Using the Judicial System to Stalk their ex partners

This  will go into how some  abusers use a different approach to harass their victims. A way that  allows them to legally have contact and harass their ex-partner, even  with a Restraining Order in force.

Mis-using the judicial system  seems to be one of some abusers favorite ways to stalk their  ex-partners. If they can’t get you back, they will try to ruin your  happiness, by dragging you to Court on countless frivolous filings.  Putting the victim in a situation where they are being victimized –  again, by their abuser and sometimes by the system also.

This can  be on going for years, if gone about it in the “right” way. There are  actually web sites devoted to teaching them exactly how and what to do.  These sites teach them how to legally stalk, harass, and intimidate  victims of Domestic Violence after a Restraining Order has been issued.  These sites actually have step by step guides for them to use to learn  how to keep the on going harassment, manipulation, intimidation and show  how to legally stalk the partner, who has left them. Which in turn  keeps the ex-partner their victim causing them immense grief, a  financial burden and it wears them out emotionally to the point of total  frustration.

It also gives these stalkers/abusers a feeling they  still have some control and in a sense, they do. Some of the more  advanced, of these abusers, will even represent themselves in Court or have attorney friends go with them,  rather than hire a Real Lawyer. This Pro Se Defense gives them the  opportunity to question their former partner on the stand and legally  badger and intimidate them, all the while the judge and others are right  there watching and letting it happen. This in itself  boosts the  abusers self-esteem, thinking they are even controlling the judge and  playing the legal system.

Most all of these “Pro Se” abusers have  studied the laws, inside and out. They will put a lot of time and effort  into these actions. Many will file in different jurisdictions, to avoid  becoming too well known to the judges and to keep their victim running  around. They will mask their reasoning and make it look as if they are  the victims and their rights have been violated.

There are many  large and well-known groups, who use and teach these tactics. Most of  which will have a cover that seems real and legitimate. Many of them use  children’s rights as their cover. They put a lot of money and energy  into minimizing domestic violence and it’s effects on the children who  lived in a home where abuse occurred. They will give very little support  to issues that will actually help children.

These groups true  agenda is abolishing abuse prevention legislation and child support  laws. They try regaining some control and punishing their partner for  leaving them, and they try to do this by controlling the children, by  gaining full custody, with visitation or by not paying child support.

What has not been corrected by  legislature is letting abusers use the judicial system as a weapon  against their former victims, especially after a Restraining Order has  been issued.Most  States have trained their police to recognize abuse and enforce  Restraining Orders, funded child protective services, made abuse  prevention statues, opened women’s shelters and educated personnel of  the dangers of domestic violence. This gives the abuser several legal contacts with their  victim, where they can legally harass and badger them with no fear of  violating the Restraining Order. If this same abuser/stalker does Pro Se  defense, they may even get away with other stalking of their victim,  like watching or following them, photographing them, going through their  trash, ect. All with the cover of “investigating” their case.

These  victims have left their abusers for a reason. They are in fear of them,  yet the abuser has found a way to put them in a position, they can not  walk away from. They must sit through court proceedings and on going  harassment, where they are made to endure their abusers subtle looks and  movements, which they know so well and fear.

They will try to  make them lose their composure and they will attack their credibility,  making this person victimized for the second time but even worst, the  abuser puts them on trial in the eyes of the community and the  courtroom. They have used a lot of will, to get away from their abusers  and usually don’t have the emotional strength to go for hours or even  days being questioned on the stand, by their abusers.

The use of  courts is most widely know in custody cases, all to many times not with  the child’s best interest at heart, but to try to exploit weakness in  their ex-partner, to regain control or at the least to manipulate and  hurt them as a punishment for leaving. They may try to prove them an  unfit parent, digging up or fabricating any type of evidence they can.

A  spouse who abuses their partner and parent of their children are twice  as likely to try to gain full custody of the children, whether they  truly want custody or not. They will often try to mis-use the legal  system, through retaliatory legal actions to continue their abuse and  harassment. These actions make the victims have to prove themselves to  the court, keeping them in the victim role.

While their rights are  violated, for the second time around, the abusers/stalkers rights are  protected. Is that justice? At the least, victims of domestic violence  should have the same Constitutional protections as their abusers, even  while they are being stalked and harassed by them with the judicial  system.

If our founding fathers that wrote our Constitution and  the Bill of Rights (for all people) were inside these courtrooms, I  believe they would be horrified at the way our basic human rights are  being violated. The laws of our Country are being twisted and used in  ways many can not even comprehend.

