6 Types of Emotional Abuse by Narcissistic Parents



Narcissistic Parents or caregivers who display rejecting behavior toward a child will often [purposefully or unconsciously] let a child know, in a variety of ways, that he or she is unwanted. Putting down a child’s worth or belittling their needs is one form these types of emotional abuse may take. Other examples can include telling a child to leave or worse, to get out of your face, calling him names or telling the child that he is worthless, making a child the family scapegoat or blaming him for family/sibling problems. Refusing to talk to or holding a young child as he or she grows can also be considered abuse.

    • constant criticism
    • name-calling
    • telling child he/she is ugly
    • yelling or swearing at the child
    • frequent belittling and use of labels such as “stupid” or “idiot”
    • constant demeaning jokes
    • verbal humiliation
    • constant teasing about child’s body type and/or weight
    • expressing regret the child wasn’t born the opposite sex
    • refusing hugs and loving gestures
    • physical abandonment
    • excluding child from family activities
    • treating an adolescent like he is a child
    • expelling the child from the family
  • not allowing a child to make his own reasonable choices


Adults who have had few of their emotional needs met are often unable to respond to the needs of their children. They may not show attachment to the child or provide positive nurturing. They may show no interest in the child, or withhold affection or even fail to recognize the child’s presence. Many times the parent is physically there but emotionally unavailable. Failing to respond to or interact with your child, consistently, constitutes emotional and psychological abuse.

    • no response to infant’s spontaneous social behaviors
    • failure to pay attention to significant events in child’s life
    • lack of attention to schooling, peers, etc.
    • refusing to discuss your child’s activities and interests
    • planning activities/vacations without including your child
    • not accepting the child as an offspring
    • denying required health care
    • denying required dental care
    • failure to engage child in day to day activities
  • failure to protect child


Parents who use threats, yelling and cursing are doing serious psychological damage to their children. Singling out one child to criticize and punish or ridiculing her for displaying normal emotions is abusive. Threatening a child with harsh words, physical harm, abandonment or in extreme cases death is unacceptable. Even in jest, causing a child to be terrified by the use of threats and/or intimidating behavior is some of the worst emotional abuse. This includes witnessing, hearing or knowing that violence is taking place in the home.

    • excessive teasing
    • yelling, cursing and scaring
    • unpredictable and extreme responses to a child’s behavior
    • extreme verbal threats
    • raging, alternating with periods of warmth
    • threatening abandonment
    • berating family members in front of or in ear range of a child
    • threatening to destroy a favorite object
    • threatening to harm a beloved pet
    • forcing child to watch inhumane acts
    • inconsistent demands on the child
    • displaying inconsistent emotions
    • changing the “rules of the game”
    • threatening that the child is adopted or doesn’t belong
    • ridiculing a child in public
    • threatening to reveal intensely embarrassing traits to peers
  • threatening to kick an adolescent out of the house

FACT: Children and youth who witness family violence experience all six types of emotional abuse.

4. Isolating

A parent who abuses a child through isolation may not allow the child to engage in appropriate activities with his or her peers; may keep a baby in his or her room, not exposed to stimulation or may prevent teenagers from participating in extracurricular activities. Requiring a child to stay in his or her room from the time school lets out until the next morning, restricting eating, or forcing a child to isolation or seclusion by keeping her away from family and friends can be destructive and considered emotional abuse depending on the circumstances and severity.

    • leaving a child unattended for long periods
    • keeping a child away from family
    • not allowing a child to have friends
    • not permitting a child to interact with other children
    • rewarding a child for withdrawing from social contact
    • ensuring that a child looks and acts differently than peers
    • isolating a child from peers or social groups
    • insisting on excessive studying and/or chores
    • preventing a child from participating in activities outside the home
  • punishing a child for engaging in normal social experiences

5. Corrupting

Parents who corrupt may permit children to use drugs or alcohol, watch cruel behavior toward animals, watch or look at inappropriate sexual content or to witness or participate in criminal activities such as stealing, assault, prostitution, gambling, etc.
Encouraging an underage child to do things that are illegal or harmful is abusive and should be reported.

    • rewarding child for bullying and/or harassing behavior
    • teaching racism and ethnic biases or bigotry
    • encouraging violence in sporting activities
    • inappropriate reinforcement of sexual activity
    • rewarding a child for lying and stealing
    • rewarding a child for substance abuse or sexual activity
    • supplying child with drugs, alcohol and other illegal substances
  • promoting illegal activities such as selling drugs

6. Exploiting

Exploitation can be considered manipulation or forced activity without regard for a child’s need for development. For instance, repeatedly asking an eight-year-old to be responsible for the family’s dinner is inappropriate. Giving a child responsibilities that are far greater than a child of that age can handle or using a child for profit is abusive.

