Narcissists will absorb and mimic the dynamics available to them with ALL people to exploit, pillage, and use every opportunity to take all the supply they can. They have to because this is the only working dynamic in their life because they lack a true personality, emotions, ability to bond and most important EMPATHY!



From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @


Narcissists know how to introduce themselves and engage with another person in order to find out their personal life story, interests, and ask who they are and what they stand for. They know how to manipulate you right into their lair with charm that is really a key to gaining your trust and to open your mind like a safe to find all of the valuables you have hidden away. Many people want affirmation about their beliefs and are open and become vulnerable when another person empathically affirms them or identifies with them as having a strong and common connection and so much in common. This is what opens up our minds to the Narcissist so they can crawl in there and disable and extort what they can.


Narcissists manipulate others via fake emotions which most people read as being authentic and accurate and respond accordingly as normal people do. The use of the right “emotion” at the right time opens up the person emotionally to the detached and cold Narcissist who is watching from behind their own fake persona, like a predator stalking prey, waiting to seize the person emotionally. The Narcissist’s emotional camouflage is strikingly convincing and fools most people they use it on.


Narcissists overcompensate for their devoid and emotionless self with that extreme charm or charisma, AND fake personality. Narcissists are seductive by nature and disarm others with seductive charm, talk, gestures, and alluring messages designed to appeal to the victim and connect with just what the Narcissist feels the victim needs at that moment. This is what snares the victim, especially when the Narcissist comes so attractively packaged with a huge bow and bright wrapping paper, unfortunately there is no present to be found under all that wrapping and huge bow – it is just a bottomless, dark and empty box.


Narcissists exploit this human need to connect or bond to their own advantage by camouflaging themselves with EMOTIONS to create a connection or an open door to our brain through our emotions and hearts. Manipulation and positive affirmation of our “personal beliefs and likes” induces a form of disorientation, so we begin to trust and then our identity or persona is compromised by the Narcissist. It sort of allows us to feel safe, having our values/emotions reinforced and mirrored back to us, and establishes a strong connection and even love. Narcissists know that if they can control an individual in this manner and at this level they have that key to deeply penetrate and manipulate an individual. The victims are hooked and will deeply connect to the Narcissist – simply it reinforces the basics that we have grown up with and that is trust, falling in love, or loving a person. Unfortunately, it is not by any means normal that they accomplish this and instead it is the act of the Narcissist manipulating us through this mirroring to GET US THERE.


The unfortunate aspect with a Narcissist is that there is an agenda that follows where they extort and then start attacking our belief system through horrendous acts of betrayal, brain-washing, gas-lighting, lying, stealing, etc., to virtually debase, control, dehumanize and destroy us. This is when the Narcissist reveals their pathology and act upon their destructive nature. This is the cycle of their abuse. This is where the Narcissist’s mask slips and the loathsome creature from within rears its fangs and attempts to devour us after they have gained entry into our lives. What is the sense in all of this – none, this describes their personality disorder and their destructive nature. It is not only extorting everything they can but destroying us in the process to punish us to protect their identity. This was all just a process of being abused and there was never any connection at a human level. They were basically just like a predator stalking, wounding, and killing its prey to feed! Many wonder if they can or can’t help themselves (the Narcissist) – the evidence to support this is weak at best right now – but it doesn’t ever justify the consequences of being abused by one.


Narcissists do not only use their charm and destructive manipulation on their partners and in relationships, this is their main tool they use in every aspect of their life. They are in a constant manipulation or camouflage mode charming every person in every walk of life because their needs are varied and many. Sadly enough this includes mothers, fathers, and brothers/sisters abusing other family member’s even parents abusing their own biological children. It includes work environments where the Narcissist triangulates other employees to damage the work force as well as bosses doing the same. They may hide behind the camouflage of the local church, a charity, political movement, professional group, or corporation. They may obtain a professional degree and have a career or profession such as a doctor, lawyer, preacher, CEO, or in the psychological or behavioral sciences field. The world is their playground and we are their toys to play with and throw in a heap to accomplish their agenda and many needs.


A Narcissist only needs to join in and listen to find out what motivates and drives a person or even a group. Narcissists will then absorb and mimic the dynamics available to them to exploit, pillage, and use every opportunity to take all the supply they can, ultimately causing extreme destruction to the people that they exploit. No/minimal contact to STOP the narcissist and the abuse! Greg

Chaos and crazy-making – tools of the Narcissist’s trade!

