Love

  1. tt

    Like

  2. my spouse was cheating for who knows how long and dumped me as if I never even existed. No closure …just never looked back after 16 years together. I saw an email to his new supply/ow where he signed it as “now and forever” Does he actually feel he has found his soulmate. He said that the reason he had become so mean to me is because I changed him. Uh?
    I guess I wonder what will happen in the next relationship. I couldn’t see what he was doing for years and believed him when he said that he was leaving me because I was psychologically and emotionally abusive. I’m still having a difficult time recovering from the blow and it’s been 4 years now…

    Like

  3. It is hard to share on this site as it admits publicly what has taken so long to see. I have a narcissist for a mother. My whole childhood was about her. My needs and my brothers were not even close to being taken into account for most of our lives. Ok we had food to eat, clothes to wear but emotionally… It was all about her (and how ‘terrible’ my dad was who was actually a sweet bloke with a heart of gold). Their relationship was always in an unhealthy co-dependent relationship and she threatened to leave him at least twice a year and for a significant time it was every four months. It was a traumatic household to grow up in.
    There was no space for our emotional needs to be acknowledged let alone met.

    I am grateful to know the truth. She was unable to give us what we needed as she has a gaping whole from her unmet childhood needs. She is generous but on her terms, and she likes everyone to know how generous she is. Each gift comes at a price, her control over it. She offered to give my children pocket money every month. However she recently refused to pay it when one child did not visit her. The two that came got their pocket money, but woe betide the one who had a life that holiday and chose to see friends. She did not get her pocket money, nor her brother the following holiday.
    For many years I have tried to communicate with my mum about how her behaviour affects the entire family. There is always one or two ‘enemies’. I noticed this at 21. I worked it out myself. I realised that she was not going to leave my dad. Yet she continued to moan about him ( he was such a sweet guy though also with him never was anything ‘good enough’). She always made herself into the victim even when she had caused a huge upset and hurt many around her, she would see herself as the one who had been wronged and hurt. She would cry at the drop of a hat and with it she demanded empathy and understanding.
    She always moaned about her life. As a child I felt obligated to listen to her moan about my dad almost daily. It never did any good or made her happy. Nothing did.

    I also worked out the enemy pattern at 21. This was after my graduation when the entire day neither of my parents congratulated me for the 1 st class degree I got. Instead they had a huge argument (about some money I had loaned a friend who was in need) so the whole day was about that. Not a word of celebration or congratulations. Really. Not since either.

    When I realised that she always had to put someone down, usually my dad or her sister, and I confronted her with this, she played the victim and refused to talk to me. This went on for 2 years until my partner encouraged me to make it up with her. Though he says now that had he known what she was like, he might not encourage me to do the same, he understands now why I did not want to talk to her. Had I seen this website then, or read about the narciccist, I might have waited longer to make sure that I healed first.

    My relationship to my partner was also abusive at times. It followed the pattern of my parents relationship, unconsciously observed, with both of us threatening the relationship many times over. Until, three things which started when I was determined to find the permanent solution.
    1- I took time out to search my heart and what I really wanted. I decided not only did this pattern need to stop but I wanted to stay with my partner.
    2- I read a book on healing. It talked about conglomerates of feelings from childhood to now being stored in the body. Etheric healing can release these painful conglomorates that colour the world we see and attract people and situations which enable to feeling to be recreated. Once they have been healed, unhealthy patterns can stop. ( In Barbara Ann Brennan’s book Light emerging, they are called ‘frozen psychic time conglomorates’). She talks of repressed childhood pain creating blocks in the energy field and parts of our psyche freeze when we stop and suppress the pain, so bits of us remain frozen as children. ” it will not mature until it is healed by getting enough energy into the block to thaw it and initiate the maturation process…(the author continues later)
    ‘A powerful aspect of such frozen time blocks is that they coagulate together forming a frozen time conglomorates. …From such deep trauma, we form an image conclusion. An image conclusion is based on experience- in this case (she had given an example), the experience of abandonment. It is based on a child’s logic that states, “If I love, I will be abandoned.” This image conclusion then colours all similar situations. ..as we will see in later chapters, our image conclusions initiate our personal behaviour, which actually tends to recreate traumas original to the original one.’

    2-B We found an Etheric healer. It is powerful stuff. Within a few sessions we had cleared all the pain I stored towards my mum, then we moved on to my dad and their relationship. We didn’t have to feel all the trauma again, it was easy and almost painless.
    We worked on my current relationship to stop this pattern. It made such a huge difference I cannot begin to tell you.

    The healer worked on my partner, he had been adopted and carried huge pain and a serious mistrust of women. Again within a few sessions my partner felt lighter, healed, free.