Victims of terrible crimes are  being belittled and torn apart by defense attorneys and Pro Se  cross-examinations, on the witness stands on a daily basis. Litigation  of a abuser/stalker is different because they know the victim, knows  their family, their past, what sets them off, what will hurt them most  and especially what frightens them, this brings the adversarial system  to new low. These litigations twist our Constitution till it is almost  unrecognizable and at the expense of our entire society, protects the  rights of the abuser/stalker.It is  slowly being recognized as a major problem and there are programs  working on ways to end this, in the future.

 

Posted on July 16, 2012, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. The legal system seems to have been specifically set up with the narcissist or psychopath in mind. If you are very unfortunate to have a covert malignant narcissist in your life–you are going to be abused 100 times worse after the divorce is filed. That is when the covert narcissist shines. They may sit back and wait for their day so patiently because once you file–the court is completely on their side. The smear campaign the character assassination. It won’t be them cussing you out in the parking lot–it will be them going to the police acting like they are frightened of you–or worse yet, they are concerned about their children because you are so out of control!!! They will go to your friends and the school principal and the neighbors–and out of concern for you and the children–they will tell them all how nuts you are and how they fear for their children. They will say how unfortunate it is that you have cracked up and that you use to e a god mom–but now–you are just awful.

    They will file and file false accusations in court–but they will always preface it by having this addressed by therapists first. They will lie in therapy and then file petitions in court. Then they will go to hearings and they will now have presented this information in 3 different venues at least. So even though it is false–it has been heard and said multiple time. This gives it credibility. Now the courts make you defend YOURSELF against this. Once you get into this position–they have won everything. I can tell you for near certain–once you begin to have to defend everything you do–you look guilty. Absolutely look guilty to everyone even though you are the best parent, kind and loving, and totally dedicated to your children.

    Once you start defending against false accusations of having a dirty house, leaving your children, being crazy…you have begun a battle that you can never win. People who have ot defend themselves are seen as the bad people while those who are making the accusations are seen as concerned and caring people who have reason to be upset and constantly filing against you.

    People in general and judges in particular–seem to not understand what a psychopath, sociopath or narcissist is. They fail to see the signs even when they are so huge. They assume any person coming to court with these concerns must be a good person in a bad situation. They almost never see the true victim and nearly never help that person. This goes on until they wear you down, use up your money, and win over the important people. They crush you like a bug and the court is the one holding you down so they can do it. Don’t expect any mercy from a covert narcissist, sociopath or individual with antisocial personality characteristics. You are the prey and they are the hunter.

    They see their very life depending on you being destroyed–literally. They cannot risk exposure to the world so they must completely destroy you. For many–the ultimate goal is for you to kill yourself. THAT is top on their wish list. Next is total emotional breakdown so they can feel justified in their abuse of you and assured that you will not be believed by anyone. Their abuse remains safe from the world. Finally if those things are not happening–they will take the children completely from you under false accusations. That is their ace in the hole for those who can’t destroy the woman. They destroy the kids to get to her.

    They take away the only thing she really cares about. They begin to systematically destroy the children with gas lighting and letting them do whatever it is that the mom is most against. They feed them poorly, give them violent games, allow them to fall behind in their school work–what ever it is that hurts the most. That is their ultimate revenge if they can’t get directly to you–they do it indirectly.

    How od you stop them?? You become independently wealthy and hire the best lawyers on the planet. You hopefully have so much money you can move out of the country. You hope you can shame them into leaving by being so much more successful than they are. Beyond that–I still haven’t figured it out either. They are relentless and they are cunning. They lack boundaries and are not kept in check by a conscience. If you have encountered one of these types and they have targeted you–your life will be a living hell. There is no really way out of it.

    Like

  2. he legal system seems to have been specifically set up with the narcissist or psychopath in mind. If you are very unfortunate to have a covert malignant narcissist in your life–you are going to be abused 100 times worse after the divorce is filed. That is when the covert narcissist shines. They may sit back and wait for their day so patiently because once you file–the court is completely on their side. The smear campaign the character assassination. It won’t be them cussing you out in the parking lot–it will be them going to the police acting like they are frightened of you–or worse yet, they are concerned about their children because you are so out of control!!! They will go to your friends and the school principal and the neighbors–and out of concern for you and the children–they will tell them all how nuts you are and how they fear for their children. They will say how unfortunate it is that you have cracked up and that you use to e a god mom–but now–you are just awful.