    • infants and young children expected not to cry
    • anger when infant fails to meet a developmental stage
    • a child expected to be ‘caregiver’ to the parent
    • a child expected to take care of younger siblings
    • blaming a child for misbehavior of siblings
    • unreasonable responsibilities around the house
    • expecting a child to support family financially
    • encouraging participation in pornography
  • sexually abusing child or youth

Credit to teach through love. com


Posted on November 2, 2013, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 61 Comments.

  1. I am 63 yo and still reeling from the sarcasm, shame, and ridicule from my NPD mother…and a psychopath ‘friend’ I had the misfortune to befriend. I will never forget the time both of them were talking about my ‘mental status’ (they used the word ‘retarded’) and the so-called ‘friend’ was sympathizing with my mother…”Look at it this way…even the Kennedy family had a retarded family member.”
    I will never, ever forget what that felt like. Multiply that thousands of times and that is what I heard/experienced throughout my life (from my family alone).

    Good head start, eh? These people were mentally deficient…mental midgets compared to me. I had/have more ’emotional intelligence’ than they could ever imagine…in fact, they had none. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

    They were mental midgets. Funny and ironic how projection works, eh?

    Oh….that feels good (forgive me for being a bit ‘malicious’ myself here…)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. my father has emotionally screwed me over since my very first memory, and it’s always seemed to be aimed at me. maybe because i can only see my own problems, sorta selfish i guess. but i think it’s pretty unexceptable, to be degraded on a daily basis, it was a favourite for him to beat me up, to offer me weed for the age of twelve, bully for my interests in music and writing and leaving me to suffer a panic attack his abuse caused.
    now, after I’ve recently dropped out of high school I’m moving out of the home to live with an aunt. I really want to use this year to detach myself from his disgusting ways.
    I’m only eightteen, there’s so much for me to do I can not let him ruin me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Joey, I am so happy you are going to be living with your Aunt. God bless her for taking you in. I am sorry for what you went through and my heart goes out to you. You have your whole life ahead of you and I wish you all the best. You can do and be anything you want to be. God bless you and keep you.


  3. Reblogged this on Good Parenting at Every Stage and commented:
    Narcissistic Parents or caregivers who display rejecting behavior toward a child will often [purposefully or unconsciously] let a child know, in a variety of ways, that he or she is unwanted.


  4. Been cleaning up after my parents since I can remember being alive. Also recall being coaxed to divulge innermost thoughts & feelings only to be mocked or ridiculed for having them. Or even more often I wasn’t believed. I could have great intentions and I’d still be accused of all kinds of petty things I had never thought about doing. It taught me to compartmentalize my emotions. I never felt worthy of having them if that makes any sense. Regardless I think my parents did the best they knew how to do. We are often blind to our own flaws & I see many improvements that I could make as well. Thanks for posting this list.


  5. I wish I would have known about narcissism years ago. I was in this toxic relationship for far to long. I would love to send this to my ex and his future wife that has younger girls. She has no idea who he is yet. I have lost my oldest in the divorce process. My youngest shows some signs of the manipulation that I am working through. I left when he was 15 now he is almost 18. I so wish I know about these behaviors long ago as I would have left when my kids were younger. Maybe I could have saved them. This is a great article. I just had no idea. The work you are doing is great but needs to reach the masses. God speed to those trying to get out….


  6. My 14 year old daughter was just diagnosed with severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I fought the court for several years begging them not to rule 50/50 custody with her narcissistic father. Seven years later, finding out she was cutting, and tried.to overdose the last week she.was at her.father’s house….they are now starting to listen and realize.they made a grave mistake. I now have a very broken daughter I need.to save and rebuild. Where is the justice in protecting innocent.children?


  7. I have suffered for 43 years, my mother is a narc……im now 44 and since I discovered I was abused I severed all ties with her…and her husband and my older brother. the doc put me on sedatives for the first few months ..the detectives said they cant take it to court due to lack of evidence…I feel to take the law into my own hands, and get revenge. but no I wont because I have a young family and this will be devastating to them…im a strong believer in karma and I also believe in heaven and hell…..I give my problems to the lord and try to get through each day one day at a time.


