Nar•cis•sist [nahr-suh-sist] – noun – con artist, life HACK, scammer, chameleon, shape shifter, liar, extortionist, manipulator, great pretender, thief, user, “Charms to Harm,” abuser. PREDATOR after PREY! Dangerous to ALL humans no matter what the connection!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Beneath that thin mask the Narcissist wears is the reality of their pathological self PLUS their WHOLE past of victims/targets they have abused and an envy for life that shows in their raging temper that is like a volcano that can erupt at any given moment. YES, they are aware of their actions because they use lie after lie to cover up their abuse. Like a child that stole a piece of candy and lies about it to avoid being punished – so does the Narcissist at a monumental level. Remember their past is always following them and should they ever stop for a moment it will catch up with them and completely consume them because they are abusers that have damaged many people’s lives – even their own family so they try to extinguish the flames from that past with MORE lies. When the going gets tough the Narcissist gets going – so they are off and running to new supply ALWAYS surrounding themselves with a protective circle of new targets/victims, MORE NEW LIES, as well as a new and WONDEROUS life to shore up their disordered life AGAIN – and this equation ALWAYS includes the demise/destruction of the previous source of supply and the “believers” that support the delusional Narcissist! Thus, the cycle of abuse – they are emotionally and psychologically abusive vagabonds always looking for the next target/victim.

The Narcissist is a human that is not fully functioning – and quickly becomes very adept at “fitting in” with camouflage or “a mask” as it is described clinically. Initially, the Narcissist will size up AND take in as much if not of all the new target’s behavior and mimic it or mirror it back to them to SEEM like they have so much in common with the victim – NO MATTER WHAT THE RELATIONSHIP IS. The Narcissist is VERY ADEPT AT THIS and will carefully study the target’s interactions with others, as well as their body language, tone of voice, and general demeanor. As an expert predator/hunter, the Narcissist will methodically craft a plan of attack and begin to track and assess their target’s every thought. The Narcissist will slowly approach the target with complimentary words and statements and then the Narcissist will model themselves and their behaviors to what he/she thinks will please and SNARE their new target into their web of deceit and destruction. The Narcissist will assume the behavior of the target’s “perfect partner”. The Narcissist knows what the target desires in a partner, friend, or mate and morph’s right into that role – the MOST PERFECT friend, lover or again whatever the relationship may be. This is the most important aspect in the Narcissist’s arsenal of tools – GAINING TRUST of their target soon to be victim – this is the CHARM or love bombing. Without it the cycle of abuse and extortion will just not happen, and the Narcissist is unable to secure their LIFE SUSTAINING supply, so they HEAVILY invest in this tactic. Remember without it they cannot get to their precious source of supply NOR can they survive without it!  So basically, this describes the truth of the situation or that they are PREDATORS AFTER PREY. Also remember that they must create their supporters or minions on the side to protect them as well. A Narcissist’s true colors will always show that they are abusive, so they need their support system to protect them once they are outed.

A Narcissist is so seductive that he/she makes you believe in him/her with your whole heart, mind and soul. Unfortunately for all who tread on this emotional rollercoaster with a Narcissist they don’t realize just how dangerous this connection with them is until it is too late. The charm a Narcissist utilizes creates an oblivious feeling of being connected or very attracted to most everything about them. We can become fascinated with someone because of their physical beauty BUT a charming and captivating Narcissist does not necessarily have to have good looks to draw you in. Good looks can increase the magnetic pull towards the Narcissist, but that is not at the core of this abuse, it is the manufactured charm that is a psychologically damaging and a deceptive tool used to manipulate, condition, manage you down and control you.

They charm people to death (figuratively) and this is what literally attracts us to them or that CHARM. But with a Narcissist it is that magnetism that makes you feel a sort of hypnotizing attraction that manifests itself in your psyche and every level of your soul and right to your core beliefs! You are being charmed by their shrewd ability of REFLECTING back everything that is YOU creating this intoxicating and deep-rooted bond. This intense connection is created when a person gives you the feeling like you have known them a long time, soul mates, or you feel very safe with them – perhaps you have known them in a prior life or whatever fantasy belief that Narcissist has instilled in your mind. BUT they will suck the life out of you once they find a way in and THAT is why they CHARM us so heavily in the beginning – again, so much so that it is intoxicating.

Narcissists work extremely hard at making themselves believable as it concerns their overt lies and myths about themselves. They arm themselves with a vast array of learned information they have harvested through their observations of other humans. They acquire and then wear, personalize, or enhance this information as if it is truly theirs. So, what is the goal again with all of this? To snag you into his/her Narcissistic lair to make you supply them with the things they need and cannot get because they are a dark and manipulative personality that envies life, love and people.

Remember and completely internalize this – there is no marriage vow, relationship (even family), friendship, or connection to the care and love they proclaim they have for us. NOTHING prohibits a Narcissist from doing exactly what they want because there are no consequences they feel internally and really there is NO RELATIONSHIP or bonding with them – just an agenda to objectify ALL people. BUT also remember this – YOU do possess empathy, YOU can love people, YOU can bond, YOU can have all kinds of relationships, and YOU will recover from the hack on your life from this creature! YOU were too strong for them and saw through their façade because YOU are amazing! The miracle here is that the Narcissist is out of your life no matter how painful it feels right now – be strong! No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg

It is SO important for us to completely understand the Narcissist’s manipulation tactics to control us!

It is SO important for us to completely understand the Narcissist’s manipulation tactics to control us! The BIG PROJECTION – BLAME/SHAME and DIVERSION GAME! Understanding the Narcissist’s agenda of devaluing us and then projecting THEIR faults onto us all at the same time. Narcissistic magic to make them the virtuous one by turning it around and blaming us for what THEY do!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

When a Narcissist verbally attacks, devalues, or projects slander onto their targets/victims, they have two objectives. One is projection of course (accusing us of what they do), BUT the other is to “dirty a bright spot in your character” with whatever lies or slander they are projecting at you. It is as though any shiny part of your image diminishes the glow of their façade and that just angers that destructive inner child of theirs off. You can never be anything but inferior to them. This is of course the mentality of the Narcissistic terrorist, who must malign and tear other people’s integrity down and ultimately harm OR destroy them with what only amounts to a chaotic counterattack to protect their distorted and damaged existence.

