6 Types of Emotional Abuse by Narcissistic Parents

ChildAbuseImageWithHand1

1. REJECTING 

Narcissistic Parents or caregivers who display rejecting behavior toward a child will often [purposefully or unconsciously] let a child know, in a variety of ways, that he or she is unwanted. Putting down a child’s worth or belittling their needs is one form these types of emotional abuse may take. Other examples can include telling a child to leave or worse, to get out of your face, calling him names or telling the child that he is worthless, making a child the family scapegoat or blaming him for family/sibling problems. Refusing to talk to or holding a young child as he or she grows can also be considered abuse.

    • constant criticism
    • name-calling
    • telling child he/she is ugly
    • yelling or swearing at the child
    • frequent belittling and use of labels such as “stupid” or “idiot”
    • constant demeaning jokes
    • verbal humiliation
    • constant teasing about child’s body type and/or weight
    • expressing regret the child wasn’t born the opposite sex
    • refusing hugs and loving gestures
    • physical abandonment
    • excluding child from family activities
    • treating an adolescent like he is a child
    • expelling the child from the family
  • not allowing a child to make his own reasonable choices

2. IGNORING 

Adults who have had few of their emotional needs met are often unable to respond to the needs of their children. They may not show attachment to the child or provide positive nurturing. They may show no interest in the child, or withhold affection or even fail to recognize the child’s presence. Many times the parent is physically there but emotionally unavailable. Failing to respond to or interact with your child, consistently, constitutes emotional and psychological abuse.

    • no response to infant’s spontaneous social behaviors
    • failure to pay attention to significant events in child’s life
    • lack of attention to schooling, peers, etc.
    • refusing to discuss your child’s activities and interests
    • planning activities/vacations without including your child
    • not accepting the child as an offspring
    • denying required health care
    • denying required dental care
    • failure to engage child in day to day activities
  • failure to protect child

3. TERRORIZING

Parents who use threats, yelling and cursing are doing serious psychological damage to their children. Singling out one child to criticize and punish or ridiculing her for displaying normal emotions is abusive. Threatening a child with harsh words, physical harm, abandonment or in extreme cases death is unacceptable. Even in jest, causing a child to be terrified by the use of threats and/or intimidating behavior is some of the worst emotional abuse. This includes witnessing, hearing or knowing that violence is taking place in the home.

    • excessive teasing
    • yelling, cursing and scaring
    • unpredictable and extreme responses to a child’s behavior
    • extreme verbal threats
    • raging, alternating with periods of warmth
    • threatening abandonment
    • berating family members in front of or in ear range of a child
    • threatening to destroy a favorite object
    • threatening to harm a beloved pet
    • forcing child to watch inhumane acts
    • inconsistent demands on the child
    • displaying inconsistent emotions
    • changing the “rules of the game”
    • threatening that the child is adopted or doesn’t belong
    • ridiculing a child in public
    • threatening to reveal intensely embarrassing traits to peers
  • threatening to kick an adolescent out of the house

FACT: Children and youth who witness family violence experience all six types of emotional abuse.

4. Isolating

A parent who abuses a child through isolation may not allow the child to engage in appropriate activities with his or her peers; may keep a baby in his or her room, not exposed to stimulation or may prevent teenagers from participating in extracurricular activities. Requiring a child to stay in his or her room from the time school lets out until the next morning, restricting eating, or forcing a child to isolation or seclusion by keeping her away from family and friends can be destructive and considered emotional abuse depending on the circumstances and severity.

    • leaving a child unattended for long periods
    • keeping a child away from family
    • not allowing a child to have friends
    • not permitting a child to interact with other children
    • rewarding a child for withdrawing from social contact
    • ensuring that a child looks and acts differently than peers
    • isolating a child from peers or social groups
    • insisting on excessive studying and/or chores
    • preventing a child from participating in activities outside the home
  • punishing a child for engaging in normal social experiences

5. Corrupting

Parents who corrupt may permit children to use drugs or alcohol, watch cruel behavior toward animals, watch or look at inappropriate sexual content or to witness or participate in criminal activities such as stealing, assault, prostitution, gambling, etc.
Encouraging an underage child to do things that are illegal or harmful is abusive and should be reported.

    • rewarding child for bullying and/or harassing behavior
    • teaching racism and ethnic biases or bigotry
    • encouraging violence in sporting activities
    • inappropriate reinforcement of sexual activity
    • rewarding a child for lying and stealing
    • rewarding a child for substance abuse or sexual activity
    • supplying child with drugs, alcohol and other illegal substances
  • promoting illegal activities such as selling drugs

6. Exploiting

Exploitation can be considered manipulation or forced activity without regard for a child’s need for development. For instance, repeatedly asking an eight-year-old to be responsible for the family’s dinner is inappropriate. Giving a child responsibilities that are far greater than a child of that age can handle or using a child for profit is abusive.

    • infants and young children expected not to cry
    • anger when infant fails to meet a developmental stage
    • a child expected to be ‘caregiver’ to the parent
    • a child expected to take care of younger siblings
    • blaming a child for misbehavior of siblings
    • unreasonable responsibilities around the house
    • expecting a child to support family financially
    • encouraging participation in pornography
  • sexually abusing child or youth

Credit to teach through love. com

http://www.teach-through-love.com/types-of-emotional-abuse.html

Posted on November 2, 2013, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 137 Comments.