  8. I’m interested in learning narcissist communication techniques. I know an entire family that was abused and neglected by a narcissistic mother and an enabling father. Now those children are adults and have experienced different – ever evolving outcomes from their upbringing as well as some narcissistic tendencies themselves. It is evident that special communication skills are needed for dealing with narcissists. Narcissism affects self esteem and self-esteem can be situational or characteristic which implies the chicken vs. egg scenario – what comes first, the narcissistic or the behavior? Either way there is no “cure” and people everywhere need to be able to communicate with the narcissist. We know the symptoms, the traits, and that they exist. We know they aren’t going anywhere and we will always come across at least one in our lifetime. What we need are communication skills, coping skills, and the ability to separate them (the person) from their behavior so they don’t have a negative influence on us and kill our self-esteem. We know that healthy breeds healthy just like unhealthy breeds unhealthy. The strength and awareness come when we can get healthy results from an unhealthy situation.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I both love and hate you right now, person who writes these. I knew, and I saw what you wrote before and understood, but I for some reason could blow it off. The areas one parent didn’t hit, the other did. I am bodily female, but all my relatives referred to me as ‘boy.’ There’s way more. I refuse to cry.


  10. Each and every example of these emotional abusive behaviors reminds me of one event had happened to me as a child. I have always knew that my parents’ behavior with me & my siblings is not normal. What hurts me the most is that they really are narcissist. I have watched an episode from dr.Phil show & for the first time I’ve heard the term “maternal narcissism” I was shocked ! now I know the diagnosis so I can start treatment. Today I start my healing journey, I deeply believe that I have nothing to do with their TOXIC nature :)
    Thank you very much. This is helpful


  11. i am waiting on the decision of the cps as to wether or not my parents are going to court over their abuse to me and my siblings….i just cant understand how it took so long to discover they were narcs…maybe it was because mother kept us all isolated from each other so that we couldnt discuss what was really happening…she must have been exhausted keeping up with the falseness of everything…but life must go on….i cant stop thinking of revenge though, well must get off..bye and take care.


  12. everything on the list has happened to me, for all of my 43 years of life…


  13. My dad only did 3 of the 6 to me. Does that mean he’s a narc or not?


  14. Great.. It took me a year to figure out my mother was a narcissist… And a few months to be finally confirmed now that my father is also a narcissist.. I am defiantly a co dependant but I’m glad I am a codependent and not another narcissist.
    Wow my life sucks! Right now I basically have no one who loves me. My whole life has been a lie. I wish I was born in a different family.. It should be illegal for narcissists to have/take care of children because we have suffered so much and so many children are suffering right now!


  15. I’m an adult of an ignoring narcissist mother. Nine kids, I was a younger one and by the time she had me, she had used up all her natural mothering quota and left us to raise ourselves. Would may have worked if my older siblings hadn’t been so damaged by her narcissism and my father’s ” go to work and go to bed” attitude. I was subjected to tortuous treatment and neglect while mommy dearest tended to her own outside the house needs. Brothers on drugs, brothers terrorizing me, brothers molesting me, we lived in a house of horror and I was in the front seat of a long movie titled “violence and dysfunction”. But that little girl took very good notes and made sure her kids would never lack clean clothes, toothbrushes, a clean house, attentive, loving parents who cared what they were doing and involved in and a violence free home that friends could come to….fast forward: not bad little girl. Your kids are all grown and educated and loving of one another and they make me cry at their normalcy as it’s so foreign to me….But, sadly, that “little girl” aka 55 year woman has lingering self doubts and low self esteem and a ingrained loneliness that is a byproduct of a childhood wrought in dysfunction and violence. For no matter how hard I tried to correct the dysfunction in my children, the footprints of my painful childhood left marks on my soul that will never fade….and for that little girl, I cry…

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Very sad…currently going through court to see my granddaughters who has a narc father ..he turned my daughter into a basket case. ( he has custody ) but even knowing what he is she supports him( prob has too ) the kids are so brained washed that they told the councillor that they deserve the punishments he inflicts…yeah wish g”ma would make us go to bed early an not take us nice places….trouble is he even has the councillor believing he so nice…!!!!


  17. Wonderful post! Awareness is key, and this article is very informative.


  18. Reblogged this on Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD and commented:
    It’s interesting how many of these I endured, as a child, as well as scape goating abuse and the sexual abuse enabled.


