oh Sophia, your story sounds so much like mine; it’s been exactly a year (after an 11 year marriage) that he just decided one day to leave me for his first girlfriend from 30 years ago, after talking to her on FB for a month; it’s devastating, and so hurtful, not only DURING, but after, trying to figure it all out, trying to survive and get past the fact that there was no love ever….it hurts, maybe because it’s the year anniversary for me, and the holidays, and last year when he did this I was a basket case, ready for a breakdown. I’ve been good, incredibly healed, or so I thought, but the last few days have been horrendous for me; knowing he’s with her in our home (yes, he moved her in less than a month after he did this); having a life with her, divorced me and was “engaged” to her before the divorce papers were even signed…it still hurts, and although I know I will never contact him again, and he’s done with me and onto his next meal ticket, it hurts. I think it’s because it’s the realization that he never cared or loved me at all…none of them do…they use us for what they need and want and discard us when they are done destroying us…it’s so painful, and I feel so alone and unable to trust anyone, especially men…I haven’t even considered dating, although I would love to have someone to love. I thought I did…I loved him unconditionally, sacrificed my children, friends, sanity for him…oh I could go on, but we all need to be strong and move ahead…it’s just so hard sometimes…
I just clawed my way out of an eerily similar “relationship”. Keep loving yourself! So many wonderful people are healing with you.
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3 months out of an Narcissistic relationship with a man….first he put on his best face and payed so much attention to me and eventually got me to say to him that I loved him…it was good for a short while and he always told me he loved me..and then he changed…wasn’t paying much attention to me, acted jealous for almost nothing and accusing me of stuff with other men…never saying sorry, then he started disrespecting me and treating me like child,analyzing me all the time and correcting me .telling me what to think and that what I think is wrong., giving advice when I don’t need or want it. I couldn’t even talk to him about anything when I wasn’t happy… I would be blamed, put down, distanced and he would stop saying I love you to me for months ! I would cry and ask for forgiveness and he would shove blame at me again to make me feel bad as if I hurt him !I would beg for forgiveness and how sorry I am etc..still distanced and reminding me it is all my fault etc..
The bang out of the blue we were back on and he was all loving to me again and trying to be romantic…I wouldn’t be..after all I was just made out to be the blame and made to suffer in silence for months…only I would be too afraid to say that to him in case he would repeat that same punishment to me ! So I would stuff it inside me ! I always felt below him and like child with no voice..or like I was walking on broken glass with him afraid I might say the wrong thing, the wrong word or something the wrong way that would set him off again ! No matter how I tried I always did…over and over this same abusive pattern with him ! I was worn down by now and so tired…I just learned to live with it and cried often in silence,..my self esteem went down horribly,, my health went down, my own hobbies and interests I lost interest in, I went on this crazy period trying to be perfect for him, dieting, exercise., trying to perfect what I looked like so he would not be disappointed and say anything to me negative
I never felt good enough with him or for him ! Then the last stage….out of the blue when I thought things were getting better…he dropped me abruptly and told me crying won’t help so don’t bother and to go find someone else ..that he was tired of my drama !!!!!! MY drama ?????? OM gosh ! I was devastated…wasn’t prepared for that ! Confused..literally I wanted to die it hurt so bad….I pleaded for him to talk to me…nothing….this went on for weeks. I was so upset I wanted to know more about him…so I contacted his ex ( whom I have never met) the mother of his 20 yr old son and I talked to his own son ! It wasn’t good ! Everything he ever told me about himself and his relationship with his son was a lie ! His whole life was a lie and totally made up to look great ..actually is was pathetic ! I also found out the whole Time I was in a relationship with him he had been dating other women and taking them out to dinner ! With what I thought as I am being told he had no money and sold everything not nailed down to the floor even if it wasn’t his to sell ! Borrowing $20 from his ex for gas money ! Borrowing from his mom and not paying her back ! His ex said he probably sold every gift I ever sent him ! He still has not spoken to me in 3 months and I am not waiting for him to either ! he most likely won’t as he knows now I know all his lies and I told him right off and I blunt also ! I hurt his poor ego trust me I was harsh and blunt ! If he as a child felt unloved…that makes it harder for me to hate him ! Yet I want to I am so angry at him ! Days I feel hurt and cry…other days anger and resentful for what he dd to me ! One thing I can be grateful for is that he cannot hurt me any longer unless I let him ! I know I need to let go fully, move on and forget him…get rid of anything that reminds me of him and get out into the world and met people, date again etc…! But first I am taking time to heal and find myself again and get counseling…I do not feel guilty for anything as I did not do wrong…I was conned by the best and unsuspecting of what he was doing…I was his victim because he saw someone very kind and nice in me…he wanted to come across as godly etc… and I was that kind of woman….I was his unsuspecting target ! But I am not a victim any longer…I am a survivor ! This man is the victim of his own illness and evil ways and from what I hear there is no cure for what he has ! I am the winner as I am the better person here ! He could not even come close to being as nice as I am ! This has changed me forever…. I will be very vigilant and watch for red flag from now on and know I know what to watch for ! First red flag I see in a man I walk away and looking back ! I know my worth and someone like that is undeserving of me and my love ! His own son is disgusted by him ! Now I am too !
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It took me a while, but there it was all along…
Been doing no contact for a couple of months now and analyzing what motivates me the most. I’m not saying I am correct but it seems that being despised and humiliated is tolerable, but being lied to is not. Probably a healthy person would also not tolerate being put down, but this just shows how much a person like myself needs to go no contact, to get away from allowing being bullied to be normalized
Yeah I see right it…..45 degrees anti-clockwise….. So cool, good reminder of what they are!
I don’t see it. I guess that was the problem. lol
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