Darkness

 

Have you ever noticed that when you have gotten very sick or hospitalized, the person you thought was your friend never asked or called? When the same situation had previously happened to them, you were there for them.

Many of you have been in a relationship or been a friend with someone who was an extreme narcissist. These types of relationships are filled with drama unless you totally please the narcissist, which is impossible. The typical extreme narcissists are full of themselves and are overtly pompous.

Extreme narcissism is an egotistical preoccupation with self. It focuses on personal preferences, aspirations, needs, success, and how one’s self is perceived by others.

  1. The thing is, it’s all about them. I have stories like those shared on here. My most vivid one is delivering my babies and he was there…he would find ways to get the people away from me in labor and wait on him saying he was passing put and other things.

    These are people who cannot cope and are very fullnof spite and entitlement. The only way to handle it is to show no needs and go on with life as if they are almost not there

    Also, do not share accounts or money with such a personbas once mad may use it for their own gain. X here took our kids money to spend on the other woman. Family money he used for porn and dating site funds while we ran out of food.

    It just proves all the more that we need to be super careful when meeting people or when someone wants to get more involved. We have to view their entire situation beford letting them in to personal stuff.

    Be weary!

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  2. I was in a relationship for 3 years. We spoke of marriage and children very seriously. I had a heart attack of unknown cause the night I was going to propose to her and spent a month in hospital.

    To be fair tiger she came to visit me in hospital quite a lot but almost got kicked out twice because she stared shouting at me when I tried to explain what was happening to me.

    When I was out of hospital she stopped visiting me and completely changed personality. I was at very high risk of dying in the first few months and she chosentongo on holiday instead of spend some time with me in what could potentially have been the last days of my life. I got upset and told her that I felt she didn’t love me because she was avoiding me and didn’t want to see me because I was upset and scared and depressed.

    She went crazy and so dished family. They called me controlling, manipulative, nasty and a dictator. They couldn’t understand why I was desperate to have her close.

    She later ended the relationship.

    I was and am still devastated. The three years me and her were together I went to great lengths to help her. She was mentally ill the whole time and got worse and worse. I dropped everything and did all in my power to cheer her up and encouraged her to get treatment. She regularly threatened self harm and suicide. I was always terrified she’d do something to herself. I lost all of my friends in the process of caring for her. The one time I needed a bit of love and emotional support she drops me because I was not fulfilling her needs of being her puppy on a leash.

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  3. First of all, I’m so…glad I stumbled across this website. I’m not even sure what I put in the search but, OMG, I’m glad to finally have a source and a safe place. I recently stop going to therapy because my issue (my husband- the narc) never seemed to change and so, I figured why am I wasting money and time? In reading the articles and the post I now realize that I’m not the crazy one that he wants to make me out to be. I have been with this man for 8 years (married for 3 years). Why I didn’t figure out in the first 5 years that he was so controlling, mean and non-empathetic I DON’T KNOW!!! Okay, I do know, I thought he would change and that his behavior was just a result of his parents relationship issues. Granted, his stuff is a result of his parents stuff but, I had no idea what it was or that there was a name to it and ,most importantly, there is no cure. After reading about the signs/symptoms and learning the behaviors I thought someone must be following me around. I feel so much better today – REALLY! Just knowing that it has a name and that it will not get any better has been most helpful. Now I just need to figure out boundaries, protecting myself from more damage and ultimately getting out. Ugh!

    Thank you for creating this website!

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  4. I broke up with my bpd and due to the stress I cracked a tooth biting down. This was 1 week after breakup. After I had the tooth pulled, I got a severe infection and end up in icu where I devolved mursa. I was told that the infection was to close to the brain that I had a 20% of living. My friend told my ex narc that I was dying and she said that she wasn’t going to see me because she just got into another relationship. Oh my, I cared for her who had depression, addictions, anxiety, phobias, alcoholism, bulimia, etc. She couldn’t even send a card if she didn’t want to see me. I did survive and after that final incident, I started to discover that I was in a relationship with psychopath. Many of our stories are the same.

