Exploitation – is what is at the core, body, and substance of the Narcissist’s agenda! Narcissists exploit EVERY single interaction with all of us to gratify THEIR needy ego at your ego’s expense or even DESTRUCTION.

Exploitation – is what is at the core, body, and substance of the Narcissist’s agenda! Narcissists exploit EVERY single interaction with all of us to gratify THEIR needy ego at your ego’s expense or even DESTRUCTION. They will also exploit anything else they can from us as well – this is the agenda of a taker – complete objectification at any cost. Remember that they manipulate us with CHARM to get what they want – that is a conscious and deliberate thought process meaning they KNOW what they are doing but don’t care.

From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

Some more knowledge and education on what THEY are and what THEY do: A Narcissist doesn’t acknowledge individuality or even like other people (remember we are just objects to use.) Along with this premise the Narcissist doesn’t care about being liked – THEY DEMAND to be admired, feared, and favored, (as well as completely extorting their targets to get supply.) They don’t care about getting along with people, and a Narcissist is no more capable of considering the consequences of their actions than a rock would. There is no consideration for anybody or anything with a Narcissist and nothing is ever about whatever it REALLY is, instead it is always all about their omnipotence, superiority or ego instead or their fake façade. With them it is about getting the desired reaction and using whatever they can to get there.

They HAVE to exploit EVERY single interaction with us to gratify THEIR needy ego at your ego’s expense or even DESTRUCTION. There’s no end to it. It’s exasperating and you never get through that brick wall a Narcissist throws up in front of you constantly, so always remember how much time you have tried to break down barriers to “fix” things. Everything would just bounce back to you as more blame and shame from the Narcissist. It was a relationship that was meant to deny you every bit of gratification or any “giving” from the Narcissist and instead “taking” every bit of gratification (supply) they could for their vast needy void.

Narcissists are self-serving chameleons that “shape shift” into whatever they need or want to be to serve a specific agenda they have. They do not have genuinely ordered or consistent thoughts, concerns, or ANY moral codes as it concerns life and especially people. Morality is relative to their desires at any given moment and they act on all of them. In plain English they are emotional extortionists and use people by manipulating them to get what they can. They have an uncanny ability to seduce to the point of ‘brainwashing’ others. They are also hypocrites in that they pass judgment on others as well as call them out for negative behaviors, when in fact the Narcissist is overtly guilty of these SAME BEHAVIORS and WORSE! All part of the HUGE mask the Narcissist wears to hide the monster behind it.

The Narcissist maligns and back stabs people continually throughout their disordered life – and gas-lights people the are in personal relationships with. To them it is control and power over others. They will consistently demonstrate their power with back handed and insulting behavior toward others. They will utilize behaviors like talking people down, or making them the brunt of a rude and demeaning joke, making fun of them, totally ignoring or silencing them, being late for important events, simply not attending or walking out of events, avoiding being a team player at all costs, refusing to consult or ask for help and just acting out ON THEIR OWN SELF ACCLAIMED AUTHORITY. There are absolutely NO RULES that they follow, so there is never accountability either – that gets displaced onto us through blame and shame because the Narcissist is the eternal victim of life.

The Narcissist constantly violates boundaries albeit physical, emotional, and mental. They follow no rules in life, or respect human dignity/rights, or adhere to any written laws. They will make decisions that are not theirs to make and they will assume that they have the right to use, borrow, or take/steal anything that belongs to others. Ownership is their birthright or so they feel because they are above the normal order of life. They will violate your standing with figures of authority in an effort to cause trouble/destruction or just to “one up” you. They are truly extortionists and they take everything and anything they can get their hands on. BUT remember this chameleon camouflages itself with CHARM – so they get away with virtual murder because they have been doing this all of their lives and they are just that good at it. The people that know the truth about them are mostly their targets/victims – the rest become their minions at some useful level that they charm into believing just how special they are AND they protect the Narcissist’s lies and disordered life – they are the enablers of their abuse.