    3- A kind and knowledgable family member also being affected my my mum, gave me a book on growing up with a narcissistic mother. ‘Will I ever Be Good Enough’ by Karyl McBride PhD. It was hard to read and face that she is unlikely to change, but doing some exercises and understanding the depth of her issue helped… I felt understood. I understood myself and what my brother and I had been though (and were still being subject to). I could move forwards with acceptance. What is more the communication opened up with my brother who until the year before had always been seen as the good one) he had his first tast of narcissistic rage, his wife had been on the receiving end their entire marriage. We talked and also included my partner. We talked about each time someone was excluded (her pattern is to blame one member of the family as the wrong one to feel better and more powerful).

    After the Etheric healing my relationship with my partner became so much better. Now my mum has an issue with him, he has turned to the enemy. Now when my mum starts her manipulation so, we stick together and don’t put up with it. We put in boundaries that I could not do as a child or a young adult. My partner and I communicate well. Things are not perfect but they are much better and have been for nearly a year now. In the past, we would have moved from a ‘good’ phase to an abusive phase. I have to emphasise that we both went for healing and released significant amounts of childhood pain.

    Love is now coming through in my partners artwork, where before there was lots of pain and issues. He literally paints hearts and colours now and is working towards an exhibition. His emotions have been unlocked from focussing on pain and rejection ( and expecting to be rejected) to love, peace and joy. His self worth and self love have grown.

    Looking at the narcissistic traits I have to admit that I have some. It is painful to see, but I have to forgive myself and face them. It is a natural part of growing up with a narcissistic mother that some things might rub off. I am working on my speech being positive and never dismissive or hurtful. I am working on win-win solutions. And clear healthy boundaries.

    I had had a really challenging time with my teenage daughter which coincided with my partner setting some boundaries ( I was always bad cop) and also I was determined to heal our relationship. I noted that I had been shouting when she didn’t do as I’d asked. I no longer insist that she does something in a bullish way, sometimes she helps sometimes she doesn’t, I accept that. But our relationship has improved drastically. We communicate well. She opens up to me and we have an honest, respectful and loving relationship. She comes up to me and hugs me and tells me she loves me! This just would not have happened in the two years before.

    I am not saying to anyone that you should stay in abusive relationships. It was only when I had had enough and was determined to find the permanent solution that it came and I took time out to nurture myself and heal and find out the truth. Under all the patterns and pain I loved my partner and wanted to be with him. The Etheric healing for us, combined with understanding the traits of the narcissist and how it had affected us all, has made it possible to heal and for our children to live in a happy house and for us to have a healthy relationship.

    Like

  4. Judith Kostelansky

    I have had no contact with my Narcissistic daughter for seven months. Today is her birthday and I miss her terribly, but, she hovers and sucks me back in and then throws me out to dry once again and with this the grief cycle continues. I wish hings could be different!

    Like

  5. I believe my sister may be the ultimate Narcissist! 44 years old , and still carrying her maiden name, if u see what I am getting at. In her mind she is a beautiful goddess desired by many men. She does have looks, and many admirers, but each one has been led into a trap by their own desires, they are given a taste of the honey, and then must beg, and worship to receive each drop, before they are in her very words,’dismissed. These cads are given no remorse, no second chance. There is NO remorse, then on to the next one. As a person in general, she is about, honesty, morals, religious values, rules, and laws. However compassion never plays a part in that. She excells at her job as human resource director of a large company. She can fire a person without battingan eye, or giving a thought to that terminated employees plight, or feelings. As a sister she has NO regards for my feelings, my rights, or property. She has has always done exactly as she pleases. She has one child out of wedlock, the boy was conceived purposely three weeks after she had met the father, with no plan as to how she would, or could raise him. She was unemployed at the time. No one in the family is allowed to have any thoughts concerning the abuse they suffered at the hands of our abusive mother. She was neglected, but NOT abused otherwise, in fact when our mother wasn’t away drunk in a bar, or some strangers bed, my sister was treated as special, pretty, and above the rest of us. To her mom was a Carol Brady, and there will be hell if anyone says different! Money is almost worshipped by her. In recent years she has used religion to bully others;I describe her as a bulldozer with a crucifix on it’s grille. She claims to be able to converse with God, and he responds in turn. She has made the statement that, she always knew she was meant to be great in God’s eyes. No one else can differ in their interpretation of the bible. She argues vehemently with anyone who does not share her view on EVERYTHING. She is quick to argue, vicious, and doesn’t bacdown. The only way to be in her good graces is to be in total submission to her wants,and needs. She can turn tears on,and off quickly, but there is no true feeling behind them. She is abusive, and exasperating. Fortunately she moved a couple hours away!

