About ANA

ANA was developed out of sheer desperation of the human spirit clinging to it’s last bit of hope.

Lost and confused after ending a long term relationship that at one point had felt like the greatest “love” of my life, I struggled to find answers and put a finger on just WHAT IT WAS that had gone so terribly wrong.

So desperate was my need for answers, I sat on my therapists couch, tears streaming down my face, begging him to tell me, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEE?”

His answer surprised me; and forever changed the way I view this world.

“You were in a domestically abusive relationship.”

“WHAT?????”  I asked in utter shock. “But he didn’t “hit” me?”

He answered with, “Not with his fists.  You are dealing with a narcissist. You have just ended an abusive relationship with a NARCISSIST.”

My mind whirled  – when I heard my therapist name what it was – I began to be flooded with many examples from the narcissist’s behavior that fit what the therapist was telling me.

The narcissist lured me into a toxic affair with charm, mind games, promises & flattery – sold me on a soul mate love that he’d never felt before and then proceeded to take every good thing he could from me; my love, my innocence, my trust, my sense of justice, my kindness, my empathy, my unconditional love, and my good name – and replaced it with abuse. Lies about me (he told others I was stalking him), got me fired from jobs, created a fake website about me claiming that I was crazy, delusional, a drug addict, and even talked poorly about my children, who he was a father figure to for years.

The therapist ran over the list of symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder:

Lack of empathy? Check!
Boasting about his image? Check!
Perfectionism? Check!
Lack of boundaries? Check!
Expects special treatment? Check!

Obsessive Compulsive and sexually perverted? Check!

Pathological lying? Multiple serial affairs and cheating? Check!

Guilt tripping?  Check!
Passive aggressive? Check!
Possessive, Jealous, downright mean? Check!
Controlling. Wouldnt ‘allow’ me to have feelings or express them? Check!
Loved by everyone on the outside – but HATED by those who know the real them? Check!

I was dating the poster boy for narcissism

For the first time in many years….I finally felt that IT WASNT ME,  like the narcissist had blamed me for over & over.  It explained why I’d never been able to do anything right to ‘earn’  his “love”.

From that day on, I promised God that if he brought me through the darkness, that I would pay forward the knowledge of everything I learned through my lesson, about the narcissist, their red flags, their abuse, my upbringing with a narcissistic parent, my own vulnerabilities and how to never allow myself to be exploited again by another narcissistic individual; be it a boss, boyfriend, family member or friend.

My philosophy is very simple: KNOWLEDGE IS POWER  – I am making available all the knowledge I’ve gained as a result of this experience with a narcissistic abuser in an effort to help empower you and let you know  that you are not alone in your suffering.

There truly is Light, Life, Love & Laughter after narcissistic abuse, It is my hope for you, that you truly come to know this for yourself.

xo,

ANA

 

 

  1. You are so awesome. I am eternally grateful for people like you. Coming out of a narcissistic relationship is worse than being an alcoholic or drug addict cause I had a drinking problem and i’ve been in AA but what I thought was the worst thing in the world (my drinking problem) PALED in comparison to being with a narcissist. They can take a whole life out in a short period of time. It’s just terror, heartbreak, shock and confusion all the time. And the heartbreak is the scariest part. Thank you for helping us all out of the dark clingy grips of the narc! Cause boy they are powerful!

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  2. I have nominated your blog with the Shauny Award For Blogging Excellence! Thank you so much for all that you do to help others rise beyond abuse!

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  3. I’ve been studying and reading for 5+ years now on this subject as I am in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic man. Five years ago I could not find much on this topic. However now I am finding more and more helpful information for which I am extremely grateful. I too want to share what I have learned in an effort to curtail the next person from wasting numerous years in “hell” thinking it’s their fault and not realizing exactly what a narcissist is capable of. Perhaps, since I have not found the strength to end my situation once and for all, I am not qualified to advise others as of yet. Even so, I wanted you to know how happy I am not only to see that others have gone thru this and survived but that people such as yourself take the time to create websites and write all of this great information and sincere advice for those of us who are still struggling. You have my deepest appreciation.

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  4. Simply put: thank you!

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  5. Thank you so much, your facebook page helped me to make sense of a 10 year marriage to a narcissist. I am now finally divorced, with a loving kind partner, and we have a new baby. I have started a blog myself, as a form of self therapy! I honestly can’t thank you enough.