    They will file and file false accusations in court–but they will always preface it by having this addressed by therapists first. They will lie in therapy and then file petitions in court. Then they will go to hearings and they will now have presented this information in 3 different venues at least. So even though it is false–it has been heard and said multiple time. This gives it credibility. Now the courts make you defend YOURSELF against this. Once you get into this position–they have won everything. I can tell you for near certain–once you begin to have to defend everything you do–you look guilty. Absolutely look guilty to everyone even though you are the best parent, kind and loving, and totally dedicated to your children.

    Once you start defending against false accusations of having a dirty house, leaving your children, being crazy…you have begun a battle that you can never win. People who have ot defend themselves are seen as the bad people while those who are making the accusations are seen as concerned and caring people who have reason to be upset and constantly filing against you.

    People in general and judges in particular–seem to not understand what a psychopath, sociopath or narcissist is. They fail to see the signs even when they are so huge. They assume any person coming to court with these concerns must be a good person in a bad situation. They almost never see the true victim and nearly never help that person. This goes on until they wear you down, use up your money, and win over the important people. They crush you like a bug and the court is the one holding you down so they can do it. Don’t expect any mercy from a covert narcissist, sociopath or individual with antisocial personality characteristics. You are the prey and they are the hunter.

    They see their very life depending on you being destroyed–literally. They cannot risk exposure to the world so they must completely destroy you. For many–the ultimate goal is for you to kill yourself. THAT is top on their wish list. Next is total emotional breakdown so they can feel justified in their abuse of you and assured that you will not be believed by anyone. Their abuse remains safe from the world. Finally if those things are not happening–they will take the children completely from you under false accusations. That is their ace in the hole for those who can’t destroy the woman. They destroy the kids to get to her.

    They take away the only thing she really cares about. They begin to systematically destroy the children with gas lighting and letting them do whatever it is that the mom is most against. They feed them poorly, give them violent games, allow them to fall behind in their school work–what ever it is that hurts the most. That is their ultimate revenge if they can’t get directly to you–they do it indirectly.

    How od you stop them?? You become independently wealthy and hire the best lawyers on the planet. You hopefully have so much money you can move out of the country. You hope you can shame them into leaving by being so much more successful than they are. Beyond that–I still haven’t figured it out either. They are relentless and they are cunning. They lack boundaries and are not kept in check by a conscience. If you have encountered one of these types and they have targeted you–your life will be a living hell. There is no really way out of it.

    Like

  3. “The Mom”… I agree… this article NEEDS a part two! “It is slowly being recognized as a major problem and there are programs working on ways to end this, in the future.” What programs would that be? My parents ripped me to shreds when they took me to court and tried to take my child away from me, but ended up getting visitation. Now I’m STUCK with them torturing me through my child, and possibly her too. I have nowhere else to turn ‘cuz all of the lawyers have washed their hands of this case now that it’s over.

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  4. It seems one is unable to stop it. I have done my best to get on with my life and with involving my children into my life and me in theirs as much as possible (without saying/pointing out look at me, mum). I have had to do things 3 times greater than necessary, in order to out balance the narcist. As a result (I hope from my dedication to them), my two older boys now 21 and 20, can see that thier narcarsistic father needs to have everything revolve around himself. The boys have quoted to me “yes mum, every conversation dad has, has to come back to him”. I just hope that I have been able to bring them up to be GOOD MEN.
    I suppose I can add here, that our court orders were that I had the boys for 10 days our of 14 days, while they were with thier father for 4 days out of 14. I have been able to have some greater influence on them.
    However, with my youngest, who is 17, at the moment it is a little more difficult. Within the last 2 years, the ex took use back to court (after 14 years down the track I might add!!! See it doesn’t go away), and changed the orders so that the youngest spends 50% of his time with either me or his father……..from this the youngest has gravitated to spending more time with his father. A very difficult and frustrating situation!! The only hope I really have with this is that, my youngest, who has spent most of his younger years with my influence and also now has good role models with his 2 older brothers, may/will see the light?
    The boys have grown up with access to thier father and I have hoped this has allowed them to know him for what he really is!
    Good luck to you, The Mom! X

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  5. I can’t agree more, but where is part 2 of this piece. The part that tells me how to make it stop… 😦

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  6. Yes this is so true, I have experienced this for years! It has effected the relationship I have with my children. They are unknowing victims too that cannot see the truth about ME.

    Like

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