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  5. Im just so sorry we all had to go thru this. Although I hate that anyone had to suffer this kind of abuse, I find comfort in knowing that Im not alone. Thank u for your stories. They help. Keep em coming.

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  6. This is sparking memories for me. I had a termination of pregnancy in my early twenties while involved with my first narc drug addicted partner. We had to travel to another town. He would not allow me to stay the night at that place we had to take a four hour trip to the house of his friends. I was in the bedroom crying while they sat outside drinking and smoking and laughing. The termination was kept a secret. I had not really remembered this… With my last narc partner he would just get downright mean when I had period pain or was sick as it was “ruining his day”. “I’m not a nurse maid” he would say. And the nastiness and cruelty towards my disabled sister was just horrible.

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  7. “When someone shows you who they really are…BELIEVE them”. Then run!!!! That is my new motto for being involved with a Narcissist. Have your “Nar-Dar” (Narc radar) finely tuned and always pay attention to even the slightest red flag. Listen to your gut because it is usally spot on!!!!!

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  8. Build Me Up + Tear Me Down

    After 3 years of the most drama filled, emotional Rollercoaster relationship of my life, I’m discovering NPD and the abuse that comes from these people and desperately trying to come to terms with the fact that I did NOT fail in the relationship! He’s sick and needs help, but the disorder itself will prevent him from ever doing so.

    It’s so incredibly sad bc things really went from what I figured was normal arguing to full blown rage and complete silence and being ignored for days and weeks once I discovered I was pregnant. He claimed to be excited, but recently I’ve realized that things took a wrong turn in Albuquerque once he didn’t have my full attention focused solely on him. I went thru the majority of my first pregnancy without him… we got back together when our daughter was 2 months old… but nothing I did or said was enough and he claimed we were in a loveless relationship bc I didn’t show him enough attention or affection… he is literally jealous of our own child! Yet he only showed ME these things once in a while… almost as if he was enjoying watching me slip deeper and deeper into depression and just as I was teetering on the edge of sanity, here came my prince charming to reel me back into his world of mind games and manipulation. We finally split months ago bc he needed freedom to come and go as he pleaded, do what he wants and sleep with as many women as he can so he can brag about it all, especially to ME! 2 weeks after I left worn or daughter, I found out I was pregnant. His initial response – p*ssed bc this could potentially screw up his games with other women. I’m now 5 months along, doing it without him again, and he’s too wrapped up in his selfishness to spend more than an hour or so every couple weeks with our girl and NEVER mentioned or asked anything about the baby until I found out it’s a boy. We’ve had two discussions about names… but has never asked how I am or how the baby is and can’t find the time in his ever so busy new social life to even check on our daughter between visits.

    Anyway, I’m so so so thankful that I’m learning more about NPD and think it’s so wonderful that there’s support out there for the “victims” (as much aI as i truly dislike using that term) and am relieved to know that I’m not battling this alone and that I’m not to blame for everything!

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  9. back from the brink

    I shattered my ankle (both bones) when the extension ladder I was on fell from a vaulted- ceiling inside window (required surgery, plates and lots of screws). When I called my husband in great pain to please come from work and take me to the hospital, he asked me which ankle it was. When I answered, “the left one,” he asked me why I couldn’t just hop to the car and drive myself there. After I pleaded with him, he did come, but left me in a wheelchair in the waiting room, telling me to call him when I needed to be picked up.

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  10. After 20+ years of marriage..I nearly died from anaphylaxis in ER; kept overnight for observation. My soon to be ex Narc did not come up to the hospital..nor did he call to check on me. It had been snowing…and poor thing had a hard day. One of the many reasons I am happy that he is soon to be my ex. Was blind..but now I see!