HOW they inflict more damage on you through each and every chaotic attack on your mind, heart, emotions and well-being.



We are just a means to an end – that is all!


From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @


So how could you have been such a fool? The painful realization often comes with the disbelief of just how could we have not realized that he/she was like this? That’s another thing that educating yourself about this disorder will teach you very clearly and that is the Narcissistic personality is especially good at being pathologically deceptive and manipulative, at simulating genuine affection and caring to gain our trust so they can essentially abuse us. In reality, the Narcissist is only capable of caring about themselves and satisfying their needs. The Narcissist can BASICALLY imitate that they care about you or even love you as long as he/she continues to see you reflect extreme adulation and admiration for them, which is usually in the beginning of your personal relationship with them. Underneath all of that is a delusional and out-of-control amoral person that lacks respect for life and people and has no conscience about how they debase people to GET WHAT THEY WANT and that is supply. That is what it all boils down to, we satisfy some sort of need and they have many needs, and many people they use to satisfy their immense needy void hole.


The perceptions of the Narcissist are truly their reality. If you look back you have never been able to change or influence their perceptions because they got louder and completely ignored your every word to the contrary concerning any of their delusional outbursts, especially if it concerned their own accountability. If you couldn’t effect change living in a close relationship with them, then don’t waste your time and effort ever trying AGAIN. They live in their own world and no matter how false or unreal it appears to you, for them it is reality because it has to be for them to survive among us. As soon as a Narcissist begins to perceive that you have a voice of your own and a right to existence, the trouble starts and then there is no return because there is no possibility of two-way communication with them and the more you push your individualism forward the more resistance from the Narcissist. Their façade is impenetrable and has to be or they would self-destruct if people knew the truth.


Lies and deceit are as natural to the Narcissist’s world as is breathing. A Narcissist has the amazing ability with their ‘shrewd deception’ to make ‘others’ believe their lies EVEN when they fly right in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Heck they are so smooth at their LIES that the Narcissist also believes THEIR own lies. Mine could have been given an honorary PHD in lies and lying! Take the position that everything they say to you is a lie and or based on a lie OR as my friend once told me “if they are breathing they are lying!”


It is extremely painful, to come to the conclusion that people who have meant a great deal in your personal (or professional) life can ACTUALLY destroy you and you have to disengage with them to literally save your life. It is EXTREMELY painful, but the alternative is only to continue the descent along the dark path of self-destruction. Stop it all and finally break the chain that keeps you tied to an abuser. Everything you have built with this person was done in vain, and if you keep believing or buying into the games/lies with the hope to catch a glimpse of what things were like when you lived in the illusion they fabricated for you, you will only be drawn back into the abuse over and over again. The promises like a lifelong journey together or sharing the joys of REAL love, a future, intellectual fulfillment, dreams, goals, etc., were part of the abuse to only control you and keep you chained to the abuse.


Unfortunately, you have to learn and accept that the psychological and emotional investment you made in a Narcissist is/was valueless, and you have to write them off completely as a bad debt. If you continue any type of association with them, you will only lose your soul and hand it over to a deceitful, perverted and loathsome character that will use and drain the life right out of it. Just like the “un-dead” fictional characters that are looking to feed off of the life force of other human beings to BECOME alive again. It is just incomprehensible that they have the cognitive ability to plan and scheme as they do to trap us, debilitate their target, know it is wrong, lie about their actions to cover up their tracks, destroy our good name, extort everything they can, and run off as they do to another unsuspecting target. Sounds more like a well-planned out process to me.


One day you will see the complete picture and it will never make what they did better, but you will understand because you have finally been educated into what they are and what YOU aren’t. A Narcissist is a dead giveaway in the way they create their delusional turmoil after each and every departure from one of their con jobs or relationships as the Narcissist prefers to call them. While they are running away like the thieves they really are with their tails between their legs, they are really running away from the truth of who and what they are. We are the truth they are running from as they are throwing lies at us in an effort to smear our integrity and destroy us. They never can or will admit to what they have done, instead they will always slither into someone else’s life to find shelter and take what they can emotionally and physically. Please understand this completely even as hard as it is to accept, because it is the ONLY platform that will start you on your journey to recovery, AND you will recover if you continue to educate yourself and align the truth of this disaster that was once part of your life. No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg

Always remember that their every action (and words) are the very tools they abuse people with. They are very calculated with how they deliver a psychological/emotional punch to our hearts and minds – one that is only MEANT to confuse, inflict damage, and control.Textifier_20180322080430

The truth comes from the lies!