  1. It’s amazing that after forty eight years how normalized these things are in my eyes. I would venture that another serious side effect of these abuses to children is that as the child gets older they develop an ACUTE inability to see their actual worth, as the negative mindset becomes ingrained in the personality and accepted as normal life by the victim, causing them to fail to ever achieve any sort of real happiness or stability as they constantly undermine themselves and at the same time don’t even have enough self worth to see a problem let alone get any help for it or even try to do something about it. I’m just sayin.

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  2. Most of the points here describe my family. Society still thinks that marriage and family are a positive good, and that every malignant narcissist and sociopath has the right to marry and beget children. Society is tailor-made for persons (and I hesitate to call them “persons”) with serious personality disorders, and it’s only when the disorder becomes too obvious to ignore that it gets the recognition it needs.

    Now that the disordered Trump is president, perhaps we can start discussing NPD. Given the frequency of narcissism, and their tendency to go after positions of power, we will have to pay more attention to it as a serious, but common illness. But will we? I think we won’t. God bless America, land of the obtuse and the oblivious.

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    • I am tolerant of many things, but when an abusive personality of someone, whose obvious unhappiness with a situation that they can do nothing about and it happens to be a political issue about which that they spew their antagonistic bile, I have to say SOMETHING, So it would be nice if you could use the proper medium. THIS IS NOT IT. You people have thousands upon thousands of different sites to vent your political stuff, this is about HELPING PEOPLE, and acting the way you did, you yourself are part of the problem that this article address. Are you completely UNAWARE of just how you are part of the problem? Sorry I’m not paid enough to try and figure you out. All I know is that this article addresses people who are abusive and inflict themselves and their opinions on others in a Mindless and blindly selfish manner and you sir have done just that by trying to incite petty arguments with your political jab. Could it be that you are simply jealous of the man? Because, if he was anything that you or any of the other liberals that are unhappy with the results of the election assert, he would not be the president.He’s a better man than you, he is a better man than me, show some respect and try and address your issues of insulting and accosting others, giving unwanted help and advice instead of dealing with your own issues that you CLEARLY need help with. P.S. Mr Trump took a serious class step down Word in Life lowering himself into the political Arena he did not have to he loves his country and he has volunteered himself he is the first president in history that did not need the presidency to make himself he is what everyone has been told since the day they went to elementary school in this country anyone can be president even one who wasn’t groomed by the political lead on their lives I would think people would be happier to have this non company man in the office but nothing makes you happy so you share it with others, your want happiness that is. I hope this little look in the mirror helps you in some way, I’m out.

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  3. Most of the points here describe my family. Society still thinks that marriage and family are a positive good, and that every malignant narcissist and sociopath has the right to marry and beget children. Society is tailor-made for persons (and I hesitate to call them “persons”) with serious personality disorders, and it’s only when the disorder becomes too obvious to ignore that it gets the recognition it needs.

    Now that the disordered Trump is president, perhaps we can start discussing NPD. Given the frequency of narcissism, and their tendency to go after positions of power, we will have to pay more attention to it as a serious, but common illness. But will we? I think we won’t. God bless America, land of the obtuse and the oblivious.

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  4. Hi. This is maybe too childish for you all to read, I’m turning 20 this year. I know some people maybe think that my pain was just pain that teenagers felt. But this is getting unbearable lately. My mom turns 50 this September. Since I was in Middle School, she keeps degrading me about my physical appearance (She said I’m ugly, my face and my teeth isn’t in a right shape), and about my school life. She keeps saying that I am an ungrateful children just because I woke up late when I was on holiday. She said one time that she feels ashamed about me in this family just because I wore ripped jeans, She is always wishing for my misfortunes. If I stand up for myself, she will said ” You think you make all the money in this family? (She is a housewife, she doesn’t go to work. My dad does.) You will feel as miserable as I am if you had child like you.” or “Your children will repay you as how you treated me badly right now.” when she all just did was cleaning up the house, because she didn’t want to pay more for a housekeeper (She actually has money for that) and she always bring religion into this like “Read your Qur’an so you know how to treat your parents right and not letting them tired (still about cleaning and waking up late)” even when there’s nothing to do with me she is still wishing for my misfortunes (My dad and her went to her friend’s daughter wedding, well you can say it’s a low budget wedding, and my dad started to say about how the wedding food taste, and I swear to God he was just joking, and she started rambling that my wedding will became ugly because it will cost as low as that wedding. My dad went mad about it tbh,) And she will ranting loudly about how I save my money from school for a concert. I mean that was the money I saved, I didn’t eat at school so I can attend the concert, and again she will bring up the fact that I didn’t work for it, and it’s not my money after all (I know it isn’t but I have my right to get some money for my school, and I’ve been starving at school for a half semester.) She always says that I can’t make my parents happy, because I can do nothing, I am talent-less, and keeps saying when I start working, I need to support my family financially, buy them expensive and branded stuff, give them ticket to Europe (I have never been to Europe before because my family can’t afford the price, how can she expect me to?), marry a rich man, and insist me when she gets old, I need to be my parents caregiver. I’ve had enough with how she keeps degrading, insulting, blaming, insisting everything in my life. What should I do about this? 😦

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    • As adults we can somewhat choose who is in our daily lives. Sadly but for my health, I had to not see my parents very often and now it’s down to a text here and there with my mom when I am able. The people in my personal life are for me; encouraging, loving, kind and supportive. No toxic cruel people are allowed in my personal life. And now I am able to be kind to myself and accept myself and say kind things in my head to myself. It’s a journey and I continue to press forward to heal by reading good books and being kind and accepting with positive people in my life. I went to school (student loan) got a degree and I work hard to support myself financially. It’s good to be away from the abuse. I hope this helps and I’m sorry you are hurting like this.

