Category Archives: Narcissism

THE TRUTH – it was a LIE!

Yes, it was all one big lie and the person you cared about or likely loved (depending on if it was a relationship, family member, close friend, co-worker, etc.) never existed within the realm of what you believed was a real relationship of ANY type!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Those ‘charming declarations’ and/or love-bombing and caring were tactics and part of their disordered manipulation to gain control over you and your emotions and to pull you into a specific agenda for THEIR gain. It is very, very hard to internalize that what you believed in was just all a huge lie and con! Their whole life is a lie and every person that has ever had any sort of relationship with them succumbs to this – we are only a convenience to a Narcissist. They will wear a different disguise to lure a new target/victim in and it is solely based on opportunity or what the target has to offer that the Narcissist needs or can use. It is the SAME cycle that they use to abuse every new target into their agenda.

To go a little further! They EXPLOIT your precious human emotions to make themselves seem human. They use this information to establish a strong foundation to create what seems like an intimate and healthy relationship and we believe it because it is NORMAL to OUR world. Again, as to the ‘why’ because they are biologically the same as you and I and they NEED the same things that you and I need like air, food, water, human bonding, sexual attention, money and everything else but they are not a fully functioning human being and the only way to get what they want is to exploit all people with their many disguises.

Think of them like a predator, perhaps like a shark. Put that shark next to you (with its mouth wired shut) and it still couldn’t successfully fit into any aspect of your life and fulfill even one YOUR needs because they do not have the mechanics to do so. That shark is a terrifying and hungry predator that needs its mouth to survive, just like the Narcissist needs its many facades, lies, manipulation, and every other debilitating tool they use to abuse. The shrewd Narcissist just cleverly disguises themselves by fitting in and becoming the best little boys or girls in the world! Just a quick note and some of my bad humor, Narcissists should also have their mouths wired shut because their words are poisonous and they are just as destructive and deadly as that sharks teeth! Communication is their tool to manipulating, controlling and extorting their prey. That communication is what tricked us into believing in them – and now accepting the new truth that they emotionally and psychologically abused you/us. No/minimal contact to start on the road to recovery. Greg

Narcissists are very effective interrogators to get the information they need from you to know your strengths and weaknesses so they can eventually use this information to control you.

Narcissists are very effective interrogators to get the information they need from you to know your strengths and weaknesses so they can eventually use this information to control you.

From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @http://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Narcissist-Narcissistic/dp/1523820179/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1462614209&sr=1-1&keywords=from+charm+to+harm

The educational process is so extremely important to REAL recovery. I am not using the word education in a manner that only describes the Narcissist or abuse and “there you have it!’ Instead I am trying to emphasize the importance of education being vital to breaking the abuse messages that play in your mind, as well as defining the manner that a Narcissist drives this abuse straight into your heart, soul, mind and world. We must understand what we DON’T understand to move on and up to a level of recovery. We must accept that they are what they are, move on with the truth and do some damage control and heal!

Targets/victims get so lost in the day to day managing down that they fail to see just how effective the Narcissist is at distorting their reality (the manipulation.) You are never having a REAL conversation with a REAL person. This is the essence of the ABUSE and how we become desensitized to it over time and our reality distorted. Everything a Narcissist says (and does) has NOTHING to do with a normal ‘back and forth’ conversation between two normal people! You (target/victim) are COMMUNICATING and believing that the Narcissist is reciprocating, but they are observing and scheming through words and actions. They are drawing information from you in a manner to know your strengths and weaknesses and how to use those against you. They may reply in what seems like a normal manner but they are actually interrogating you to draw out what they can and then they distort what they can so you never have a cohesive conversation with them. You will always find yourself WONDERING about something or the other.