  19. I know a narc… She lives down the road to me… Has many names and currently is calling herself Donna…


  20. Dorothy (Doro) Reeves

    Victoria, I tried playing your videos. Instead of a video, a sign came up that said “This video does not exist”. Oh well. – Doro


  21. My mother-in-law…. all day


  22. We could all easily see some of these traits in ourselves…but it is the combination on a regular basis that is the problem. And narcissism breeds more of it creating toxic co-dependent relationships. I had to move 3000 miles away from a very narcissistic person so I could raise my child out of his clutches. He has one child that is just like him..the oldest that had the greatest amount of time under his influence….the others had limited. She actually tried to harm my child, the youngest of the bunch as she saw her as competition. This was when she was 16 years old and my child was 2. The way I was raised was with a raging mother..depressed..bipolar..suffered from PTSD and us children got the wrath. Dad was a drinker and never around but was nice when he was around. I find myself beginning to feel ‘rages’ come on…with my own kid..but I always temper them…take the breaths. I am committed to not repeating this lovely handed down trait. My child is loved…respected…and far away from anyone trying to emotionally manipulate her.


  23. I Meant to up load this video… apologies!… Narcissistic Parent: Collateral Damage


  24. Sending everyone love and light. I am a holistic psychotherapist and here is the video I uploaded a while back but thought it would be use.


  25. I wish I had known these things before I married my ex and even while going through the divorce. It has affected my boys so poorly. It breaks my heart.


  26. Dorothy (Doro) Reeves

    Okay, guess I’ll try this again and see if my post sticks this time.
    I was emotionally & psychologically abused by both my parents, most of which falls under the “rejecting” category. Out of the fifteen types of behavior under that category, they were guilty of at least ten. My brother was their “golden boy”, aptly called “Boy Wonder” by our father. His pet name for me was “Knothead”. As a teenager, I developed a severe eating disorder which had my weight yo-yo up & down almost constantly, while my mother routinely made rude comments about my weight and body image. Even after literally decades of therapy, I still feel some residual anger left over from all that. As an adult my brother remains an insufferable narcissist, for which our parents are mostly to blame.
    A first cousin I was closely bonded with for many years has also turned out to be a narcissist as well as porn addict. What a mess.
    I am sick of the narcissism in this family. I still have a legal battle to deal with, involving my brother as adversary, over the family trust. Once that is over, I’m putting the period on it and moving on, never to look back. I’ve learned to find love and acceptance elsewhere.
    – Doro


  27. So many of these my husband is guilty of. Left him two months ago. But of course, he says I’m the one who messed up and needs helps. Sick.


  28. This is a tough call. I have a 4yo and a 2yo and am NOT by any means a perfect parent. No one is. My mom was single and we couldn’t afford dental care and I luckily never had to go. sometimes I am so sleep-deprived that I lose my patience. I think we grow up and take responsibility for our own happiness and stop blaming our parents for every little thing they may have done wrong and focus on the GOOD things they did. It makes US happier and forgiving and less expectations on ourselves as parents. This list does contain some sad things but it also enables people to overcriticize parents who were imperfect yet doing their best.


  29. No doubt there have been more studies and more books written about Narcissism. Does anyone have any good suggestions or recommendations? I would appreciate it. Thank you!


  30. Narcs BTW never apologize as their ego’s won’t allow them to consider they may be the problem while they launch an all out campaign to convince those around you, you are the crazy one. I have a cousin I just learned is going through the same and is in that place where you question what YOU DID wrong to cause them to mistreat and abuse you. I spent 16 hours in tele convo (as we live 3K miles apart) and advised her to hold her ground. She struggles with deep anger and depression now, given what her Narc put her through last year. I’m still in shock. Listening to her describe her 32 year marriage brings it all back for me. I’m in the process of gathering as much reading material as I can to mail to her and advised she get professional help with one who specializes in Narcissism abuse and like yesterday as her Narc is still in the picture with her last child in the home who is suffering as well as a result. Listening to her weep is like reliving my nightmare. It makes me ill. Our mothers are/were sisters. The result of our talking, allowing her to share, vent and release when we spoke a couple of days later, I could hear a change in her voice and attitude. She is stronger and determined to take the bull by the horns. Advised to resist the urge to respond predictably rather, don’t be drawn into the engage and counter game as he is postured and preparing to repeat the past.These Narcs have been honing their skills for years. About acquiring the skills, tools to deal with them and getting out unless they come to the realization they need intense therapy, long term.