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    • What you should do is look at the facts and never forget them.

      1 has she achieved all the things she expects of you? Answer No

      2 is she some world class beauty celebrated for her looks? Answer No

      3 this money that she tells you that you didn’t work for and doesn’t belong to you, where’s her money? She doesn’t work either your dad gives it to her at least your studying with a view to getting your own money.

      4 it’s not up to you to dedicate your life to them. I take it that her parents aren’t living with you and she’s not their caregiver. So why is it expected of you?

      5 it’s not up to you to buy them luxury goods and holidays, sure if in the future you could afford it and wanted to but, she has no right to demand that from your future.

      6 she’s critical of those around her and what they’ve done because she’s so perfect?
      Answer No

      7 your talentless!!! Really? Is that because she was stephen hawkins tutor?
      Answer No

      I could go on but i’m sure you get the picture. Reading this her list of demands and expectations sound as ridiculous and stupid as they are.
      Remember your dealing with a narcissist her demands are always going to be unreasonable i know because i’m speaking from experience my mother was worse. You need to decide what you want for your future but don’t let her know and DON’T let her make you feel guilty about being you, there’s nothing wrong with you just as you are. You sound lovely and caring that’s why she’s able to get to you.

      And you DON’T owe her your life.

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  5. Why does every psycological article I read focus on a female audience?

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  6. I was curious about what kind of abuse I suffered as a child. Was it alcoholic abuse or narcissistic abuse. So I searched and came upon this article. I want to thank you because problem solved. This article made it clear that I suffered from narcissistic abuse. If I were younger I think I couldn’t have handled that truth. It’s unfathomable to me how parents could be so vindictive and cruel to their children. Like they are demons full of hatred and evil.

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  7. I wonder if there is a way to have these sick individuals out of society — that is, in a mental hospital or jail. That’s where they belong.

    it seems that the law is fine with them as long as they pay taxes and don’t PHYSICALLY rape anyone.

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  8. I’m still trying to sort out the relationship with my mom. It’s not all bad, nor is it all good, but I’ve often felt devalued by her and that she wasn’t there for me; and since she got together with my step-dad 29 years ago who is definitely abusive, she can just blame him or say “she doesn’t want to get in middle of our arguments.” But I’m at the point now where I can no longer tolerate walking on eggshells around him; and as for my real father, I haven’t seen or heard from him since 2008 because he doesn’t bother to contact me or my brothers in any way.

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  9. Wow. I can really relate to this article… I could never understand why my mom acted the way she does…my dad too. It’s unfortunate because I suffered because of it.

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  10. I moved in to care for my parents after my father had advanced kidney cancer. He smoked since a teenager and was morbidly obese. And, boasted that he and, whomever his drinking companion that weekend. I was a medical student…I stayed with narcissistic father and beloved mom for 24/7 over fours. Had a full mental breakdown. They treated me less than humanely. I am now on 100% disability with missing teeth that happened whilst caring for my, nay saving my parents lives literally. Now, I finally got out of a room where a grew up. I owe my x-wife over 40,000. All from time spent caring for the “sickest” parents ever! Is there a criminal statute. I live in NY.
    Thank you, anyone, for helping. It’s hard for me to write yet.
    Cheers

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  11. In my case, my NPD mo.,& bro.(late stage alcoholism as well), my life HAS been a living hell.
    Nevermind 2 severe near fatal accidents, I have tried to recover, no chance.
    Brain trauma? You can guess.

    Criminally insane, vindictive, control, threatz, illegal 3rd yr rest. Order, for example, WHILE I am recovering in hosp., from 2nd acute subdurral hematoma.

    Wrongfully arrested, jailed, awhile ea. Time..
    How about 5x last yr?, steals all, my comp
    Dog, moves to unknown location.

    Bri. Insists, now I recognize his decade long campaign to get ME to fall off wagon.

    Thrown to sts., again..got out of her/his insane domain, where I am now in e.r due to being beaten up by mean meth addicts, relapsing drunks, stAff banned me, after a bunch of jabberwocky, REFUSAL to look at tapes nite before until 1 pm?

    ‘Come back in one month’, a few said.

    Sure thing…not again

    Moving forward away from toxic people, places, things…

    Best to all. Happy 2017!

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  12. This is my mom to the letter!! It’s a love/hate relationship!

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  13. most of this applies to my daughter while she is with her father !!! the judge gave him primary physical custody !! she so badly wants to be with me! IM THE TOTAL OPPOSITE FROM HER FATHER!! If only the judge knew all of this! I cant tell the judge anything she tells me because if it gets back to my daughters dad, he will make my daughter pay for it. we are so stuck!! My poor baby is sad and miserable!! I am sad and worried about her constantly !!! what to do ??