The end result is that they have you where they want you. Along with that they employ so many techniques to confuse you, or make you question what you said, or basically always feeling like you have to explain yourself. That is how they gain the upper hand! Beyond the love bombing which was just another grand scheme to manipulate you into the abuse with words and actions, the remainder of the relationship will consume you with always feeling the need to defend yourself. There is no such thing as individuality with a Narcissist and they are not going to allow you to have needs or be anything but what they want you to be. The KEY point here is that the love you FEEL (conned into) connects you to a Narcissist as well as blinds you to the abuse because they dangle that love in front of you and make you basically beg to have it back. That is purely behavioral modification using withholding techniques to change you to accept their disordered abuse! Remember that they are employing their disguise to con everyone around them to get what they want, but the primary 24/7 supply suffers the most from this abuse. They have other sources of supply on the side to feed their out of control lifestyle, and minions that sing their praises. How sad and destructive for the primary 24/7 target/victim to believe that what they have with a Narcissist is LOVE when it is nothing more than a place for the Narcissist to have constant supply as well as a refuge to hide the real truth of just how abusive they are.

The dynamics of a relationship with them is built solely on the premise that you are an object to this distorted creature for as long as they want you to be OR until they have extorted everything they can from you, OR you uncover the truth about them. Unfortunately, you are coming from what you believe is a real relationship with them so you are blinded to the day to day subtle manipulation and abuse. Love, commitment and growth are your goals, but slowly but surely your emotions and thoughts are eroded away until you lose the person you were for so many years. The Narcissist doesn’t ever stop the abuse because they need to devalue and discard you and they manipulate you into temporary insanity. They push and push you so that you react in ways that MAKE you out to be the ‘crazy one’ and then they use that against you. This is what they are and what they do. There is absolutely NOTHING you could have done to change any of this. This is a predator with an agenda to secure its prey, feed off of it, devalue it, destroy it, and then move on to new hunting grounds to find another person to prey on. BUT they are so good at this game that few see through them until it is too late! Add to the fact that a Narcissist will destroy each of their targets/victim’s integrity to cover their tracks by using the insanity they forced you into AGAINST you. The world is none the wiser to these criminals. Try explaining your incredulous experience and you have sealed your faith as being the ‘crazy one’ just like the Narcissist has described you to everyone and BEHIND your back. The Narcissist has everything covered as far as the abuse is concerned.

Targets/victims that are abused have to understand that the abuse doesn’t have anything to do with them and the actions of the Narcissist are not their fault. What you are feeling and reacting to is the many years of the brainwashing or manipulation (same thing.) You are NOT this person but instead a brainwashed individual that has had your dignity striped away from you by a highly disordered and destructive abuser. This is one of the hardest things to realize that there is absolutely nothing you could have done that would have any influence on changing this creature, but you tried so hard. Targets/victims of emotional/psychological abuse often think otherwise hoping they can fix things and only end up in this vortex of blaming themselves as being the defective one as well as the reason for the failing state of the relationship or basically the scapegoat. Again, this is the Narcissist doing what they do so well, confusing you and using mind control to make you accept their disordered agenda. It is the only way these creatures could function in our world and that is through lies and manipulation, otherwise they would be in jail for what they do to people.

Just some reality and the truth! With a Narcissist you will give until you are emotionally, spiritually and physically bankrupt and receive little or nothing in return AND you will lose yourself completely in the process. Just take a hard look at yourself today and then compare that with your state of being when you first met your Narcissistic partner. You are more than likely psychologically and emotionally worse off and feeling totally numb and like a totally different person. Narcissists are thieves and once they have taken all you have to give, you are history and they discard you and move on to new and plentiful source of supply.

PLEASE, please internalize that they waged an emotional and psychological war that had an agenda from day one! Narcissists are amoral, and you CAN’T engage with them in any moral or conscience-based issues and expect to achieve anything or better yet win. They DON’T love they abuse and extort. Narcissists have absolutely no sense of guilt or remorse for their actions. They abide by no rules or laws. They aren’t REAL! There is NO WAY you can shame them into accepting responsibility for their thoughtless and CRUEL approach to other people especially yourself. They feel COMPLETELY entitled in this world. They don’t connect to your thoughts or words as they concern any opinion that you may have about them, nor do they care. Narcissists do not think and process in the same manner as you or me. You are an object and supply and it begins and ends there! No/minimal contact to start on your road to recovery. Greg

With a Narcissist they always want something from people so they objectify all of us but they trap us into this place by pretending to be just like us. That is very calculated/shrewd on their part and completely defines the saying – “Hiding in plain site!”