Projection and smearing at the same time are a work of art for the Narcissist, and it is uncanny how Narcissists manage to accomplish it. It’s all in the way their words are carefully placed, because not only do they ditch one of their faults, but they also muddy up one of your virtues in the process until they eradicate all of your goodness. They are so glib and amazingly adept at “killing two birds with that one stone.”

Think about situations where they may have been caught in one of their many lies – and instead of accepting accountability they completely divert and accuse you of the same thing and then they start dissembling you bit by bit! It is all about getting that reaction as well – because that takes the situation into another direction and away from them. SO again, this is done to get us to react – In turn we start our own projecting back to our Narcissist – but NOT in any manner similar to what they project onto us – we project in an effort to use our empathy and critical thinking to TRY to make things right or fix them. But remember the Narcissist is training us like a dog to make us do tricks. So, we learn that by remaining silent, avoiding making them accountable, showing more affection, being so good to them, or loving/caring them before ourselves, we get our just reward. Basically, we project a ‘happy face’ when inside we are conflicted, protecting ourselves, confused, manipulated, betrayed, and demeaned. It is absolutely dehumanizing and subjugation pure and simple. Therefore, they malign all people – I have a new term for this and it is ‘hate bombing!’ Just like the ‘love bombing’ it has its purpose to keep us controlled BUT in a negative and fearful way.

Their projection works amazingly well because it is just so much crazy thrown at us that we are never the wiser or seeing it as projection because it is shocking and then once again it adds another level of the abuse and damages our chances of fixing things ONCE AGAIN – bit by bit they are erasing us. We react by wanting to set it all straight, so it just put us back into that place where we were explaining ourselves again and bending over backwards to fix another deluded accusation – another day another loss of who we are?

Again, remember none of what they said about you was real, BUT It was real for the Narcissist because THEY were doing whatever they accused us of — SO to cleanse themselves of the horrendous wrongdoing they have done, they had to project this onto us and see us squirm and basically punish us for their acts of infidelity. They essentially put themselves up on their grand pulpit and exclaimed that they were OUR sins as well as proclaiming their high morality as in they would NEVER commit such an act when they just did. This is how they dump the guilt and patch up their virtuous façade. It is ALL about the reaction, deflection, attacking our virtues, turning the blame onto us.

It is all very confusing when you are going through it. But understand and remember this, the Narcissist is not attacking your ‘faults and shortcomings,’ he/she is attacking your ‘virtues and accomplishments.’ Consequently, when the Narcissist is conducting a character assassination against you or someone else, the gun the Narcissists shoots never hits one of that person’s real flaws, it is shot at you (or whomever) to just wound you enough to disable you. Believe me they will keep shooting and wounding you in the hopes of completely crippling you as time goes by because they must do this to remain in control and protect their false life and lies.

OK, so the point here was to understand some of the mechanics that will hopefully help you release from the blame and shame that the Narcissist dumped into your head. You do not deserve to carry a debt for the time you spent with this person. You ARE a normal and loving human being that is equipped with empathy and you proved that all along. Do you ever remember feeling like this before you got involved with this Narcissist? NO, unless you were with another Narcissist. You did not magically go from a good person to an insensitive, non-caring person that could do nothing right in this crazy and debilitating relationship. You are not crazy or insane either. You were abused by a very defective person that ultimately managed you down more and more until eventually you lost sight of the real you. You will become that real person you once were because unlike the Narcissist WE ARE ABLE TO CHANGE. You were disabled by the extreme tactics used on you. With introspection, time, support, and real love, you can and will turn around. It is time for you to BELIEVE in yourself completely and discard everything and anything about what this Narcissist made you believe about yourself. They were a nightmare in your life, and now that you are awake and free from them it is time to put the real perspective or truth back into your reality that you are a normal and amazing person that has the tools to become whole again. You really must use them to succeed, so PLEASE no/minimal contact to start you out on that road to recovery! Greg

WHAT they say and what they do are ALWAYS two different things – their words are ‘blanks’ that they use to manipulate a person or situation to THEIR advantage! They feel completely entitled to everything and anything without ever earning it, working for it, asking for it, or showing ANY appreciation for anything – it is THEIRS to take and pillage! Narcissists view the world as their playground to take whatever they want and never give back – it is ALWAYS and ONLY about them and the deception and destruction they inflict in the process.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

What defines a Narcissist? ANYTHING they want that they can create or make up to achieve another agenda or better yet con job. They view or better yet PORTRAY themselves as omnipotent, moralistic, religious as well as many other things that they stamp onto their worldly resume – none of which have any real connection to who and what they are – abusive and destructive predators that want something from EVERY person they encounter, and they will use whatever they can to CHARM it out of them AND then try to destroy the person they abused. There is no marriage vow, bond, or connection to love that prohibits a Narcissist from doing exactly what they want because there are no consequences they feel internally and really there is NO RELATIONSHIP with them.

It is ABSOLUTELY amazing how a Narcissist can cover their tracks to hide what can only be described as their perverse, toxic, and out-of-control lifestyle. Remember they are not doing this just to be the amazing actors that they are. These are deceptive and abusive personalities that need this disguise to extort people and life using whatever instrument of abuse they can to achieve their agenda – the best word here is that they are cunning like a fox – but always remember that they will attempt to destroy all their targets/victims to avoid exposure. This is who they are, and it works for them and they do NOT care who they harm as long as it benefits THEM!

It is highly unlikely that anyone (even those people you tried to explain Narcissism too) HAVEN’T ever experienced someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Narcissists are ALWAYS flying under the radar with many disguises. They are the most CHARMING charmers, and just so nice to people who are in the position to do something for them, or to people who just do not have any closeness or role in their life to see reality of who and what they are. Once you get emotionally close to a narcissist, THEN AND ONLY THEN do you get to see them drop their carefully crafted and charming mask that hides the out-of-control and abusive creature hiding behind it AND that is after they have TOTALLY fooled and conned you.

A Narcissist never looks inward in a manner to see that they have a personality disorder, or that their world is built on lies and appearances – that is merely a clinical definition for us to sort of understand them. Furthermore, they never admit to being wrong, doing anything wrong, or having wronged or destroying the many lives that they do. However, the Narcissists HAS wronged others, be it cheating, lying, manipulation, hurting them emotionally or physically, BUT a Narcissist manages to project blame on and into the targets/victims and everyone around them. They also have their minions and a new supply to support them or filter their lies through, as well as hide behind to avoid exposure.