  31. My mother was the narcissist I would come to learn (when a word to describe the emotional, psychological, verbal and physical abuse came into existence). My father would drink to escape her tirades and when he got angry enough my sisters and I (especially me, because I would give them lip when the abuse became too great) would, recalling vividly the term used get the “tar beat out of us.” It was hell. I would then end up marrying what I call the silent but deadly Narc (diagnosed an extreme Passive Aggressive Narc) and producing 2 out of 3 children just like him. Add to this group my twin sister and my best friend. Yes, I was diagnosed PTSD. I live a fairly secluded life now indulging in my art as it seems I’m the epitome of a Narc magnet. Best friend I finally dismissed over a year ago and the twin I keep at arms distance limiting interactions all together for long periods of time as she appears to grow worse over the years carrying on where my mother left off. Thirty six years of living the way I grew up always postured to be abandoned, demeaned, degraded, etc. to being pat on the head like a dog when I was a “good little girl” was torture. Then thrown away to suffer another 9 years of torment. After some therapy by 3 different Narcs off and on for over 3 years (one of which made advances, another excused the rape by my husband away due to his being too drunk to remember). The poisoning of 5 of my beloved horses (one of which died) an act of intimidation I would be told was ignored because the Narc that I spent the greater part of my life with, is a powerful and influential person in our small town community and a year ago this week I was reminded how much power he has. Yes, it’s always having to look over my shoulder when I venture out wondering when he will carry out his most extreme threat. I would begin to read what materials I could locate to understand the how’s and why’s. I’m still standing because of my faith in God. The healing is a slow and painful process and I suspect will continue until my day is done. The pain never goes away nor a day goes by that I don’t sob. I could never put my finger on my mother’s behavior until very recently as certain facts began to surface. She passed away 3 years ago. I would excuse away her cruelties simply rationalizing that her childhood was not as she portrayed. I was right. I forgave her long ago. My ex a whole different story. This is where I struggle the most, forgiving what he has done to me and more so, to my children- it’s seemingly impossible which leads to more guilt and fear that I never will, thus suffer more punishment because this is the one hurdle I can’t get over. When I ventured out to marry I determined not to follow in my mother’s footsteps where my identical twin and youngest sister did in varying degrees (always constant reminders throughout the years) which kept me I believe, accutely aware and cautious to keep myself in check. The accounts above are so similar to mine and so very sad there are so many hurting people out there trying to just live life and no doubt wondering “why me.” By coming here and being able to share our experiences in this forum perhaps others will become aware and educated, learning better coping skills, suffer less and began to heal. Not a way to live as we victims become survivors having been through a war of sorts. I only hope that by speaking out and sharing can lesson the Narcs population, like a cancer, from growing worse. They need to be exposed. Those who refuse to accept responsiblity for their actions, get help may they rot in hell. My heart goes out to all of you. God Bless.


  32. I didnt even realise i had some of these traits, towards my daughter. i am so sorry for that and at least i can change, but i must have had them when i was younger through learned behaviour, my mum must have been like it, she certainly is now,she puts me down when ever she can about my past, really should learn to forgive and forget oh no not mum, i have and so have the people all around me, i move in different circles now .I am better off for it.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. This is a hard one for me. While my father did clearly display narcissistic, selfish, hateful, and self-serving behavior and made it very clear he didn’t love his children nor want them, my mother however was a complicated one. She was very… hateful toward me and my sister and constantly spewed language and behavior at us that no child should ever be subjected to from a person that is clearly supposed to love them.
    That being said however, my mother did the best she could to provide food, shelter, and clothes on our backs growing up despite having failed at everything else and either pitting my sister and I against each other, or favoring my sister over me.
    I eventually could no longer take anymore abuse and moved out on my own. My sister was trouble even as a child that became an out of control teenager that eventually my mother forcefully threw out of her house.

    While my sister remained in contact with my mother, both of us struggled, however since my sister became a mother herself she had help. I unfortunately had nothing and struggled incredibly hard to survive. Our mother systematically cut us off from medical care, then disinherited us, and when I found myself having to choose between paying my rent and eating or family gatherings, my mother would not lift a finger to help her struggling yet working poor son.

    Eventually at the age of 23, I severed all ties from my mother. I grew tired of listening to fights, criticism, judgements, being called names, and being told I am “an ugly piece a shit that should never have been born”. For 17 years I had to listen to that, fights with my sibling, being bullied as a kid, and generally was alone most of the time.

    The reaction my mother had was to tell everyone in my family “I don’t know what I did to my son why he refuses to talk or see me”. Denial and refusing to accept responsibility is common, but her stubbornness to even apologize for her mistakes and I learning to love myself and cutting her completely out made me understand I am not the one with the problem here.

    I loved my mother.

    This was not easy but I know I did the right thing.