With a Narcissist they always want something from people so they objectify all of us but they trap us into this place by pretending to be just like us. That is very calculated/shrewd on their part and completely defines the saying – “Hiding in plain site!”

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

This I promise. One day you will wake up from this bad dream and say a final goodbye to it forever and hello to a good life again. It does happen after you travel down the road of recovery and learn the truth. I think the hardest part in all of this is succumbing to the fact that the love, care and friendship you so freely gave out had no place with the person you gave it to. In fact this person was actively searching for their next target to abuse because this is their way of life and what they do.

It has nothing to do with being a fool, a lesser person, a bad person, accepting blame or shame for anything you did or didn’t do or anything like that at all. It has to do with a person that lacks the ability to love or bond, and only knows envy so much so that they really exist in a dark world where they pretend to live life. They don’t live an authentic of real life, they imitate it to walk among real and good people so that they can exploit them because they are empty and desperately need to take what we gave/give freely, and destroy it to give meaning and fruition to the hate that really defines and exists in them.

They say that misery loves ‘company,’ but with a Narcissist it seems like the misery from these creatures aims to seduce and destroy ‘company.’ We never entered into these relationships with the knowledge that we were in the company of a very disordered person, or that this person would try to drag us down into their dark and perverse world and try to extinguish our light through manipulation, betrayal, lies, brain washing and every other tool they use to survive. This was just being at the wrong place and at the wrong time, and however we got there doesn’t mean we have to share the burden with these soulless creatures.

Our recovery and lessons involve an education to release from their grip and expel the poison that they kept injecting into us to make us just like them – destitute and lifeless. We never freely gave away our love in a manner to be abused, it was taken from us through trickery because they used our love and empathy to gain our trust to open a door to abuse us like a predator that smells the blood of its prey. With a Narcissist they always want something from people so they objectify all of us but they trap us into this place by pretending to be just like us. That is very calculated/shrewd on their part and completely defines the saying – “Hiding in plain site!”

The finality of this type of abuse is the realization and internalization that there never was another person in our life, only a reflection of our love that was mirrored back to us with an agenda. This was no relationship that can be described by any human standards, nor can we ever justify or understand this to create any sort of closure with them. What has unfortunately happened to us is that we did loose a part of us, but we have to let that part go because it will grow back or come back as a new and healthy aspect of our life with recovery and introspection.

Love is freely given from those that have empathy and compassion – that is what is our savior in all of this – we still have that and it will find its way back. We do have to take some lessons with us on our new journey and that is to offer love with the same compassion and empathy freely, but with boundaries that protect us and make us understand that there are people that reside in a very dark place that we can never fully understand. We do not need to understand it – but we do need to get away from it completely.

This taught us an important lesson that there are diseased creatures on this earth that are the nearest thing to evil as we will ever experience. They live life in a manner that hurts and destroys others at a conscious level. They are perverted individuals that reduce real love to ashes with their lack of morality as it concerns their out-of-control lifestyle. They are nothing more than thieves and will steal what they can from whoever they can for one reason – to serve their MANY needs. Like every other abuser they use so many demeaning and controlling actions to gain power over their target – in fact they crave that power because that is all that defines them.

They have absolutely no context or regard for any other human being on this planet even placing their biological children in the face of harm and even using them so they can satisfy their need to create chaos and harm with their delusions and lies. Their are no laws or religion that they abide by, but they will PRETEND to find solace in the written laws of heaven and earth, but it is part of a thin veneer that hides their dark truth that lives in them and only allows them to serve themselves.

