to figure out what the (HELL) his problem is. Unfortunately, we have a son together. I feel just sick about that fact who his father is. No child deserves this!! I am trying to get away from him permantely, what a living nightmare. I pray for everyone who got caught up in this horrible life. We live in a small town in Colorado, wanting to go back to Utah. Ladies, don’t come here, for you will be his next victim. GOD BLESS US ALL


  11. I’m currently going through a divorce from my husband of 37 years. I had a voice telling me things about my husband throughout our marriage that I thought were wrong about his behavior towards me. It wasn’t until about a year ago that I told my oldest son that I thought my husband was a narcissist; I didn’t even know what it truly meant. I started reading and reading and my eyes were opened that he has a lot of the characteristics but not all. So I’m confused if he really is a narcissist. For example, I’ve read where they cheat on their partner and usually have several other women lined up as potential supplies. I feel that my husband has never been involved with another woman while we were together. But since we’ve separated he has already gotten on FarmersOnly professing that’s he’s divorced while we’re still married. Lining up his next victim. And the other thing I’ve read is how when they are done with you once married, they start “Discarding” you. I’ve never felt during our marriage that he was trying to discard me, he had it made why would he want to discard me? I do feel that he had huge “disrespect” for me and women in general. So can the discarding and disrespecting be kinda the same? He was way too chicken/scared to leave our marriage, he would have never chased me off, but he chose to disrespect me. Now that I was the one who wanted out of our marriage, I’ve hurt him and he’s on a campaign to hurt/smear me in any way that he can. He wants to destroy me emotionally, spirtitually, and financially since I hurt him. Like I said he has several narcisst characteristics, I’m just confused about the cheating and discarding, I don’t think those factor during our marriage. Now that we’ve separated he’s doing it. Can someone explain?


    • Kelli go to Quora.com and search narcissist and all your questions will be answered by other victims/survivors! Been there and now going through the healing and recovery.

      Take care!

      Liked by 1 person

    • I can relate to what you are saying ….I’m in the same situation. Oh the pain we have endured. No one will be text book 100% this or that on everything….but I think you have possibly minimised the way you were devalued in the relationship, in my experience. Altho our narcs would not leave the relationship….that does not mean they are not narcs.


  12. Thankyou I have been struggling for years to find written material on this subject. This is the best I have read so far! I have a predator narcissist for last 15 yrs. I too have my own issues from a violent home. I have been strong enough to cope but it’s not what I’m look for in a wholesome relationship. All I can do for Him is pray and for my protection Amen ty Jesus!!


  13. Thank you for this insight, it confirmed my suspicion.


  14. I’m in it…. it’s so hard to leave even though it’s killing me


  15. Please pray for the people in your lives that exhibit this behavior. Attacking them back, even simple name calling, does more to damage you and does nothing to them. I know this from personal experience with my mom. She is very emotionally abusive when she doesnt get here way and attempts to put all the blame on the other person. Somehow it is my fault she stormed out of the hospital on me. Fortunately, I was prepared based on 35 years of her shenanigans. Its a process, but prayer for the other and yourself will bring about personal healing. No gurantees on them changing but I will keep praying for her and everyone who deals with similar people.


  16. I found these narcissistic people in congregations running the scene. Getting they want ~ appreciation from the people. When someone stand up against their control ~ They causing ~ havock \arguments \ disruption \ even distroy the whole congregation ~ Be Aware keep your eyes and ears open .They using forgiveness Love and the whole Belief to get what they want


    • Loethloria Silverthorn

      You’re right. I also found narcissistic people in the congregations too. My first husband was narcissistic. So was his father. His father was the Bishop, and my husband was the 1st Counselor to the Young Men’s Presidency. This particular personality disorder seeks after praise. So being in a position where people will “praise them” is something they will go to extreme lengths to accomplish. They need it to feel ‘whole.’ Both of those men did everything you described. My husband was busy trying to seduce all the other married women in the congregation while we were married. He always used “forgiveness” and “unconditional love” and so many other religious ideas to manipulate me into taking him back after the abuse episodes and the affairs. This type of personality type have no intention of changing when they ask for forgiveness. They only want the victim to stop complaining about it and to let them do it again and worse than before. So beware when you forgive and forget what a NPD person has done to you.