    • 1st of all a huge well done on cutting your mother completely out. I’m inspired by your courage and self love. The kind of treatment you got from your mom is exactly how my mom treated me and is still treating me. She has made my life a living hell, drained me emotionally, physically and it seems like she gets some form of sick pleasure from watching me suffer emotionally. I’m 25 still struggling to make it in life, because I hv very low self confidence, inability to connect/engage with people or build solid long lasting relationships/friendships, I’m impatient and give up easilly (all of which I’m working on improving, I’ve made some progress, thanks to sites like this one). I moved out from home at age 22 but unfortunately I’m still financially dependant on her as I’m studying full time. Even though I’ve moved out she still frustrates me by drops the phone calls on my ear, she doesn’t return my calls, and she makes sure she takes long b4 she gives me money, I have to complain a thousand times 4 her to deposit to my account. Not to mention how she has turned my lil sister and relatives against me, basically everybody believes she is an angel and I am a problem child who doesn’t listen to her “parents”. Well I don’t have the energy to handle this anymore, what’s the use of keeping people that destroying my whole being, my existance. I’ve accepted that she was just an envelope that delivered me to earth, nothing more, and her job is done, infact it was done right after I was born. I feel so much bitterness, anger and resentment towards her, if it was possible I would remove every DNA, cell, blood and whatever else that relates me to her. I just want to cut all ties with her and her entire family and move faaarrrr away. Start afresh, heal emotionally & mentally, find who is me outside of this pain and find out what it means to be happy and free.


  34. I grew up in this kind of environment, I am 45 years old. I still struggle with these behaviours on a daily basis, I know the difference between right and wrong, Sometimes I need to just go to a quiet place and remind myself that I am ok and I have a choice. When I make a mistake I discuss my behaviour with my son, I tell him I am sorry, I have shared with him my past, how I grew up. Now that he is older he understands. I love him so much, in my home we tell each other that we love each other often. He does not blame me, he often forgives me and he confronts me when I am acting out on old attitudes and behaviours.

    I forgive my family, they did not know any better they were taught this at an Indian Residential School by Religious Leaders, Nuns and Priests. I don’t know why, however it is in the past I let it go.

    Overcoming the trauma experienced as a child has dark and lingering affects. I became a mother at 34, because I finally felt ready and stable enough to have a child. I did not want to continue the cycle of abuse. Every day I thank my maker for being allowed the privilege of being someone’s mom. I am not perfect but I am capable.

    Thank you for posting this, you bring awareness to many. Hopefully one day these experiences will be a hollow memory for mankind.


  35. Surprisingly, I used to lock up my younger sisters and brothers when my parents drank and fought. I would lock them in my room and turn up my radio real loud so that they couldn’t hear the fighting. I did this as long as I could remember even when I went after my Dad with a butcher knife at 11 years old. Of course I was blamed for rotten behavior. The one good thing that ever happened and I believe God was there to make sure was that none of my younger sisters or brothers will batter their spouses or loved ones because of what they would have seen…I on the other hand, have been diagnosed with Batterer’s Syndrome ( unusual considering I am female), Borderline Personality Disorder and have been Bi-Polar since I can remember. I have a rage disorder that I need to be on meds in order not to go to jail. The only thing I have ever wanted from my Mother, (Dad is dead, was not abusive as much as he was a alcoholic) was to hear her say she was sorry for what happened when I was little. She never will as she thinks she gave 110% percent to her kids and that I just didn’t appreciate her…I suffered all 6 of the above and I am coming to grips with it. I always treat my daughter with all the respect and dignity that one should always show another human being. I have forgiven my parents, but I no longer talk to my mom. She has always made it evident that I am not wanted near her. I never hit her or disrespected her as I was growing up, but I would never be like her, especially around my daughter or grandbabies. I also have been fortunate to have a loving man in my life to help me through it and rediscover my life for what it should be.


    • You just wrote my entire childhood from locking my siblings in a room to cover up the fighting from trying to kill my father at 11. He beat my mother every night and thought nothing of it. Still today I hate him and can’t forgive him no matter how hard I try. I attend church and pray for my family and husband because I know how hard it can be. Though my parents are seperated he is still a bully. Fortunately my brother is 6’5 and has personally told my father that if he even hears a negative word from him to my mother he’s done. Of course violence is not the answer but after seeing and hearing so much, can you blame him?!


