Signs That You’ve Been Abused by a Narcissist


Self-Doubt

1. YOU DOUBT YOURSELF

Do you recognize that you’re doubting yourself more than you ever have before?

Victims of narcissistic abuse often appear uncertain of themselves, constantly seeking clarification that they haven’t made a mistake or misheard something.

This reactive adaptation to narcissistic abuse is because the narcissist is ALWAYS finger pointing and shifting blame to YOU for ALL of the ups & downs both in the relationship AND in the narcissist’s personal psyche.
Because this relationship has NON EXISTENT boundaries, you will find YOURSELF constantly PUT UPON and FORCED to accept responsibility for things you didn’t do or say. This borrowed humiliation and shame is exactly what the narcissist intends for the victim to take from the narcissist. Their own unfelt core of shame.

2. CONFUSION

confusion

Just refer to the above explanation of self doubt and boundary transgression if you want to understand the CONFUSION that is part and parcel of narcissistic abuse.

Daily boundary transgression and criss crossing of responsibility starts to wear on even the clearest minded of targets.
Suddenly you wake up and realize that all the realities and borders between yourself and others is not only BLURRED but MISSING.

It’s confusing to KNOW that you aren’t responsible for someone else’s behavior, thinking and feeling but to be CONSTANTLY SCOLDED for behaving, thinking and feeling as if you ARE.

It’s crazy-making and a narcissist purposefully causes this confusion. They know that a divided and conquered mind is their most vulnerable and susceptible target who won’t be able to identify that their confusion is caused by an abusive technique called ‘gaslighting’.

Gaslighting is a technique of psychological abuse used by narcissists to instill confusion and anxiety in their target to the point where they no longer trust their own memory, perception or judgment.  With gas lighting, the target initially notices that something happens that is odd, but they don’t believe it.  The target attempts to fight the manipulation, but are confused further by being called names or told that they’re: ‘Just Too sensitive’, ‘Crazy’, ‘Imagining things’ or the narcissist  flat out DENIES ever saying anything hurtful. Gradually, the target learns not to trust their own perceptions and begins doubting themselves.  Broken and unable to trust themselves, they isolate further. The target now doubts everything about themselves: their thoughts and opinions, their ideas and ideals. They become dependent on the narcissist for their reality.

For it is in your CONFUSION and acceptance of responsibility that belongs to the narcissist, that a narcissist is able to successfully CONTROL YOU and USE YOU as a scapegoat for their problems.

3. FEELING CRAZY


Every minute of every hour of every day of every year, a Narcissist, who has a DSM classifiable personality DISORDER (ie: not playing with a full deck) is PROJECTING their disorder onto those around them. If you don’t think that having a crazy person constantly blaming you for being “crazy” will make you crazy, I’d like to introduce you to a narcissist that will convince you otherwise.

This disorder isn’t a relationship gone wrong. This disorder isn’t kid stuff. It’s MALEVOLENT. It’s a transference of malevolence and MENTAL DISORDER from the person who has it to the person who DOESN’T.LOVE QUOTES (39)

Frankly, before a narcissist, I’ve not once in my life, FELT CRAZY. Neither have I ever been told by a psychologist and I’ve seen lots of them – that I had anything WRONG with MY own MENTAL HEALTH. Personally, I always had it “together”. I was resilient, mentally tough, and withstood many events in my life that would make others crumble.

Yet, when I unwittingly dated someone with this serious mental health malady, I wanted to slam an entire set of broken porcelain down his throat sideways and every obtuse moron that believes the garbage that comes out of his mouth. No, it’s not that I suddenly became a person interested in physical violence, I suddenly became a person who was witnessing a DSM category all wrapped up into a physical being – who turned his mental health problems ON Me. I became a target of a person with a problem. They say, “Hurt people, HURT people”. I say, “Narcissistic People DESTROY PEOPLE”.

4. EMERGING CLUSTER OF SYMPTOMS THAT HAVE NO OTHER EXPLANATION

1inexplicable

All I could muster to the narcissist in my dear john letter when I broke up with him that wonderful New Year’s Eve, was “I DONT KNOW what’s WRONG!! But I just don’t feel like myself. Something feels EXTREMELY TOXIC and I don’t know why”…..This should be the alert when a victim of narcissistic abuse presents themselves to therapists. The inexplicable “complaint”.