In fact, the Narcissist will view him/herself as superior or above the rest of humanity. Narcissists do not see themselves as the SELF-SERVING pathological and destructive person that lives their entire life like a parasite using and taking advantage of others, objectifying people, and then moving on once they have been emotionally drained and damaged a person. Nor does the Narcissist see how flimsy their thin veneer of lies, and false credentials are. No instead the Narcissist will project their false image and describe themselves as a hero of sorts or even a saint as far as it concerns humanity and their role here on earth BECAUSE it is their working mechanism in life because otherwise, they are just a huge void! This is part of their disordered and damaged self that enables the Narcissist to live in complete denial of the damage they inflict onto people’s lives. There are no written laws, rules, or regulations that a Narcissist will follow. They are in COMPLETE denial of their false lives! They have absolutely no notion or care as it concerns right and wrong or truth and lies because empathy does not exist in their world and defines their personality disorder.

The Narcissist considers him/herself above the norms of goodness and elude or defer that any of their action’s borderline being outright evil toward others. That is the double-edged sword that they attack the world with. The truth is that their lives are all about double standards or what serves them – if it weren’t for double, triple, quadruple, standards, they would not have ANY standards at all. A Narcissist will stand tall and preach about morality as if all cheaters should burn twice in hell, but as he/she is giving their lecture from the pulpit they are also surveying the room to find a little extra supply to have on the side. But the Narcissist is not a cheater in their mind – they are DESERVING because they are special and above reprise for their actions in life.

The real definition of a Narcissist is that of a creature that is so preoccupied and focused on their every desire, pleasure and need that it completely blinds the Narcissist from reality and self-blame. The Narcissist re-writes reality to fit his/her delusions and with every taker AND it is like the Narcissist winning the lottery when they find a new target to extort and harm. They relish the chase and kill and love the spoils they have stolen from the very people that treated them with kindness, love, and respect! CLARITY is what saves us and moves us onto recovery. Knowledge, education, support, and NO/Minimal contact! Greg

Those chaotic and circular conversations that are intentional to confound, confuse, exhaust, trap, and diminish us! Talking, arguing, or discussing anything with a Narcissist is like being on a ‘hamster wheel’ that is in perpetual dizzying motion! You keep running and running but you NEVER leave point A and there never is a point B. You only continue to run in circles until you are completely exhausted.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

It is always a circular conversation with a Narcissist that never ends and is always filled with irrelevant and meaningless points, word salads, overgeneralizations, complete lack of logic, and basically nonsense meant to keep you in that circular chaos with no end in sight. Let us call it a verbal competition – no matter what the subject – where they convince us that we HAVE faults or are at fault and they manage to slowly take away our voices and silence us. WHY, because they always want to diminish something about you and I through their conflicting and confusing messaging – in other words there is ALWAYS an agenda attached. They have a point and that is to control you and bring YOU down with their words, which can be physically, morally, logically, and emotionally taxing. It can EVEN be us saying we love them!

So, an example of how they do this: The Narcissist starts off with what always seems MORE like a command hidden in a question – and right away you feel confused and a little taken back by how they start this conversation out. You try to work with them, maybe even asking them to be more specific because you WANT to work it out. NO, that Narcissist is going to keep you jumping through hoops instead of getting some sort of reason or logic going because they want to take complete control of this so-called conversation by locking you up in a word salad or confusion.

That Narcissist wants a REACTION – whether it is to get you frustrated, angry, or whatever so they can take it to another level – BUT you still do not know what the jest of any of it is YET. You try harder, and even give your best attempt of resolving whatever they are trying to say – grabbing onto bits and pieces of what they originally said, BUT they raise it up to a higher level by scrutinizing YOUR good words and making them wrong now. Then they weaponize YOUR words and say that YOU are mistreating THEM. NOW it becomes an argument and competition about YOUR words. Now you are standing there with your jaw dropping to the ground because where did this conversation come from and you still do not know what it is exactly about. You have given them options to resolve it, but now they are attacking you at every level they can and treating you in a condescending tone like YOU are a child and THEY are the parent. This is where they want you – BUT they are not done yet.

This keeps going in these circles and all that is happening now is that YOU are being admonished. They bring up things you said that were innocent and are now using them against you as if you threatened them and are argumentative! You still have no clue how this got to this point. Next, they will take it to a higher level where they will say that they have never experienced someone that acts like you, or others say or have said that YOU are difficult – pulling in their imaginary soldiers.

Lastly it is time for them to push you so close to the edge and accuse you of something or other that is supposed to make you feel horrible, like threatening you to say that YOU abused them and ARE A TOXIC ABUSER, or you physically threatened them with your stance, or what you have done is illegal! BAM – there you go they have created a toxic scenario to trap you into a chaotic situation that leaves you exhausted and confused. They have taken another piece of your existence away – and they do this bit by bit with every single one of these so-called conversations.

What was all of this about – basically projection that they are putting onto you. Then there is the blaming, shaming, denying, and diversion tactics to make THEMSELVES out to be the victim and now the hero in all of this – but really IN THEIR OWN EYES and their dysfunctional thinking in EXTREMES. This is what they need to feel that sense of power and control over us. Our concerns are never addressed, and we are never heard or validated. Over time our self-esteem is eroded and our sense of worth and individualism within the relationship begins to slip away because communication is just NOT an option with them!

They know what they are doing – and this so-called conversation was meant to go into this direction and had nothing to do with anything but the poisonous and chaotic words they used to create this scenario. This is how they manage people down and devalue the very person in front of them because more than often they realize that WE see them for who they really are! It is psycho-bullying because in essence everybody is a perceived threat to them ESPECIALLY if we question them in the smallest way. They MUST be in control of us AND make us fear them in some way. They will be back with more chaos trying to get you to engage more! Do not engage is the only solution to this. DON’T allow them to walk you into this trap. Walk in the other direction or away from them with NO response! No/minimal contact! Greg

SILENCING or the silent treatment is used as a TOOL – and part of a much broader pattern of control by emotional abusers to diminish their target/victim. When it is used regularly as a power play, it can make you feel rejected and totally excluded. This can have a huge effect on your self-esteem.