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  14. Do we bother praying??

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  15. Everything is always my fault always sets has been, according to my parents. I was sexually abuse at four years old by one of their friends and I was told that was my fault too. I am never good enough, I can’t do enough or be enough. I am in my late forties and still struggling and they are still abusive. I have cut them off I can’t take anymore.

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  16. I’m with a narcissist now also he’s a sociopath the last 2 years have been hell my heart tells me he’s not a bad person but my head says different the pain is unreal I can get away from him for ,3 months that’s it I have isolated my 4 adult girls want nothing to do with me I have turned very bitter I can’t trust anyone and the one thing I know is at 54 I cannot do this for 2 more years I’m barely hanging on I’m on meds for anxiety and depression panic attacks and even paranoid now like I told my therapist if I don’t get better I’d rather not be here I can’t understand how he tells me he loves me then dumped me cheats on me lies and the kicker is he belongs to a church goes all the time and knows all the hymes I think he’d be happy if I committed suicide then he’d still get those Pat’s on the back he has talked so much chit about me aww there’s so much more to the long drawn out 6 years I’ve been with him I’m in my own place again but I can’t handle being alone right now the ups and downs with him are better then being alone Dawn Crider ty

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  17. This describes my mama and my life to a tee. Too bad that after I finally got away from her….I married her…only in a different form.

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  18. Reblogged this on Art by Rob Goldstein and commented:
    I hate the fact that this describes my Mother in every way.

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  19. Reblogged this on and commented:
    Very useful post about 6 types of emotional abuse!

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  20. My parents used 5 out of the 6 on me. Not my sister, but me. Maybe that’s what made me a much better parent…I knew what it was like to be abused, and never wanted (or want) anyone else to feel that way.

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  21. Sandra Winchester

    My Father did not go down the sexual route but everything else fits him perfectly. My Mother supported his behavior & after their divorce she became a living nightmare for me & my sons 35 years later. She created another Dad in my sister & now the two are dangerously inseparable. I’m waiting for either one to pass. My first husband & family turned out exactly like my own( worse) and that did not end well at all. Now, 25 years later I struggle with PTSD, a boyfriend like my Mother, his daughter like my sister, my sons behind the growing up curve. Me, I’m reading how screwed up I have been & hoping for a way out! Right now I feel like I need to dig up from inside my soul an old machine in which has been broken for a thousand years & engage in getting it to function. Clean off the layers of dirt, grime & rust without anyone stopping me! Key word-stop! Put back the nuts & bolts required to become a working machine. Finally, polish, & protect this machine from ever breaking down or being destroyed or even stolen! The functional machine in which was stolen ! There it is, my missing piece. I must pray over this because it is overwealming to admit.

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  22. Been there, done that, with my mother, and then to my horror, I apparently married a husband who took lessons from her.
    Here is their secret: they take pleasure from your pain, whether it’s mental, psychological, physical, sexual, doesn’t matter, they do it because IT’S FUN. Some of you mention that they are more important than anyone around them–oh how true. If they aren’t happy, they will see to it that their special project (you) isn’t happy–in spades. Sometimes they will plan the unhappiness for days. Why you and not your brother/sister sometimes? They sense that you will hurt the most. So are they going to change? No. Why would they? They’re having fun. Will they have a sudden horrified understanding and sorrow? Never. It’s up to you. WALK AWAY. Let me repeat. WALK AWAY. Find a way to be absolutely independent and walk away. There are many, many of us out there. Listen to Lorna and the others who urge support, even if you have to sit there like a rock for a while. We know what it’s like. I couldn’t say a word about it until I was 50 and that was when my mother died. And to this day my brother, the golden boy, remembers everything that happened yet thinks of her as a “feisty little lady”. We just don’t talk about it. I just don’t have a picture of her in my home and don’t visit her grave, either.

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  23. Yup – a lot of this is familiar. Happy to have survived. Very few understand, unless they’ve been there. Friends are shocked when I say I’m glad he’s dead.

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  24. Reading through this caused knots in my stomach. I think this is the first article I’ve read that spelled it out so simply. Luckily, I had all of my basic needs met (food, shelter, clothing, education, healthcare). And luckily, #5 does not apply to me. Sadly, the rest is 1000%. I’m in my 40s now, living clear across the country from my family for the past 20 years, and even by phone or visits home my narc parent still applies all of this behavior. I recognize there is a sickness there, even though it was never diagnosed. By the grace of God I’ve thrived in life, and when I do share my story people are surprised, based on “how I turned out”. (I never told tall tales about a perfect childhood, but I learned to carry myself in a way that doesn’t project “victim”. Narc parents teach us well in that department.) I don’t hate my narc parent at all, it is what it is. But the older I get the more it eats me up inside, a lot of guilt and frustration. (Except spot a narc a mile away.) Thanks for the very honest and accurate no-fluff article. Helped me realize I am not dealing with it as well as I should.