      Give them another chance at your own peril!


  17. Liveing w/one now& yeh he made himself look like a God loveing family man.8 yrs later sooo many truths between him & his kids came when i asked God to highlight truths to me even if its not what i wanted to hear. I got beauty for ashes even if it was hard. What sucks is how many more will have to hear the b.s.about how he knows how it is to be hurt by someone as he’ll tell his story & how thats all the more reason why he wouldnt do that to the next unlucky one . watch out girls their growing in numbers!!!


  18. Where can the victim find help and move past the betrayal? I completely devoted my life to his dreams, believing it was what a good wife did. I struggled to rebuild my life after he divorced me and 10 years later, still single, let him back in, believing he would divorce his new wife and remarry me. For 3 years he played me for a fool, finally divorcing his wife when he left me again, this time for a woman half hid age. Only now do I know what he was and there was nothing I could do. How can I ever trust another man? How can I heal from the complete devastation of my love and trust?


  19. Sorry.
    Can a narcissist believe in God?


    • Loethloria Silverthorn

      I was married twice to two different narcissists both of whom I divorced. They both were in the priesthood of the Mormon church. They both professed to believe in God. Whether they believe or don’t believe is not part of the criteria for this personality disorder. However people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder who do profess to belief sometimes gravitate towards religious environments because they are looking for empathetic, compassionate and forgiving people who will overlook their bad behavior. Any church has members who are good people who are trying to be better. So narcissists are naturally attracted to that environment because they find a larger group of people they can manipulate and use easily.

      Liked by 2 people

  20. Can a narcissist believe in Go


  21. I was traveling to for entertaining variables toward do in just Philadelphia and observed your report upon the rum punch bar. Appears to be astounding! I’m definetely shifting towards observe it out!


  22. I now know and feel ashamed to say I’m a victim to a friend who is a narcissus covert.I’m a man of 55 years old.This so called friend has taken advaged by making me move into the same block of flats as he lives,in wanted to move to the first flat I saw yet he persuaded me to take the flat that I didn’t want.when I moved in he made it clear that I should not talk to anyone especially my new naibour as they are all trouble makers,because of I’ll health I did everything he told me to.he made me go to places even though he new I have health problems and always had an excuse why he couldn’t pay for the most expensive meals on the menus so he had his meals and I had a bottle of water,this went on for weeks and all the time my health got worse.He certainly knew how to manipulate me.He started to ask for money because he was so much in debt help started to hound me making me feel as though I was loosing the plot so I told him I would pay him for doing some odd jobs for me like pay bills it ended up me paying his bills and still wanted me to pay him for doing this for me,I started to question him about his life style then I would get phone calls from him I mean crazy calls making think I was the problem of all his problems.he then would come to my flat acting charming then I had to keep fighting him off from trying to pull my clothes off me saying he wants sex.I didn’t give in but he talked me into a few times giving him £300 twice this happened he and his threats were getting worse he asked for my cash card,because he made a good job making me think everything was my fault.now I’ve paid for his Spanish holiday.Now he’s like a madman he’s destroying my life with lies deception and telling people about things in my life that are private and confidential stuff on my health he’s alienated me from all people I know making people think he’s the victim now he’s speaking to my neighbour who he hates getting people who will back him up.I asked my naibour when he speaks to Bobby anything Bobby says about me can he just keep an open mind to what he says about me. I’ve phoned Bobby a few times to say sorry then realising I’ve nothing to say sorry for.I told my healthcare workers about what is going on because we both go to the same hospital.now as he is getting worse with his threats someone told me look up narcissus on the Web. So freaked out everything it says on the covert vindictive narcissus is word for word true.I feel totally ashamed to admit that I’ve become a victim of a covert vindictive narcissus right from the start all the warning sighns were there for me to see I’m now a broken man with no one to tern to for help knowing Bobby hasn’t by far finished with destroying me now I’m alienated by everyone.


  23. It would be interesting to know what personality traits the victim in a Narcissistic marriage ends up birthing. Who does the victim become. Will the victim (me) have any means of a purpose filled life. How will I find peace and happiness?

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Striving with. Gods grase

    I would just like to say some of us has really experienced being around this behavior and by me reading articles such as this brings healing to the soul and l truly do thank you. This was a great read and. God bless.