SILENCING or the silent treatment is used as a TOOL – and part of a much broader pattern of control by emotional abusers to diminish their target/victim. When it is used regularly as a power play, it can make you feel rejected and totally excluded. This can have a huge effect on your self-esteem.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Silencing/isolating or the mechanics behind THE SILENT TREATMENT – the Narcissist’s prison they create to lock up your heart and mind in chaos and confusion. It is one of the MANY tools they use to manipulate, malign, and control every situation to avoid ANY dissention from their victims? A Narcissist is completely pathological in every single aspect of how they relate to the people and world around them because it is ALL ABOUT MANIPULATION, CONTROL, and POWER!

So, to start, a simple definition – pathological – when a person behaves in extreme and unacceptable ways, because they have very powerful feelings which they cannot and will not control.

Let’s define these Narcissists and their pathological ways! Their world is completely delusional, one in which they do not allow individuality because they are absolute rulers (dictators) in that world. The unfortunate fact is that a Narcissist needs people in their lives to SURVIVE but they just do not ‘like’ or ‘relate’ to people, so it is a hideous, demeaning, debasing, ANGRY, and abusive coexistence that we get TRAPPED into. They do not have ‘relationships’ by any normal means, they live among us like zombies that are after our ‘brains or our ability to function normally because they attack our thought processes with extreme measures like gas-lighting, fear, brainwashing, manipulation, and betrayal – ALL extremely abusive measures.

Remember this ALWAYS — Narcissists ONLY relate to other human beings as objects. You know objects, the things to use and abuse for self-serving purposes. Things that have no rights, things that are inanimate, things that have no feelings, things that can be easily replaced – perhaps a good example would be like a tool that performs a certain function – and each of us are just one of MANY of these “tools” that they USE.

A Narcissist lacks all social graces in the most extreme ways because underneath their ‘seductive’ façade, they do not honor any human rights, respect individuality, or obey any written law. They live life in an extremely pathological and abusive manner. They imitate a functioning human being and take everything they want and need through some extreme and manipulative methods. They also get bored easily with their conquests SINCE they lack the mechanisms to form healthy bonds (and decisions), so they STRAY very easily to keep the excitement and adulation flowing in their world. Now it is bad enough they are life’s extortionist, but they also seem to loathe all healthy, happy, and loving people that would dare express their individuality, question them, or demand accountability, so they lose their patience with us quickly and psychologically attack our minds in an effort to destroy our life as we know it.

This behavior is damaging, and it puts you on edge or walking on “eggshells.” You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what is expected of you. You become hyper vigilant, sensitive, confused, and controlled waiting for the other person’s next outburst or change of mood – YOU DON’T EVER KNOW WHAT TO DO, SAY, OR HOW TO act so you constantly stay SILENT, isolated, and in this state of confusion or basically existing as a shell of the person you were – the one that HAD a real personality, as well as loved and lived a normal, fun and loving existence. They take that and play with it, manipulate it, destroy it, and alter you so what is left is not a person, it is a prisoner of their abuse. It is PURELY control to keep you constantly disabled.

Unreasonable expectations and demands are put onto you so you feel like you have to ALWAYS put YOUR needs aside to tend to their needs and you always feel incomplete with your own PERSONAL needs as well as participation/interactions in this relationship or connection to them (if it is a ‘love’ relationship, friendship, co-worker, family, etc., or any and all of the above) – somewhere you are LOST in all of this. You are basically TOLD or manipulated into what you must to do or else it is wrong, and the situation will fall apart, so you just give in. But no matter how much you give, it is never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you do not fulfill all this person’s needs and you could NEVER fulfil the Narcissists needs.

Like any other bully you must disengage from the Narcissist because if you do not, they will only attack you in unimaginable ways to destroy your integrity as well as your life – they have to win the battle they have with life, people and essentially the WHOLE world! You will ‘seemingly’ end up being the crazy one and the abuser because they will make you out to be everything bad/wrong just like a psycho bully would react to remove any blame from themselves and pass it onto you, basically their backstabbing and smear campaign. Not a very pretty package at all. Just always remember, you have not done ANYTHING wrong to deserve this because they do not function like other human beings. They do not even have a clue what liking, caring or LOVING is so they live without it by pretending they know it, but you CAN’T pretend to care or love especially when you have no morals, and it catches up with the Narcissist very quickly.

Connecting with OR living with someone like this is tremendously destructive to your psyche and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly confused, frightened, unsettled, and off balance. THIS IS WHAT PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE IS! The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity which again makes you begin to think you are crazy or losing your mind (again gas-lighting.) Narcissists are always making you reflect upon your weaknesses (real and imagined) and pointing them out and making you believe you are losing it, or you have many issues all in an effort to take you down as low as they can. That is tough and shrewd manipulation that a Narcissist uses to win this war they have with people and life. It is like being in a maze that constantly shifts, and changes and you just keep wandering around looking for that door that takes you out and back to a peaceful reality – you will never find it until you kick those walls down and get out of the endless maze of abuse! No/minimal contact to move forward into a healthy lifestyle and world. Narcissists smother the life out of all people and situations. Take your power back by disallowing any of their emotional and psychological manipulation or chaos in your life again because THAT is all there is to their abusive agenda and NOTHING more! Knowledge and education provide clarity and THAT becomes our superpower to move forward with recovery. Be safe out there my friends! Greg

Their WORDS are their most used and dangerous weapons that manipulate us into a place of despair so with that in mind knowledge and education are imperative to moving forward to recovery.

Their WORDS are their most used and dangerous weapons that manipulate us into a place of despair so with that in mind knowledge and education are imperative to moving forward to recovery. A Narcissist will keep recycling us into this abuse with their careful and highly manipulative words that really deflect from the truth of who and what they are complete opportunists that will take and steal whatever they can from all people. They will divert from the truth of their conflicted reality by adding a little bit more of that charm, an apology, or whatever they need to do to always hide the truth – and the REASON WHY – to keep us hanging on because they still need SOMETHING from you! Nothing has really changed because they have been doing this diversion tactic at every level of the relationship in some form or fashion.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Here is where the big game of manipulation begins and repeats itself OVER and OVER again to keep you in their orbit until THEY are done with YOU. They snuggle right up to your emotions and mimic them to create an amazing connection. Add to the equation that they are charming, and intoxicating – they continually seduce their prey into their lair with lies and manipulation. They create a perfect connection with us and seriously it is only a story and one written precisely for us. It is a calculated move on the Narcissist’s part to figure out exactly how to find a place in our mind AND heart through their extreme manipulation. They are quite good at it because they have fooled us or better yet conned us to get us to a place where they will take advantage of our trust AND generosity. To a Narcissist it is just another day with no real thought or remorse to any of their adverse actions. They want something so they go after it and there are no rules or laws that they abide by as it concerns any harm they cause to people. Do not forget that there is also NO empathy, so they do not know how to care, have a real friendship, or love – they do not even have a clue what it feels like, but interestingly enough they mimic it very well and will support it as long as we are viable sources of supply. What an amazing and well thought out plan a Narcissist develops and uses to secure their supply that shouts out PREDATOR!