Finally the love you gave so freely shows the propensity of a strong love that always lived in your heart and soul – so much so that it survived a terrible journey with this abuse situation. This is your victory – knowing that your love is really what saved you because you knew it unconditionally, and it will continue to be your strength rising above this to a higher plane. Their lives will remain empty because they have absolutely no ability to bond with people, and they will forever be alone no matter who they are with because they will never achieve what you can and will because love just does not exist in their world. You are truly amazing and a survivor. No/minimal contact always! Greg

What it feels like to be ABUSED by a personality disordered Narcissist! Information to share.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with Narcissist

https://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-…/…/ref=sr_1_1…

MOST PEOPLE have no knowledge or understanding of psychological abuse, or of a Narcissist as well as the effects of the trauma related to both. It is akin to a traumatized prisoner of war being released FROM captivity and straight into life as usual when that is not even near a possibility or reality for the prisoner OR the target/victim of a Narcissist that needs serious help to return to the normal life they once lived. It seems more like the target/victim stands in judgment from most of the people nearest and dearest to them because they just do NOT understand the distress of this abuse they experienced for so many years.

All of this keeps you running in a circle and you are jumping from one confusing distortion to another and never accomplishing anything but adding more to your own grief. It is exhausting, and it feels like there is no way out. You even feel fearful of life in general and lacking a general consciousness of the reality around you because of the trauma. There doesn’t seem to be any relief and you almost feel like you are completely losing it and headed straight toward a mental breakdown. It is just TOO OVERWHELMING. This is why you have to move on and away from these thoughts and that Narcissist completely. It is your survival and life at stake now – but you feel so alone and isolated.

Emotionally or psychologically abused people tend to be cast off or even judged harshly. The chronically abused person is shrouded with a cloud of helplessness, hopelessness and passivity from the entrapment of the abuse in their past. There seems to be no viable place for them to secure acceptance or the help that they need. There is anxiety and depression that has surfaced, physical ailments and complaints, subdued anger, extreme frustration, isolation and loneliness from the people closest to them because of the extreme need to express ourselves over and over again so the target/victim is subject to more condemnation as well as adding to the layers of the abuse that are already there. We seem like we are crazy, but it is the trauma and the vulnerability of being abused. You are reaching out for help, but it seems like everyone is turning away. Knowledge is power that gives us clarity to start moving forward, as well as a strong support system from other victims and survivors – this is where we start on our road to recovery – well that and no or minimal contact! Greg

They do murder their target’s soul, destroy lives/families, and then put the blame back onto the target! We must take their power away and put it back into ourselves. Discard everything that is the Narcissist from your heart, mind, and soul. No/minimal contact! Greg

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Narcissists are totally disconnected from people and from THEMELVES. They morph into whatever they need to be at any given moment because they are opportunists always ready to take advantage of a new opportunity or seeking out their next source of supply.

Narcissists are totally disconnected from people and from THEMELVES. They morph into whatever they need to be at any given moment because they are opportunists always ready to take advantage of a new opportunity or seeking out their next source of supply.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.

Their so-called personality or persona is ONLY a working component to support their agenda that lacks ANY real substance. There is absolutely nothing to them beyond their needs that they act on like an addict looking for their next fix.

A normal person can make connections with their own feelings and emotions (empathy) and this connection with one’s own feelings allows them to develop and live in accordance with real values that allow them to function to include other people in their world or bonding. A normal person that has developed a real value system does not violate this system by intentionally USING and harming other people. Society has rules that separate us as the normal functioning human being with the opposite being a non-functioning or not fully functioning human being. Given that Narcissists are emotionally dead, then it follows they lack these internal mechanisms, so they also lack constraint for their actions and impulses, and vast neediness – so the Narcissist fits the category of non-functioning human being. They live in an out-of-control world where they serve their every whim/need because there are no internal constraints to stop them from acting on whatever they want. They lack empathy, so they just don’t care and are not accountable for their negative and hurtful actions. People become their objects to use for their short term or long term needs as well as abuse. They are the great manipulators in life!

This was a manufactured love that was meant to completely con you. Your concepts of love that you held near and dear to your heart were mirrored back onto you and your reality was manipulated to believe in them. You were in love or WHAT YOU BELIEVD WAS REAL LOVE. Love is the strongest human emotion and bond in the world, and you felt it with all of your heart and soul which is not anything out of the ordinary or unique because it happens every day. BUT it was unique because it was a manufactured love that psychologically damaged you.