    Liked by 3 people

  25. Striving with. Gods grase

    I just would like to say this is a great read. It has cleared and freed me of this insidious evil behavior. I have experience having a parent that has these behaviors. Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  26. I am the mother of a forty-two-year-old narcissistic son I am just trying to get over an episode with him I am the mother of a forty-two-year-old narcissist son I am just trying to recover from an episode with him where he told me that he didn’t even like me and I irritated him to death and it was all over nothing and now I’m so stressed and upset I can’t eat or sleep how can I recover from this?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have a 29yo son..and he exhibits alot of these traits..his dad was too. I try and distance myself from him as much as possible. I notice I’m exhausted after talking with him..his arrogance and selfishness…its disgusting. Thank God he doesn’t live with me. I told him he should never marry or have children..he’s too selfish. He agreed..doesn’t want to get married.


  27. Bernadette Dickinson

    Was an amazing study….in two weeks of meeting a full blown narcissist that has all the above issues and I exsperienced all the above…I saw it unfold real fast cause i as excop saw his tactics each time and heard the words of trying to devalue intense then the discard…I saw it all and your study was confirmation….persons of this are dangerous. …also looking at this very important topic for inner heart search cause living here and have had childhood issues I have to learn of my own errors and acknowledge them bring them to the father and ask for help…the world can rub off on you and effect u in ways you never thought to look….the spirit of narcissistic is strong and it attacks poor to rich it dosent discriminate…alot to learn recognize remember here…I have shared it with a sister…its a need to know thank you so much for your hard work on this..I believe it can save life’s physical and spiritually. .

    Liked by 2 people

  28. Jesus said he will come and divide. A house of 5, 3, and two, two and three. The believer from the unbeliever. Do not be unevenly yoked. Not in marriage, not in friendships, and not in family. No contact. A narc does not love!!! A Walking, talking corpse. Wasting your time. Setting up for narc abuse. We are living in the end days. Their punishment is coming soon. God will avenge us from this evil. These ppl are our tribulation. They harm children. Hate them. They hate anybody not like them. Destroy them w their warped thinking. If the g.parents a narc..so is one of the children. Maybe not your husband….one of his siblings.

    Liked by 3 people

  29. How can they be forgiven if they have no soul? A dog has no soul, but still can adhere to right and wrong. Has love. Did god not seal their fate, by giving them over to reprobate mind? Without a soul, are you not evil. Satan was a narcissist. Did god say to hate all evil? These ppl can kill you. I feel they are sent by satan. To test your faith. Some victims become co dependent narcs. Im surrounded by them. My workplace, the thing my dad married, any man i meet. My friends i thought were friends. Friend w stockholm syndrome and a narcissist. The Jezebel, Ahab demons. So forgive them of their evil? They kill rob destroy like their father, satan. They rejected god by turning off their feelings. They had me at one point wanting to commit suicide. I cant win by not being able to escape them. I have no one except my youngest daughter. Siblings are mentally ill. I have to worry my “best friend” who decieved me to come live in my state for relationship is going to stalk me, damage my car. The train station for him to leave is next to where i live. Ronald Broadstone from fla. .and chicago. Has no license/car….40 miles from me..mooching off his cousin after discarding me two weeks in. Destroyed all oportunity to get work and a license…because i was helping him. Angry flip outs. Wants to play the pathetic loser for sympathy. Said he wanted a woman he can control in an angry aggressive tantrum. I feel he lusts after his cousin. He would always say she will kick your ass. A person who does not know me will do his bidding. They hate intimacy. Spying on her having sex w her boyfriend. Broadcasts it. As they love to gossip. Forgiveness for this evil…no! Pray against them. His next trick to say i made him come here and abandoned him. His cousin said he had to leave at a certain date. He will most likely sit at the bowling alley w his belongings. Give his next target a sob story. An unwittingly flying monkey will feel sorry for him. I was that flying monkey too, when he went to live w a woman from online. Said he didnt want to be with her from the beginning. Tortured her for four years. Judgement day cannot come soon enough. These relationship frauds, deceivers. Deserve hell. Gods wrath they receive during tribulation. Even god tells us who deserves hell. To say it agrees w his word.