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  6. At last I have the information I have needed all along and I realise what my ex partner is…I am in the process of building a case to stop him having anything to do with our daughter. He is possibly one of the most dangerous, scary people I have ever met and until recently I believed all he had said and that it was me, I felt like I wasn’t even alive any more. Thank God for you and your articles, help and support, I am without a doubt extremely thankful for it all – Knowledge is indeed power xxx bless you xxx

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  7. Is that you at the kahului airport?

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  8. Awesome! I live on Maui, I thought it looked familiar. Next time you visit come visit me at the Ritz for some yoga or massage. Love your work.

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  9. Yes! It would deb amazing to meet you, and I would be happy to set you up with a day pass to use our spa facilities at the Ritz. Email me if you have time while you are on Maui xo

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  10. May God Continue to BLESS you! !!!
    Thank you so much!
    The information that you are posting is truly amazing! !!
    It is so spot on & poignant.
    I want to tell the world, because the world thinks this is normal behavior for allot of people.
    Thanks for paying it forward. You are helping a mom and two daughters., almost 16 & 11.
    I look forward to this community. It TRULY HELPS SO MUCH! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♡♥☆★♡♥

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  11. Oh my gosh!!!!!! GOD BLESS YOU!!!!! I can’t tell you how comforting it is to me to have found you and your site/FB page!!!!! FINALLY…….someone who understands what I’ve been going through! There is absolutely NO WAY to understand it without having been through it! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!

    Now……..to get out of this relationship………. :(

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    • AT least, YOU SEE IT!!!!! <3 You can stop blaming yourself now – and turn a deaf ear to the criticisms and hacking down of your self worth. Narcissism is NOT your problem. You've only been "living with it". Detachment while still in the relationship will help you go a LONNNNNNNNNG way towards getting the strength to leave. Every situation is different so there aren't any rules about when or how. What I find to be true however, is that once we're sick and tired of being sick and tired, we'll do ANYTHING to run out of the burning building! :) Welcome to the beginning of FREEDOM!!! xoxo

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  12. haydngreycopywritingagency

    You’re a superstar.
    Thank you, thank you X

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  13. Thanks so much for our courage in expressing this journey. I have also written a bit on this very topic, but you have taken my understanding to another level. Having undergone this same type of abuse from a colleague/friend, I know the pain of confusion, frustration, and overwhelming abuse of a narcissist. Women need to be educated on this so that they never fail into the confusing trap of these types of relationships. Please keep up the good work!

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  14. Hi,

    Thank you for opening up like this. I don’t know if I’m asking a question or needing advice, but someone I’m very very close to is currently in the situation you overcame. There’s something that confuses me, I’m new to this. Without getting into too much detail, her situation was unique, her boyfriend threatened her and moved-in before a first date even, there was no nice guy first then going sour after, restraining orders aside and being banned from her workplace, months later she said she’s now with him to the shock of all her peers and protectors, and after trying to leave multiple times (he attempted suicide within first year and also faked terminal cancer, I’d tell you more but it gets worse.) she also financially supports this much older boyfriend, and she knows it’s wrong because after 4 years the parents don’t know anything about her being in a common law marriage with this violent felon. They think she’s single and loving life.

    Where I’m getting to, is a couple years ago we got close as friends can be, she was my muse and a wonderful friendship blossomed so far as her to tell me she love loves me. It changed last year, she was finally “allowed” to go see her parents for the first time since she’s been with him (4 years!). Upon her return it seemed like she was broken, absolutely kept out of touch, was an angel in person, but 1/10 texts got a reply, she went from defiant always stating she doesn’t love him and she’s figuring out how to leave for the umpteenth time, but after her return from her trip she seemed to take a turn where she isn’t allowed any outside friends especially me whom she loves most for the men in her life. One thing though, being that she can’t see anyone and cancels all plans by not showing or answering phones even for her girlfriends.

    What I’m getting at is should I live-up to my expectations by staying and trying when she clearly can’t conjure up the courage to keep me in her life? I feel sometimes she wishes I was never in her life by the dismissiveness displayed. I feel now it’s taking a lot out of me. She now has a new friend whom she is actually able to hangout with, a weird old man in his 60’s (she’s 29) whom calls her a c-word and other vile things with a smirk, and she runs to his side, if I act like the guy she fell for, it seems to push her further and further away. I must admit, for someone with confidence through the roof, I sometimes feel like it’s me.

    In your experience, would you be so aloof if you loved someone outside your relationship, but more comfy around two men that are mean and make everything your fault? You can tell the esteem is shattered. For once my confidence is swaying that leaving might jar something loose maybe as the smiles I used to generate seem to have less effect.