Your whole belief system has been thrown out the window! Your spirit must heal from the loss of love however traditional or non-traditional (abusive) it is/was because your love was still very real to YOU! Unfortunately, you must also heal from the emotional and psychological damage as well. But, and the most important message you can internalize is that you DIDN’T fall in love with abuse, nor were YOU to blame for any part of this, you are NOT a fool, and you did NOT deserve this. You were conned into this and it was easy for the Narcissist to do because love is a very normal, familiar, and strong emotion – so they weaponized it to trap you, control you, use you, harm you, betray, you, and essentially abuse you. Validation and knowledge are powerful tools in gaining your freedom and starting on your road to recovery. You ARE stronger than you know because you survived this abuse and are here to tell your story – you are that amazing! Greg

This Abuse was never anything about you personally as you were manipulated into believing – it was emotional and psychological abuse.

This Abuse was never anything about you personally as you were manipulated into believing – it was emotional and psychological abuse.

From my book: From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Emotional and psychological abuse is insidious and NEVER a one time thing or singular because it affects whole families as well as any person in every walk of life. It is administered over time like a slow poison to destroy different aspects of the target/victim OR even an organization. The abuser is shrewd because they also add the element of CHARM to the mix to first trap you into believing they are sincere, have empathy, emotions, and the biggest lie that they care deeply for you or love you. Those are the very tools of their manipulative agenda they use to gain your trust so that you will form a bond with them. We must understand that ALL of this is part of the working mechanics of this abuse because it is always about power and control to fulfil the ABUSERS every need.

All of a sudden things are said in a manner that they (the Narcissist) have a concern, but when you try to respond a brick wall is thrown up and one you cannot penetrate. These attacks can be subtle to complex but they are constant and consistent now. That brick wall is part of their agenda to start managing you down or devalue you and control you. Bit by bit and piece by piece they attack your amazing virtues and disallow any responses whatsoever. The more you try to defend yourself the more they elevate the attack, dismiss you, and even accuse YOU of having issues. You begin to believe that something has gone wrong and even start to question yourself because you do not have an outlet in them to even speak. Their conversations become circular and their words are spinning around in your mind and heart to a point that there are too many of them as well as too many levels of the devaluation to even start digging yourself out from underneath it all. In time you realize that you have no option but to stay silent. The Narcissist has brought the abuse to full fruition and erased your personality and corrupted your core values.

With children of Narcissistic parents this insidious abuse starts the very day that child is born into the family. The child does not have emotional guidance and love – they have disdain toward them and everything they do. Without knowing real love they accept that this is normal – what else WOULD they know. It even spreads to other family members to the point the entire family is dysfunctional. The same goes for spouses and partners that have lived in this abuse for many years. They are made to believe that something/everything is wrong with them and they are the problem. If there are children they too are abused as described above – again this abuse is NEVER singular. It is a slow and insidious abuse that poisons all minds. This abuse is apparent in organizations, with professions, in religion, or in every aspect of life.

Many times this abuse manifests itself in traumatization of the victim. Some of the symptoms may include any or all of the following: Anxiety, depression, fear, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, reliving the bad memories, flashbacks, constant fatigue, physical ailments, loss of concentration, increased startle reaction, hypervigilance, avoidance, isolating yourself, feeling lost and alone, feeling emotionally numb, complete lack of trust, and even suicidal tendencies. These are serious issues that need dealt with and sometimes we have to reach out for professional help.

The fix is never an easy one because in many cases there are so many levels of this abuse that some believe this is solely about them and THEIR issues – and they are lost to this abuse forever. To those of us that were/are fortunate enough to have found the truth it is still a long and ongoing struggle to regain our true self and TRUST that was stolen away from us with this abuse. It all starts with knowledge and education and support from other victims/survivors, dedication to the recovery process – that and no/minimal contact to BREAK the cycle of this abuse and shutting our abuser out of our minds and hearts forever. We MUST find our way back because there is no other option and we cannot allow our abuser to leave us with the residual damage from this abuse. Please feel free to share your stories about recovery – sharing positive hope is very healing and motivating as part of the recovery process. TOGETHER WE HEAL! Greg

A Narcissist will make you BARGAIN for their attention, affection, acceptance and everything else to keep you dependent on their approval and hanging on. Narcissists ALWAYS end up maligning every person they connect with – it is how they control their victim.