My first visit to my therapist were those words exactly. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but It’s SERIOUS!” I felt it. I did – I felt BEWILDERED inside, but I could not articulate what it was. (another red flag for someone usually able to articulate every feeling and explanation about myself in-depth).How was it that after 43 years of explaining, analyzing and discussing my own deficiencies quite well, I could NOT for the life of me explain to my therapist what was so “wrong” with me that it was palpable. His answer, set me free, it really did. 

“YOU HAVE BEEN IN A DOMESTICALLY VIOLENT RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCISSIST “

My therapist had some background with this person. He’d WITNESSED the narcissist calling me, berating me during sessions. I held the phone away during one session, so that my therapist could hear the narcissist on the other end questioning me about cheating, “Accusing me of having an affair with the therapist”.  Grilling me about what the therapist looked like and would speak to me like. He even accused the therapist of wanting me sexually and that was the reason the therapist spoke so lowly of the narcissist. (of course it couldn’t just be that the narcissist had a bad reputation and the community was on to him)

Sufferers report that their spark has gone out and, even years later, find they just cannot get motivated about anything.

Unaware that we’ve been living in a war zone with a tyrannical narcissist, we can’t quite grasp the words to articulate the abuse, yet at the same time, we VERY MUCH FEEL IT. We present ourselves to the mental health community, incapable of speaking about an abuse we yet know nothing about. Until that word, “NARCISSISTIC ABUSE” is given to us, we have NO IDEA that is what’s causing our pain. That’s why it’s SO IMPORTANT to get the word out there, what narcissists look like, their modus operandi, the words and phrases they use, so that when a victim of their abuse begins looking for answers, they quickly will be able to identify that they are involved with a narcissist.

In Narcissistic Victim Syndrome you are looking for a cluster of symptoms to emerge many are the symptoms of trauma (avoidance, loss of interest, feeling detached, sense of a limited future, sleeping or eating difficulties and nightmares, irritability, hyper-vigilance, easily startled, flashbacks, hopelessness, psychosomatic illnesses, self-harming, thoughts of suicide etc).Some victims develop Stockholm Syndrome and want to support, defend, and love the abuser despite what they have gone through.

5. DISSOCIATION

Victims tend to ‘dissociate’ or detach from their emotions, body, or surroundings. Living in a war zone where all forms of power and control are used against you (intimidation; emotional, physical and mental abuse; isolation, economic abuse, sexual abuse, coercion, control etc), the threat of abuse is always present. Dissociation is an automatic coping mechanism against overwhelming stress.

dissociation 3

Symptoms of dissociation resulting from trauma may include depersonalization, (disconnecting your body awareness from your physical self) psychological numbing, disengaged from life and passions, or amnesia regarding the events of the abuse.

It has been hypothesized that dissociation may provide a temporarily effective defense mechanism in cases of severe trauma; however, in the long-term, dissociation is associated with decreased psychological functioning and adjustment.

Other symptoms sometimes found along with dissociation in victims of traumatic abuse (often referred to as “sequelae to abuse”) include anxiety, PTSD, low self-esteem, somatization, depression, chronic pain, interpersonal dysfunction, substance abuse, self-mutilation and suicidal ideation or actions. These symptoms may lead the victim to erroneously present the symptoms as the source of the problem.

6. PTSD

Let’s face it. If I didn’t mention PTSD, or Complex PTSD, I would NOT be doing the topic of narcissistic abuse syndrome ANY justice.

Ptsd, in layman’s terms? From a fellow sufferer? A Cerebral anxiety attack that makes your whole body come alive with PALPABLE FEAR. The rapid heart beat, the intrusive and spinning thoughts and fears – just like the abuse is CURRENTLY HAPPENING SEQUENTIALLY ALL OVER AGAIN. This is called RE-LIVING.  It’s as if the traumatic abuse event is occurring in the present tense. All the emotions of fear, shame, shrinking, wincing, looking over your shoulder & walking on eggshells waiting to be attacked ruthlessly AGAIN.     ptsd

Physical numbness –

(toes, fingertips, lips) is common, as is emotional numbness (especially inability to feel joy).

Avoidance –

of places, sounds, tastes, and songs that remind them of their abuser or the abuse. Intense feelings of anxiety even in anticipation of having to revisit the memories.

Memory Loss – Almost all targets report impaired memory. Partially due to conscious avoidance as well as from the damage done to the hippocampus, an area of the brain linked to learning and memory.

