FACT: You CANNOT go to the source of your abuse – a Narcissist – for answers, validation, closure, truth, or anything, because all you will get back is the same – MORE abuse! We MUST understand this and NEVER engage with them in a manner to attempt to find any sense of cohesiveness, validation, closure, the truth, or anything – THEY ARE ABUSERS!

Posted by ANA - After Narcissistic Abuse

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else I Between with a Narcissist

Let’s start with the facts — a Narcissist can’t allow others to see who AND what they really are, an empty dark and angry person that loathes life and people, as well as repulsive, perverted, and abusive. So the Narcissist creates a highly likable, moral, good and ‘normal’ image that will procure adulation, affirmation, and attention or everything the Narcissist requires to survive and walk among the ‘real’ or ‘normal’ people – AND THEY MUST ALWAYS MAINTAIN THIS FACADE during every phase of their abuse – even when they devalue and discard us. The WHY is because they need the basic things that only ‘functioning’ human beings can provide, SO they ‘harvest’ people and we become “supply” to them. THAT IS ALL WE ARE – and that is all we will ever be – and most importantly – we ALL have an expiration date that also involves the Narcissist maintaining that facde WHILE destroying us to protect themselves (except they aren’t very nice about it). So don’t go to them for an explanation because they are not going to tell you the truth that they are abusers and extortionists, and WE were only ONE of their targets — BUT they will manipulate and trick you more so they can avoid exposure.

The closer the association to a Narcissist the more pathological the Narcissist becomes, and the more damage done to the target/victim. Their needs are far more than just extorting basic life and biological needs – it is their psychological needs that cause the most damage to their target/victim. It is their need to CONTROL and gain dominance or power over other people that damages and destroys them. They are BASICALLY human with most of the same biological needs (like eating, breathing and sexuality) but when it comes to mental functions, they are delusional and seem to have a battle that rages in their head to seriously manipulate, confuse, malign, and harm people that love them as if they loathe all people and need to destroy them one by one. We MUST understand this and NEVER engage with them in a manner to attempt to find any sense of cohesiveness, validation, closure, the truth or anything – THEY ARE ABUSERS!

Unfortunately, we believed it was a real EMOTIONAL bond no matter what the relationship is/was with them, be it one that was FALSELY created from care or love – be it a wife, husband, partner, mother, father, brother, sister, or friend – but it was a lie and a con. As harsh as this definition sounds as it concerns our involvement with a Narcissist, it is real and just the very truth of the biggest lie, manipulation, betrayal, extortion, and destruction we will ever experience in our lives. It is abuse at the hands of a very disordered personality, one that will look you straight in the eyes and state that they care or love you, but they have a knife to your back to control you AND ready at any time they decide to stab and harm you and even destroy you for no reason other than an association you have with them be it a family bond or an association by chance – and especially once you have clarity about the truth of what they are.. ANY association with them for ANY length of time and for ANY reason is toxic and poisonous and they will do some sort of damage to your life or well-being.

A Narcissist is calculating for the sake of procuring PERSONAL power and supply – they need it to feel relevance because they lack the mechanics that you and I have – especially empathy – and that requires a great deal of Narcissistic magic and skills to play pretend with us! Control allows them the power over others that they need to function and survive in our world as well as facilitate the intense insecurities that rage inside of their world – as a matter of fact it is imperative to their functioning and survival. It also protects them from exposure and facing the truth of their own disordered and abusive lifestyle. That false mask hides AND protects the Narcissist from having to face themselves off in the mirror and see the reality of WHAT THEY ARE – a modern day ‘DENIAL’ monster that is destructive and abuses life and people – it is ALL consuming. Unfortunately, the only way to create their false self and maintain it is to completely drain us of our life and amazing energy and they are NEVER going to give it back. They most assuredly will destroy a target that catches on to them, plus they already have the replacement waiting in the wings to pick up the whole process where they left it off with us, stealing ‘supply’ and sucking the very life out of the new target. No fuss, no muss, NEVER any closure, emotions or love just a parasitic relationship where the Narcissist always has a host and a new host ready and waiting – seriously this is the truth. There is nobody there for us – except a very dark and damaged person that we CANNOT ever go to for any reality or help!

In the overall design of things, misfortune to others does not matter to the Narcissist when they have objectified a human being to obtain their drug of choice or “supply” – especially after they have gotten everything they came for. It is solely based on what this person has to offer, or what can be taken from this person, and this must resonate in the Narcissist’s grand scheme of things. The Narcissist is convinced of their uniqueness (omnipotence) and basically, we are there to serve their needs – they are delusional in this manner. There are no written laws that the Narcissist will comply with when it comes to how they treat other people — so NEVER expect them to treat you with any sense of reality – especially once they are in the devaluation and discard phase – that is only about their safe transition to move onto their new source, and WE have reached our expiration date.

There are no human rights involved either and it is DESIGNED to be that way! Basically, we are/were there for their use and they completely exploit everything they can from us – mentally and physically. They feel no remorse in their acts of deviance to secure supply in the least bit – NOR will they ever admit to their scam or offer any closure. Lies, betrayal, manipulation, etc., are only tools to extract what they need before they move on to the next and the next and the next. They have perfected and honed these tools to work to their utmost advantage to meet their needs in EVERY situation – and they will never allow you or I to threaten their façade of lies.

This is very hard for many people to understand for the simple reason that we are the direct opposite of a Narcissist. We learned about life and love and we have empathy that would prohibit us from even remotely living or conceptualizing an abhorrent and perverse lifestyle where we would purposely use another person, deplete them of their life, and then destroy them. It is not even human to act out in the manner a Narcissist does. Unfortunately, they exist, and they are dangerous to people and to life in general – and we must actualize this and never turn to them for anything – the only turn we NEED to make is turning completely AWAY from them and NEVER allow them in our thoughts, heart or mind ever again! The truth is that YOU are an amazing human being and the direct opposite of these abusers. YOU have the ability for introspection and growth and most importantly you when faced with a disaster, YOU have the ability to heal from the adversity and become a survivor that WILL thrive. No/minimal contact ALWAYS. Greg