After Narcissistic Abuse – Focus on What Feels RIGHT to YOU
Some people have the opinion that if you talk about narcissism or things the narcissist did, that you’re not focusing on the “right” topic. Well, the last I checked, BEING RIGHT only matters to certain types of people (control freaks)- which doesn’t exactly put ANYONE in the position to decide for someone else.
We ALL have freewill and as long as we show empathy and fairness (towards ourselves as well) we have the right to exercise our freedom to decide WHERE we want to focus.
We talk about narcissism and what narcissists did to us in order to:
1) Validate Eachother
Which is HUGE to targets. We were isolated and told we were
crazy amongst other things we were NOT. The only reality
we heard was from the narcissist, through their
propaganda that was pumped into our solitary confined cell
about how great the narcissist was and how awful and
defective WE were and to blame for all the things that went
“wrong”. Like having feelings. Or disagreeing with a narcissist.
It is in comparing notes with other survivors that WE KNOW
THIS is EXACTLY where we belong to heal.
2) To Vent and Release Our Emotions as We Move Through
the Grief Cycle
This abuse is insidious. The confusion lasts a LONG TIME.
As we gain understanding, we GRIEVE. Every task we
undertake in recovering, is A GAPING HOLE OF EMOTION.
Just when you think, Ahhhh Feeling better; Im on top of
this…You’re SWEPT UNDER A HUGE UNEXPECTED WAVE…
tossing and turning along the ocean floor once again,
back to the darkness in the beginning, and we panic!
“WILL THIS EVERRRRRRRRRRRR END!!!!????!!!!!”
I believe it is the UTMOST frustrating aspect of this
cycle that we’re so used to, in the past, deciding to
“break up” or “end a friendship” or “remove yourself
from certain family relationships” and just being DONE
WITH IT and not struggling much with any after effects.
Narcissistic abuse? It’s the “gift that keeps on giving”.
Nearly everytime we experience the emotions associated
with a certain aspect of the abuse, we have to then
process the whole OTHER layer that exists: the fact that
NONE of this was GENUINE on the part of the narcissist.
Grieving a phantom person and phantom relationship…
Try THAT on for size. Whoever the narcissist “IS” in any given
situation is WHOEVER HE NEEDS TO BE TO MILK SUPPLY OUT OF YOU.
We’re duped to believe we’re “special”, that we’re loved and
seen by the narcissist, because they REALLY put a lot of time
into studying and mirroring us.
3) For KNOWLEDGE SAKE:
The more we KNOW about how a self centered narcissist THINKS AND BEHAVES (CONS)
We WILL be learning how to recognize these tactics in others in our future. So that we can do a GREAT job protecting ourselves and our valuable lives from the emotionally criminal tactics of a sociopath. We are SERIOUS when we say we NEVER want to go through this again. We know the difference when we’ve just given lip service and when we mean it; I’ll just simply say, “WE MEAN IT”.
Sharing the knowledge of of how to spot a predator whose main purpose in life is to hunt for people to feed from, is not only a public service, but a DUTY.
If we can share one tidbit of descriptive information to say, “Notice the
name dropping?” Or “Why all the cheating while he’s married?” that SPARKS a
reality to a potential victim that has them become EMPOWERED to walk away
from a narcissist that is HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGE!
If you don’t think so, just ask all the people who by realizing their spouse was a narcissist or their toxic sister was a narcissist, if the knowledge literally saved their lives; and their souls from the brink of destruction.
No ONE person has the CORNER on knowledge about narcissism nor on the way to healing after being abused by one. If they claim to have “the only answer”, pay a little closer attention to the other levels of narcissism in this “guru”. We all know how leaders who begin with “honest intentions” “suddenly” turn into cultish despots.
In the end, this journey has taught us most that WE CAN RELY on OURSELVES. We can trust ourselves to focus on the “right things” at the “right time”. That’s for US to determine, not anyone else.