Need for solitude / tendency to isolate
We’re EXHAUSTED after narcissistic abuse. Feelings of withdrawal and isolation are common; we just want to be in our own head for a while, find our own answers; thus, solitude is sought.

Lack of Joy and Hope
Inability to feel joy (anhedonia) and deadening of loving feelings towards others are commonly reported. One fears never being able to feel love or trust again.

The target becomes very gloomy and senses a foreshortened future sometimes with justification. Many targets ultimately have severe psychiatric injury, severely impaired health and/or stress related illnesses.

Sleeplessness-
Melatonin became my new best friend after narcissistic abuse. The nightmares and night terrors can be overwhelming that good restorative sleep becomes impossible.  Napping became my new favorite passion.

Sleep becomes almost impossible, despite the constant fatigue; such sleep as is obtained tends to be unsatisfying, unrefreshing and non-restorative. On waking, the person often feels more tired than when they went to bed. Depressive feelings arrive very early in the morning, making falling back to sleep an impossibility.  Feelings of vulnerability and loneliness may be heightened overnight.

Anxiousness, Guilt & Disturbing thoughts – 

Targets have an extremely short fuse and are easily irritated. The person frequently experiences obsessive visions of violence happening to the narcissist  hoping for an accident for, or murdering the narcissist; the resultant feelings of guilt further limit progress in healing.

Fight or Flight Response – 

With your system on alert for ever-present danger in the environment it’s easy to react sensitively to sudden changes – causing the startle response.

Awareness of symptoms – 

It’s very harrowing to realize that you are different from you were before the narcissist; FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT. When you are very aware that PTSD has replaced the narcissist, it emotionally drains the target of any hope for being PERMANENTLY NARCISSISTIC FREE. We don’t want to be constantly reminded and aware of the person we escaped. We want to live freely, however symptoms, are a constant reminder that we DON’T.

Posted on December 1, 2013, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 276 Comments.

  1. I happened to run across this on Pinterest. My jaw is still open and tears streaming down my face, in shock as I read this that this fit my ex husband for 24 years!! These fit me to a T in trying to cope, even the problems with memory. Now I know but how do you heal from this???

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow! Where were you nine years ago??? It’s been a long road and I have often said in response to why I don’t date, “I’ve just been spending time gold leafing my walls!” Humor is another wall I hide behind. I’m happy to report that my son’s psychologist is actually the one who finally explained to me what I have been suffering from all of these years. And it brought relief, no, it brought freedom. My life is mine once again… Finally!
    Thank you for this post, it has brought even more clarity to my soul!

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  3. I have just left my partner of 2 years I wasn’t sure of what was happening to me I felt entrapped by what she was putting me thru I couldn’t talk to anyone :( every day I walked on egg shells I was constantly in fear and insulted by been told I was useless and I was accused of cheating at least once a week but I honestly believe she was unfaithful as I found she was contacting others and leading them on. my mobile phone was always looked thru and I was always accused of cheating even once I rang the local fish + chip shop for a meal to find myself attacked for cheating on her I would even be attacked if my phone was on silent. I was studying for a new career in life and I had to leave my studies as I was been abused constantly by this person for cheating with everyone in my class. I couldn’t see my lifelong friends as I felt and would be accused of been unfaithful. I found myself after 3 months of dating engaged to this lady but I never proposed to her. everything in my life that I enjoyed my interests were destroyed by this person. I could work all day and be abused when I got home for not cooking her meals, vacuuming her house or washing the clothes there was always some problem I was blamed with. This lady would self medicate with alcohol everyday and other substances occasionally and this could make the problems worse. she always made plans without me but expected me to do as she wished but she would never agree to anything I wished to do. I found this ladies mother who lived directly behind us very similar and I would always be insulted and made to feel bad not good enough. both my ex partner and her mother would constantly insult others no-one was ever good enough. my partner had other medical health problems and she played on them constantly but worse than it should have been like a bad hypochondriac and her problems would be put on my shoulders and I was made to feel blamed for what she was going thru. I truly loved this person but I could feel my well being and health depleting rapidly from the abuse I was receiving everyday as I have a disability from a car accident many years ago I think she seen me as a easy target. even though I left this person and her home I get the feeling she believes she kicked me out she likes the control. I feel very damaged from this persons abuse over such a short time but I’m a strong person and i’m sure I will get better in time and re-trust others but I will be very cautious of who I meet in the future.

