About ANA

ANA was developed out of sheer desperation of the human spirit clinging to it’s last bit of hope.

Lost and confused after ending a long term relationship that at one point had felt like the greatest “love” of my life, I struggled to find answers and put a finger on just WHAT IT WAS that had gone so terribly wrong.

So desperate was my need for answers, I sat on my therapists couch, tears streaming down my face, begging him to tell me, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEE?”

His answer surprised me; and forever changed the way I view this world.

“You were in a domestically abusive relationship.”

“WHAT?????”  I asked in utter shock. “But he didn’t “hit” me?”

He answered with, “Not with his fists.  You are dealing with a narcissist. You have just ended an abusive relationship with a NARCISSIST.”

My mind whirled  – when I heard my therapist name what it was – I began to be flooded with many examples from the narcissist’s behavior that fit what the therapist was telling me.

The narcissist lured me into a toxic affair with charm, mind games, promises & flattery – sold me on a soul mate love that he’d never felt before and then proceeded to take every good thing he could from me; my love, my innocence, my trust, my sense of justice, my kindness, my empathy, my unconditional love, and my good name – and replaced it with abuse. Lies about me (he told others I was stalking him), got me fired from jobs, created a fake website about me claiming that I was crazy, delusional, a drug addict, and even talked poorly about my children, who he was a father figure to for years.

The therapist ran over the list of symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder:

Lack of empathy? Check!
Boasting about his image? Check!
Perfectionism? Check!
Lack of boundaries? Check!
Expects special treatment? Check!

Obsessive Compulsive and sexually perverted? Check!

Pathological lying? Multiple serial affairs and cheating? Check!

Guilt tripping?  Check!
Passive aggressive? Check!
Possessive, Jealous, downright mean? Check!
Controlling. Wouldnt ‘allow’ me to have feelings or express them? Check!
Loved by everyone on the outside – but HATED by those who know the real them? Check!

I was dating the poster boy for narcissism

For the first time in many years….I finally felt that IT WASNT ME,  like the narcissist had blamed me for over & over.  It explained why I’d never been able to do anything right to ‘earn’  his “love”.

From that day on, I promised God that if he brought me through the darkness, that I would pay forward the knowledge of everything I learned through my lesson, about the narcissist, their red flags, their abuse, my upbringing with a narcissistic parent, my own vulnerabilities and how to never allow myself to be exploited again by another narcissistic individual; be it a boss, boyfriend, family member or friend.

My philosophy is very simple: KNOWLEDGE IS POWER  – I am making available all the knowledge I’ve gained as a result of this experience with a narcissistic abuser in an effort to help empower you and let you know  that you are not alone in your suffering.

There truly is Light, Life, Love & Laughter after narcissistic abuse, It is my hope for you, that you truly come to know this for yourself.

xo,

ANA

 

 

  1. Thank you for all you have done, I can relate so much, and I took it for over 25 years, it like listening to myself and you tell your story, I still have trust issues, but I talk about it with great friends and I know things only will get better. Thank you, by the way why do they always call us drug addicts, he spread that rumor for years to his who family, I am drunk, she’s stoned, to talk about your own wife like that, but that allows them to do what they want by making us the bad guy. Jan (jack spitz is his name anyone who reads this watch out for him, you will be next)

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  2. Thanks! This is very helpful!

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  3. survivorinlifeandlove

    I’m recovering from a NPD/BPD. Seeing a new post is like a breath of fresh air. Thank you for sharing.

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  4. Cosby interview was typical, nauseating avoidance responses. True pathos

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  5. You write some very informational & well-thought-out posts. I visit your site almost daily to read your new posts & share some with my readers. I’m inspired to know more, learn more & continue my rocky road, (fairly new) recovery after a lifetime of abuse (75% caused by my Svengali, psychopath narcissist husband of 20+ LONG torturous years), whom I finally escaped… I don’t know if I’ve ever thanked you for your posts, but I would like to say that your writing really does make sense to me & it really has an impact on my life, thank you so much for bravely sharing…

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  6. My narcissist passed away last month…this may sound horrible but I’m saying it anyway…after 25 yrs.my life is no longer hell on Earth. Do I grieve for him, yes, but both of us have finally found peace (at least I have). His actions caused much upheaval, especially in the past 18 months after he got sick (changed the life policies to his sisters, leaving the boys and I with nothing but a funeral bill). His family that NEVER had anything to do with him finally bought into his deceptiveness and have turned against me and our two boys BUT that is ok. I can live my remaining days knowing I no longer have to endure the games and petty BS. I doubt I’ll ever do another relationship but that is ok too..the BS is gone and I plan to keep it that way..

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  7. Thank you for creating this website. I am still battling with the issues of the narcissist. I have never felt so empty and a lack of self and ability to live life. Unbelievable the negative effects of this treatment. Thank you for giving a voice

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    • Libby,

      You WILL survive this experience and you WILL thrive again. I understand the hopeless, empty feelings you have with PRECISION. It’s something that only other survivors can “get” without your need to convey all the words to try to get someone to understand (and validate you).

      I encourage you to surround yourself with as much authentic support and validation as possible, read everything you can on the disorder to increase your knowledge, which will not only increase your power, but it will give you the boundaries necessary to distinguish between the disordered person who abused you and the person who YOU ARE. You are not to blame for this abuse. You are NOT crazy. You deserve RESPECTFUL treatment; something a narcissist is incapable of giving.

      You’re in my thoughts and prayers!!!

      Ana

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