From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @


You can’t get over this relationship and move yourself away from the hold this Narcissist that is OR was in your life has on your mind! So, in turn YOU try to work it out in your head and heart. You keep reaching back into the past searching for something or anything to understand this. Are you searching for answers to so many confusing questions? Probably a resounding YES, but there really is NOBODY there to answer those questions – BUT there are many messages in your head, so you turn to justifying most everything to resolve what only amounts to abuse. But the reality of the situation that this IS abuse never seems to agree with your heart, emotions, and empathy to form some sort of cohesive agreement or middle ground, so you are left with a horrendous burden to shake this off!


You ask yourself HOW can someone you showed so much love, turn around and abuse that love. You also ask yourself WHY would a person con you into believing they loved you do such a horrendous thing so they could extort your life through this fictitious love. You ask yourself how you didn’t see all of this and you question your sanity because you feel that you ALLOWED this to happen. You then start questioning the very things that this Narcissist accused you of and perhaps believing that you do have issues! You question this, that and everything! You question yourself for no viable reason other than trying to reach some sort of understanding EVEN though you now know the truth. But there is no other answer than the truth and that my friend is just way too difficult to accept.


Where do the answers to your self-questioning come from? Basically from the experience and the REAL truth of being in a relationship with a Narcissist – and as odd as this sounds that is where you have to find your closure – or with the truth. So to start, you have to conceptualize that EVERYTHING WAS A LIE. Not almost everything, but EVERYTHING from ‘I love you’ to ‘I hate you, you are mentally ill, your friends hate you, your family hates you, the world hates you, etc.!’ Don’t forget all the other day to day lies, the lies about the affairs, the lies about STUPID stuff, the lies about accountability, the lies about other lies, etc. All of these messages that the Narcissist was basically downloading into your head is all part of their delusional disorder based on LIES that they used to manage you down, gain power over you, and to control you. So when you refer back to these messages they put in your head and RELATE to them to try to resolve ANY of this, you are only listening to the same delusional lies that got you into this abusive relationship that is now still convincing you that you are to blame, everything bad, and YOU have to accept responsibility here for the demise of this relationship. Those messages were designed to debilitate you and they have – so replaying any of them will still keep you in right in the abuse.


As convincing as the Narcissist in your life was about their love for you it had absolutely NOTHING to do with love. Every single action employed by the Narcissist stems from a pathological need to control others. In order to prove your love to a Narcissist, you had to surrender your identity and all of your power and control to them. You handover your life when you handed them your heart. The Narcissist knew that if they attacked your heart then they had you where they wanted you. You became a slave to them and your only purpose was to enhance the Narcissist’s false image, take care of their every need, and accept their self-serving abuse. The cage they used to keep you captive were all of those lies – the POSITIVE endearing I love you lies and the disabling ones that managed you down every day to control you and eventually destroy you. Of course, the package is never presented to us in this manner – instead the Narcissist employs extreme manipulation to con you into trusting them implicitly with THREE very thoughtful and well placed and deceptive words – ‘I Love You!’ They were lies and if I can get you to understand anything it is just this – they don’t love, like, care or bond – they use people to get what they need! The thing that hurts the most (the truth) is the very thing that will move you forward to recovery – please start with no/minimal contact! Greg

Narcissists intentionally create chaos to debase people!

From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @


Once they win us over with their charm and HAVING so much in common with us THEN we will start to see the many roads they take to manipulate us, extort us, lie, dehumanize us, deflect to avoid accountability, and everything else to support their big lie. That is the natural course with a Narcissist or what we call the devaluation stage. EVERYONE will be devalued by the Narcissist and discarded. So I am going to jump to some of the ways that they do this when the honeymoon phase is over.