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  4. Susan Withers

    This pains me to read this. I could have written this column. I’m 9 months past leaving my narcissist of 16 years and I still struggle with healing. God be with everyone that has been through this hell on earth living with a narcissist. My heart goes out to the new “replica of me” that is now engaged to him with his excessive love bombing, unfortunately she has no idea what she is about to incure. Our Lord knows she would never listen to me, I’m sure she has heard horrible stories of me just as I heard horrible stories of his previous wife. None of which I NOW know is untrue.

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  5. Reblogged this on racinby's Blog and commented:
    This is one of the most powerful reads. Awareness can save lives.

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  6. Feeling Hopeless

    My narcissistic mother is taking me to court for visitation for my son, even though she had visitation. It just wasn’t the visitation she wanted. I stopped overnight visitation because my son was failing all of his classes, but we still had dinners with her. That wasn’t good enough and she came over to tell me that she was taking me to court. Afterwards she called repeatedly threatening that she has more money than me and she’ll die broke taking me to court. She told me that if I didn’t agree to what she wanted before court that my son would be taken away from me, despite the fact that I’m a good mom. It was scary. At our first court date it was made clear that the judge is on her side. She even put her hands on me in the courtroom, in front of court officials, and nothing was said or done. I was able to get a PO, but I dropped it at our second court date because she agreed to no contact and therapy. She continued the contact and was not in therapy by our third court date. The judge said that she was in contempt of court, but did not find her in contempt, and gave her another chance to get help and set yet another court date. How do you fight a narcissistic mother that is hell bent on destroying you in every way possible and a court system that is siding with your narcissistic mother? How do you fight it when you no longer have the money to fight it? How do you protect your child against someone when the court refuses to see or listen to the evidence that shows that person is abusive? I have no more money to pay my lawyer, I’ve already spent it all on lawyers. I feel as though I’m screaming at the top of my lungs and no one is listening. No one wants to hear about an abusive grandmother and my voice has grown silent. The abuse continues and the court is allowing it and I have realised that there is nothing I can do.

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  7. Married to a narcissist for 16 years. I ended up having a heart attack at 44. I started suffering with high blood pressure. When I figured out who I married it was like waking up from a nightmare. He did this to me. They are evil predators. Of the devil. The black eyes are empty cold. Like a snake. There is no other explanation. Everything they say and do is aimed at destroying you. To kill your love , rape your soul and disfigure what once were blessings. He is a monster. Glad I’ve finally seen the light
    Crawling out of hell isn’t easy but it is possible

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  8. thanks for posting this im so relate on this.
    i am a victim of narcissistic mother and i grow up on that.
    i dont know how i felt but i was living this pain since when i exist . i dont know where to run and go. im hopeless every day. i dont know if this is a curse. sometimes my friends thinks im insane or im not in my mind. but i felt i am floating everyday i feel numb. i dont know how to feel im just sad about my situation. i want to run away far from here and live my life to become happy forever.

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  9. this explains a lot, i realize now how much in a fog i have been living. i can relate to all but one in varying degrees most of them severely a few moderately but enough for me to realize the problem. i remember brief moments of what i could only call clarity, in which oddly enough i suddenly realized i am a person, it was so odd for the thought to suddenly cross my mind so i would write it off thinking ,well of course i am a person! and of course the moment would fade cause they always made me uncomfortable, like i was suddenly thrust randomly out of my own inner would and could see everything around me as if coming out of a fog and i just wanted to dive back inside myself, live in my head so to speak. also been having trouble remembering things, i can remember being verbally and emotionally abused but i always doubt myself and cant quite remember enough to really be sure that i really went though any of what i feel i did. i am currently trying to work through my memories and understand things better, also realizing this person is most likely a narcissist is very comforting, i now know i dont need to believe her opinions of me, i dont need to fear her disapproval anymore. the hurthful things she says can hurt sometimes but i am learning not to take it to heart anymore much. i feel much more free to think as i believe not as she would want me to think.