A Narcissist will make you BARGAIN for their attention, affection, acceptance and everything else to keep you dependent on their approval and hanging on. Narcissists ALWAYS end up maligning every person they connect with – it is how they control their victim. Let’s define what they REALLY are in more practical terms – predators that con people into an agenda to take all they can so THEY can survive! Without our participation they have NO power over us!

From my book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.

https://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-…/…/ref=sr_1_1…

A Narcissist stalks for prey like a predator does – we must totally connect to this description as the truth about them as defined by their intent to CAPTURE us and then feed off of our energy, emotions, our environment, our physical belongings, or basically our everything. Ask yourself WHAT have they given back to you as in a REAL reciprocal relationship after the initial CHARM they used to pull you into their world? To define this in more practical terms a Narcissist acts out as they do because their REAL intentions are malevolent and absolute – they need us and what we have to survive – but behind that façade is a stone cold, empty, and dark person that will eventually harm/disable us EVEN though we have given it our all! Without the ability to bond with people of course their REAL image will eventually come through that façade because they DO NOT have the ability to keep up the charade without the internal mechanisms like empathy and emotions. Look at where you are at and look at how you are always explaining yourself and BARGAINING for love, respect, dignity, acceptance, the truth, etc.! You have been conditioned to do this, so the Narcissist can keep you hanging on UNTIL they have gotten all they came for. Know and internalize this truth because you HAVE experienced exactly what I have written, and YOU deserve so much more!

Seriously if we would have known this up front it would frighten us or any other source of supply and NONE of us would have entered into this for what we were given in return – disparity and doubt! If the target could easily discern the true nature of this Narcissist that has an insatiable lust for everything and anything along with the intent to drain/destroy, they would run for cover and literally for their life. The Narcissist transforms themselves into the best and most luring ‘bait’ to trap their next victim – and that is all any of this was, or a TRAP to pull us in their needy world. They are very adept at making and wearing masks thriving on fake appearances because they have no positive substance and without it nobody would find them anything but the despicable characters they are – so everything they are doing is conscious. This describes a destructive and dangerous predator that camouflages itself to obtain prey. We must understand that this is what they are so we stop believing in them, giving them the benefit of the doubt, giving them chances, trying to help them, allowing them to embezzle our emotions/trust, and most important allowing them ANY space in our heart, mind and world.

ONE last time for good measure – we are NOT allowed any needs of our own – we are there for one reason and that is to serve them. Any semblance of a relationship with them is just a working tool of theirs to keep us in their orbit while they are TAKING what they need from us AND many other people. They refuse (again, conscious choice) to see our humanity and the basic rights that come along with that humanity. We are nothing more than an object for their use. They abide by no law earthly or heavenly. When done, they cast you/us aside. People who believe that the Narcissist loves them are tragically deceived. We are ALL more or less a part of their support team and there are many conned into this horrendous role and agenda. No/minimal contact to start on your journey to healing and a healthy life once again. Greg

Narcissistic Projection.

PROJECTION – they accuse us of EVERYTHING they really are AND what THEY are doing to us! We are their dumping ground for everything from their lies, their disdain of life, their betrayal, and just for the sport of managing us down so they feel powerful and in control of their own emptiness!

There is no such thing as self-reflection with a Narcissist because their is no person there. What is there is only a flimsy façade of who they pretend to be and need to be at any giving moment to procure what they want from us and they will go to the ends of the earth with the many different roles they play to get at it. They are ‘charmers’ for sure when they want something which is predominantly how they live because they are so needy and entitled – BUT their true nature is that they are ‘harmers’ that have pure disdain for life and people – nobody else exists in their world but themselves. We need to really understand this truth to move forward with clarity and NEVER get lost in their lies and manipulation ever again. Greg

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

A Narcissist loves to see themselves reflected as AMAZING in our eyes and faces – AND they love the rewards or bounty they get from their performance.