Most every conversation you have with them seems to leave you confused and drained. You will be left with the burden of trying to figure out what they have said or basically what the heck just happened. It is like a hit and run accident and you are just left in shock trying to gain a foothold of the incident. A basic conversation can go from zero to a hundred miles per hour and in a direction that puts you in the path of an unavoidable crash, AND you weren’t able to control the direction you were headed in. You ask yourself how did this all start and what led up to it? You will end up spending hours, or perhaps even days, obsessing over the intent of the message or argument. You exhaust all of your emotional energy to accomplish absolutely nothing – it was pre-planned to be this way by the Narcissist. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it, but there is as far as it concerns the Narcissist that is controlling you.


Everything they have absorbed or learned about you is now being utilized in a manner to push certain buttons to keep you controlled and under their thumb. They already know how to charm you because they know your likes, BUT they also know how to HARM you because they also know your weaknesses and insecurities! The connection with them is built around your very persona and how they can and will manipulate it to control you. There is no you in any of this and there is never a real person behind the Narcissist. Narcissists like psychopaths are always going to pull you in a direction that makes you feel very small AND defective. This is the rhyme to their reason and again that is control!


So, what about these ridiculous and crazy arguments, etc. You could have NEVER kept up with the original conversation (or argument) in a realistic manner because it was basically nonsensical in your mind and had no real basis of reality. But it served a purpose as far as the Narcissist is concerned to deflect from something or the other, or there was an agenda to it, or to demean and dehumanize you – control, control, CONTROL. BUT it served its purpose because it confounded or confused you and forced you to process the CRAZY information with no real success. You will have many rebuttals going on in your head AFTER THE FACT because you feel a need to defend yourself or rationalize what happened. Basically, you are trying to fix the situation, but was it an argument because you really didn’t do anything but yet you feel like you did something, BUT WHAT IS IT YOU DID??


BAM, this is exactly the place a Narcissist wants you to go to – total confusion and insanity. They have drawn from the vast wealth of knowledge they have gained from observing you and use it consistently to maneuver you into a place of confusion and isolation. There are many reasons behind each of these scenarios, but they are basically to manage you down and to control you. However, you will try to resolve this because you feel you need to address what happened and more than likely to defend yourself hoping for resolution but in the end, you’ll find that you are the person always apologizing AND always trying to fix things. After a while these crazy arguments will have you stuck in the confusion so much so that you have lost all perspective of your relationship, as well as your value in the relationship. You are always responding to the Narcissist’s crazy making and never participating in a reciprocal or real relationship. You are being emotionally and psychologically abused! No/minimal contact is the ONLY way to start on the road to recovery by stopping all of the chaos to regain clarity and normality in your life! Greg


The Narcissist’s world is a unique world designed JUST FOR THEM by them.



From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @


The manner in which a Narcissist acquires and seeks out supply requires excitement, chaos, and drama because their world is ONLY comprised of external stimulation or needs. The excitement and drama generated must be truly unique, ground breaking, breathtaking, overwhelming, unprecedented, and, under no circumstances, routine to the Narcissist. The chaos and damage they create is the natural consequence of the Narcissist’s disordered lifestyle and need to constantly seek out newer supply, so their world lacks consistency and stability. It has to be AMAZING so that the Narcissist constantly feels special, meaningful and significant! But it is NEVER enough because the Narcissist becomes bored easily and is continually seeking out more excitement because without the ability to love or bond with another human being they naturally move on – AGAIN – they DO NOT have the ability to draw on internalized feelings, emotions, bonding or love and their world is one huge façade of lies!


The processes the Narcissist utilizes to obtain, preserve, and accumulate supply is just an imaginary environment, and a comfort zone they NEED to feel real and purely invented by the Narcissist. It has clear geographical and physical boundaries and the Narcissist keeps complete inventory of people, places and events. The Narcissist assigns what each and every person’s role is and he/she keeps everyone isolated from each other so nobody becomes all the wiser to his/her lies and make believe world. The Narcissist compartmentalizes everybody by virtue of the needs that the Narcissist assigns! But no one person is EVER enough because the Narcissist becomes bored easily and is continually seeking out more excitement – AGAIN, and I know I keep repeating this – because without the ability to love or bond with another human being they have to keep getting a newer fix wherever they can.


The Narcissist strives to maximize the amount of Narcissistic Supply that he/she can obtain from the people within his/her environment. The Narcissist MUST seek out and have total admiration, adoration, approval, and applause at all times and that requires many different sources and levels of attention. The Narcissist will step it up to even fabricate fame and notoriety with outrageous lies of achievement. None of it is real, it is all contrived and imagined – a concocted and forced “uniqueness”.