  36. I wrote this to start the begining of healing that the World desperately need…this is where it all starts and ends…..ourselves,

    These Are The Portals Of Evil

    The body is the portal to which Evil uses to enter the Universe, our World, and our Lives. Evil could not exist without these three portals:

    1. Speech
    If all Man, Woman and Child said nothing harmful or misleading, conflict and war would not exist. There would still be differences but they would be resolved in favor for all Man, Woman and Child with words of wisdom and concern.
    (Our emotions and feelings at the time make up the words that come out of our mouth. Knowing this you should know that while speaking in a destructive mind state you are about to say something harmful and destructive, and it would be wise at this moment to hold your tongue (harsh and demeaning words you can’t take back, should never be heard…be it directly to or spread by rumor). And no Man, Woman or Child should have the need to mislead or lie to another. To end lying we must look at what we lie for, into what we try to accomplish by lying? We lie to make ourselves look honest, we lie to make ourselves look responsible, we lie to gain acceptance, we lie to make ourselves look faithful, we lie to make ourselves look trust worthy, dependable, concerned and kind, we lie to eat well, we lie to live comfortable. We must acknowledge then teach our children and show our families and friends that people who live truly Godly don’t lie to have or be these things; they just do and are.)

    2. Body Action
    If a hand is not raised, a person is not struck.
    If a sword is not waved, a person is not cut.
    If a trigger is not pulled, a bullet can’t fly.
    If a fire is not set, a home is not burned.
    If a button is not pushed, a missile is not launched.
    (Our emotions and feelings at the time; sometimes trigger body reflexes that harms another person be it intent or involuntary, it is uncalled for, unacceptable and avoidable. No one is struck for no reason and out of nowhere; there is always either a difference of emotions, a difference of understanding, a difference in belief, a difference in culture, be it whatever the difference; lack of Love, Concern, Respect or Self-Control, there is no excuse to harm someone else. That is not the way of our Great Creator, God gave us this World to Love one another, to Create and Sing for one another, to Entertain and Invent for one another and to Share Joy with one another. We are here to live for one another, but we live for self. We want to control everything, but we can’t control ourselves. We want to have it all, but we refuse to share. All problems have an answer that doesn’t involve violence and has a solution that is best for all involved, but it can only be seen through the eyes of truly Godly People, which every Man, Woman and Child should be.)

    3. Sign Language
    If no Man, Woman or Child made an obscene jester or smirk, no-one would feel intimidated, put down or beneath by another.
    (As simple as a wave of a particular finger, the roll of your eyes, and the raise of one of your lips, intimidates and hits as hard as a punch in the face, but a truly Godly person see these actions as silly…as a view into that person’s lost soul and as a warning sign to an unwanted situation about to unfold.)

    Controlling these portals doesn’t mean that bad things won’t happen, but it will mean that it didn’t happen because of a Man, Woman or Child, and that’s not Evil; that’s Life, something we all will come together to confront and resolve because of care for one another.

    Mankind’s true Greatness is at the mercy of our uncontrolled selves.

    Don’t be a portal to Evil. Do your part to live true Life, the way our Great Creator intended.
    Control yourself…control Evil’s portals.


  37. “You Are God’s Art Work”

    You are God’s Art Work. When you understand this; you understand the importance of being and the importance and beauty of another’s being.
    Imagine a child of any age, with his or her coloring pencils drawing on a piece of paper. Tongue stuck out, eyes focused and every mark in its place. The yellow is where he or she wants it, there’s just enough blue and every line and dot in the background makes that child’s art work complete. It took some time, but it was worth it. This child is so proud of his or herself, sitting back gazing at his or her creation, knowing that he or she will never create this one masterpiece ever again. Can you feel that child’s joy, that child’s love for his or her creation?
    Now, imagine another child with only one black flat tip marker, with only two strokes in only two seconds ruin the first child’s creation before he or she was able to show it to anyone. Can you feel that child’s pain, that child’s anger?
    You are God’s Art Work. And every Man, Woman and Child should be treated as such.
    Every scar you made on another Man, Woman or Child was a mark on one of God’s many Great Masterpieces (if you never done so, I congratulate you and ask you never feel this shame). This is how wrong our world is. You should feel ashame to have another bare the mark of your rage and even worse if you bare the mark of another because of your own wrong way of living. This is not a hard task but it must be dealt with where the problem begins. It begins with you. If you have a thought, an idea, the feeling or if someone is pushing you to hurt or harm or even dislike anyone in any manner at any time, you should have the wisdom and compassion to know that this is wrong, that this is not right and want to resolve the matter of not; the difference of the other person, but why I feel this way towards them.
    Now, imagine a world with no man made scars created in anger or dislike. Can you see a World with no war, a World with no animosity toward one another Worldwide…a World without one man made bruise in anger toward another? That world can be, just by respecting…God’s Art Work.

    Is Museum Art more important than God’s?