A Narcissist loves to see themselves reflected as AMAZING in our eyes and faces – AND they love the rewards or bounty they get from their performance. Their world is completely based on external stimulation because their internal mechanisms are completely out-of-order! WHAT being ‘supply’ to a Narcissist really means!

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

@http://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-N…/…/ref=sr_1_1…

Narcissistic supply is MANY things but basically any emotional or physical attention, energy, help, admiration, support, sympathy, acknowledgement or approval that you give to a Narcissist for any reason, be it positive or negative (yes that includes their chaos that they create). It is ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that FEEDS their obsessive, and insatiable need for attention. Remember that they have basically tricked you into their world with such superficial charm or love bombing to harvest you like a farmer harvests their many crops. There is NO love, NO real relationship, NO reciprocation, NO respect given to you as a person, NO CONNECTION whatsoever, just complete nothingness! Yes, it seems that they are a HUGE and viable part of your life as in reciprocating with emotions, empathy and LOVE, but the HUGE part is that they are only a façade and you are experiencing their manipulative agenda to pull you into their needy and destructive world! They could more aptly be described as a parasite.

That is a hard concept to wrap your head around because you probably SWEAR that they love you! You believe it so much so that your emotions are wrapped up in this amazing relationship AND that is exactly where the Narcissist wants you to be! You just don’t believe it can be anything but love until you are abruptly discarded, OR you become wise to the Narcissist’s lies and leave them! But what lies between this love and finally realizing the truth or ‘everything else in between’ can literally destroy you when you see the truth standing in front of you. It is unfortunate that you never knew about these creatures and this type of abuse so that those red flags that were waving at you made enough sense for you to run for your life before it was too late! But you met a Narcissist, and this is what they do and do so well. This is abuse and not a jerk. This is a distorted and cruel creature that puts itself and its needs before everything else even if it means destroying a person to get what it needs! BUT remember relationships are not the only place a Narcissist gets their supply from – they are conning the whole world to fulfil all of their many needs and no person will stand in their way to get at what they want.

On a day to day basis, a Narcissist can get supply from their job or career, an organizational connection, religious affiliation, volunteering, specific talent or their particular lifestyle – they need to source out supply EVERYWHERE they can. BUT in every one of these scenarios it is always connected to the attention (or goods) that the Narcissist receives or pulls in from another person or people! It most often comes from people that are directly connected to the Narcissist’s immediate surroundings like a spouse, child, employee, friend, or co-workers who interact with the Narcissist but NOT restricted to it. But with modern technology and social sites the Narcissist is now able to network easily and cover more ground with their fake and superficial profiles and secrets that they keep so well hidden behind that computer screen. They use social sites like a politician uses a campaign to get support and votes! Basically, the Narcissist employs everyone to serve them and everything is based on the Narcissist’s superficial lifestyle and we fill in ALL of the blanks. This is all supported by the lies they create to make themselves out to be these charming, moral and amazing people in our world when they are the direct opposite or destructive and cruel monsters in private! They are harvesting supply everywhere they can steal it from.

It is not limited to familiar people in the Narcissist’s life though. A Narcissist will seek out perfect strangers to secure ‘extra’ or ‘more’ supply. This could more than likely be sexual in nature like a one-night stand with a perfect stranger. Basically, it amounts to betraying their ‘loving’ partner with their many out-of-control affairs without a concern, care or thought to how they hurt a person they are in a relationship with, after all it is just extra supply for the Narcissist and it serves them. More than often we are ‘none the wiser’ to their torrid affairs and perverted lifestyle. My point here is that WE are not the only person they source out for supply, we may be the ‘consistent’ and day by day supply, but by far we are not the only one – everyone is game for the Narcissist!