The Narcissist makes an investment based on people whose role is designed to applaud, admire, adore, approve and attend to the Narcissist’s every need (serve them). Extracting this Narcissistic Supply from them calls for emotional and cognitive investments from supply to lock them in. In turn it provides the Narcissist stability, perseverance, long-term presence, attachment, forced collaboration, unreal emotional agility (Narcissist fakes this), and people skills and so on and so forth that they lack in reality – it makes them seem real to us and our world and that is what makes them seem to fit in. Unfortunately, nobody can be held to the Narcissists rigid standards and we all fall short of their expectations and graces far too easily. We can’t live life as a statue for the Narcissist to adorn his/her façade, because we live, breath and think as an individual human being in a world where OUR connections, interactions, emotions, and feelings must be real. Once we show individualism (having needs) the trouble begins because the Narcissist loses their control over us and the devaluation or bullying begins.


In all honesty a Narcissist only has the mentality of a playground bully where they incorporate other kids that are weaker and smaller than them with threats to join in on their imaginary games or else. There will always be someone that asserts their individuality in the playground and that Narcissist will gang up on and harm whomever with the help of their little gang. Be assured you will be run off of that playground just for being you and not buying into the Narcissistic bullying, dysfunction and games. You may even get the Narcissist’s Mommy knocking at your door and really get in trouble.


But, no matter how big a lie or how big a fit the Narcissist throws if you allow it you are enabling the Narcissist’s lies/facade and that is a huge mistake no matter what the cost is to you otherwise. It facilitates the Narcissist’s delusions, and it gives them a power rush and CONTROL. Thus, the Narcissists is cramming his/her delusion through insults to your intelligence and well-being. You are spoiling that Narcissistic brat/bully and allowing the monster to only grow and take over completely. Unfortunately, people make this mistake because of the Narcissists GOOD qualities that preempted the appearance of this raging bully. We believe we can change them or fix the problems because we saw goodness in them and still believe in them. This is what the Narcissist wants us to believe and that is all part of their façade.


So we are merely objects in their make believe world to entertain them and provide supply. We are substitutes or surrogates for them to have a real life, a real vocation or actual achievements. We displace the emotional rewards of intimacy for the Narcissist with whatever role we were designed for. The Narcissist’s permanent existence in fantasyland is based on us and intended to shield him/her from the real self-destructive urges that they act on. They do for a fact act on every urge they have but it is in direct opposition to what they make us believe is real about them and that is where our conflict begins, that and holding them accountable for the lies and promises. Our role is to accept the lies and promises, to believe this was love no matter what, and the ‘what’ is horrendous abuse. It is always a growing disappointment and disillusionment for us because we get caught up in the Narcissists delusions of grandeur and reality, and it is really ugly for us when we experience the complete cycle of their abuse. The ONLY way out is with no/minimal contact! Greg

Divide, conquer, disable, and destroy – CRAZY MAKING!



From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @


Narcissists are “crazy-makers” and they thrive on negative and debilitating drama through the manipulation of real facts (mostly from all the personal information they have gathered from knowing us) with lies, triangulating, backstabbing, betrayal, etc. This is all to support the crazy-maker’s agenda to divide and conquer, harm and disable, and essentially destroy people and situations. This is their mechanism to divert reality on a ‘one to one’ (personal level) and within the very groups (organizations) of people they interact with. Wherever and whenever Narcissists are present most people have to constantly walk on eggshells and they feel an impending sense of doom from the Narcissist’s presence. Most EVERY situation can be part of their agenda to support and create their drama – wherever a Narcissist is present there will be trouble and destruction. BUT they are stealth operators and can camouflage their crazy making in a manner that it never seems to originate from them as adversity. It is always a care or concern and they are just mentioning something in a manner perhaps to ‘help out’ but it is purely steered and driven by the Narcissist as a destructive agenda to gain control over every situation in life!


A crazy-maker is someone who makes you feel crazy by constantly stirring up trouble and causing a negative outcome from their involvement and presence in any given situation. ‘Normal’ doesn’t serve a Narcissist and their need for power and control, but CHAOS and ‘crazy making’ does! They are always the problem, but nothing is ever their fault.