    • Everything everything you say is so true and we have to stay strong because they ARE THE ONES THAT ARE WEAK AND PATHETIC…… AND SOMEDAY SOON I PRAY THAT THE LORD WILL SEEK THEM OUT AND LET THEM PAY FOR EVERYTHING THEY HAVE DONE TO US….I would love to take my own revenge. They make us think it’s us….we are the ones that are crazy Telling everyone that will listen…AND SHAME ON THEM TOO…!!! We are good people with amazing hearts and I wish I could say that some day they would be sorry…but they won’t …because they never cared to begin with….every step they take is planned, every move they make is planned….
      They will never be sorry because they are heartless and soulless….
      Our only way to seek revenge is to BE STRONG AND LIVE A HAPPY LIFE…
      That within it self will kill them…destroy them….like they TRIED to do to us..!!!!
      We have to be strong together and pray for everyone who is or was ever involved with these monsters…..
      LOVE TO ALL…


  30. Ok. So should you pray to God to change your heart to understand these heathens are no good so you can move on? Is that how you start the moving on process?


  31. I hanve spent the past year and a half observing and keeping record of my sisters behaviour towards me, since she moved back into the house where my parents, eldest brother who is a bully, and myself live.
    I was unsuspecting that it was my sister that was secretly sabotaging all my relationships with my family members and friends, infact anyone who showed an interest and a liking towards me. I was always the girl everybody loved and got along with.

    There were always instances inbetween where she openly displayed her true feelings towards me and I knew how she felt towards me but never could tell anyone because she always maintained this image of someone who can’t hurt a fly…. Meanwhile, me, who spent more time with her than anyone else, knew her true colours.

    I have observed and figured all this out through my own experience and determination to find Truth.

    Thank you for this write-up. It was my message from God reassuring me that I am not imagining these fears I have. Its not paranoa. But I will say this, now that I know, I’m not afraid anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. I don’t know how to explain the complications my sister had after divorcing a man that was above everyone else, abusive, quick tempered etc.. She was tormented by him and everytime she turned around he had her in court on something false, he tormented her for 11 years especially during hours of the night. He told his son before he returned him home for the weekend that somebody was coming in during the night to kill his mother and her dog when he was about 6 years old. he tortured my sister {mentally} and when the son turned 13 he took her to court to get custody because she was mentally unable to take care of her son. This man drove her to anxiety attacks, nervous breakdowns and nothing could be done in the courts, he lied, he did unimaginable things to her vehicle and the police would not do anything. Back in August of 2016 she diagnosed with cancer. The drs. could not see what kind she had until a catscan in Oct 2 months later. For years she suffered with much pain, but no special tests was done until then. It was a metastic sarcoma, a fast moving cancer, unknown where it started. She saw oncologists and questioned them if stress could caused this, knowing how much she was going through. Their answers were a possibly. They explained when the body is under much stress the immune system then gets low and we all have a cancer in us and more than likely it activated the cancer cells. On Oct. 27,2016 my sister passed away. This man had the nerve to buy a flower blanket for her casket with “WIFE” on it. He has since taken many of her personal items and made a shrine in his home for her. This is a woman that he would not let go of and now has his son with the same behavior as he.I don’t understand how someone with this personality could do such things and not realize that he has an unhealthy mind?


  33. Donna Baldino

    Is it possible for a person to be a partial
    narcissist ? Meaning— have some narcissistic qualities– but capable of truly caring for someone ?


    • No…sorry but no…they don’t care about anyone but themselves and their next supply..

      Liked by 1 person

    • Loethloria Silverthorn

      Yes, it is. There is a spectrum of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Someone can have narcissistic behaviors, which is mild narcissistic qualities but not actually have the personality disorder. Some people have it to the extreme and are on the high end of the spectrum and can be diagnosed with the personality disorder.


  34. As a therapist and victim of narcissistic abuse, I found this post to be the most apt description of the internal motivation of such profoundly ill and unrepentant individuals as well as the soul murdering exploitation that results from interaction with necessary, masked godlessness. Beware, their inhumanity cannot be paralled to any other experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Loethloria Silverthorn

      Thank you for your comment! It gives validation to what I’ve been dealing with. Seeing a therapist who was also a victim of this abuse at least is comforting in a sad sort of way to see that even the best of us who are well educated on the subject sometimes become a victim of this sort of behavior. That’s the reality of how good someone with NPD is at deception and manipulation. It’s terrible, but an absolute fact. Sometimes narcissists’ masks are so good that they don’t reveal themselves right away even to therapists at first glance!