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  25. That was tough to read I got all 6. I was the scapegoat for both narc parents and grand mother. Just realized i married a man like my mom one month ago. I have 3 small kids with him and no support. I am preparing to separate/ divorce after I settle a couple things with kids learning delays. I feel scared cause this will be the first time out in the real world with knowledge that I come from a legacy of narcissist abuse. Which means It’s like I don’t have a family cause they never support me. If anything they complicate my life on purpose. I have 3 girlfriends I can trust on this earth and I feel blessed about this. I feel that self love is my purpose/soul lesson in life due to all of my obstacles that point to that. I feel strong and positive that I will protect myself well and only allow good people in my life. I am now a narcissist pro! Thanks for the article, it’s allowing me to do more accepting and healing regarding mostly my mom

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    • It’s hard to cut ties with family that are toxic, but it can be done. Knowledge is power and recognizing what’s up and knowing what to do is half the battle. Good luck and God bless!

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    • My story is similar to yours so I just wanted to share that Celebrate Recovery AKA: CR is the best support I have ever found. Way better than Allanon.
      Etc.👍

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  26. I’m only seventeen. My mom is a psychopath. Keeps me in the house at all costs to take care of her, or gets mad at me for having friends. She’s forced me to stay with an abusive ex boyfriend, claiming, “He doesn’t have anyone but her.” He manipulates me, she manipulates me. I can’t get out because I’m the only person willing to stick up to her.

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    • Your not responsible for your mum, leave her as soon as you can, do not look back. Get out of there that is not an appropriate environmen for anyone to be in, especially someone as young as you. Is there anyone in your life that you can talk to? Can get help from where you are? Do you have counsellors? Friends? A sane healthy responsible adult that you trust? Dont walk around with this all alone ok? You cant stay with your mum, she is hurting you. Please dont walk around with this on your own. Yes YOU CAN get out, and you should get out.

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    • Oh honey I am 56 this could have been me 40 years ago. It doesnt stop. I am only now realizing all this. Could you go to college for a year even. Get a job and leave. She is probably jealous you have a boyfriend and of your youth. I am older and my mother is elderly. She still is competing with me. She is sure ebery man eants her. Even with her grandaughter. You deserve a life of your own. Don’t forget that. Very best of luck to you

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  27. I know a parent , no doubt if this was a quiz, he would score 100+

    Liked by 1 person

  28. being a scapegoat of the family really bringz the six to the child but how can the scapegoat help themselves to be independent and normal

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  29. At the age of 55, I have finally cut off a narcisstic dad and a narcisstic/psychotic sister. I am currently reading Dr. Simon’s book: In sheep’s clothing. These are the most evil people, keeping up appearances is their whole M.O., but not only do I know what they are…so does GOD! I pray for those of you who have been victimized, May you find healing and Peace. Cut these people out of your lives, they do not change.

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  30. I know how you feel about the life insurance policy. My (favored) brother has it now and refuses to give it to me. He can’t wait to cash in on me either. My mother excommunicated me when I was 16, and she would not talk to me for 26 years. She was quite abusive and threatened to kill me after I accidentally broke a $2.00 mirror. I won’t get into all the details, but you get the picture. I visited her in the hospital when she had cancer to try to make peace with her. I did. It was better after she died though. Just knowing she wasn’t on earth anymore helped. It still didn’t cure me of the mental pain I continue to suffer, but in a very strange way, I don’t mind that it happened. I doubt I would be as compassionate as I am now if I had had a “perfect” childhood. God really has helped me the most. He can cure the incurable. Hope all you people who have suffered from abusive parents make it through life OK. Just know that you are not alone.

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  31. It is heart breaking as a child to endure my mothers mean-ful brutish intentions and blaming me for all the things nasty that best fit her. To en-bed cruelness on to her children only to turn around and blame them. She never bothered to be nice and most often she would not talk to me, let alone touch me for any reason. She did say I would not let her help me and that I would go out of my way to stay away. I wonder why? She speaks so sweetly but has nothing nice to say to us or to other people about us, but she comes out smelling like a rose and people looking at us as culprits to her misery. She sneaks around quietly and wreaks havoc and outsiders don’t see this side of her because she saves the havoc for people that can’t fight back. Her children are her underlings that are created to care for her needs. She gives nothing but want much while saying she wants nothing. She is a narcissists but my siblings keep it quiet as they have been taught to do so those are the ones she gives a little favor to before turning on them at any given time.

    Believe this when I say it does feel good for the first time ever to share my thoughts and experiences with others going through the same obstacle course.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is so much like my situation. My mother destroyed or childhood and teenage years by making us scramble to please her every need while thrusting horrible emotional and physical abuse. I remember she would never eat when she first got home because she has to rest and relax yet if dinner want done she would come unglued and scream at how we never did anything for our poor hard-working mother. She doesn’t ask questions, she violently screams them accusing you but if you tell her she doesn’t need to tell, she turns out around as you’re just the kind of person no one can talk to and guilt trips you into believing your a “sick and mental” person. She’s an extreme control freak and how dare you stand up for yourself or point out one of her wrongdoings, she is NEVER wrong and will then just stream a verbal assault tearing you to pieces and yelling you what a sick person you are. She raises my sister to be identical to her and they are best friends. My sister’s a bully and an extreme narcissist. She’s told me my whole life what a sick piece of garbage I am. She has no capacity to feel empathy, she’s cold and empty and ONLY thinks or cares about her own self. Toxic nasty people.