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  10. All of these symptoms are not so noticeable in a woman, a woman is emotional anyway and a husbands duty is to love and comfort her, but her chaotic lifestyle would persist, and I really kind of accepted things, and chalk it up to her monthly cycle, which she had lot of flow each month, but the abuse got worse, and looking back I know I became a Narc also, because like this article says, all they blame, you begin to seriously doubt yourself, and metamorphosize into one of these awful beings, While I was married I never heard of a narcissist, after learning all about it, and just how common it is, and beginning to see it in other family members as well, constantly posting pictures of themselves, and lacking in any empathy. Her emotional and financial abuse has put me into poverty, which I am trying to claw my way out of this pit of hell, I lost my beautiful home and job, and had to leave my town, and go bankrupt, I’m in my late fifties now, and she passed away. Maybe I will be back to my previous level in twenty years, Because I have a decent job now, and all i do is work and isolate.

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  11. StandingFirm

    Dear Hemlock:

    You are the one who must not engage with this psychopath. Go NO CONTACT and get a lawyer. As for this ‘stalker’ friend, the police can take care of him. Do you have anyone you trust you can stay with in the meantime? This behaviour your ex is exhibiting is dangerous. My advice is 1) go No Contact, 2) get legal representation 3) find somewhere safe for you and your children to live 4) get counselling. A restraining order may also be necessary. Good luck and God bless.

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  12. Leah in Marin County CA

    I’m currently in a divorce and custody battle with my husband who I just thought was excessively abusive (90% emotional mental psychological & 10% physical) and cruel. He’s a LT COL in the USMC and the military has done nothing despite my TRO’s, constant counseling and his mandated anger management classes he just laughed off. It wasn’t until I met a really good therapist recently who enlightened me by saying “You do realize that your husband is a narcissistic psychopath with OCD….and the chances of him changing after 13 years is extremely slim. He’s toxic and the only person and needs he’ll ever cars about are his own. Get out. Get out NOW.” I was stunned, because although I knew he was a total evil jerk, I never thought about him in those terms – & it’s as if a lightbulb went off and everything made sense.
    For anyone out there who is either married or who has kids with one of these living nightmares, or even suspects they are with one, PLEASE make sure and start gathering evidence (as much 3rd party as possible) immediately – print out every email, note, letter, etc – record them if possible, make at least 3 or more sets of copies and hide in a secret locked safe, or with a trusted family member or friend – because these people, especially the military types, go to great lengths to hide, destroy or explain away their behavior -& they’ll blame YOU. They’ll spin it around so your tiniest infractions and/or innocent mistakes will be blown out of proportion and you may find you’re the one in question. They meticulously cover their tracks & plan ahead by secretly tell everyone (especially the ones who may already doubt you, or who you have the weakest bond with) about the “loving concerns” they have about you: mental instability, suspected alcohol or drug use, erratic behavior- so when you decide to leave, divorce or alert someone (which is usually many years, since you’ve been conditioned that you’re to blame) you may find people responding “Oh, he’s warned us about this, about your behavior and that you may accuse him rather than face your own issues” – which is practically the equivalent of being thrown into an alternative universe, where you’re saying “What’s going on here? How did THIS happen?”
    I’m fighting such an uphill battle because I didn’t have the foresight to gather enough evidence or think that he’d really sink low enough to do those things, hack into my computer & delete all his emails/letters, communicate with all my friends/family by dropping “she’s unstable” hints about me,,making sure they knew I was always “blowing things out of proportion” – he’s accusing me of parental alienation and kidnapping after I fled due to,the abuse, and I’m shocked how little the truth matters & how much these monsters look/act like upstanding citizens. Any prayers would be helpful.
    Good luck to all & God Bless.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Leah,
      It has been 5 years since my divorce from my narcissist and your post describes my life. I still second guess myself because he won over my family and some friends. My sons still live with him.)
      I lost so much in the divorce that I felt God was punishing me for leaving him. Your story has made me realize that it’s a manipulative nightmare getting free of these sociopaths. Continuing to believe in yourself(with God’s help)is the only way to heal from this.
      I too was married 13 years to the same kind of abuser you described.
      Leah, be strong!!
      Roxana

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  13. How does one recover ?