If you happen to be the ‘main’ person OR ‘main’ source of supply that the Narcissist draws their attention from, just know that they will do ANYTHING to ensure it keeps coming from you by distorting and deflecting from the real truth until they are done with you. They will fly into a Narcissistic rage if it is removed, diminished or cut off for any reason. They will be absolutely relentless with their manipulation so that they can get EVERYTHING they can out of you by controlling you. Unfortunately, within the manipulation we somehow believe that we are special, or needed, and even loved by the Narcissist. If you’re thinking you must be special to be able to supply something that the Narcissist needs so badly, think again – you are just another source of supply and THAT is all. You are there as a servant and all of that fanfare of them loving you as well as the many promises are part of the huge façade and mask they wear to abuse and extort everyone. There is no ‘special’ person in a Narcissists world – there are only objects!

Anyone – be it a male or female that expresses and type of awe, wonderment, gratitude or praise for the Narcissist’s accomplishments and performance, OR their looks, skills, talent or anything else is readily accepted and pulled into their world. Anyone that expresses complete and unending gratitude for anything/everything the Narcissist has ever done for them, said to them, or told them is also readily accepted and pulled into their world. Also, anyone who expresses sympathy or agrees with the Narcissist’s self-perception that he/she is God’s gift to an undeserving world. Anyone who shows complete adoration and compliments/supports the Narcissist for their amazing mind, body, special spiritual connections, job, car, home, clothing, style, and wisdom, etc. Anyone willing to give up their time, MONEY, attention, or life in order to meet all the Narcissist’s needs. Anyone who will acknowledge that the narcissist is completely entitled, special and above people so much so that they (Narcissist) should not be subject to normal rules, regulations, or laws. Anyone willing to join the Narcissist’s team, and show righteous indignation for his/her suffering, which is by FAR greater than most and always undeserved no matter what! Anyone that will join the Narcissist’s battle to destroy people they have intentionally harmed as well as support their destructive agenda.

Anyone who shows complete agreement that the Narcissist is so special, misunderstood by the entire world, and under-appreciated. Anyone that is willing to overlook the occasional, or repeated violations and exploitation of them for any reason becomes special and ARE ACCEPTED AND PULLED INTO THE NARCISSIST’S WORLD and become SUPPLY! None of us are better than the next source or previous source, WE ARE ALL SUPPLY period. Everybody is a puppet that the Narcissist manipulates to create their false world. Look to the Narcissist’s past and you will see many puppets they have used/destroyed and then thrown into the garbage after they have served their purpose! The Narcissist even sources out their minions to support that they are innocent in ANY wrong doing so they can bury you alive with more lies or that infamous smear campaign! WHY? Because the Narcissist loves to see themselves reflected as AMAZING in our eyes and faces AND they love the rewards or bounty they get from their performance. Their world is completely based on external stimulation because their internal mechanisms are completely out-of-order!

One thing that is very important to understand and that is to differentiate between what you believe is love and the reality of the Narcissist’s TRUE agenda. Narcissists will cling to you as their main source of supply as long as you are serving them and giving your all! But the second they find someone with more supply than you they are gone, and they have damaged you, your integrity, and your life and extorted most everything that they could get away with. They will leave you in a heartbeat and never look back as well as blame you as being the problem. They will leave their biological children behind as well, so they can move on to their next source and a new family and community to support them. These creatures JUST DON’T care because everyone is just an object. Unfortunately, you also loved them and believed in them and somehow thought that if you gave everything you could things would change or perhaps the Narcissist would change! No, they were reaping the benefits of their agenda and game plan and sucking your life dry.

THIS is the extent of the relationship with them – that huge image of LOVE that you have spent many years developing with them, pursuing, tendering, holding onto, etc., is what they used to COMPLETELY support their agenda to make sure they were able to tap into you as a source for their SUPPLY. The Narcissist’s manipulation tactics were seamless enough to fool you so COMPLETELY! This is the whole truth in a nutshell that you have to accept as reality even after all the time you put into them. You have to stop believing anything about them AND immediately or they will keep coming back for more because this is what they do, BUT THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE OR STOP ABUSING AND EXTORTING! No/minimal contact to stop the madness, lies, betrayal, destruction, pain, and trauma that has put you in the place where you are today! You are truly an amazing person that can love, that is normal, and all of this was situational and premeditated by a personality disordered creature or a Narcissist. Greg

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