OK, so here is what we clinically understand about Narcissists: They lie, they are purely vindictive, they look down on everybody, they refuse to accept any responsibility, they are two-faced backstabbers, they live by no rules or laws, they prefer laughing at people rather than with them, they are pathological bullies, they are very childlike, they believe that no matter what happens they will prevail because they see themselves as invincible, they believe that whatever bad things they do they deserve forgiveness, they NEVER do anything wrong in their eyes, they are fearless and non-caring to the point of being insanely unrealistic with their delusional attacks, their lies, and personal attacks including their smear campaign, they are obsessed with their fantasies about power, success and wealth, they are incapable of compromise and need to win, they thrive on evoking reactions and emotions – both negative or positive because it gives them a Narcissistic high, chaos rules their life, they are out-of-control with their needs to secure supply from all people, they cheat on all of their partners, they break down their target/victim’s will through constant dehumanization and brainwashing to make them feel like they are the negative entity in the relationship and worthless.

The dynamics of any relationship with them is built solely on the premise that you are an object to this distorted creature for as long as they want you to be OR until they have extorted everything, they can from you, OR you uncover the truth about them. Unfortunately, you are coming from what you believe is a real relationship with them, so you are blinded to the day-to-day subtle manipulation and abuse. Love, commitment, and growth are your goals, but slowly but surely your emotions and thoughts are eroded away until you lose the person you were for so many years. The Narcissist does not ever stop the abuse because they need to devalue and discard you and they manipulate you into temporary insanity. They push and push you so that you react in ways that MAKE you out to be the ‘crazy one’ and then they use that against you. This is what they are and what they do. There is absolutely NOTHING you could have done to change any of this. This is a predator with an agenda to secure its prey, feed off it, devalue it, destroy it, and then move on to new hunting grounds to find another person to prey on. BUT they are so good at this game that few see through them until it is too late! Add to the fact that a Narcissist will destroy each of their targets/victim’s integrity to cover their tracks by using the insanity they forced you into AGAINST you. The world is none the wiser to these criminals. Try explaining your incredulous experience and you have sealed your faith as being the ‘crazy one’ just like the Narcissist has described you to everyone and BEHIND your back. The Narcissist has everything covered as far as the abuse is concerned.

They are NOT capable of bonding, having a relationship and especially experiencing any love as normal people know it. They constantly manipulate people to go against their own values willingly, they USE them as puppets, pawns and commodities with positive and negative manipulation and schemes. They burn people out and then move onto their next victim, furthermore they do not value people, do not miss them or love them because that involves bonding emotionally at various levels and the ability to bond at ANY level is completely MISSING – THEY ONLY USE PEOPLE for personal gain and rewards! No/minimal contact always. Greg

Moving forward to recovery! No or minimal contact is more like a ‘personal witness protection program’ to protect yourself from the damage that any reconnection with a Narcissist can do to a victim. Once they KNOW you are on to them, they will do anything and everything to pull you back again, set you up for more abuse, and then destroy every aspect of your integrity so that they avoid ANY and ALL exposure for who and what they are!

From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

The Narcissist will ALWAYS rob the target/victim of their authenticity, integrity, individualism, and soul – AND even purposely destroy it with backstabbing and a smear campaign. To learn to trust the world again as well as yourself is a task which will not be easy to accomplish. The only help at hand is the reality in the knowledge that YOU were the normal person and genuine with your feelings and that you had been tricked into an emotionally destructive situation which ultimately was meant to control as well as disable you. Recovery is a process to reclaim your feelings, emotions, and belief system in the real world and to overcome fears of expressing those feelings again in the real world. Every little step towards this is a success in your recovery. Just remember that the potential for finding a genuine and loving relationship still exists within you. YOU ARE A PERSON THAT CAN LOVE, a Narcissist can NEVER love and lives in a loathsome and dark world where they will always be alone no matter whether they are physically with someone or not.

Abuse at the hands of a Narcissist can be described in many ways, but the reality of the situation is that we have looked into the eyes of what can only be described as the nearest thing to evil. It is psychological terrorism by a disordered human being that had no intentions whatsoever to be anything to us but a thief of hearts, as well as a thief of our life.

The aspect that is the most damaging about this abuse is that it is essentially subtle, silent, and invisible – in time emotional and psychological abuse has robbed the target/victim of their worth, belief system, their soul, and spirit. Life is no longer the world that we once knew because it does not feel safe, and our core beliefs about one of the most cherished aspects of life (LOVE) has been redefined by a battle that ensued with what can only now be described as a silent enemy. A battle that we never even actually realized was going on. Yes, they are enemies to man/womankind because they act out in a manner to destroy good people, leaving them and their welfare at such a vulnerable place that the recovery is a process that requires time that can compound the abuse even more. Extreme loss that disables the victim are the best words to use here, loss that destroys people and entire families.

Nothing about this abuse can be construed as anything normal. It is an impossible task to wrap your head around the intentions of such a disordered person, yet alone explain the abuse to the world in a manner that achieves a sense of credibility. Narcissists are like a disease that slowly enters the body and spreads everywhere destroying and shutting the body down bit by bit. Unfortunately, there is no cure or medication to stop the diseased Narcissist except to remove the malignancy completely from your life. ALWAYS NO CONTACT and then the process starts to your personal recovery.

Whether you are a man or a woman who has endured an abusive relationship with a Narcissist the best policy AGAIN is the “No/Minimal Contact” rule and the sooner you achieve this the better. You must make a clean break and stick with it so the healing process can begin. It’s natural to feel emotional or sentimental after a breakup however you are in a war zone when you are dealing with an abusive relationship with a Narcissist. Seriously they have the artillery, landmines, and bombs ready and waiting to destroy their target/victim!