    These are thoughts for our wolrd to heal it from all the wrong we bring into it, we must look at ourself and see our faults and change our behavior tward one another to make this World a the wonderful place God made for us….
    “Greater will be the place in heaven for the A__hole that can hold His or Her tounge and actions here on Earth.”
    Quote By Anthony BamBam!! Thomas

     


  38. Reblogged this on what we discovered and commented:
    I had a narcissistic adoptive mother… this list is brilliant


  39. Rough, and painful, simply because it’s so accurate.


  40. I had to read this a few times before my mind would actually let me retrieve some of those memories…I can say yes to all 6 of these. The first 4 go without saying. 5 is a little bit of a gray area but there were a lot of very inappropriate words used for people with Downs syndrome or people of color in my house…made it very awkward when I later made friends with people who fit into those categories. There was also the anti-Asian, “yipanese” attitude that mysteriously went away whenever my 6’0, very Japanese husband was around.
    Then #6…nothing, then I remembered when she got into a car accident when I was 9 and broke her hip. For the whole summer I had to stay inside and take care of her, instead of my parents trying to get someone to look after me, spend time with me, do normal kid stuff…I was literally picking up lint off the carpet at her command.


    • The constant ‘criticism’ makes you doubt your own worth in the end doesn’t it? I remember my mother actually telling me on a couple of occasions, “You were a mistake, we didn’t want you.” Great to make you feel ‘worthwhile’. Usually I could tell when some criticism was about to come my way because the communication would always start with my name first, “Paul, …” The important thing to remember is that we survived and that we are the better people for that! Stay strong.




  42. Thank you for posting this. I am the oldest of 6 children and was raised in a very abusive family. My mother was a narcisstic parent and my father enabled her and I was her favorite target for both physical and emotional abuse. I experienced everything from the first 3’categories everyday. I won’t go into all the gory details but it helps to know there are other people who understand out there.


  43. I can certainly relate to some of these!


  44. I am going through a divorce from a narcissist and his mother. When my children have contact with them, the 6 year old always comes back saying he has a much better time with daddy, would rather live with him, gets much bigger and better toys from him etc. I see this as his way of coping with the confusion he must be experiencing having separated parents, and he wants to try and manipulate me. Of course I don’t allow it to upset me as I know the children are far better off with me and that I am a good mother who provides for them in every sense (emotionally and practically), and instead say how happy I am that he has such a good time at daddy’s, because if he didn’t then I would be sad.
    I have no control over what happens when my children visit their dad, as long as they are safe and happy that is all I can hope for. What I can see happening, however, it that the dad and his mum will be using the children to feed their own egos by probing into the children to get information from them about life living with their mother, me, and using bribery in the form of toys and sweets to encourage the childrens’ positive perception of them over me. At the end of the day, when it comes to a narcissist, it is all about ‘them’, right?
    So the experience that the children are getting from their narcissistic father and grandmother is not characterised in any of the above forms of abuse, but I still see that the children are being ‘used’, if not ‘abused’ by them to fulfill their ego needs. It is not abnormal for children to try to play their parents off against each other and I just hope that this form of manipulation is something that my 6 year old will naturally grow out of, rather than see him develop into a narcissist like his father.


    • Montana's Mommy

      Need to nip this in bud. Document everything. Go to court. Get eval on all. Read Bill Eddy’s “IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!” This book will change your behavior on how you react.


    • how are your boys now? i hope thhey have recovered! im currently at this stage and dont know what to do, our youngest still has regular contact, i dont want to stop this but feel if i dont do somthing she or i will suffer hes turning her against me and withall the extravagant gifts and outings he is winning and he question her all the time.i dont know what to do for the best. just wondered if and how you have managed. . we can do this, they wont win


    • This reply is months late, and I am wondering how it is panning out. I have had the same experience, and right now I am in court, something I didn’t wish to do. In spite of my behavior being like yours, the court sees it as a mutual conflict and that we are both not considering the interests of the child by embroiling her in a court conflict. Any informed person knows that it doesn’t take two to tango where there is abuse, but the court doesn’t see that. As long as the kids see him being mean to me and as long as I respond to his allegations (with well documented evidence), we are in a conflict and the child’s symptoms of emotional abuse are seen as being caught up in the conflict. The eval won’t accept the child’s own words of being terrorized and his fearful reactions are the evaluator insists that this child is simply mirroring the conflict. No help in court.


  45. So glad I saved my youngest daughter from her father. This is him up and down. Just wish my oldest daughter was not just like him.


  1. Pingback: 6 Types of Emotional Abuse by Narcissistic Parents | After … | extraordinaryireland

  2. Pingback: Mis padres (que todo el mundo pensaba que eran tan perfectos cristianos) son extremadamente culpable de los cuatro primeros en la lista

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