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  14. I am not sure what my husband is or isn’t i, I just know he had exploited my trust inhim and that as an attorney he is intimidating me and taking advantage of my lack of support financially and socially His betrayal of me has left me full of anxiety and rage as he has publicly humiliated me , defamed me and made it impossible for me to protect myself without putting my child and i at risk of being homeless . His sons mother is a therapist and has enabled his abuse by telling him not to engage with me . She has never treated me or assessed me but gave him ongoing permission to abuse and negate me . He will provoke me in texts , issuing threats and marginalizing me . It is all I can do to to respond I begin shaking so badly . As soon as I attempt to convey my dismay he says what’s he told is proper : he tyoes NOT ENGAGING ! Good bye . He cuts me off , refuses to read my emails and acts like anything. Have to say is beside ithe point . It is demeaning and frustratting
    I asked that he attend therapy with me before he unilaterally decuded we were divorcing and announced it on Facebook . Indeed he has been discussing our marriage on face book and calling me a borderline personality and sociopath behind my back . Even my friends seem to believe him .
    I cannot be sure of what is happening anymore , but I kniw that he was intentionally posting these things after I askedthey called me bitter m difficult , a bich .mhe Lapps it up like cream ,especially my suffering . I beg him to stopl the ugliness, it has made my quest to fund work impossible as he and a stalker he knows I have been abused by for years along with all his pals proceed to trash me . I am a who’re one da and the next I am frigid for not sleeping with him ,. I can’t bear the thought if this the sex is si awful . They imply i am violent theough I have never been violent to anyone . He knows that but he and the stalker gleefully say I am a threat to children . They called me a psycho, a terribke mom and a , horrible person I am accised of infidelity when my husband is out chasing coeds who want no part of him , I go to Kmart and get acuused if sleeping with”men” . The stalker accuses me of accused me of stalking and my husband has driven me to it as . I have been kind of stalkin g his FB. I I have to check up in face book to see if they’re up to their antics again bc I am afraid an employer wil, see that ad I will never get work. I shake all the time , I can’t sleep and i feel at odds and on edge .
    Yesterday I asked that he attend a few sessions of therapy with me so that I can have closure . As usual he went into this unnecessary but offensive routine where he repeated that he was NEVER NEVER EVER GOING back with me .
    I have no interest in being with him but I he has unilaterally denied any say so in my marriage and the divorce . He has totally marginalized me . They treat me like I am someone on a very low end of intelligence with a grave MENTAlL illness.l he has betrayed me in every sense and this is an un reparable pain . If he merely apologized in therapy I could get well but he refused and git very aggressive and threatening . I know I don’t come across so wel after these ordeals and my husband uses my childhood as proof that I am a a but because it was in his word “horrific”… maybe so, but I do not abuse or humiliate others . I think after his betrayals and the abusei have been subjected to m it is reasonable to ask that he attend some sessions . He says I need them .i do.but it seems like I have a right to confront t him too U had asked before the divorce but he went alone behind my back then set ne up by inflicting these public humiliations on me . He says I am abusive but the truth is I VAM easily prove he is . Still I know the court and shrinks are never going to force him to go l I cannot live without the truth coming to light . I just can’t
    He twists everything and because I have been isolated up here ( his freinds always have treated me very badly like a third chass person and for no reason ) and have no job , I m at his mercy . Unfortunately he has none and a reasonable request for some sessions has ignited world war three . He is strong arming me with threats of eviction . He will put my son and I in the street if I do not sign immediateky and this will be all my fault so I would be expected to explain why to my child , who he is manipulating.writung this out makes me sick to my stomach . I cannot get well and he seems determined to kill me with this stress . I don’t know what to do because I can’t think straight much less look for jobs as a teacher when he has been slandering me and my being is so tenuous . I have to surrender to his will as he has long wanted . He is stealing my strength and sabotaging me at every turn . Trapped and slowly dying in HUMBOLDT county