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  32. I am 49 and cannot bear the thought of dealing with
    my narcissistic mother. I am tired of being abused in every way, except sexually, and I will never be a match for her. I give up and I don’t even care if she will be able to cash in my life insurance policy that she took out on me when I was born!! Hopefully my body won’t ever surface, so that will make it harder to fight with the insurance company. She is pure evil, and doesn’t suffer in any way. I donderstand why she gets to inflict so much pain on fwithout any repercussions ?!?! I know she will play the victim and martyr when it’s discovered what I’ve done, but I have already tried toret tell my brother and my Godmother about how she sec

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    • I truly hope having just read your comment you haven’t let her win!

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    • Having just read your comment, I truly hope you haven’t let her win!

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    • Are you alright Melanie? I know how you feel.If you need someone to talk to leave a reply here and then I will give you my email

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    • Hi Melanie, my mum is a narcissist too. I am 47 and I’m doing really well now, but, I wont lie, it took some time and it was painful, but no more than what I was going through anyway; the difference was I was working my way out so it was worth it. I was living independently when I had an argument with my mum and had no contact for 11 years, the last 5 has been limited and very superficial. I had a lot of good therapy, did things that interested me like classes at the local adult education centre (eg pottery, jewellery making, there’s loads of stuff) I think getting in touch with your creative side is important. I have also been working on my education as I couldn’t learn at school. I did a self esteem workshop and learned along the way to drop people from my life who weren’t good for me. I am now a member of a couple of support groups on facebook and watch youtube videos for help. I’ve started a Mindfulness course which is meant to be very helpful to ACoNP and it does seem to be good for me. You say you will never be a match for her, I’m not sure exactly what you mean by that. I suspect you have no idea of your value or that there are so many people who understand what you have been going through and want to be there for you. You can heal from narcissistic abuse and go on to live a happy life loving yourself the way you deserve to be loved. Narcissist Support on facebook and youtube is a good place to start, I hope to see you there. All my best wishes, Lorna 🙂 x https://youtu.be/ak1JVR_Bv3A

      Like

    • You are so loved, Dont let her win! Live!!!!!!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Call Lifeline.
      Phone: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
      Website: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

      Liked by 1 person

    • Melanie, I am so sorry to hear how deeply you are affected by your mother. As far back as I could remember my mother was not good to me. At the age of 15 it was decided that I be put out because the bible said kids can leave home at that age. My mother does not read. Her educational level is very minima but she is smarter then all her children and we are at best kinda stupid. I have been scapegoated, isolated from the family, shunned, and called names by my family and wished dead. No child should have had to endure that and what is worse is my mother deflects and comes across as a good girl and martyr as well. I am now 60 years old and she still messes with me and lets me know I am not ever going to be good enough. I am tormented at times but not as much as when I was younger. She has managed to estrange me from my siblings by making herself the object of every ones affections, and they seem to feel sorry for her unfortunate childhood. However, I have witnessed first hand her cold and calculating side. Even while she was being abused by my father she needed to deflect onto someone else and it was me. I have managed to learned not to get too close to her and when she attempts to reel her children in, I don’t fall for it. She wants everyone to like her but tells me that people have always thought I was sweet but they don’t know me. Now my sins are held against me for what I have experienced living on the streets those many years ago. She is now weak and frail and feels her due is her kids loving her like she loves them. I am in the heal myself mode and the children she singled out to love can take care of her. As long as she was strong she did not need any of us, but now she expects us to feel free to aid because s she has always been a good girl and has done the best that she could do for her family…More importantly, she is surprised that I lived past the age of 17 because she predicted me dead, what a disappointment.

      Like you, I have cried a many day and sometimes still do, but now I am better armed to walk away and ignore her.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hi, I’m a soon-to-be 42-year-old man, and I was a victim of my narcissistic mother. I was more specifically the unconditional scapegoat. My father was a narcissist too, though he was blatantly so, while my mother was subtly so. I consider a subtle narcissist to be more dangerous and more long-term damaging because he/she puts on a really good disguise and trains one to be fooled by it all the time. That was in the case with my mother and me. My sister was the unconditional golden child. I experienced all kinds of abuses, neglects and exploits by my parents and my sister. Yes, I had money stolen from me too by my own mother, while always saying that her thefts are just and deserved. Right now, I’ve been quite mad at myself for never being able to see the obvious that my mother was a toxic, life-damaging, mind-imprisoning narcissist. Well, she did put my mind in a prison for a long time, but I wish someone had rescued me when I was a lot younger, needless to say. I finally learned the truth about parental narcissism by sheer accident, while looking for a website on parental favoritism. I was still trying to find out why my sister unconditionally got all the bias. Like you, Melanie, my mother never suffered in any way from all this toxic abuse that she so joyfully hammered onto me. Let me help you with an answer (though a sad truthful answer that pained me when I first learned it). Your mother (absolutely no different from mine) could inflict so much pain without any repercussions because her own happiness and entitlement are all that matters, no exceptions. In fact, you mother slept a lot better at night when she damaged your mind with her narcissistic abuse (again no different from my mother), whereas a normal person would feel bad after a while if he/she harmed someone else, while not sleeping well until he/she apologized or corrected the mistake. And yes, my own mother always played victim and martyr whenever I tried to fight back the abuse. When this happened when I was a kid, my father came running to me hitting, kicking, belting me profusely (no exaggeration here) as a punishment for “making my mother the victim” when I only displayed my disdain for their ongoing abuse. My parents often worked as a team against me too. They always ensured that I was always exceedingly afraid of upsetting them. As part of my mind imprisonment, even as a young adult in my 20s, I was still exceedingly afraid to upset my parents. Oh how I wish I was shown the light when I was half my current age. Well, I know I rambled on, but I thought that hearing my story could demonstrate that you’re not alone here. Melanie, it is best to cut your mother off. I had to do this with my family; and estranging them was the smartest move of my life. However, be careful about your brother. He may not have suffered the same abuse you had, so he may be in sheer denial if you reveal the fact that you suffered parental narcissistic abuse. If he understands, then you’re a lot luckier than me; and more power to you! Always remember that it was never ever your fault.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Reading your story, it feels like someone was telling my life story. I am 33 and am actively trying to ward off both my narcissistic parents. Constantly feeling guilty about it all. You said: ”As part of my mind imprisonment, even as a young adult in my 20s, I was still exceedingly afraid to upset my parents. Oh how I wish I was shown the light when I was half my current age”. What’s the light? I would really love to know, since you seem to have gotten through most of it, and I still feel like I am in the dark as to what the steps are towards my healing and breaking away from their cycle of abuse. Thank you