    Sorry to make you read all that!

    R

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  15. 10 years, 10 long years, I just got tired. I still blame myself for allowing this to happen to me, I never knew people were like this, I;m so glad I wasn’t crazy, I thought I was being too emotional, that’s what he said,

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  16. Hi, thank you so much for sharing this. I just got out of a two year relationship with a narcissist and I couldn’t figure out why this breakup hurt me so much more than others. I just can’t seem to move on. I started doing a whole lot of reading and realized I was dating a narcissist and this wasn’t just a normal breakup. I was treated horribly by another human being who went out of his way to tear me down. I’m trying to absorb all the info, accept it, understand it, and hopefully realize it wasn’t my fault and stop beating myself up. I’m trying to find any support groups in my area.

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  17. Thank you for your work in helping us survivors of these monsters.

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  18. I am a look grateful for this invaluable information and am going to try to keep it short. I have been in one Narc. relationship after another in my life…I’m 46, and am convinced it all started with my very abusive 22 yr. marriage. Probably before. After a horrible divorce and 5 children later, one of which passed away suddenly and tragically at 17. I found a good person to share my life with and example good life skills for My children who are now older. The scary part is one of my kids, my daughter who is 27 recently came back home and has taken over her father’s abusive narsacistic role in my life and before I realized it I was more than just traumatized. I was almost dead. She grew up with a front row seat, mom’s fault for everything in her Dad’s life so why not. Being the second family member and my child, living her in a different, nurturing way I couldn’t see it. She wouldn’t hurt me? I’d taken her in right? Wrong! Disconnected, my road was severe and I’d lost enough weight and sleep to be under 100 lbs. My mind is scrambled. Numb…memory non- existent. This site I just found tonight and I feel for the first time in forever there is hope. I’ve cut off all contact starting now even though she had a baby in the last 24 hrs..she’d just use her as another pawn.Please, please find a way to spread this ever so impt information. I will as well.I could have died soon and really…it may have felt like a relief to a long bout of suffering.I just didn’t understand WHY?? Thank you…so much. Sincerely, Melinda

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  19. Every time I feel low or like I’m going to cave in and contact my ex, I come here and read one of your post to remind me why I can never go back! Staying away from the poison apple, is very difficult but necessary! Thank you!

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  20. Recently got out of a very abusive relationship with a Narcissist, and agree that more knowledge = more powerful and faster healing. I am so thankful for this, ANA, and other resources out there, that I made my own contribution. This video is a little long but gives real-life examples of how narcissistic abuse played out in my relationship, hope one or more finds it useful! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMXENQjqzcA

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  21. Hi I just found your blog through http://www.thesecretslayer.com/?p=387, pearl wrote a post on “Do you love a narcissist:5 sites that help” and you were the first blog I chose and am glad I did because you write very well! My mother is a narcissist and I still feel like its me at times, so thank you so much, i will be reading all your posts! Till next time! Themethadonemaze.blogspot.ca

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  22. I wish I could say I was coming out of a relationship with a narcissist, because it’d be over. When the narcissist is your dad….you’re forever tied to them…even when you live away…guilt tripping, family bad-mouthing, using other people to guilt you….it’s never ending and still you have the heartbreaking realization that the guy who was supposed to raise you up to be everything…kept you under his thumb so you’d never not need him

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  23. Wow! Thank YOU GOD.. For this woman’s knowledge. I feel the same way.. I feel I can carry on and help make a difference .. I want too

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  24. Thank you for being a support for me and know that im not along in this fight. trying to be better day by day and dealing now with parent alienation from my ex. My son hates me because I left his father.
    He is using him as a weapon and is very painful… ill try to be better day by day and hope that one day everything will be fine.
    Thank you! all of you are in my prayers.
    love
    Ivana