Narcissists have absolutely no capacity for context. Either you see things their way or you must be crushed into the ground. You can’t respectfully agree to disagree with them. Any criticism, difference of opinion is a challenge to their “authority” and is seen as a threat and will be treated as such and you will be devalued, demeaned, debased and dehumanized – it is just that serious to them. BUT serious to them is not in any normal context – it is complete denial and avoidance all bundled up in all of these tactics to be in control and exert power over us. Remember we are only an object to serve them so we must revere them as well OR ELSE! Well the ‘or else’ for you and I is to DISCARD THEM completely and go NO/minimal contact to restore our life and move forward to a healthy life again. Greg

That fog or confusion that you are trying to find your way out of! The truth as it concerns this ‘connection’ with a Narcissist. Nothing is real except that they are emotional and psychological abusers.

That fog or confusion that you are trying to find your way out of! The truth as it concerns this ‘connection’ with a Narcissist. Nothing is real except that they are emotional and psychological abusers.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Aurhor – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

The Narcissist is a master of phony emotions and empathy with a phony façade and life to match. They appear to take you in, care about you, understand everything you are experiencing, and they appear to genuinely put themselves in your shoes to understand “YOU” with acceptance and unconditional love. They observe and react with that resounding smile, approval, and unconditional care and love. All of this causes you to let your guard down and honestly believe there is a genuine give-and-take in your relationship and a love, friendship or relationship that exists that is just for you. It is overwhelming to meet someone that is so much like you, so connected to your thoughts, and so reactive to meet your every need. BUT once they gain your trust, they will pounce on you. They wait until you are perfectly comfortable with them and your guard is completely down or even perhaps having a low moment in your life and now the time has come to manage you down and to control you to fulfill the business at hand or secure the supply they came for.

Narcissists perfectly execute an emotional and psychological attack on their victim because their purpose is to wear you down, to humiliate you, and make you feel small and inferior and dependent on them OR again control. A Narcissist is not going to allow you to have feelings for YOURSELF and they are going to make you believe you are selfish and wrong for wanting ANY attention. There is no such thing as YOUR needs or individuality, and they basically erase your personality bit by bit. They want what they want, and they have invested their time to mold you into a viable source of supply. Narcissists do not tolerate individuality because people are objects for them to use as they see fit. There is nothing more here than their agenda coming to fruition and you must understand that THIS IS ALL IT WAS. Predator after their prey using camouflage to hide the truth to trap you – or that façade and mask. Greg

The Narcissist’s MASTER PLAN and only plan, and YES, it is an agenda/plan to get WHAT THEY WANT — Divert, divide, conquer, isolate, and CONTROL! BUT it is hidden behind by the CHARM or the trap to pull us in.

Nothing about this relationship was real as far as a normal connection – this is so important to understand for more clarity. The Narcissist’s MASTER PLAN and only plan, and YES, it is an agenda/plan to get WHAT THEY WANT — Divert, divide, conquer, isolate, and CONTROL! BUT it is hidden behind by the CHARM or the trap to pull us in.

From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

The Narcissist is basically grooming others WITH a deceptive agenda – divert, divide, conquer and control. In a normal relationship, people go out of their way to prove that they are trustworthy, but a Narcissist does exactly the opposite. They are constantly throwing subtle hints out there that make you and keep you feeling insecure. Perhaps they may be pursuing other people, other options, or spending their time with other people, so that you can never really settle down or feel secure or have any sense of a real connection with them. Mine sure did! They want to keep you on the edge of confusion and chaos constantly. They will always compound this manipulative ploy by denying it if you should bring it up in a conversation, calling you jealous, possessive, ALWAYS starting a fight, or even crazy. The Narcissist works everything they do into every possible vantage point (or spin) to control and manage you down. Where you started off and became accustomed to such a high level of charm and flattering attention – after they first lured you in with the extreme charm and love bombing – NOW feels very personal and unnerving because they are directing that attention elsewhere and they know what they are doing – devaluing you and controlling you through managing you down.