        Like

      • No one but a ghost

        Hello Adam, I am a 47 year old man whose mother is a narcissist who systematically abuses me even to this day. 7 years ago I had a nervous breakdown and have been in therapy/medication ever since. My mother gives me money/pills illegally every month and then tells me what to do with it. She tells me what to say to people,how to dress,what to eat, and flies into a rage every time I try and tell her how it’s affecting me. 3 times she has threatened to “cut me off”. I am on disability but don’t get enough to live on. (she forced me to get the disability). By doing this she controls every action I make. She always comes out looking like the “great parent” to the rest of the family and they take her side. I am an only child so I never had anyone to turn to growing up. My father was good to me growing up, but never did much to stop her. He will die soon and there will only be she and I. She curses into my answering machine if I don’t pick up the phone, even if I’m not home. She has never once told me she loved me or physically shown me any affection, but when my uncle is around she acts the loving parent. I told her once she treated me like an employee and she said I was her little employee?! She rejected every girl I brought home if they were pretty growing up saying “those girls are whores!” I defied her much growing up and did not speak to her for years until my uncle talked me into “fixing your relationship to your mother,you owe her that.” Recently she bought me a new truck, drove it 400 miles to me. Told me to get in it and drive her home. Halfway home she informed she was going to keep it and forced her old truck on me. This was after I spent all my savings getting my old truck fixed. Last month again she threatened to “cut me off” because I would not give her my e-mail address. So she mails me newspaper clippings every day like”landlords who ruin your credit” and she wrote on it”your landlord will do this to you!”. . 4 days ago I turned off my answering machine so she can’t leave 20 messages a day on my phone anymore and have lived in constant fear since of her retaliation. I have had her in my head all day and night every day since. I am an ex-ranger who works out constantly and has trained in Kendo for 20 years. All I can see is blood in the future. I want her to die so I can be released from this horror. I don’t speak to many people. I have 3 doctors who keep telling me to get out of this now, but I don’t know how? Every time anyone shows me support I don’t trust them. I will sit motionless and stare forward and intimidate everyone around me with my silence especially in groups. I see treachery everywhere and am ready at all times to retaliate. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD from her and the terrible things I saw and did in the military. My dreams are always dark and consist of decaying places of death and destruction. Me ripping peoples faces off while my mother stands behind me telling me what are you going to do about it. I also dream of death masks allot. I wake up in a cold sweat almost every morning She has called me a loser,shithead,..etc. I know you know I could write for days. So I will stop.

        I guess what I really wanted to say was I liked your article or be it response. It is good to know so many people are out there who do understand. I don’t know how all this will pan out in the end. I can’t see any hope even though a small part of me knows it’s there somewhere.

        Liked by 1 person

  33. Story of my life

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  34. My mother too. She emotionally and psychologically killed Dad. He died at 64. She is still alive at 86. Why? Filled with self righteous judgements towards me and turns siblings against me. They are hanging in for the will and hate me too but I have mr own hard earned money so don’t need their abuse.