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  25. I doubt you’ll ever see this but I want you to know I’m glad I stumbled across this blog…I never could put a name to what my husband was (I’ve been in this almost 25 yrs.)until a co-worker said she thought he was a narcissist. I googled the term and was astounded and even wondered if my husband was the “poster boy”…
    I just always labeled him as a jealous control freak…
    I gave him all my adult life (met him when I was 19 and he was 37), two beautiful, respectful children, and kept the home going while he stayed gone on business (trucker) all but 30-40 days a yr. (That’s right in a yrs. time the boys and I were lucky to see him 30 days). Even if he was 2500 miles away he could still control and find ways to be emotionally and mentally abusive. I’d be called stupid or get the silent treatment for days if I gave my opinion or any thoughts other than the ones he wanted to hear/deemed right…He successfully cut me off from friends and family (even our kids were guilted if they had friends).
    Just over a yr. ago he got sick and can no longer drive a truck so he is on disability and the 8th level of hell has been busted open on me and the boys…so much so that the oldest had to leave the only home he’s ever known. The husband has begun saying I stole his money (yeah, well I can’t steal what wasn’t there…the boys and I wore hand me downs and did without much of the essentials so that HE could have stuff on his truck), that I’m an unfaithful whore, that I’m nothing but shit, that our oldest son is an arrogant, ungrateful asshole and that he doesn’t care if we drop off the face of the Earth. He also threw this one at me last week: “my ex-wife (whom he has always hated and spewed stuff about) is a better woman than you will ever be!” WOW…
    He’s said on numerous occasions in the past 2 months that he is evicting me from our home and that he wants a divorce and said he has talked to a lawyer. He’s even begun talking to his mother and siblings again and telling all sorts of “nasties”…
    I’m scared spitless but then again I’m trying to look at this as a good thing…it could definitely be the 1st day of the rest of my life and I pray I’m strong enough to handle the BS that is coming with it and embrace life again…
    Thanks again!!

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    • He doesn’t deserve you!! You are a beautiful person and you are entitled to be loved!!! Love yourself and your children enough to find peace. You are worthy of happiness! He sounds like the arrogant a-hole to me!! Best wishes!! ❤️

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  26. I’m in that sick realization stage :( glad to have found this page I’m so confused right now x

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  27. Hi. I have a question. How do you go from not being real to being real? I am about 3 or 4 weeks out of my family. I have never been validated unless it made them look good to the outside world. And even that was hard for them to do. My room mate is off doing good things for her own self and I am alone. The only way I am able to even pretend I’m a shadow in this world is being online and talking to people I *hope* are more real than i am. Any clues?

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  28. Your website is a Godsend to me tonight. Your words in every article I’ve read so far describe my situation perfectly. I am finally coming out of the fog and am trying to gain the strength I need to leave. I look forward to speaking with you more if we get the chance. Thank you sooooo much for posting your journey here. I have the same heart to help others as the LORD continues to free and heal me. He has been ever present and has faithfully led me to numerous resources which have revealed the situation I am in. I am married to a narcissist, and I have experienced Narcissistic Victim Syndrome, and I want to be free. My heart is still fighting it some, but I am Trusting the LORD will strengthen me to ultimately prevail!

    – Sandra

    The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe! (Proverbs 18:10)

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  29. As I have been recovering from narcissistic abuse. I have realised that some how the trauma I received from a narcissistic father I keep on repeating this pattern in my adult life. It is incredibly hurtful. Now that I know the pattern and the specific behavior I have Hope. I just feel like it is cruel trick the universe plays on us. We have trauma when we are very young and the abuse is perifulated through out our lives.

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  30. I think we are related. At the end of my rope, I wanted to know what about me was wrong in that was involved with him in the first place. Thank you for taking the time and talent for using words. This has validated me. Thank you for paying it forward.

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  31. Thank God! I happened to stumble upon this site this morning while desperately searching for a way to try to figure out how to handle losing my step daughter to her what I now know to be “narcissistic” father. I have been sitting here reading everything on this site for hours and I am in total SHOCK!!! I thought I was in a nightmare all my own that I didn’t even know how to begin trying to explain to anyone. This is a snapshot of my life! EVERYTHING here is so spot on. I didn’t even know what narcissism was despite the fact that I have been living with and in love with one for years…….Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!

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  32. Just left a Narcissist last month. Had some fantasies of him being cured, then I faced reality. Glad there is so much information out there, and my experience was shown as a “play-by-play” on one of these sites. Exactly how it happened–from Romance, to Gaslight, to Smear, to Discard!! I knew what was happening; I even used the term “gaslighting” when confronting him (yes, I was the rare bird who resisted and even called 9-1-1 when it got physical–him, ever so careful not to “hit” me, one day forgot himself and threw me into a wall). His “harem” still worships and crave to believe his false and horrid stories regarding me–at this point, these tales are only evening clouds that will be gone in the morning. In the beginning, it bothered me, and I wanted to correct his gossip though now I see it clearly for the nothing it is. So grateful I was given my sight back after so much confusion–which is a tool of the Narcissist. If you listen to the Stones, “Sympathy for the Devil,” it’s much the same tactic as mentioned in the lyric line, “What’s puzzling you . . . is the nature of my game.”