This is serious stuff because your time is precious on this earth and once you recognize that your ex is an abusive Malignant Narcissist it is time to get into action to get away from them. I looked at my departure from abuse as the “GREG Witness Protection Program.” These are the basic combat plans and a START to achieve your goals of “no/minimal contact” as well as protect yourself.

1. Ability not to care at all as it concerns your Ex-Narcissist! They are not real and do not exist in the natural and normal world where we all reside. They are an abomination of lies and manipulation, not a person that has emotions, cares, or loves.

2. Make a commitment to yourself to refuse to be influenced in any way by threats, further intimidation, or bad consequences. Leave it where it is WITH THE NARCISSIST hissing in the shadows and NEVER respond. Save any emails, text messages, and journal everything they say as proof. They are cowards and fight with hideous lies meant to cause irreparable damage to your integrity.

3. Take a decisive approach to breaking ALL the connections and sever any and ALL residual communication links like mutual friends or social networking sites.

4. YOU MUST absolutely refuse to feel any “shame or blame” or to be put on the defensive especially in your OWN mind as if ANY of this is your fault or real. The abuse is psychological terrorism and meant to disable your thought processes so the Narcissist can CONTROL you. DON’T ALLOW IT anymore – TAKE THAT POWER AWAY FROM THEM!

5. Insistence from this point on that any discussion of the facts begin with the words “abuse,” “destruction,” and “control” as well as removing the Narcissist’s name from your vocabulary. CALL him/her your Ex-Narcissist and you had NO RELATIONSHIP; it was purely abuse.

6. Refusal to negotiate EVER because you KNOW the absolute truth so NEVER give it up – NEVER! Remember they do not negotiate they manipulate with lies to manage you right back into that place of despair, feeling wrong and worthless! YES, they will drag you back into the abuse every opportunity you give them when you feel that you can fix this relationship or them!

7. You MUST believe that you are strong and be cognizant of the fact that this Narcissist picked the wrong person to “smear” or take down. You are the real person here that is amazing, unconditional with your love and most importantly you possess a quality called empathy which a Narcissist has NONE. Those that believe the Narcissist or engage in the Narcissist’s ‘smear campaign’ are WEAK and abusive as well and not worth your time or energy.

8. Adopt a policy or philosophy and accept the collateral damage as the cost of freedom from this abuse and further evidence of the rightness of your cause and the very truth. It is like RUNNING from them but in an organized and responsible fashion! You are not dealing with a normal person you are dealing with a terrorist with the intent to destroy you and your integrity.

9. Practice extreme patience with yourself always and do not be worn down by any setbacks, surprises, or consequence. We all make mistakes and step backwards. This is not something you have had experience with because it is ABUSE, and that word says it all! Every day is a new day and one more day that you moved forward and nearer to your total recovery.

10. Reconnect with the world and with yourself. Get back in touch with the people you were not allowed to see or those you fell out of contact with. Start doing the things you used to enjoy little by little. Pursue your interests again. Make a commitment to exercise or working out. The goal here is to make yourself healthy and strong in body, spirit, and mind. Do not isolate yourself!

Stay in your own personal “witness protection program” for as long as it takes. This is to get your life back and gain clarity with knowledge, education, and support! No contact or minimal contact is putting yourself in a protective zone to end the chaos and crazy making completely to give yourself the freedom you need to educate yourself, find proper help as in therapy, re-establish a place for yourself in the world, establish healthy boundaries, and to realize that the horrendous betrayal you experienced was forced upon you by a delusional and disordered person over a long period of time. This abuse was slow and insidious, but it is like a cancer that has been growing in your body, YOU MUST do what you can to get rid of the malignancy. This process can only be achieved by the “no or minimal contact” rule.

The Narcissist was special, your prince or princess CHARMING, and the person you fell in love with. BUT after the initial “love bombing” or courtship this relationship turned TOXIC and abusive. Each time you initiate contact or respond to his/her overtures, you must start the healing process all over again. It happens and we do fall backwards but get back up as quick as you can and let it only reinforce the real goal of getting back to the recovery program.

Re-initiating contact will only prolong your pain and recovery and cause more and severe damage because the Narcissist knows that you have their number and will step up the manipulation and abuse to avoid exposure. It is the difference between recuperating in the hospital slowly after open heart surgery or deciding instead that you will skip the recuperation period and go work out at the gym. You are only going to end up in harm’s way if you do not recuperate correctly until you are COMPLETELY healed. In the case of a Narcissist, you want to maintain that “no contact” forever!

If you give a Narcissist an inch, they will they take an arm or leg off with a few swift bites. You may think it is OK to accept calls and/or responding to texts and emails, but it is wrong and DANGEROUS. You are only giving the Narcissist permission to keep abusing you. The Narcissist will interpret your willingness to maintain contact as interest in rekindling the relationship and a WEAKNESS on your part and they will add more links to that chain that is around your neck. If you DO respond to your Ex-Narcissist, he/she does indeed still have you on a chain that will now get tighter to pull you back into the abuse. The Narcissist will continue to gas-light, manipulate, trick you, lie, be possessive and intrusive, and extort everything else they can from you. All that Narcissist needs is the smallest bit of attention, negative or positive to keep them going. If you want that Narcissist to move on, you must starve the beast and that means no contact and no attention.

There are many lists out there that basically say the same thing, but this was my addendum to the generic version or again what I called my personal “witness protection plan.” Everything on this list may not be feasible for everyone especially if you MUST have contact. But even with minimal contact you MUST disconnect from any emotions and stop negotiating with yourself or looking for any other answer than the truth and that you experienced the abuse of a Malignant Narcissist and it is time to get out and away from the Narcissist’s ability to control and abuse you. Be like a programed robot with every battle you MUST have because of legal decisions, or biological children – BUT NEVER negotiate where it involves you personally or emotionally. I think it is a good example of the level of personal commitment No/Minimal Contact requires or at least a model to help bring awareness as to the importance of solutions to separate from the problem of this abuse – the NARCISSIST. Greg

It is so important to understand that an abusive Narcissist uses control tactics to induce fear, diversion, confusion, and feelings of insecurity to MANIPULATE their target into submission – it is POWER over their victim to CONTROL them!

