About ANA

ANA was developed out of sheer desperation of the human spirit clinging to it’s last bit of hope.

Lost and confused after ending a long term relationship that at one point had felt like the greatest “love” of my life, I struggled to find answers and put a finger on just WHAT IT WAS that had gone so terribly wrong.

So desperate was my need for answers, I sat on my therapists couch, tears streaming down my face, begging him to tell me, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEE?”

His answer surprised me; and forever changed the way I view this world.

“You were in a domestically abusive relationship.”

“WHAT?????”  I asked in utter shock. “But he didn’t “hit” me?”

He answered with, “Not with his fists.  You are dealing with a narcissist. You have just ended an abusive relationship with a NARCISSIST.”

My mind whirled  – when I heard my therapist name what it was – I began to be flooded with many examples from the narcissist’s behavior that fit what the therapist was telling me.

The narcissist lured me into a toxic affair with charm, mind games, promises & flattery – sold me on a soul mate love that he’d never felt before and then proceeded to take every good thing he could from me; my love, my innocence, my trust, my sense of justice, my kindness, my empathy, my unconditional love, and my good name – and replaced it with abuse. Lies about me (he told others I was stalking him), got me fired from jobs, created a fake website about me claiming that I was crazy, delusional, a drug addict, and even talked poorly about my children, who he was a father figure to for years.

The therapist ran over the list of symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder:

Lack of empathy? Check!
Boasting about his image? Check!
Perfectionism? Check!
Lack of boundaries? Check!
Expects special treatment? Check!

Obsessive Compulsive and sexually perverted? Check!

Pathological lying? Multiple serial affairs and cheating? Check!

Guilt tripping?  Check!
Passive aggressive? Check!
Possessive, Jealous, downright mean? Check!
Controlling. Wouldnt ‘allow’ me to have feelings or express them? Check!
Loved by everyone on the outside – but HATED by those who know the real them? Check!

I was dating the poster boy for narcissism

For the first time in many years….I finally felt that IT WASNT ME,  like the narcissist had blamed me for over & over.  It explained why I’d never been able to do anything right to ‘earn’  his “love”.

From that day on, I promised God that if he brought me through the darkness, that I would pay forward the knowledge of everything I learned through my lesson, about the narcissist, their red flags, their abuse, my upbringing with a narcissistic parent, my own vulnerabilities and how to never allow myself to be exploited again by another narcissistic individual; be it a boss, boyfriend, family member or friend.

My philosophy is very simple: KNOWLEDGE IS POWER  – I am making available all the knowledge I’ve gained as a result of this experience with a narcissistic abuser in an effort to help empower you and let you know  that you are not alone in your suffering.

There truly is Light, Life, Love & Laughter after narcissistic abuse, It is my hope for you, that you truly come to know this for yourself.

xo,

ANA

 

 

  1. From my heart….THANK YOU !

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  2. its 9:16 and I found your blog site and this is how I feel completely why does he not love me like i love him its me i feel like im going crazy i got to the point of putting a post on my page i feel like im having a break down he keeps me isolated my only outlet is my dreamcatcher cause for cancer and my facebook page and some close family n friends but i feel like im loosing them all because they dont believe me anymore im not lying he portrays that im the one at fault for all of it im hurting so bad i left and cameback and no one believes me he tells others different things than does the opposite when hes home with me im tired hurt and emotionally drained from all of this help me please someone 😢😢😰

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  3. I can’t thank you enough for your blog. After 22 years with the narc; two children, and a move to a new country for his work (which he lured us to with promises of a new start). He ditched us and now is on a terror tirade toward me. Keeping my home stable and drama free and love is my goal for me and my kids. He seems to have ditched the kids too…which is a source of pain for me to watch him play them too. He has taken so much of my life. You finally describe the horror and I thank you. God bless you.

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  4. The healing process can be so slow. It’s been ten years since our divorce, four years since he died and STILL he lives on in my head and dreams. He was my life; married 25 years and although life is better the man I believed in (not the one who really existed) remains the love of my life. Our children now have children, and I still delude myself thinking he would’ve changed. In my head I know better but my heart still wants to hold on.

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  5. I am trying to figure out if my soon to be ex husband is a narcissist. He never put me down like I see in these other stories. He was pretty good to me, always asking me how my day was when I got home from work. He was affectionate, giving me kisses and hugs. We were together for 6 years (married for 2). He did leave me for a few months after we had been together for 2 and a half years.The reason he left me this time was because I had noticed a change in his behavior so I checked the phone records and found out he was having very long phone conversations with someone else. My first marriage ended in my ex cheating on me so I was devastated when I saw this. It only lasted a week before I confronted him. He completely dismissed what I was accusing him of and turned on me saying that I was controlling him and treating him like he was a child! I couldn’t even bring up the fact that he was having an emotional affair with someone else! He left me and said it was over. He has told me and my daughter that he will sign the house (that we just purchased a few months ago) over to me and he won’t try to take any money from me (he’s on Social Security and I have a full time job) as long as I am nice about the whole situation. In some ways I feel that he is a narcissist but we had a good relationship prior to this. Very confused.

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  6. Thanks for this. Like you Ana my partner of 37 years is a classic narcissist. He is also an alcoholic. He has not been physically abusive for a year and a half but continues to rage at me. I can’t seem to leave. I too have the classic symptoms of shame, withdrawal, shaking, fear. I have no one to talk to. I’m reading lots, trying to heal, trying to do good things for me.

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  7. Well, here I am. The classic victim of a narc. Only it took me 40 years of marriage to figure out that I was NOT to blame. After I found that his web porn had graduated to transgender porn, I was destroyed. I was so angry I would have killed him ,but the wasn’t worth going to jail for. I have been in therapy for the last 5 years. That is where I discovered what I was really dealing with. Now, I have grown children and grandchildren who think he is just fine because they know nothing of who he really is. I can’t bring myself to tell them because I can’t devastate them like he has devastated me. So I am stuck here just trying to get to the end of my life with some self respect. I have turned to God for love and companionship. I try to be decent to my spouse, but also try to not spend much time with him. I volunteer to help others through my church, which allows me to be away from him and receive the kindness of those who love me for who I am. If only I had seen him for who he is before I married him. It is so depressing to think that my whole live has been wasted on a person who can’t even see me as a good and worthy human being.

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  8. Thank you so much, it’s been so hard dealing with this great pain! As a man having been a victim in a nine year relationship with a narcissistic woman who I swore was the love of my life destroyed my life. No one believes the horrific things she’s done, the numerous cheating, the comparisons, the putdowns! Why has this happened to me! You can imagine how many examples of men that have had there whole lives changed by a narc woman that don’t exhist…. thinking that something must be wron with me has been the only thing that makes any sense now.

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  9. I am freshly getting out of this and i’m not coping well. We have a daughter together and still have to get a divorce. What do I do? I’m hurting and most do not understand.

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  10. I think our greatest gift is being able to help others avoid the pain we have gone through with narcissists. There is something noble and wonderful about helping others avoid the pain we went through in those types of situations.

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