They cannot sit down and experience a normal or real moment, a memory, or a connection to real happiness within themselves or reflect about their life because there is nothing there to reflect upon, only envy of real life and people AND what they can’t achieve. Their inner world is angry, dark and lacks complete empathy. They don’t have any internal mechanisms to love or care about anybody so instead they feed their eternal neediness and pathological nature through extreme manipulation to fill the void. They create chaos and destruction with their abusive words and actions to make others feel their emptiness as if to pay for their misery and disconnection from real happiness and life. They imitate our reality to draw us into their life and then into their personal misery by abusing what they can’t ever achieve or our goodness and ability to love.


If they can successfully harm our good intentions and mock or deny our real empathy it allows them to deny and justify their own destructive nature and world by making us assume their misery and darkness – this is projection. Misery loves company as they say and a Narcissist needs to prove to themselves that everyone else is the miserable and the destructive creature that they are through delusional deception and destruction. They use us like a filter to diffuse their negativity and assume our goodness, empathy and love as their own. They wear us like a disguise to walk among the good people to constantly find more and more supply to harvest. Without a mask (false) of real empathy and love, their darkness would expose them and people would avoid every aspect of their being! They take something from every person they abuse and add it to their disguise to con the next person because happiness, goodness, empathy, caring, sympathy, love, etc., is not natural to the Narcissist! Over time they have acquired enough of our traits to fit right into a normal life. They have perfected their craft or ability to camouflage their damaged self. Remember they have been doing this all of their life by disassembling their reality and recreating it with a shiny new and constantly changing one to fit into every situation to serve their endless needs and feed their empty ego!


They jump from relationship to relationship to create or re-create the security of another family they can never have and in time they will abandon them too. The pattern is to secure a new person to have constant supply available, morph into this person’s world with the pretense of love, but they become bored with the situation because they are UNABLE to have a real relationship built on anything other than their self-centered needs. So, to justify their abstract life, they deny any fault as being their own because they lack all empathy so they blame, devalue, dehumanize, destroy and discard and then move on and REPEAT this cycle with someone new and put the blame squarely on their last victim. They never assume any responsibility that they HAD love and a real family BUT destroyed it to support their out-of-control world and perverse actions. If you were able to look at their past life in a chronological order you would only see destroyed people and relationships that were all cycled into the same abuse and repeated over and over again, and it would stretch back over their entire life, but it is NEVER them with the problem but instead always us!


They create scenarios to discover your weakness or fears and store them away to manipulate you later. They don’t use language as communication, it is for hiding, deflecting, avoiding, masking, & manipulating because their charm is completely false and only a trap to lure you in. They take pride in their own righteousness and rightness. They attempt to belittle any version of reality that conflicts with theirs. They NEVER believe they make mistakes even when the proof is right there in front of them. They have an innate inability to feel, process or truly understand shame from the negative and hurtful things they do to others – they can only blame and apply fault to everybody else. Contradict them a few times and you will feel their out of control Narcissistic rage.


Their conversations and interactions aren’t meant to enlighten, but to confuse, divert, control, and consistently create drama. They are a huge VOID, working to get whatever they can from you so basically they extort life and lives. They expect you to lend a listening ear and give them complete approval. They use emotional withdraw and silencing to create guilt, compliance and control. They will betray personal information and secrets to feel more powerful. They will manipulate and use flattery or protests of their innocence (crying, pleading, and begging) like a stealth weapon to achieve their agenda and get their way. They will use verbal skills to block or deflect accountability for their perverse and out-of-control lifestyle and shift blame onto YOU – CRAZY MAKING in a nutshell. They impact lives negatively but miraculously escape exposure even appearing to have some positive effect and you end up the negative aspect of the relationship with them. They then just dump you in a heap with the rest of people they have conned into their world. No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg

That feeling of being stuck and unable to move forward – the ups and downs of healing from trauma after abuse!



From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @


Because many of us have never truly experienced or understand the extreme trauma associated with this abuse we imagine that healing from the psychological and emotional abuse and the associated effects of the trauma is like healing from a physical wound. With a physical would, every day that passes the wound gets a little better and hurts less until it heals and then finally disappears. Usually it may need medical attention or require some stitches, a topical antiseptic, bandages and some extra care so it can heal correctly, but for the most part the body naturally knows what to do to heal itself. When you are healing from trauma, or an injury to the mind it is like slowly reemerging from a catastrophic event where you have taken cover from something that is so unfamiliar or something that you have never experienced. The mind does not know how to heal itself with the trauma. You temporarily find a small safe place that is limiting and where change or moving forward seems impossible. With trauma you are basically hiding out to protect yourself without a real direction. It becomes limiting to you because you know you have to somehow move forward but you don’t have the real knowledge to heal the wound from the traumatizing event. The mind is very resilient but with trauma it becomes overloaded.


