Sticks and Stones may Break your Bones, but a Narcissist’s words will Psychologically ABUSE you!
From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @http://www.amazon.com
You have been abused. You are a target/victim of abuse. You were systematically targeted, betrayed, and deceived by a disordered human being with a false mask of reality. A person manipulated you into liking them, getting to know them, trusting them and loving them. It was as real to you as it would have been to ANY OTHER human being that started out on whatever type of relationship journey it was. The experience of meeting somebody special and going through the process of dating (or even friendship) and creating this relationship WAS NO DIFFERENT than what any other person would experience. BUT IT WAS DIFFERENT because you were being set up for extortion and abuse AND this relationship wasn’t REAL in the least bit, not even in the smallest way. It was all lies, a con job, manipulation, and a hideous betrayal.
It was pathological in such an extreme manner that it is just impossible to understand how another human being could be so cruel and abhorrent to lead a good, caring, and loving person down a road of psychological abuse that could essentially destroy or damage them for life. This is a reality that nobody could ever understand, because there are NO ADEQUATE words to describe the feeling of what this abuse does to a sane, loving and empathic person. To understand the time that is lost, the EXTREME betrayal, and the experience of feeling worthless AND punished for no other reason than the fact that you were at the wrong place at the WRONG time and chosen by a predator to be their next victim of abuse. It is incomprehensible and takes so much self-reflection, strength, courage, love, and validation and a new journey that we must embark upon to fix ourselves now. Sometimes it doesn’t happen because many targets/victims do not even understand that they have been abused, they are convinced that they were to blame and have issues concerning their mental health because the abuse was PYSCHOLOGICAL RAPE and MEANT to make them feel insane, crazy, etc. They were intentionally led down this road by a Malignant Narcissist and the ABUSE has disabled them mentally so they also believe they ARE AT FAULT and live in that confusion and fog forever and NEVER fully recovering! Children of Narcissistic parents that are raised with this abuse become emotionally stunted because it becomes their ‘normal’ all throughout life or basically never knowing or understanding real love and feeling worthy.
SAY NEVER! We never, never, never deserved this and most assuredly NEVER, EVER asked for this because of WHO we are. We wonder where our prince/princess charming has gone and WHAT HAS HAPPENED that made this go so wrong because now they are more like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. or Ms. Hyde. Well the time has come that we HAVE to move forward and learn about these predators. We have ONE DIRECTION to go and that is forward and now it is time for some MORE education about this abuse. We could only have wished we had known that this was abuse prior to this destructive experience, but how could we have known that this really existed and that there are predators out there like a psychologically abusive Narcissist.
Time to EDUCATE and LIBERATE yourself! Your knowledge will be your success in recovering. It will break the chain of this abuse OR thinking we can help them, cure them, use our ‘love’, fix and reverse this, change, plead, bargain or negotiate with this abuser. We quickly realize it is impossible and how the abuser wants us to react to keep us chained up in the chaos of this abuse. We will finally comprehend they have a problem we can’t possibly fix. Malignant Narcissists are masters at their game AND targeting our caring/nurturing instinct as well as capturing us through their fake charm or love. If you have been trying to fix this over and over again, STOP and accept the inevitable failure of these attempts and accept the reality, they are what they are (abusive) and there is only one direction and that is OUT of their disordered world and free from them. We have to fix ourselves and right all the wrongs and return back to a real life and the living again.
Now it is time that we have to ‘be real’ about all of this and do damage control to save ourselves and our families from this attack on our lives AND yes that is EXACTLY what it is. Just like being in war we must create and build a concrete bunker from this point on to protect ourselves from the enemy and fallout.
Their personality traits are so deeply ingrained into the cycles of this abuse that they are totally out of control and beyond ANY HELP WE COULD OFFER. They live a perverse lifestyle and have ridiculously bad judgment as it concerns any other human beings. They just don’t care what they do and hurting others is simply part of the process of getting everything they want. They also don’t care who they hurt, be it there spouse, partner, mother, father, brother, sister, biological children, friend, co-worker and even their pets.
They are not able to be in a close relationship or any relationship for that matter because there is no constraint in their life as it concerns their delusional and destructive needs, wants, and actions toward other people. THEY JUST DON’T CARE and this is just the truth we must accept to move on and away from them. They lie and betray to manipulate us into believing that they care so they can use AND abuse every aspect of our lives.
We mourn the loss of reality in our life, along with the dreams, memories, time together, small laughs and shared experiences BECAUSE this was REAL to us. We mourn the loss of our life as if a part of us was suffocated or died from this hideous abuse. Our emotional scars cause us to doubt and question the truth of this ugly reality. We are merely disposable objects to them, and that is incomprehensible to us.
The Narcissist will most certainly react to the use of personal boundaries (or our resistance to their control) but if we are to succeed and break the cycle of this abuse we have to build an impenetrable fortress to keep them out of our lives and heads forever. Violence is always a possibility with a Narcissist so keep this first and foremost in your mind ALWAYS. Be unyielding in protecting yourself with your personal boundaries as well as with your decisions and expectations. This will go a long way in boosting your self-esteem and ending the abuse because you are taking the control away from the Narcissist and back where it belongs with yourself. Refuse to be a target/victim and don’t be a willing participant in your own abuse by ever conceding to this Narcissist ever again.
There is of course pain in the process of moving on but ‘no pain, no gain.’ That seriously is not the best choice of words, but what it means is that within the truth of understanding this abuse many things will become painfully aware to us, things we can’t even start to imagine, but the ‘pain’ will help us ‘gain’ or achieve a higher plane of awareness that seriously will lift you up closer to your goal of recovery. The truth will light the way.
The process of ‘leaving and grieving’ is emotionally devastating and lengthy. Remember that there are options out there like professional therapy or join a support group to reinforce the fact that you are not alone in this. You are not JUST a victim in this abusive situation, you were targeted because you had something the Narcissist wanted and needed. In other criminal offenses the word premeditated is a word often used to describe an action that was thought out beforehand! Don’t expect other people (no matter how close they are to you) to understand what you have been coping with. Without having their own experiences with disordered partners or Narcissists, they cannot fully understand and they won’t be able to offer the real emotional support you need and yes it is very disappointing to feel so alone without someone to understand and support you now. Don’t take it personally because you have enough on your plate already and you don’t need to feel abandoned and invalidated any more than what you already are. This is a personal journey where you will have to draw on all of your inner strength to correct the wrong that was done to you. LASTLY it ALL can only start with no/minimal contact and this is the first and MOST important step in recovery! Greg