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  33. So grateful for this site and your FB page. Thank you. For all that you do. I am 3 months out. Yet I still feel like I am on a roller coaster.

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  34. Your check point list is identical to mine. My husband is a walking textbook of NPD as per Sam Vaknin’s descriptions and everything I have ever read about it. He is right up there on the continuum and crosses over with sociopathy and God knows what else. I’m still trapped in a pathetic excuse of a marriage with this destructive man, because he has not only eroded me from every imaginable perspective, but also made it almost impossible to leave because there are no finances thanks to his financial irresponsibility. I’ve been down in the darkness thanks to him, but fortunately have had the strength to rise out of it. I’m playing a game now and when the time is right, I’ll be out of here. It’s cost me my life and mental well being. Like very true NPD individual, he lives in his false reality, unaffected by anything or anyone. The whole world could turn against him and he would still believe that it’s them and not him.

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  35. What your blog has done for me in a few days is a blessing. Thank you.

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  36. Narcissist ex husband gets karmic payback!
    I was married to a classic narcissist for many years, now divorced for 8, but with two sons he still had a way to stay in my life and continue the harassment. Our sons were simply weapons to use to hurt me to him. My oldest son finally realized his true colors and cut ties , but my youngest was being used as just another victim. A few days before yet another custody battle, I had a strong feeling I should reach out to one of his ex girlfriends on Facebook and just see if she had anything to say. When she was with him she hated me and thought I was some kind of evil, mean bitch who treated him and my kids horribly. Who can blame her? She had been told by the man she loved that I had tried to poison him, I had tried to hire a hitman to kill him and I had tried to kill our sons in various ways just like in all those horrible newspaper stories you read. Just like after she left him , people were told she was a crazy stalker who had mercilessly cheated on him. After texting her and talking , we both found that we had the almost exact same experiences with this man. The verbal abuse coming out of nowhere, the ranting and breaking things, being so afraid we would try to pretend to be asleep, or beg him to stop accusing and belittling us. Hearing him proclaim his constant mantra that he ” hated bullies and liars”, which was almost hilariously ironic, if it hadn’t been so sad. Finally being forced to sneak out of our own homes,after he had exhausted himself and was asleep, himself , from the emotional tantrum he had thrown our way. We quickly bonded, but then something even stranger happened. She told me that a lady she was friends with had a coworker that was leaving her abusive boyfriend that weekend and she wanted people to come help get her out safely. That woman just happened to be my ex husbands current,soon to be free,girlfriend. I could hardly believe it. When it did turn out to be true, I didn’t know if it was fate, karma or divine intervention. So I reached out to her and she was terrified , of course, but had picked that weekend because she knew they were to give depositions to my lawyer the next week and he would be forced to be on his best behavior.He was gone from the house until she left. So we once again, all three compared experiences that were sadly,virtually the same. She agreed to help me by talking to my lawyer and we all helped each other tremendously just by validating each other’s horror stories about living with this man. Three former victims of a lying, manipulative puppet master, finally coming together after years of being pitted against each other by someone we all thought we had loved at one point in our lives. One thing we could all agree on, is that this mans victims that mattered most were my children and we had to be strong to protect them. So if you are still dealing with a narcissist attempting to keep control of you and your life, just know that eventually they expose themselves as what they really are and sometimes karma has a few lessons for them. Not that they will change, but at least we get the satisfaction of watching them squirm for a while.

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  37. 38 yrs of marriage still battling him after a terrible divorce that is on going even though he is remarried.
    You are accurate.. Not one counselor over the yrs diagnosed my PSTD or advised me of being in a Domestic Violence relationship. I was the one not dealing with my problems correctly etc
    It is good to find others not afraid to discuss the insanity of NPD

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  38. Thank gods I found your blog!! Thank you! For saving my sanity, and for helping me make sense out of…well…nonsense and craziness, for helping me realize what I’m dealing with and stop making excuses for him and justify his confusing and cruel actions.
    Thank you!

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  39. I stumbled upon your blog a couple of months ago and I read a little each week. Thank you for sharing your story and your knowledge! Your blog is part of my healing process!