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  15. I am not sure what my husband is or isn’t i, I just know he had exploited my trust in in him and that as an attorney he is intimidating me and taking advantage of my lack of support financially and socially His betrayal of me has left me full of anxiety and rage as he has publicly humiliated me , defamed me and made it impossible for me to protect myself without putting my child and i at risk of being homeless . His sons mother is a therapist and has enabled his abide by telling him nit to engage with me . She has never treated me or assessed me but hse gave him ongoing oermission to abuse and negate me . He will provoke me in texts , issuing threats and marginalizing me . It is all I can do to to repsond I begin shaking so badly . As soon as I attempt to convey my dismay he says what’s he told hein he oils : NOT ENGAGING ! Good bye .
    I asked that he attent therapy with me before he unilaterally decuded we were divorcing and announced it on Facebook . Indeed he has been discussing our marriage on face book and calling me a borderline personality and sociopath behind my back . Even my friends seem to believe him .
    I cannot be sure of what is happening anymore , but I sdomknow that he was intentionally posting these things after I asked him to stop l the ugliness made my quest to fund work impossible as he and a stalker he knows I have been abused by poor years and his pals proceeded to trash me . I was fridgit for not sleeping with him , violent theough I have never bee ti anyine ine and he kniws this . They called meostcho , horrible person , and accused me of stalking . I have been kind of stalking as I have to check up in face book to see if they’re up to their antics again l I shake all the time , I can’t sleep and ai fel at odds and on edge .
    Yesterday’s asked that he attend a few sessions of therapy with me so that I can have closure . As usual he went into this unnecessary but where he repeated that he was NEVER NEVER EVER GOING back with me .
    I have no interest in being with him but I he has unilaterally called Al, the shits and marginalized me . They treat melike I am someone on a very low end of intelligence with a grave MENTAlL illness my husband uses my childhood as proof that I am a nit job because it was in his word “horrific”… maybe so, but I do nit abuse or humiliate others . I think after his betrayals and the abuse U have been subjected to m ut is reasonable to ask that he attend some sessions . U had asked before the divorce abut he went alone behind my back then set ne up by inflicting these public humiliations on me .
    He twists everything and because I have been isolated up here ( his freinds always have treated me very badly like a third chass person and for no reason to) and have no job , I mo at his mercy . Unfortunately he has none and a reasonable request for some sessions has ignite world war three . He is strong arming me with threats of eviction . He will put my sin and I in the street if I do not sign immediateky and this will be all my fault so I would be expected to explain why to my child , who he is manipulating. Erupting this out makes me sick to my stomach . I cannot get well and he seems determined to kill me with this stress . I don’t know what to do because I can’t think straight much less look for jobs as a teacher whenwe has been slandering me and my being is so tenuous . I have to surrender to his will as he has long wanted . He is stealing my strength and sabotaging me at every turn . Trapped

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  16. After marrying & living with a sociopath/narcissist for 14 years, the best advice I can give is to stop considering yourself a victim asap. Overcome, move one, do not give one more second of your life to the toxicity. I gave way too much time to this pos.

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  17. I was with him for 6 years. 6 years of pure hell, and he left me for another woman who has a child. Lately all I’ve thought about is reporting her to child services so they can inspect his home for drugs and letting them know he’s an abuser. I don’t know if this makes me vengeful, but I feel guilt ridder because this stupid woman who just thought she “won” him over his “crazy” and “abusive” ex-girlfriend who didn’t want to take care of him anymore brought in her innocent daughter into this monster’s home. She barely knew him, but she was all too eager to throw herself into his life…and her child. It haunts me knowing no child ASKED for this. I know I was not the abuser. I know he was sick. He was the cheater and the liar with the history (after the confrontation he tried to see if I still wanted to try to work it out two weeks later and when I called the house to leave a message to let the woman know he told me what an awful human I was for trying to ruin his life). This is a man who does drugs compulsively, and I feel haunted now that this idiot desperate woman brings in a poor kid. How can she put her own interests before her child?

    Like

  18. Just accurate and perfectly portrayed my experience.

    Like

  19. Reblogged this on Parrots, Prose, and Poetry and commented:
    Spot on. Been there and done that.

    Like

  20. This was eye opening. Thank you.

    Like

  21. Excellent!

    Like

  22. Heather Mccoll

    so happy to find this ,been living this hell for years and have never knew that this kind of hell has a name..it has deterorated me to a isolated worthless person who i never was before..but now im 50 these narcissitic pricks have made me have to die this way..hate hate hate them

    Like

  23. This is the best and most concise article I’ve read…and I have read a LOT of them. This month marks 9 years since I left him. I was a shred of a person at that time. I don’t know how I survived everything he put me through (control, stripping me of the things I loved, stripping me of my confidence, etc.), or how I survived the aftermath that I didn’t know was coming (dissociation, amnesia, flashbacks, etc.). As I read this article, I grew so angry, which is good, because it’s a feeling I’m still not quite used to, as he took that from me as well. I wish we could find therapists who are well trained in this area, as many of the ones I’ve seen really don’t know much about this phenomenon. So, thank you again. Very good read.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. I Unfortunately suffered From every one listed. But it wilk be 1 full Year since I have not seen or spoken to my Narc. I pray I never hear or see him again, in this or any other lifetime!
    #GodisSOREAL
    #HesavedyoumefromME

    Like

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