It is so important to understand that an abusive Narcissist uses control tactics to induce fear, diversion, confusion, and feelings of insecurity to MANIPULATE their target into submission – it is POWER over their victim to CONTROL them!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

This is a ‘Manipulationship’ cleverly disguised and MANIPULATED to look like a REAL relationship! We are an ONLY an investment to a Narcissist or something they need BUT nothing more — and they work hard to keep their return (you and I) providing them with supply – it is called manipulation to CONTROL to satisfy their agenda. But ‘their work’ or investing in us is not anything near a real relationship – it is about keeping us in line or controlled to get the most they can until they find another source. There is ALWAYS another source already being seduced and groomed to replace us because their needs are insatiable. No ONE person could ever provide them with ALL the supply they need! When we stop giving them what they want, and they lose control over their investment – then we see that horrendous toxicity appear – and OUR time is up with them.

Being amoral or just numb to the existence of morality as far as the Narcissist’s life is concerned is based solely on what the Narcissist wants and that involves controlling all their victims to get it. It is like a cantankerous, irrational three-year-old child throwing a tantrum if they do not get their way. The Narcissist never gives up the argument. That Narcissist is standing there in front of you to win. If you engage the Narcissist, he/she will pull you down to their level. Keep engaging in an argument with a Narcissist and he/she brings it down to another level, and another level AND to a level lower than you care to stoop to, so you just stop then and there because it is just futile to go on anymore. The Narcissist has no self-respect, and behaving this way is not beneath them because it is part of their agenda.

They do not stop there because they will pull in their minions to fight their fight! In all honesty the Narcissist has the mentality of a playground bully. They will incorporate other kids that are weaker and smaller than them with threats to join in on their imaginary fights or else. There will always be someone that asserts their individuality in the playground and that Narcissist will gang up on and harm whomever with the help of their little gang. Be assured you will be run off that playground just for being you and not buying into the Narcissistic bullying, control, dysfunction and games. You may even get the Narcissist’s Mommy knocking at your door and really get in trouble. They play their control games to win.

But no matter how big a lie or how big a fit the Narcissist throws if you allow it you are enabling the Narcissist’s lies, manipulation and CONTROL and that is a huge mistake no matter what the cost is to you otherwise. It facilitates the Narcissist’s delusions, and it gives them a power rush and that CONTROL they desperately need. Thus, the Narcissists is cramming his/her delusion through insults to your intelligence down your throat. You are spoiling that Narcissistic brat/bully and allowing the monster to grow and take over completely. Unfortunately, people make this mistake because of the Narcissists GOOD qualities that preempted the appearance of this raging bully.

The Narcissist makes an investment based on people whose role is designed to applaud, admire, adore, approve, and attend to the narcissist’s every need. Extracting this Narcissistic Supply from them calls for emotional and cognitive investments from supply to lock them in. In turn it provides the Narcissist stability, perseverance, long-term presence, attachment, forced collaboration, unreal emotional agility (Narcissist fakes this), and people skills and so on and so forth – it makes them seem real to us and the world. Unfortunately, nobody can be held to the Narcissists rigid standards and we all fall short of their expectations and graces far too easily. We cannot live life as a statue for the Narcissist to adorn his/her façade, because we live, breath and think as an individual human being in a world where interactions are real. Everyone has an expiration date with a Narcissist. No/minimal contact to start on your journey to recovery. Greg

Narcissists are incompatible with life and other human beings – it would be comparable to attempting to combine oil and water – they just do NOT combine no matter how hard you try!

Narcissists are incompatible with life and other human beings – it would be comparable to attempting to combine oil and water – they just do NOT combine no matter how hard you try! They only view the world as their playground to take what they want and never give back and we are their toys they use. They view or better yet PORTRAY themselves as omnipotent, moralistic, religious, ALWAYS THE VICTIM, as well as many other things that they stamp onto their worldly resume – none of which have any real connection to who and what they are – abusive and destructive predators that do not coexist NORMALLY with other people.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

A Narcissist never looks inward in a manner to see that they have a personality disorder, or that their world is built on lies and appearances – that is merely a clinical definition for us to sort of understand them. Furthermore, they never admit to being wrong, doing anything wrong, or having wronged or destroying the many lives that they do. However, the Narcissists HAS wronged others, be it cheating, lying, manipulation, hurting them emotionally or physically, BUT a Narcissist manages to project blame on and into the targets/victims and everyone around them. They also have their minions and a new supply to support them or filter their lies through, as well as hide behind to avoid exposure.

In fact, the Narcissist will view him/herself as superior or above the rest of humanity. Narcissists do not see themselves as the SELF-SERVING pathological and destructive person that lives their entire life like a parasite using and taking advantage of others, objectifying people, and then moving on once they have been emotionally drained and damaged a person. Nor does the Narcissist see how flimsy their thin veneer of lies, and false credentials are. No instead the Narcissist will project their false image and describe themselves as a hero of sorts or even a saint as far as it concerns humanity and their role here on earth! Well, this is part of their disordered and damaged self that enables the Narcissist to live in complete denial of the damage they inflict onto people’s lives. There are no written laws, rules, or regulations that a Narcissist will follow. They are in COMPLETE denial of their false lives! They have absolutely no notion or care as it concerns right and wrong or truth and lies.

The Narcissist considers him/herself above the norms of goodness and elude or defer that any of their action’s borderline being outright evil toward others. That is the double-edged sword that they attack the world with. The truth is that their lives are all about double standards or what serves them. A Narcissist will stand tall and preach about morality as if all cheaters should burn twice in hell, but as he/she is giving their lecture from the pulpit they are also surveying the room to find a little extra supply to have on the side. But the Narcissist is not a cheater in their mind – they are DESERVING because they are special and above reprise for their actions in life.

A Narcissist lives in such a self-contained world of fear and hate that they must shore it up with every possible denial mechanism available to them to hide the true monster that they really are. It must require an insurmountable amount of energy for them to maintain their disordered fortress that is built on so many layers of lies. A Narcissist most certainly does not want others to use, manipulate, lie, and hurt him/her as he/she does to them. That is why there are so many rules (double standards) in their world that we must abide by. That really sounds like a Narcissist has a master plan and is very cognizant of their actions! It is the Narcissist’s pathological denial that leads them to focus only on their desires, pleasures and needs that also blinds them to their abusive nature and protects them from self-blame. They just project it onto and into us and BAM it is magically gone from their conscious world and we take the blame and shame. AND to further drive the point home they even punish us and think we are weak because they get away with this CRAP!