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  11. I was lucky enough to see this guy for what he really is early on during the over valuation phase of his abuse cycle. I unmasked him , by calling him out on his temper tantrums , fits of rage that made him look and act like a 6 year old child. He would rage , stomp his feet on the floor, and then walk away , giving me the silent treatment twice in one week! Since I had travelled to see him , to get to know him better and check him out, I was surprised and shocked that he was already showing his true colours so early on in the fiasco. I also noticed he was emotionally very flat , uncaring about other people’s feelings, and he constantly had to tell me about how everyone in his life has done him , other people, or his business colleagues wrong! The amount of sad, victim stories that fell from his lips was shocking! He was never at fault , and not one of his friends or acquaintances was free from his verbal acidic attacks. He constantly talks about himself and other people , but what he says about other people is mean, nasty and often slanderous, without proof. He is also a somatic narc, so is very obsessed with his body, vanity, and thinks all women want to sleep with him. Always dropped hints about that, and trying to get a reaction from me , or other women that he knows. Flirts on his social networks constantly, I found out later. Always looking and wanting attention, adoration, or conquests. He is always looking for a mate , as he admits to really hate being alone at his home all the time. He complains that he has no real friends. I know he’s always stressed , due to his having to act like a saint out there , and claiming to help lots of people, etc.. Some are really fooled by his charming and benevolent false front. I feel it’s just a matter of time before he outs himself to those people as well. A lot of his colleagues, friends and exes already know about his issues , and that he is severely mentally unstable. He is an insomniac , and can’t sleep well at night…no wonder! He has already smeared my name to all of his followers, and I have had NC with him since our last blowout online. He is a stealth abuser , and talks badly about everyone that calls him out on his bad behaviours, or sees through the mask of his false self. In trying to burn all of my bridges , he is in reality, burning his in the process. It’s an awful thing to be bullied like this , but I will heal and move on with my life. Just glad I saw the red flags and nasty part of his real self before the brain washing began! I am grateful for my support network, and for sites like these! It’s good to know that others know the pain and suffering that can be inflicted by a malignant narc! Thanks for all the posts and comments!🙂 I hope all of you that have been at the non mercy of a narc will heal and be well again.

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  12. I fell down a couple of stairs at the ex’s house when we were both leaving to go out. I gave a yelp as it was a shock and it hurt. The downstairs neighbours turned their lights on and came out to see if I was ok. Meanwhile the ex’s initial response – he didn’t think before speaking – was “What did you do that for!!!”

    Another time I cut my hand with a knife while in the kitchen and the blood spurted out. I got a fright and called him indoors to assist as I felt faint. This time he DID assist with driving me to the Dr. However, there was some wait time and I could see him pacing outside the building. I started to get anxious and wondered if I should ask him to go home and relax and I would call when I had been seen. Just then my name was called. I got fixed up by the nurse and when leaving the room, he came in and asked what the hold up had been in front of her. I apologised and said there were a lot of elderly there so perhaps they had problems that were taking longer…

    Another time – sounds like I’m always in the wars! – but this was over an 8 year period – I blacked out after hitting my head on the bathroom door frame really hard in the middle of the night – think the sleeping tablet I’d taken had made me groggy and I lost my footing. I remember lying on the floor thinking it was best to stay there than get up. After some time, the ex got up and asked “What are you DOIING?” Not are you ok? or what the heck is going on? I explained in he said ok, and went back to bed. Thanks for the pillow and rug – um he forgot to offer and I had too much of a thumping concussion to ask.

    Meanwhile, if he ever had the sniffles I would be down at the chemist filling scripts and doing all the NORMAL stuff that we do for loved ones – I’m not saying I’m Mother Theresa, but I tend to help when someone is sick – don’t we all?
    Apparently not.