  35. Amazing. This describes my husband almost to a “t”. Took me almost 25 years to realize it was narcissistic behaviour. I just thought he was lazy by nature and that is why I had to work harder than him to maintain the home and our relationship. Only just finding out that’s not how marriage should be

    Liked by 1 person

  36. I never understood why victims of abuse tend to go back to the abuse until I became one myself. I fight daily not to go back, like a moth to the bugzapper, hopelessly addicted. We should all be taught in school regarding these people so we do not get caught in their web of deception. I made the mistake of correcting this person who then went into a secret narcissistic rage since I did not know at that time what a narcissist does, and it became her mission to utterly destroy me. It only took 5 to 6 months to completely decimate me. Last week I talked to the person (7 mo later) who picked up on a weakness in me just by the tone in my voice. Then she came at me fast and hard attempting to make me feel guilty and ashamed, and once again I had to completely pull away. There is no, and I mean no contact that can be made no matter how innocent it appears!!! They are master manipulators and if you make them mad, they will become obsessed with your destruction and smile to your face. I cannot comprehend how they smile and ACT like your best friend, while secretly obliterating your self esteem and everything you are. I would be literally dead if other friends did not notice my zombie like behavior, sitting and staring into space dead inside, and pulled me out. Thank God for real friends! And, you cannot tell anyone. They are soooo smooth, you will look like the bad guy. No one will believe it unless they experience it themselves or know you real well. They cover all bases, so it always appears to be your fault. The only way I found out was that she did it to my other friend as well and we compared notes one day, and realized it is not our fault. It is her!!! I have to continually tell myself, there is nothing I need from her. There is nothing she has to offer me!!! Stay Away!! Do not go back!!! It will never change.

    Liked by 6 people

    • Sherrill Brunett

      Yes I do not understand why I feel the pull to run back, literally run back when I know how what he is now, I don’t get the draw, like a drug, you want that person, you miss that person, what is wrong with me to miss such a mean hearted 2 face person, I’m disgusted with myself for being sad, I’m the one who walked away finally. Yet I’m the one that is hurt an sad, an embarrassmed, it makes no sense, I know I sound confusing, I just can’t wrap my head around the way a NARCISSIST thinks an acts, cause just when you think its good your all confused again

      Liked by 1 person

      • Loethloria Silverthorn

        You feel this way because in the beginning of the relationship you were “lovebombed.” Narcissists go out of their way to convince their victims in the beginning that they are adored by them. That they are “soulmates” and they have to be together. They drive the relationship forward with their over the top attention and hunting of their victim. This causes massive confusion in the victim when the Narcissist suddenly starts to devalue them and ultimately discard them like garbage. You sit there asking where all the love went. How could they do this to you? Didn’t you mean anything to them? The truth is… they were lying all along so they could use you. I know it’s terrible, I know it’s painful. I know it hurts to believe that because their initial act was so believable.

        I fell for it too…. twice. I married one narcissist who did that to me. Divorced him and then married another, only to find out the second one was worst than the first.

        You’re not alone. You’re not the first. You won’t be the last either. People with this personality disorder spend their life deceiving people into believing that they matter to them when they really just want to use them to their own selfish ends.

        Sorry Sherrill, you got used. Just like I did and so many other people out there. I finally had to face that my past ex’s were sick in the mind so I could deal with both of them in a healthy way. When you start characterizing their behaviors as no longer “love or hate” but rather as mentally unstable actions of an irrational person who needs therapy – it’ll be easier to heal from the damage they created.

        The good news is – you get to walk away and not have to deal with them anymore. They unfortunately have to live with themselves everyday, forever. They got the life sentence with their “cRaZy.” You get to move on and get over it. Count your blessings you got out alive. Some narc’s kill their victims. They’re usually vicious physical and sexual abusers too.

        Liked by 1 person

  37. Great article.thank u!😇

    Liked by 2 people

  1. Pingback: What Does the Bible Say About Narcissistic Behavior? – Run Silent, Run Deep

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