Their modus operandi or the tools of their trade are manipulative words, pathological lying, slander, back-stabbing, and a cunning personality like that of a fox! Watch the Narcissist as he/she grins at their own exploitive games that accompany their malicious actions. It reveals the reality that their behavior and intentions are as far removed from caring, loving or having any semblance of empathy. The Narcissist has one main goal and that is to trample each person that is involved in their lives. Once you enter Narcissist-ville you sign away your right to freedom or individuality, and you better be ready to become an indentured servant to the Narcissist, as well as take your emotional beatings regularly. Your lawful rights are striped from you and you are now under the rule of a sadistic dictator and there is no way to escape their rule unscathed or damaged. The Narcissist intends to control people through negativity, harm, and fear. This is how the Narcissist maintains their evil reign of terror. It is an epic relationship with them because they start you out on this journey by loving you – or so they say to open the door to their abusive world!

Admitting faults or taking responsibility for their harmful actions would take some degree of empathy of which they have NONE. It is virtually impossible for the Narcissist to put themselves in other people’s shoes and seeing him/herself as causing harm and destruction. Not only is the Narcissist incapable of this it also repulses them to believe they are anything less than perfect. Remember the Narcissist is omnipotent and as such is superior and always in charge of their delusional world. They will never put themselves in a position where they would even consider anything negative or wrong about their own self-absorbed and tyrannical nature – this would be a weakness on their part. This superior concept that the Narcissist maintains is consistently mirrored in everything they do. We all end up failing to meet their needs so we will be dismissed by this grand dictator. Remember the Narcissist’s self-absorbed perspective defines humanity as existing only to serve his/her immediate needs. No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg

A Narcissist will always reduce their target to a place of trauma. It is a daily thing when it concerns this abuse and over time the target/victim becomes numb to the fact that every day they are being managed down to feel completely worthless, having issues, isolated, silenced, fearful, the ‘PROBLEM,’ and completely confused and LOST! There is level upon level of this gaslighting piling up on them that it becomes an emotional and psychological prison that they cannot escape – it is called TRAUMA.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

With psychological abuse from a Narcissist a target/victim gets so caught up in the highs and lows that constantly surround them that they never see the bigger picture AND the real danger they are in. These highs and lows do not present themselves as concretely as most observers (people that have not been abused) want to believe. Most of the time the conflict between the Narcissist and the target/victim is a hit and run tactic and the target/victim has no sense of the reason behind it AND feel like they must explain themselves. It comes out of nowhere, and usually there is no basis for the argument or the put downs, so the target/victim is not aware of the particular issue or guilty of ANYTHING. Instead, it is a tactic that the narcissist uses to confuse and disable the target/victim as well as control them. Without these attacks having a viable reason a target/victim is always out in left field and perpetually CONFUSED and feeling the need amend or fix SOMETHING!

It is also a daily thing when it concerns this abuse and over time the target/victim becomes numb to the fact that every day they are being managed down to feel worthless with level upon level piling up to the point that it becomes an emotional and psychological prison. It is part of the disordered Narcissist’s agenda to make their partner feel small, manage them down, and in time disable them completely. Along with this the Narcissist isolates their target/victim from friends, family and loved ones so that they become solely dependent on the Narcissist. It is all out psychological warfare that a target/victim has no sense of. The target/victim is not prepared for battle because they do not even know that there is a war waging right in front of them. The target/victim does not realize that there is a terrorist in their life that means to harm or destroy them, nor could they even consider that the person doing this to them is actually their enemy because they love them (or care) in some form or fashion. The Narcissist enlists psychological warfare that is more like a tasteless and odorless poison that over time kills!

Targets/victims get so lost in the day to day managing down that they fail to see just how effective the Narcissist is at distorting their reality (the manipulation.) You are never having a REAL conversation with a REAL person. This is the essence of ABUSE and how we become desensitized, and our reality distorted. Everything a Narcissist says (and does) has NOTHING to do with a normal ‘back and forth’ conversation between two normal people! You (target/victim) are COMMUNICATING and believing that the Narcissist is reciprocating, but they are observing and scheming through your words and actions. They are drawing information from you in a manner to know your strengths and weaknesses and how to use those against you. They may reply in what seems like a normal manner, but they are interrogating you to draw out what they can and then they distort what they can, so you never have a cohesive conversation with them. You will always find yourself WONDERING about something or other. The result is that they have you where they want you.

When you came out of this you felt like you were in a fog, or better yet that your reality was altered and basically it was through the slow process of brainwashing and the manipulation from your perpetrator. You are traumatized, confounded, and confused and wondering what hit you squarely in the brain. We are functioning, but not as we once did. If we were the person, we were before this abuse we would have had a much clearer perspective AFTER discard, but unfortunately, we are not that person anymore. We have gained the knowledge, but we are vulnerable and damaged, so we really struggle.

We were not in denial in the beginning we were tricked, conned, manipulated, etc. But here is the point we also never realized this in its entirety while we were with them and WHY? Well because the agenda of the Narcissist was not apparent, and the manipulation was subtle and consistent. We were always drawn back into the abuse through Narcissistic magic or trickery. Day by day we were managed down more and more through the Narcissist’s vast arsenal of tools to the point that we were not in our original state of conscious thinking – our reality was altered by our perpetrator so they could harvest us as supply!

Along with this they employ so many techniques to confuse you, or make you question what you said, or basically always feeling like you must explain yourself. That is how they gain the upper hand! Beyond the love bombing which was just another grand scheme to manipulate you into the abuse with words and actions, the remainder of the relationship will consume you with always feeling the need to defend yourself. There is no such thing as individuality with a Narcissist and they are not going to allow you to have needs or be anything but what they want you to be. The KEY point here is that the love you FEEL (conned into) connects you to a Narcissist as well as blinds you to the abuse because they dangle that love in front of you and make you basically beg to have it back. That is purely behavioral modification using withholding techniques to change you to accept their disordered abuse! Remember that they are employing their disguise to con everyone around them to get what they want, but the primary 24/7 supply suffers the most from this abuse. They have other sources of supply on the side to feed their out-of-control lifestyle, and minions that sing their praises. How sad and destructive for the primary 24/7 target/victim 9or ANY target/victim) to believe that what they have with a Narcissist is a relationship when it is nothing more than a place for the Narcissist to have constant supply as well as a refuge to hide the real truth of just how perverse they are concerning life and people. No/minimal contact always. Greg

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