    Like

    • Jeannine's daughter

      Wow. I’ve got the same thing going on right now. I’m watching my dad get the life sucked out of him. He is her main scapegoat. He’s 79 and I want to help him. How do I do it? She has turned all my siblings against me and they don’t talk to me. The mother creature has them believing that I am the evil one and I tell lies about her. I am the oldest, as a child I watched watched her belittle my dad, always. He wasn’t allow to see his parents and got screamed at if they ever talked to him. My siblings and I were taught that my grandparents were horrible people because they once gave her the smallest piece of meat at dinner when she was dating my dad. We treated my grandparents badly because of my mother poisoning us against them. They both died before I was 10, I’m guessing from broken hearts because they were never allowed to see their only grandchildren on only son.
      The first time I ever got a hug, I was 10 and it was by my friend’s dad when he hugged his own daughter. I was freaked out because I never had A hug before.
      My mother started dividing her kids when they were young. When I was in kindergarten, my mother had my sister destroy my only doll. When I was about 7 and was learning about the crucifixion of Christ, she had my sister spit in my face so I would know how Jesus felt. At 9 my sister and I were I charge of cleaning the house when we got home from school. She would leave the kitchen disgusting filthy with dishes in the sink and grease all over the counters from fried food and broiled on stains on a boiler. We were to clean the kitchen spotless. In the middle of the night on school nights, she would empty all of our dresser, nightstand and desk drawers and all the kitchen drawers on the floor and then tell us we could not go to bed until everything was clean.
      We were never taught hygiene and had no friends. We had nicknames if Igor and moldy. My sister got to Jr high and tried to start practicing hygiene, my mother would start screaming and make her get out of the shower with the shampoo still in her hair and go to school that way.
      We were never taught how to clean, we were expected to just keep the house clean. My bedroom got messy. She beat me bad with a belt at 13 years old. I had welts all over my legs, hips thighs and legs. Besides having no friends, I had to go to gym class that way and make a spectacle of myself. After my mother made us gross, disgusting kids no one wanted to play with, she made me call the cheerleaders at school and ask them to play with me.
      My sister recently died at 56 years old. after being on anti depressants for 25-30 years. She didn’t even try to fight for her life. She didn’t think she was worth living on earth.
      My mother goes to church ever week. At 16 she told them I was a drug addict because during one if those moments when she pretended to care but it was only to extract information, I told her I tried pot.
      My mother goes to church and everyone thinks she is quiet and nice, they have no clue the hell she put us through.

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  35. I am 47 yrs old and unfortunatly live with my parents at the time,I have been back home since April of 1995 and never planned to be back here this long,I was in my 4th month of Cosmetology school,(My dream career) That’s all it seems to be anymore is a dream,I have taken my State boards 5xs and to this day have not passed,I gave up for a long time now,Plus was told I hve to take everything I passed over again, I was Diagnosed w/ Tempol Lobe Epilepsy at age 16 due to constant High fevers as a newborn and almost death after spending the 1st 2 months of my life in the Hospital and almost didn ‘t. come home. My mother has been a RN since 1978 and had an addiction in the 80″s and lost her nursing lincense due to it for 3 yrs,She never gives me any support and always thinks that I am just starved for attention, My mother also fratured her spine in 2004 and now sleeps 24/7 and misses Apts, She swirves a lot and gets upset if anything is said to her about anything,She now wonders why I don’t help her w/things around the home and won’t see why,I haven’t driven since June of 2014 due to income for Insurance.I am on my 5th try for Disability and she will not help me try for it one bit,She has hers,That’s all that matters to her.She woke up late for an apt, that was 45 minutes from our home and only had 15 mins to get there and was swirving and ran red lights and was flipping people off,She needs some serious help.No one in my family notices and all she can do is walk around the house swearin!

    Liked by 1 person

  36. There’s another one Engulfing which some narcissistic parents do, especially mothers

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  37. Becoming an adult, having my own children, and moving away from my family has been extremely revealing. Unfortunately, I believed that BOTH of my narcissistic, abusive parents were normal for a very long time. Despite my friends and other adults telling me that their behavior was unacceptable, I truly believed they were just better and more honest than other parents. It wasn’t until I noticed myself becoming extremely stressed and angry at normal responsibilities of adulthood that I realized something about my upbringing was wrong. I’ve always been told that I’m just like my abusive alcoholic father. I’ve always been told that I’m ungrateful and cold hearted. I will never accept that kind of treatment again.
    Guys, if you feel in your heart that something is wrong, it probably is. Hold on to the small but strong inner-child and stand up for yourself and your children. Do not accept narcissistic or abusive behavior as normal. Get yourself out and get yourself some help.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Taylor, I thought the same about both my parents, however, the unfortunate piece of this puzzle was there was a tendency for me to see my parents as being larger then life. However, it took so long and much turmoil to figure out what was happening to me. After my father died she blamed all misfortunes on him, and my dead siblings. I am now nurturing my inner child and it is scary because now I attract these types of people in my life. People with undiagnosed and diagnosed illnesses. Who knew…

      We had to walk on eggshells around both parents while my mom still try to convince that their was nothing wrong with her family.

      Liked by 1 person

  38. Reblogged this on Nathaliehickson's Blog and commented:
    Narcisstic parenting. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs as the future. Since concussion been more challenging But can apologise, give hugs, say I love you as well as just going to the park, seeing friends etc. good to be aware & see affects of parenting. It’s all an experiment & work in progress like life. Safeguarding & protecting v. Important. Watch out for groomers. Also psychopathy that exists here as does everywhere.

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is wonderfully written; and, since I’ve discovered my own origins from a NPD family (on top of having autism) both diagnosed at age 60, I’ve yet to find a site that has a solution or remedy. I’m willing to work hard. I’ve (as you can imagine) been through a great deal, and am ready to work. Nobody seems to know where to start. Any advice? Thanks.

      Like

      • You will get a lot of help from people who have been through the same experiences, so support groups are good places, I go on facebook ones. You can get information from youtube videos and generally reading up on the subject. You may want to look for something for people with autism, but if you explain any particular difficulties you have any group should be ok. A good therapist is an option too. It will probably be a combination of these things at different times that works for you and only you can judge that. The two most important things to know is, if someone doesn’t believe you or if you don’t trust someone, get away from them no matter who they are. There are good people who will be there for you, you don’t need the ones who will make things difficult for you. Good luck and best wishes 🙂 x

        Liked by 1 person

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