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  40. My relationship with my husband was exactly as all these other women describe, so I believe my husband is a narc and psychopath and/ or sociopath. I fled almost a year ago after
    25 years of hell, but we have still seen a lot of each other. And after every time, I have had episodes of high stress, nightmares, etc.., even though for the last few months he has been nice. As a matter of fact, a few months ago he started texting, emailing, and begging me to please forgive him for some of the things he did. He refuses to take responsibility for all of it, saying, (not hatefully) “the things I did were bad enough, I’m not going to take responsibility for things I didn’t do, for what’s in your imagination”. He saw a counselor a few times and was reading marriage counselor Mort Fertel’s free emails, which advocate “totally forgetting the past”, which is WHY I lived in hell for 25 years…for forgiving and forgetting over and over and over!. My dilemma is that I don’t know if this is genuine, or just him “bringing out the big guns” because all of his other, usual tactics to get me back have not worked. Also, shortly after I moved out, a “friend” whom I had poured out my heart to, told him and all of our neighbors (whom he adores), everything that I told her in private, including that I believed that he had NPD. So, he probably studied up on it and is “acting” like he doesn’t have mental issues. He is very smart, extremely charming, a pathological liar and I believe he is an excellent actor and has no real feelings inside. But, as he says, I “always look for the worst in him” or something like that.
    I need to know if there is a chance that this is genuine or will last. I am steadily healing and enjoying blessed peace, except when I start considering getting back together with him or spend too much time with him. Oh, our mothers are best friends and my own mother doesn’t really believe what went on behind closed doors and thinks I should give him another chance. Please help, thank you.

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  41. Rachel Lewinson

    I have no bruises on my body. No lasting scars on my skin. No evidence of any harm on my being. But no one can see the horrible lacerations on my spirit, my confidence or my soul. Even I cannot see them but I feel them all the time. They hurt. And they burn. They cause my eyes to cry and sometimes paralyze my body. They play games with my memory – either very vivid recalls of what caused them or seemingly blank spaces of time. I know I’ve existed through all of it but these scars have affected my ability to feel as one with my soul and body. Sometimes it just feels hollow. I feel hollow.

    Someone I trusted, who was supposed to love, care for and nurture me has irreparably damaged me. He never hit me. Never touched me. Never laid a finger on me. He didn’t have to. His words of hate and shame, of sarcasm and anger, of degradation and rage did all the work. His brainwashing and intentional manifestation of my dependence on him allowed him to manipulate me into thinking I was, and never would be, good enough. My opinions never counted as anything significant in this world. My freedom to express my own thoughts or desires were completely taken from me. Worst of all, he tried to take away the love I had for others. Those I cared for and who in turn cared for me. He wanted to turn us against each other so badly and maintain his control over all of us.

    Sometimes he acted so caring and loving. It took such a long time until I learned to recognize this as an act. A pattern of doing whatever it took to get what he wanted from whomever he wanted. He lost my trust. He lied to me. He broke promises and didn’t follow through on his word. He took money from me. He took health from me. He took happiness from me. He took hope from me. He took love from me. He took life from me.

    I don’t know if I’ll ever completely heal. I cannot control whether I get my money or my health back. I try to be happy and hope and believe that I will find someone to love and trust, but there is only so much control that I have. I want to choose my life from now on. It is the only choice I have.

    I want positivity and happiness. Healing and confidence. Health and love and security. I want my life back. But it’s so difficult. I don’t know where to begin or who exactly to turn to for help. I wish someone could tell me how long it takes for a soul to stop bleeding but I don’t believe there is an answer.

    I look completely fine and healthy on the outside. Maybe even happy and confident to those who don’t know me. But I am hemorrhaging. I am staggering. I am falling. Trying to control the damage to my spirit and self. Trying so hard to stand up. And I will. I know I will. I may need some help and I can only take baby steps. Some days I won’t be able to stand at all. But that’s okay. Because I will try to go on the next day or the day after. I know now that eventually the bleeding will stop. The pain and hurt will lessen. I may always have scars but they will no longer be open wounds.

    I know I will survive the recovery because I have already survived the abuse.

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  42. Thank you! I am not sure how I stumbled upon this. But, knowledge is definitely power. I have struggled for the longest time, trying to understand and trying to reflect on my behavior, in order to make changes to make the marriage work. But, ” there the problems are with you and your boys” Not me…. His car choice for a newly married man with 2 stepkids is a Mercedes convertible— Response” its for me”……. I should have seen that. The non-disclosure of financial information and his control over his finances, yet, I disclosed everything. Never an apology. Not acknowledging my sons birthday,but, wanting his birthday celebrated…. I feel like a window has been opened, because, I now understand that he can’t see it and all the efforts I have made to talk and to understand have been counterproductive and have basically fueled his anger, blame, and abuse towards me.

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