With trauma there are definite physical changes in both the brain functions and normal hormonal activity that correspond to being in a trauma-based reaction. The human nervous system is in a highly agitated state with trauma or continually remaining in the ‘fight or flight’ state. All of this basically leaves the body and mind in a state of restlessness, powerful anxiety and depression, and racing and incoherent thought processes. Several key parts of the brain shut down, including the section responsible for perceiving the passage of time, and the part that allows for self-reflection. The physical aspects of trauma have a direct effect on adrenaline functions and causes rapid heartbeat, erratic or shallow breathing patterns, and increased blood flow to major muscle groups. Trauma can also cause you to isolate yourself from the world – in essence to feel safe or having to protect yourself. So, with trauma there are both physical and mental aspects involved that require specialized help. It is a physical state as well!


Even though you are in a self-protecting mode you will eventually have to move out and back into the real or functioning world. Unfortunately, without proper perspective the trauma seeds itself into your world and will remain there until properly treated. In other words, the trauma doesn’t heal itself naturally like a wound to your body would. This can happen in the form of lingering trauma triggers as a direct response to the original trauma that sends you right back into looking for a place to escape or running for cover. It could be defined as a setback, but it is not as simple as that. These trauma triggers can stay with you your entire life if not dealt with – for example not trusting life in general. Taking cover as a response from these trauma triggers will limit you in many areas of your life and real change will seem impossible to you in time. Staying in this state of trauma will also harm you physically with the constant anxiety and depression that correspond to it. You will feel the need for ‘fight or flight’ or running for cover and isolation. Basically, escaping the trauma triggers.


Trauma makes you feel like you are trapped in the moment where change doesn’t seem to be a possibility and more than likely blaming yourself becomes a prevalent thought process as well. It is an overwhelming and confounding state to be in. One of the most important aspects AFTER being abused is understanding that this trauma plays a major factor that limits your recovery that can last for many years. Because the situation violated you in such an unnatural way, your thought processes only allow you to avoid a common factor or what the reason was that caused these intense feelings of fear that never existed before. Sometimes we confuse this with having something terribly WRONG with us instead of being a direct result of the psychological and emotion abuse from a Narcissist. Within this thought we inadvertently allow the abuse to conquer us and affect our lives forever. Recovery from the trauma involves many steps to familiarize ourselves with the real reason we got to this point and purging out the abuse and educating ourselves by understanding that the abuse so totally confused are normal functioning mind that we are left frozen in this state. We are searching for those answers to release from this horrific, fearful, and high anxiety state and we question and question until we do and about face and reengage our thoughts around our abuser. Basically, we connect to the abuse trying to get to an understanding of its effects on us by trying to understand the Narcissist, reengage them, or look for closure. As long as we stay engaged with these thoughts we remain forever in a state of ambient abuse and never disconnect from it completely.


We can recover from the trauma, but it is important that it happens early on so that we don’t allow the trauma to seed itself in us and surface later throughout our life. Education is where we start this journey and support is where we get the help from others to guide us to recovery. You can desensitize the trauma effects and repurpose yourself back into life. Fear is at the basis of what you are feeling. Fear of other human beings, fear that you can no longer trust people or better yet trust life. The abuse was situational and from a personality disordered Narcissist. There is goodness out there and you once knew this goodness and you can know it again. Human beings are resilient, and the mind can heal from the trauma. If you are feeling stuck, please reach out to find the support and help you need – you DESERVE to have your life returned to you and you deserve HAPPINESS once again. Don’t allow yourself to pay a debt back to the Narcissist that did this to you for the remainder of your life. Greg

Cognitive dissonance and a Narcissist – when you realize that the truth you believed in for so long is really all a lie – and now you have to rationalize and accept this after believing in this person for so long. Remember that your beliefs in this person are tangled in so many other levels of your life including an emotional/personal bond or connection with them.


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