ANA was developed out of sheer desperation of the human spirit clinging to it’s last bit of hope.
Lost and confused after ending a long term relationship that at one point had felt like the greatest “love” of my life, I struggled to find answers and put a finger on just WHAT IT WAS that had gone so terribly wrong.
So desperate was my need for answers, I sat on my therapists couch, tears streaming down my face, begging him to tell me, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEE?”
His answer surprised me; and forever changed the way I view this world.
“You were in a domestically abusive relationship.”
“WHAT?????” I asked in utter shock. “But he didn’t “hit” me?”
He answered with, “Not with his fists. You are dealing with a narcissist. You have just ended an abusive relationship with a NARCISSIST.”
My mind whirled – when I heard my therapist name what it was – I began to be flooded with many examples from the narcissist’s behavior that fit what the therapist was telling me.
The narcissist lured me into a toxic affair with charm, mind games, promises & flattery – sold me on a soul mate love that he’d never felt before and then proceeded to take every good thing he could from me; my love, my innocence, my trust, my sense of justice, my kindness, my empathy, my unconditional love, and my good name – and replaced it with abuse. Lies about me (he told others I was stalking him), got me fired from jobs, created a fake website about me claiming that I was crazy, delusional, a drug addict, and even talked poorly about my children, who he was a father figure to for years.
The therapist ran over the list of symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder:
Lack of empathy? Check!
Boasting about his image? Check!
Lack of boundaries? Check!
Expects special treatment? Check!
Obsessive Compulsive and sexually perverted? Check!
Pathological lying? Multiple serial affairs and cheating? Check!
Guilt tripping? Check!
Passive aggressive? Check!
Possessive, Jealous, downright mean? Check!
Controlling. Wouldnt ‘allow’ me to have feelings or express them? Check!
Loved by everyone on the outside – but HATED by those who know the real them? Check!
I was dating the poster boy for narcissism
For the first time in many years….I finally felt that IT WASNT ME, like the narcissist had blamed me for over & over. It explained why I’d never been able to do anything right to ‘earn’ his “love”.
From that day on, I promised God that if he brought me through the darkness, that I would pay forward the knowledge of everything I learned through my lesson, about the narcissist, their red flags, their abuse, my upbringing with a narcissistic parent, my own vulnerabilities and how to never allow myself to be exploited again by another narcissistic individual; be it a boss, boyfriend, family member or friend.
My philosophy is very simple: KNOWLEDGE IS POWER – I am making available all the knowledge I’ve gained as a result of this experience with a narcissistic abuser in an effort to help empower you and let you know that you are not alone in your suffering.
There truly is Light, Life, Love & Laughter after narcissistic abuse, It is my hope for you, that you truly come to know this for yourself.