They have a methodology to put all of this into place, so some examples. They will perhaps totally cancel plans with you or spend a day with a ‘good’ friend AND perhaps the very one that supposedly complains about or dislikes YOU, or a friend you have never even heard mentioned before. They will ignore you perhaps saying they are spending more time with their family or close friends, and again they have probably told you that they were all horrible people and troublemakers in the first place but now they want to spend time with them – those mixed messages that confuse! They will keep you waiting until the last minute as far as it concerns finalizing plans and perhaps cancel at the last moment. They are never clear about plans perhaps suggesting something and then never mentioning it again. They will say they are going out to dinner with work friends out of the blue and it just does not seem to make sense! They will seek the sympathy of an ex when there is a problem or tragedy in their personal life, and then explain that they just have such a “special bond or friendship” that you would not or couldn’t understand. More than often that ex is someone they first claimed was crazy, a problem, abusive and unstable. Remember everything is all concocted garbage to manage you down and to make you feel detached as if you are not worthy, important or their first ‘go to person.’ In my particular situation most of these themes were used repeatedly but in reality ‘my Narcissist’ was never with whomever ‘my Narcissist’ said they were with. You can use your imagination to figure out the rest.

When you are going through this it is never apparent because so much abuse is circling around all your conscious thoughts that you never have the time to think anything through with any sense of reality or realizing the real truth that what they say is just more of their ‘crazy making!’ You never truly get through one level without other levels piling up on top of each other. The Narcissist is basically pitting YOU against a false situation AND people to make you feel that you just do not meet up with the Narcissist’s expectations or what they expect of you. It is the process of managing what you do or have done down through the Narcissist’s incredulous and fake stories to make everything, and everybody seem so much better than you OR anything they do better than what YOU do. Think about this and then ask yourself this very important question is any type of relationship a competition? Then ask yourself why you felt you had to try harder and harder.

So, what it boils down to is that this is just an attention seeking tactic that the Narcissist procures by managing us down to make us feel that we are not worthy enough by constantly comparing us to other people to make us feel that they are better and worthier than us. You in turn feel that the Narcissist should be embracing your unconditional acts of love or caring AND seeking comfort in you as they did in the beginning – this is how normal people relate in a normal relationship. You have always helped and healed them in the past, and been there for them, so what is up or what is different now? They once proclaimed their unending love as well as claimed that you were the reason, they were so happy. But now, they turn to friendships or past relationships instead of you, and they embellish the situation with subtle hints to make you feel that YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. This is also part of the devaluation phase for sure and you wonder if perhaps you are jealous, or you SHOULD do better – and there you have it!

Let’s take it a little further and look at technology. We now live in an era where technology makes it so much easier for Narcissists to manipulate and triangulate on social media sites that we all seem to use. It can be as simple as the Narcissist liking a comment from a complete stranger, old friend, or an ex, while ignoring ones from you. They will upload photos where they are with an ex, family, or anybody they claimed to dislike or hate before. Everything APPEARS to be unintentional, and you attribute it to the Narcissist’s insensitivity toward YOU but make no mistake – it is carefully calculated and placed there with an agenda in mind. They are always looking for supply by seducing anyone and everybody into their game as well as being braggarts and using media as a form of Narcissistic public relations.

They will strategically post ambiguous statuses that suggest you might be “losing” them. They will share things that are intentionally meant to lure in new and old targets by keeping their status as single. For example, the Narcissist may have an ongoing conversation with someone that is a stranger to you and more than likely a possibility for a new source of supply for the Narcissist. This does many things to the target/victim by first leaving them feeling confused, anxious, isolated, and YES probably jealous – BUT it also makes, and this new person (or potential new supply) NOW feel confident, loved, and special. That Narcissist is looking for and grooming others as they erode your identity and essentially killing two birds with one stone. They are putting themselves out there for whatever may come their way (as they always do in reality – but now you can see it in writing)! They are very subtle, strategic, and efficient with their agenda ALWAYS. They seriously bump this up after the discard to really disable you to feel completely worthless, as well as rub their new and amazing life in your face – just a little more abuse to already add to the devastation. Nobody with any integrity or empathy would make someone that loved them, and they supposedly loved back, feel this way. A Narcissist seriously gets off on this. You must wonder just how the new supply does not see through this, but they don’t (in time they will experience it too.) Narcissists are masters at controlling people and spinning situations.

It is just simply described as bait and switch! They want you to confront them about these things, because they are MADE to seem minor in nature BUT by you mentioning something it will make you appear crazy and jealous just for bringing it up. They will calmly provide that ‘excuse’ for everything and then blame you in a manner to make you seem obsessed, jealous, etc. It is basically impossible to prove because it is always strategically placed and ambiguous. You cannot prove that they’re luring in new supply with some sort of personal connection, but you know it – and THAT is called your intuition. This is the icing on the cake or how they finalize their crazy making. Think about mentioning or complaining about a social site status or comments that the Narcissist makes, and it does seem immature to ask, and that is exactly how they want you to feel, and that is how they strategize and trap you. Seriously there are no secrets or surprises when you love another person in a normal relationship. Intuition is always a strong indication and something I believe we have all ignored in favor of trying to fix the relationship or make things right! Hindsight is always 20/20 as they say and looking back at all of this it is so much clearer to me personally – but when your mind and heart are enmeshed with the manipulation, chaos, crazy making and everything else it is too confusing, and it overwhelms you at too many levels to think clearly as you can when you are away from the situation.

You will try to give them more positive reinforcement in response to the managing down, but it will NEVER be enough. The Narcissist WILL eventually get bored with you BECAUSE they cannot form healthy human bonds. There will always be a current entourage of new supply and fans that will always be there spoiling and admiring them, making you believe that the Narcissists really is a great person. Think of it ONLY as the Narcissist’s public relations plan, always recruiting and using any opportunity for new supply!

But take a careful look at your own thoughts because most of these fans and minions are just a fleeting fantasy that the Narcissist capitalizes on and most do not have that strong personal connection, or they were just a sexual conquest that hangs around. All that praise on the social sites is just carefully placed because the Narcissist is networking for future support or supply. Social networking sites are an extension of the fake mask they wear in public. Many of those pictures are just selfies to support their stories and lies and more than likely the person in these pictures with them may be wise about how disordered this Narcissist, and it was just a photo opportunity that the Narcissist took advantage of to say, ‘look at me, I am just that special!’

In the end we MUST internalize the truth even as hard as it is to do so. The sad reality is that this becomes clear once you are well on your way to recovery, so be patient because it is a process. If we would have understood this in the beginning, we would not have suffered through the abuse. BUT real information is necessary to move forward so you become clear and CAN recover. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!

After the discard you are dealing with so many corrupt messages meant to only abuse AND control you more and more into a submissive and silent role. It is done to basically silence you by making OR pointing you out to be the ‘crazy one’ or the troublemaker so the Narcissist avoids exposure. Very much of the destruction that the Narcissist inflicts on us is ALWAYS done well in advance before we are aware of their real motives during the discard phase, and they just embellish it a bit more by puling us into more chaos. They will keep pulling you into this crazy making for one reason – to use as more proof that you are only obsessed and crazy by turning it all around. My Narcissist kept it up for a year after I decided I was done. Begging me, pleading with me, to stay, etc., and then turning it around if it was me doing the begging and pleading and I was scorned or obsessed. Again, just a trick to make you believe in them once more – but that Narcissist is gathering proof while you are believing their sincerity and they will use it against you. Even when there is absolute proof staring them in the face they will still lie and deny! I had the clarity to establish ‘no contact’ and THEN and only then was I able to accept all of the distorted truths that I met up with a real-life monster! Do not stay stuck to this monster because you will only remain a puppet to their disordered and abusive agenda and running in circles. No/minimal contact to live and love again. Greg

Say ‘NO MORE’ to everything about the Narcissist that infected your life! Absolutely no more bending YOUR beliefs to try to help, fix, or understand them!

A longer read but a lot of important information for clarity: Say ‘NO MORE’ to everything about the Narcissist that infected your life! Absolutely no more bending YOUR beliefs to try to help, fix, or understand them! Whatever that Narcissist has said to you that has deeply hurt you or wounded you is NOT a real observation, it was your vulnerabilities that you shared with them when you trusted them. They twisted, tweaked, and distorted these vulnerabilities to use against you, define you, and gain control over you.

From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

Narcissists are masters at putting a spin on the truth, using extreme manipulation, and playing mind games to get what they want. They play to win and get the rewards from the investment they put into scamming a new person, then it is a matter of functionality and survival in their world to avoid detection of who and what they really are, so they destroy all the evidence or basically the person they abused! That says a lot because they obviously know what they do is WRONG! They are EXTREMELY poor losers and if they do not completely win, they will react in a fit of rage and terrorize the person they are already victimizing. The only way for any person to win is to not play in any of their games once you realize the truth of how disordered and dangerous they are. Unfortunately, they do not play fair in the first place, and they trick you in and drag you into their delusional game to get WHAT THEY WANT!

Everyone to the Narcissist is their opponent, UNFORTUNATELY nobody realizes that they are playing a game with the Narcissist and that is where the Narcissist gains the advantage or has the upper hand! The Narcissist is playing this game for themselves so they can deflect you from seeing the reality or avoiding the truth about what they really are – they DO NOT self-reflect, they self-DEFLECT. They do this with the expectation that they will not have to take responsibility for their behavior. Narcissists do not take responsibility for their own actions instead they deflect by blaming, shaming, projection, denial, etc. You will do what you have always done-forgive the Narcissist, make excuses for the Narcissist’s behavior, claim the Narcissist could not help themselves because of a bad day, or justifying their destructive behaviors through your empathy and love AND that will ultimately fail you completely.

You bend and bend until you almost snap in half when you try to give them the benefit of the doubt. It keeps you in a cycle that deflects away from their reality and distorts YOUR reality in turn and puts the burden onto and into you and becomes your new normal. You never have an opportunity to be an individual, nor see how they are pulling the wool over your eyes because of the MANY levels of confusion and diversion they use to process you into that role with them. They are betraying every aspect of your life and you are too busy babysitting their every whim and trying to fix things once again. They know how to confound and confuse their targets/victims, as well as condition and manipulate them through their temper tantrums, anger, rage, managing them down, or punishing and silencing if you do not play exactly the way they want you to! You MUST stop wanting to play the ‘game’ with them and eventually they WILL run away to find a new playmate and that is the miracle that will actually save your life.

The Narcissist is a master of FAKE emotions and empathy with a phony façade and life to match. They appear to take you in, care about you, understand everything you are experiencing, and they appear to genuinely put themselves in your shoes to understand “YOU” with acceptance and unconditional love. They observe and react with that resounding smile, approval, and unconditional care and love. All of this causes you to let your guard down and honestly believe there is a genuine give-and-take in your relationship and a love that exists that is just for you. It is overwhelming to meet someone that is so much like you, so connected to your thoughts, and so reactive to meet your every need that you BELIEVE in them completely. BUT once they gain your trust, they will pounce on you. They wait until you are perfectly comfortable with them, and your guard is completely down or even perhaps having a low moment in your life and now the time has come to manage you down and to control you to manage the business at hand or secure the supply they came for.

What would you do if you were completely void of love and empathy, how would you interact in the normal world? Without emotions or the ability to bond you would have to control people to trap them into your defective world so you could essentially fit in and get/take what you need that you cannot accomplish on your own. Narcissists perfectly execute an emotional and psychological attack on their victim because their purpose is to wear you down, to humiliate you, and make you feel small and inferior and dependent on them OR again control. A Narcissist is not going to allow you to have feelings for YOURSELF and they are going to make you believe you are selfish and wrong for wanting ANY attention. There is no such thing as YOUR needs or individuality, and they basically erase your personality bit by bit. They want what they want, and they have invested their time to mold you into a viable source of supply. Narcissists do not tolerate individuality because people are objects for them to use as they see fit. There is nothing more here than their agenda coming to fruition, and you must understand that THIS IS ALL IT WAS. Predator after their prey using camouflage to hide the truth to trap you – or that façade and mask. The simple truth is that a person that cannot relate to emotions or empathy cannot relate to another human being in the smallest way.

A Narcissist ALWAYS loves to make you feel that YOU are crazy, especially if you try to confront them, make them accountable, bring up past issues or behaviors, or expose them when they are doing something appalling or lying. Basically, YOU are told that you have an overactive imagination, you don’t know what you are talking about, they have NO idea what you are talking about, or that you are simply making things up to cause problems and all of this is done to deflect from the reality of WHO THEY ARE. They’ll tell you that it is obvious that YOU are the one who is crazy (and tell you that everyone around you agrees with them about you being crazy). FURTHERMORE, they will claim not to remember any of these events, even flatly deny that they ever happened, and will NEVER accept the possibility that they might have forgotten. Your perceptions of normalcy and reality are continually undermined so that you end up without any confidence in your own intuition, memory, processing your thoughts, or reasoning, AND constantly confused. The Narcissist is a master at spinning everything and deflecting to remain in control and keeping you vulnerable – this defines control!

The Narcissist will up the game to include destroying your soul, your ego, your accomplishments, and any belief system you have to completely manage you down to feeling worthless. The way the game is played is for them to try to turn everything about you and everything you do, into a complete failure. The Narcissist has the reasoning of a child – but they act out like a controlling, demanding, and demeaning parent (more so toxic). No matter what your real age, you are never allowed to reach a viable emotional age with them especially one that allows for your individuality or growth with them – this is especially evident in children that were raised by a Narcissistic parent. You will always be treated like a stupid child, a bad child, a silly child, etc., and you will always be reprimanded and put in your place to honor them completely and NEVER question them! Consistent managing down is what all this amounts to!

Everything with a Narcissist is competitive and every life situation is a competition that requires “one-upmanship”, to beat their opponent. It always involves a “payoff” for the Narcissist that is about them getting something or extorting everything they can and devaluing and hurting you somehow too. They feel superior within their ability to con, control, and destroy. Again, their delusional world is like a battleground with them against us because everybody and everything is a threat – be it real or perceived. They keep track of real AND imaginary things they believe you do, have done, or might do. It is a reactionary relationship with them, BUT you are the one that always must explain your every word and action to them and made accountable when you are not serving their every whim and need! This is how they condition you and this is what they want – to CONTROL YOU.

Lastly what supports their lies is complete DENIAL. It is important to recognize that the Narcissist will never acknowledge that any games are being played AND the important point here is that it is up to YOU to stop playing. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do to fix them, the situation or heal them! You will always be told you are wrong, they are right, and that you need some serious help. You can’t get them to acknowledge or take responsibility for their words or actions because they will always say they didn’t do it, or it never happened. They must or else face real accountability and retribution for their actions and then their gig would be up, so they deflect with more lies, more manipulation, and punishing, silencing, and abusing you! They will destroy you completely to avoid exposure.

The main point here is that what I described is a Narcissist and how they abuse. They are not fully functioning human beings. They do not connect on ANY level with human beings except to use them as supply. We can describe this as a superficial relationship, but it goes far beyond superficial because it is a toxic and destructive relationship that will completely drain you and disable you and your belief system. Your responsibility is to get your ‘ah ha’ moment and understand that they are the defective ones that emotionally and psychologically inflicted some deep wounds that have severely affected your psyche. BUT that is where you start on your road to recovery. There is another type of healing that involves your personal emotional wounds that the Narcissist sourced out and used against you. Healing involves you and only you closing all of those wounds permanently through your personal journey or recovery!

Whatever that Narcissist has said to you that has deeply hurt you or wounded you is NOT a real observation, it was your vulnerabilities that you shared with them when you trusted them. They twisted, tweaked, and distorted these vulnerabilities to use against you and define you. They were so supportive in the beginning, but that was also to gain your trust and the knowledge of your weaknesses to use against you. You opened your amazing heart along with all your wounds and gave them the opportunity to find any and all of your weaknesses AND they were looking for them.

They DO NOT have the ability to understand pain, sorrow, being vulnerable or apply empathy – they only want access to your weaknesses to use them against you or to CONTROL you. This is what we have to heal within us or those weaknesses that they have constantly pointed out because they are real and within us and now, they have made them come to the surface so much so that we lost our worth and trusting our own reality. They are master game players and used their keen perception to always be on top of their game. They took these weaknesses and embellished them to even make you think you were mentally ill and even fear yourself and your way of thinking. It is a very sick game that these Narcissists play, BUT it is a game that requires other players, and you must totally opt out of participating! They will attack you at any and every level they can, even making fun of you physically and they can be VERY cruel! You will ask why and how they can do this – well again because they have no empathy, no care, no connection, no bond, no morals, and no love for any other human being – they are personality disordered AND they were after something and that is your complete answer. Please internalize and KNOW this! ALSO, please understand that you still ARE that amazing person, and this was situational, or abuse and you will recover with knowledge, education, and support. No/minimal contact to start out on your journey to recovery! Greg