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  13. Wow! Well, my mom has been disabled for 18 years and way before i got involved with my ex-N I have been the go to daughter, but my ex could not stand that I was the one that they called when they needed something and he would tell me that I would never be able to have a real life until my parents passd away. (lucky for him his parents aren’t in the same situation as mine) I tried to distance myself from these responsibilites so that I could give him more of my time, but it didn’t matter what I did it was never good enough!! He claimed that I gave him lip service and that everything he has asked me to change never changes. I could go on and on this was a 6 year realtionship (on and off ) he would always be the one to break-up then call me a couple months later to never really apologzing but make me believe that I was the wrong one for whatever reason he choose to leave me. I’m trying to get passed the confusion and fog in my head. I do know that a person with any compassion would want to help you and me through a situation like this, but I see now that he has no empathy for anyone!! Worst part is we work at the same place!!

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  14. In my case, I was taking care of my dying aunt who had lymphoma cancer. During the last month of her life I lived with her because her cancer had gotten so bad that she couldn’t walk because of being so weak. She needed me to do everything for her to live. I cared for her till she passed away in her home. We’ll during this time I could only leave for 5 hours per week to run errands, etc. I had been dating my boyfriend for a year and planned to go see him during those 5 hours each week. One night, 2 weeks prior to my aunts death I stayed up all night without sleep to watch over her because the cancer had effected her brain to the point where she was very disoriented and delusional and she kept trying to get out of her bed to walk to the bathroom except her body was too weak to walk. I feared she would fall out of bed and injure herself. We’ll the next day I was suppose to go see him for those 5 hours but as soon as I called him to tell him what had happened and that I didnt sleep and couldnt come see him, he broke up with me. He said he couldn’t be with someone he couldnt spend time with. He said that I was being selfish to ask him to wait till my aunt passed away to be able to see each other again regularly. He would have only had to wait 2 weeks because thats how long she had to live. I was shocked that someone could be so heartless and self absorbed during a time like that. I was expecting him to instead say “I understand it’s been difficult. How bout I come to you and help”. I should have been smarter than to think he would do that since a narc is only capable of thinking about themselves.

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  15. I had a serious horse back riding accident with an extensive twelve hour surgery to repair back/neck fractures. My ex narc never visited at the hospital. He dropped me off at my parent’s for a month. They helped me for a month while my narc went on a vacation.

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  16. About six months after I was married to my ex-narc, I had to have surgery. I spent the night in the hospital, with my parents taking my daughter overnight. I came home on a Friday, very tired from the anesthesia and the pain killers. My daughter was 3 at the time and I assumed that when he was home that weekend, he’d help me with her so I wouldn’t have to get up every 15-20 minutes. No. He hid in the basement playing his Wii games (and most likely having phone sex with men I found out later) most of the weekend. On Saturday, he decided that since I was ruining his weekend by not being able to go anywhere, that he’d just have a party in the basement. I begged him not to, I didn’t want people around at all. When he invited a bunch of people over anyway, I begged him to just have everyone leave me alone. No coming upstairs to say hi or anything. I hadn’t been able to shower for 3 days, was still on pain killers and felt horrible. I just wanted to relax on the couch and watch Lifetime movies. He didn’t listen to me at all. He sent everyone up to say hi. He kept coming upstairs telling me I should come down and join the party. About 3 months later, I had to have another surgery, and it was the same damn thing. Anytime I was sick over the weekend, I was reminded numerous times that I was ruining his weekend. He “worked 40 hours a week and he deserved to relax”…. One of the MANY reasons he’s my ex-narc.

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  17. I was in hospital and the narcissist I knew offered to come over and give me a lift home. But when the narc arrived, the doctor had not discharged me and was not going to until he saw my xrays. The narc kept complaining, telling me I should go and find out what was going on, then went on about how she’d not eaten yet and kept on putting pressure on me to go and ask what was happening. They said I could stay in another night, but she was now in a bad mood. I had wished Id not agreed to her coming to fetch me (why do I not learn?) and started to feel very stressed. She said i have to go and I wish id said: “well go on then” but instead I let with her, not really feeling comfortable and wanting more feed back from the doctors. My fault, should have A: not said yes when she offered to come over, and B: Once I had made that mistake, perhaps I should have said thanks but I’ll stay till i get some answers.

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