    Like

  6. Three years ago, at the age of 51, I reconnected with an old boy friend from college. He had been the love of my life, but at that young age, we went our separate ways. He was British and I lived with him in England for one beautiful, romantic, amazing year. Now in midlife, he was in the “final” stages of a very messy divorce. I couldn’t believe my luck getting back with this man. He was perfect. My family adored him and everyone who knew me was so happy for me. He was tender and demonstrative, always telling me he loved me more than anything in the world and that I saved him from a depressed, hopeless existence.
    We began going back and forth across the Atlantic almost every month.
    Our week long trysts were intense and powerful. I thought that I had truly found my soul mate and he told me I was his heart and soul in every way possible.
    I had been with him a year and a half when I found out he had been maintaining a sexual relationship with a co-worker the entire time.
    I wish I could say I ended it there, but he swore to me he was done with her and that if I would give him another chance he would spend his whole life making it up to me.
    So began the cycle. Periods of intense love bombing, only to find out about another lie. More promises that we were back on the right path. Excuses about how he only lied because I forced him to with my demands.
    And then came the therapy. He would go with me if only I would give us another chance. And here’s where that incredible luck that I thought I had at the beginning of the relationship actually manifested itself. I have since read many stories of people in couples therapy getting sucked further under with a well meaning but uneducated counselor. Thank God that is not my story. Our therapist saw us for two months, then she saw me individually and explained what it was that I was dealing with.
    She told me she would not keep wasting our money and would not keep seeing us together.
    While she certainly didn’t tell me to leave him, she gave me the insight and information I needed to effectively do just that. And I am now in individual therapy with her. I went no contact with my narc and I thank God for my escape. My narcissist doesn’t feel so lucky. He stalks me regularly, attempts to love bomb me and guilt me. I get pages of e-mails every day. I don’t have any idea when he will tire of this. He has shown up unannounced on my doorstep, having taken a plane across the Atlantic, and I’m happy to say, I did not answer the door.
    I would like to know if violence is a regular part of a narcissist’s pattern when their victim gets free.

    Like

  7. Is it possible for an Alcoholic Narcessist to change?

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Why does the narc lose interest in sex after love bombing is done

    Like

    • Most likely because he never wanted sex in the first place but used sex as a tactic to secure your affection. In other words, it was just another ploy to gain control.

      Like

  9. Will they ever release there control?

    Like

  10. why do they do the things to us

    Like

  11. ; ; #PROJECTSEMICOLON. as someone who is recovering from internal tape this asshole of a person created in me you will be strong!

    Like

  12. I am struggling as my “ex” is sitting in prison after beating me for 2 days almost killing me…he is still arrogant in thinking it wasn’t a big deal…I finally saw pics from crown attorney – showing the aftermath of his temper tantrum…absolutely horrific,,,i am so angry…I hate him,,yet I think if this sorry ass every minute of everyday…how could I still feel anything for this “Man”…starting to remember bits and pieces of those two days…and im not sure how im going to move on..its ok now becuz he is away..but my god..heartbroken? wow…words cant describe

    Like

    • You will survive because God’s not done with you. U obviously survived two days of him beating you for a reason and purpose in life. So look at it that way instead of using any thoughts on him. U were trained for however long to think of his needs first, now that he is put away for however long, it’s time to retrain yourself. Think about u and your self worth, put one thought a day in ur head about u and soon u will no longer think of him because u will learn to love ur self again.
      I endured 14 years of my husbands narcissistic ways. Finally woke up one day and realized I didn’t want to be that person or live that life any more. March 2014 is the day I left and if we didn’t have a child together I would have never looked back. However I no longer accept his words in my life. Yes! Every day is a struggle, a type of struggle that is internal and no one can see but I promise u it’s worth it.
      I have since met a man who showed me that real love and affection doesn’t have to be qualified or earned. I was a strong believer that the movies made us women believe in fairy tales and the fantasy of love because it could never really exisit like that. I am here to tell u from someone who begged her ex to love her everyday, that love is real and it doesn’t hurt! Whether or not this man is in my life for a moment or a lifetime, he has shown me that people that love u don’t hurt u! This was a concept I was unaware of. Nor do u owe them back ten times more.
      I wish u all the blessings this world has to offer you & u will be in my prayers, so God may heal ur mind, body, heart & soul, for that was not his plan for u, His plan is abundance and joyful, this he has promised you 😃😊

      Like

  13. just glad that im now free from a narcissistic mother! my life nearly ruined!

    Like

    • Hi Sharon, how did you free yourself from your n mother? Im in no contant with mine for 5 months now and I´m struggeling a lot recently. Do you have some advice?
      Thanks, Tina

      Like

Thoughts or Feelings you'd like to share?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: