With a Narcissist it is just new lies and old blame!

New lies and old blame! Narcissists erase the past by rewriting history to protect themselves from exposure of who and what they are (old blame) and then recreate a new and shiny self (new lies)!

From my book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist. https://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Narcissist-Narcissistic/dp/1523820179/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1468750462&sr=1-1&keywords=from+charm+to+harm

The inability to bond or attach extends to places and things, and to the Narcissist’s past – as well as to people. Among many of their repulsive traits there are no nostalgic connections to anything as it relates to their lives because nothing in their life is relative – it is all utilitarian to serve them. They rarely if ever look back on the past and remember a fond period of time unless it is USED to impress or gain attention – but it doesn’t have any meaning beyond a utilitarian use to them and they wear it like a borrowed and bad suit! They do reflect on the past in the context of self-pity, blaming, feeling sorry for themselves and always being the victim. All of that is just another form of projection to resurrect “blame and shame” and justify their abuse and the destruction that THEY caused to most everybody that had anything to do with them.

The Narcissist’s past is defined by the destruction they leave behind that includes their biological children, perhaps an ex-spouse, friends they backstabbed, a career(s) that they destroyed because of their chaotic life, and rejection from their family. BUT who is blamed? We are blamed, we are the abusers, we destroyed this Narcissist, we lie, we used this Narcissist, etc., etc. No, the Narcissist created their own personal demise because everything finally caught up with them. Their world became too small with all of the lies and betrayal, so they immediately needed to secure new supply or a new and unsuspecting target to hide behind that they will also repeat their cycle of abuse with AND reclaim that adulation they crave and need so desperately. How dysfunctional and sad is that – BUT again they create their own demise and the complete fault lies within them and they do not care, nor do they want to change. They will never leave with a simple goodbye – instead they demean, debase and dehumanize anyone that shared a past with them and run off like cowards to find a new target to abuse as well as cry to about how awful they have been treated – but that is just a guise to completely destroy the integrity of their last victim on the way out to avoid exposure of who and what they are! Thus, the cycle of abuse continues by destroying (and hiding) their past and recreating a new future or facade with new lies and old blame that wipes the slate clean from their abusive past. Greg

There is NO SUCH THING as a healthy interaction yet alone a real one with a Narcissist!

There is NO SUCH THING as a healthy interaction yet alone a real one with a Narcissist! It is all about circular conversations to confound, confuse, divert, manipulate, lie, malign, hurt, harm and abuse!

Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.

In any type of relationship where communication and thoughts are not nurtured in a process to validate another person, all areas of the relationship are affected. Communication is the open door that allows two people to exchange cognitive (worldly thoughts) and personal thoughts to enable growth and bonding. We are independent beings that have purpose and we exchange our thoughts openly and normally by accepting our relative differences – that is just a basic ‘life right,’ but NEVER with a Narcissist because this is NOT about any rights we have. The Narcissist manipulates in such a way to cause false interpretations of all our cognitive processes to intentionally distort and invalidate reality and make them fail, OR basically invalidating and disabling our independence or individuality and deeming us worthless in the process. Simply put this is a highly manipulative effort/agenda to overtake and control us. I call it ‘erasing our personality’ or part of the process the Narcissist uses to corrupt our healthy normal, utilizing this coercive emotional and psychological terrorism or abuse to get at want they want. With all of those words I just used to describe this – please just understand (and take this with you) that this has absolutely nothing to do with YOU personally and everything about this destructive personality disordered Narcissist and their agenda. Use this truth as your strength to disengage and throw that BLAME and garbage right back where it belongs – ON THEM!

When we are manipulated in this manner it affects those important skills that we use on a daily basis. It is like we lose our motivation to be effective with simple matters in our personal life or even block our ability to concentrate and learn because we were manipulated in a manner to constantly question ourselves and feel the need to constantly explain ourselves to someone we BELIEVED we could trust and more than likely someone we cared for or loved. This is betrayal in the most extreme manner and describes just how sick a Narcissist is to use our love or whatever connection we have with them to create and administer their manipulation, hate, and destruction – AND WHY? Our mind is linked to so many internal processes, and when it is emotionally and psychologically wounded, other areas will also be affected just like a disease that will spread unless treated – even causing physical damage. It can take its toll and cause long term problems linked to trauma. REMEMBER this is NOT a sign that we are weak – it is our trust that all human beings have that the Narcissist has taken advantage of to enter our hearts and minds to corrupt and distort our normal thoughts. Normal people that live in the real world do not manipulate other people in this manner to overtake them with an agenda – abnormal, disordered, and dysfunctional people do.

This is why it is so important that we are educated concerning this abuse so we can desensitize the damage that occurs from this constant barrage of attacks on our faculties that basically disables us and damages us over time. The mix of this desperate and false love, lies, betrayal, manipulation, and fake emotions from a Narcissist is a poisonous mix that is silent but deadly when administered – and that is exactly what it is to us – a poison that destroys every level of our well-being and safety. We CAN fix this together with the knowledge we all have – together we heal. Greg

Such a powerful truth about this abuse as it concerns the children of Narcissistic parents. This abuse is NEVER singular and it can and does infect or contaminate the entire family – which definitely includes the biological children. The abuse can affect the children for their entire life. The dynamics of the abused family does not allow for emotional growth and maturity, individuality, acceptance, or for needs to be met by ANY member — it is more about survival – or surviving the many levels of chaos and abuse and finding coping methods for each member within the dysfunctional family structure. How does a child or any member of that family cope when this is all they know? The child cannot request another parent or even actualize that their reality is actually abuse – this unfortunately becomes their normal. Our voices are so important to yield a strong message that this abuse is so damaging to all people – and that damage can be a lifelong struggle. Our voices are also important to get a message out there and a lifeline for those very people that need support and help. Greg

Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist.

Narcissists do not move on without attacking your integrity to create a ‘safe escape route’ for themselves so that THEY do not appear to be the abuser that they are!

Narcissists do not move on without attacking your integrity to create a ‘safe escape route’ for themselves so that THEY do not appear to be the abuser that they are!

From my book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else Between with a Narcissist.

As a matter of fact, they will do whatever they can to continue with their chaos to attack YOUR integrity BEHIND your back as well as wound you by rubbing your face in their NEW amazing lifestyle. More chaos, more lies, more manipulation, and more of what they have always done – but now it is so obvious and apparent because they have removed their mask and now you see what is really behind it.

Abusers will leave us in the most emotionally crushing way they can because this is what they do – BUT knowledge is power in moving forward! A Narcissist is not going to make the end of their abuse or the relationship easy. In all probability they will enjoy watching you squirm as long as they can because basically their whole relationship with us was about finding everything and anything to diminish our total being. They will flaunt their new ‘soul mate’ under your nose. The Narcissist will have their NEW target, family, friends, co-workers, or anybody that listens to them convinced that YOU have mental health issues, scorned, or any number of other problems, or you are a demon who has gone over the edge — but you know the REAL truth and that is all that needs to matter to you.

They abuse through their trickery and manipulation and that is what you are seeing AGAIN right under your nose. All you have to do is look back and be reminded of the exact behavior and deception you personally experienced to define that THEY are totally dysfunctional, personality disordered, abusive, and NOTHING will change with them. The Narcissist will say nasty things about you to anyone they can to destroy your integrity and to avoid exposure of the real truth about their abusive/dysfunctional ways. If there are legal ramifications with a divorce, they will fight you tooth and nail over everything. The Narcissist will even try to turn your kids and everybody else against you. They will stalk and harass you and gather any and all information to use against you to cover their tracks of abuse and they will use threats to instill fear in you. They may even throw some love bombs to manipulate you once again into believing in them. In reality, they are ‘biding for more time’ to squirm away unscathed and to keep you confused and controlled through their MANY actions until they get away with all of the blame shifting they have been throwing onto YOU and behind your back. You’ll be having a hard time just coping with the losses of the relationship, let alone the other bombs the Narcissist is dropping on you and your life.

You must direct ALL of your thoughts away from them completely and back into yourself to become healthy again. You must also try as hard as you can to ignore the smears and the naysayers because down the road you will realize that anybody that doesn’t offer you support for something as serious as abuse or has judged you through the lies of your abuser was/is not worth any of your time or consideration. This is about you now and one direction – and that is healing! Believe in the truth that YOU deserve so much better and YOU are an amazing person that WILL move forward! No-contact or minimal-contact if you must have contact because of legal or business issues.

Ask yourself how many times this has happened in ANY relationship you have or had – be it a spouse, partner, friend, mother, father, sister, brother, co-worker, professional you seek out for care or help, boss, or any other person in your life. Emotional abuse is ABUSE pure and simple – and there is absolutely NO excuse for it, NOR do you deserve it, nor must you try to reconcile it EVER. Knowledge and education are imperative to recovering and being able to thrive — to accomplish this we must learn from our experiences and form healthy boundaries that disallow any toxic person from having access to our life. Greg

From my book: Greg Zaffuto – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

The devaluation – when the many masks are off, and you are dealing with the dark person that resides beneath them!

The devaluation – when the many masks are off, and you are dealing with the dark person that resides beneath them!

From my book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

You are left with so many conflicting messages that keep you trapped in extreme emotional confusion because this is what the Narcissist wants. By doing this the Narcissist uses us like a yo-yo on a string, constantly forcing us down and then pulling us back up again – perpetual, disordered and dizzying motion to control us and keep us off balance. You don’t have time to clearly think or see the forest for the trees. This is a person that initially proclaimed a real love for us that we invested in AND believed was real. Suddenly that image turns completely around and what we thought was love is now contempt through subtle BUT direct attacks of our integrity to erode our well-being and BLAME. From there the Narcissist escalates these attacks and they turn into rage, silencing, and punishment to take us completely down and finish the job or the devaluation phase AND then the smear campaign to destroy our integrity.

Devaluation is when and where they start defining us in a manner that points to us as being distorted and ugly to them, the source of everything negative, as well as the cause of the relationship failing. Yes, there were the intermittent bones they threw our way to keep us attached to the faint love that they once proclaimed, but this boils down to an abuser purposely using an agenda to destroy us. We didn’t see the abuse for what it is/was because we were brain-washed into believing in them, and it became our reality, even as bizarre as the allegations/reality is. We felt the need to fix the wrongs but lost ourselves in the messages and accepted a role that somehow we WERE to blame. Simply all of this was projection and the Narcissist was actually describing themselves and what THEY were doing to us.

I was not allowed a real role where I was PART of the relationship. I was tricked to make me believe there was a relationship, but that was to only trap me into place as the next target/victim and extort everything that this Narcissist could. Long and short I am trying to explain that there is layer upon layer of this ‘crazy’ from the Narcissist that we have TRIED to deal with in a realistic way. It all becomes part of the damage we have to purge out of us to come to REALISTIC terms about the distorted Narcissist that infiltrated our mind and life, or better yet a predator after prey!

It is easy to wound yourself in the process of healing and cause more damage to the insurmountable layers that already exist! JUST the simple thought that there must be something fundamentally wrong with you because someone you loved (even though it was a distorted love) thinks you deserve to be blamed and hurt. So, you wonder why when you BELIEVED that you loved them with all of your heart and soul in a normal way that they would attack your virtues! That is the emotional bond we believed in. This is not how a person should respond to OUR real love that you offered, so you have to generate a thought process around this to support a new viable answer as far as this love you believed in – IT WAS ABUSE from a personality disordered person. You are not ever going to find closure or a real answer because you are dealing with a creature that loathes love and enjoys their game and abusing people that they trick into their big lie, so this is a personal journey to accepting the real truth!

To TRY describe my experience – I was dealing with a monster and a predator like a shark that was biting chunks of my life away and devouring each piece with the hopes of completely consuming everything – BUT I WASN’T COMPLETELY AWARE OF THE HARM AND REAL DANGER I WAS IN because my reality had been disabled from the subtle and consistent managing down. I may not have bled from these wounds, but they were emotional and psychological in nature which is a much deeper wound to get at and heal. I will always walk around in life with this knowledge that I met up with a vile and evil creature that is still out there abusing and dangerous. This creature TRIED to poison my life and my family’s life by the lies they spread and are probably still spreading to protect themselves because my voice is strong. But I came out of this whole again and I am a survivor of this vile creature and abuse PERIOD. I do have a message, but it is in the form of education to share my experiences to hopefully help other people to understand this, so they don’t get completely buried by the abuse. Don’t judge your own methods of coping, don’t regret your decisions, even if they’ve landed you in a dark place for a period of time—and be grateful for what you’re going through because it has given you your freedom back and helping you develop a new relationship with yourself – or in other words you WILL survive this and move forward and thrive.

You will come out of this. You will form new and strong boundaries. You will reflect on your own inner conflicts and resolve them. You will grow with the knowledge that there are bad people out there that can and will destroy you. You will learn to differentiate the reality of good and bad in life and seek out the goodness in others and return it naturally as it should be. You will find what is important in life and live with an inner peace from knowing this horrid adversity. It is a life changing reality when someone psychologically rapes and terrorizes your mind. It is an unnecessary evil, but you now realize it exists in this world and you will protect yourself at all costs from returning to this monster or allowing a similar monster into your life. It all starts with no/minimal contact to break the chain around your neck! It also requires that you accept the reality of a Narcissist and NEVER return as in trying to figure them out, understand them, and feel a need to help them or associate with anything that concerns them. Put all of that away so you can put positive energy into yourself and your recovery! Greg

What a Narcissists truly wants from people.

The most important thing we can internalize to move forward is that a Narcissist CANNOT love, they do not KNOW love, do not WANT love, and they do not bond with anyone in any sort of relationship. What they WANT is to control people to fulfill many needs in every area of their life.

From my book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

What they DO is pretend to know love, know emotions, know caring – but that is only the ‘façade TRAP’ they actually wear or morph into, to bring their agenda to fruition. If you do NOT supply them with what they WANT – you are considered worthless. They only WANT what they WANT – what you want and need is only a temporary CONSIDERATION while they are setting the trap to pull you into deception and making you part of their supply chain!

In the overall design of things, misfortune to others does not matter to the Narcissist when they have objectified a human being to obtain their drug of choice or “supply.” It is solely based on what a person has to offer, or what can be taken from this person, and this must resonate in the Narcissist’s grand scheme of things. The Narcissist is convinced of their uniqueness (omnipotence) and basically we are there to serve their needs – they are delusional in this manner. There are no written laws that the Narcissist will comply with when it comes to how they treat other people. Whatever opportunity arises is fair game to them and they will jump at EVERY single one of them without ANY consideration to any other person. If caught they will deny, deny, deny and LIE!

There are no human rights involved either, basically we are there for their use and they completely exploit everything they can from us – mentally and physically. They feel no remorse in their acts of deviance to secure supply in the least bit. Lies, betrayal, manipulation, etc., are only tools to extract what they need before they move on to the next and the next and the next. They have perfected and honed these tools to work to their utmost advantage to meet their needs in EVERY situation.

In the Narcissists grand scheme of things there is never a relationship with any one person as it concerns love, growth, goals, friendship, family bonding, dreams, togetherness AND equal rights where any person ever has a separate identity OR meaning to the Narcissist – EVERYONE IS JUST AN OBJECT. Everything and everyone is just an opportunity for extorting supply. Everyone is a “people object” in their world and our connection is nothing more or nothing less than the next person’s. How unfortunate and emotionally/psychologically ABUSIVE to the person they scammed into believing they were real and that they loved/cared in return! Lets internalize this and completely discard them from every aspect of our lives. No/minimal contact! GREG

Let’s call it what it really is destructive lies and SLANDER with an intent to destroy and discredit us – the Narcissist’s attack on our integrity with backstabbing and the SMEAR campaign.

Let’s call it what it really is destructive lies and SLANDER with an intent to destroy and discredit us – the Narcissist’s attack on our integrity with backstabbing and the SMEAR campaign. We are damned if we do or damned if we don’t respond but basically the Narcissist gets away with abusive behavior and people believe them and WE are left having to fight to get our integrity back?

From my Book – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @ https://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Narcissist-Narcissistic/dp/1523820179/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1468595784&sr=1-1&keywords=from+charm+to+harm

Many, if not all Narcissists completely get away with their psychological terrorism and they basically murder their targets self-esteem, mind, soul AND their integrity with their backstabbing and ‘smear campaign!’ Be it the bullying, slander, or abuse or things that should be prosecutable offenses and they do this all of their lives. So just how do they get away with it all without any consequences AND why do people believe them? WELL, first off because the Narcissist KNOWS that they are creating outrageous and dehumanizing acts against people and humanity – they also think up ways to avoid the consequences, especially because of what they fear the most – EXPOSURE of who they are and what they do! Funny how this works – they do not care in the least bit as far as how they damage people, but they make sure that NOBODY is ever wise to their actions – BUT that describes a personality disordered person – toxic, chaotic, unstable and abusive!

A couple simple approaches to understanding this craziness and chaos. A Narcissist uses targeted confusion, lies and manipulation with backstabbing and that smear campaign OR divide and conquer – this also helps divert the attention away from the Narcissist who is the culprit. SO THE BIG PLAN – that shrewd Narcissist destroys the victim’s credibility well in advance, so they are ten steps ahead of the game by destroying the victim’s integrity well before they abandon them – it makes ‘getting away’ easier for the Narcissist. They are by far NOT geniuses, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that if you want to get away with something like abusing someone, you first launch an effective and destructive pre-emptive attack on their character, so that nobody will believe the target/victim when the truth finally starts emerging that they (target/victim) was abused. Here is the formula for the Narcissist to be successful at this – abuse and then accuse your target/victim of the very atrocity they (the Narcissist) has committed and BOOM you are on top of your game to escape the exposure. They have been backstabbing/smearing us behind our backs from the very first day that we met them – but we were very distracted by the CHARM and ‘love bombing’ and growing trust with this creature OR just us being a normal and empathic human being that opened up our hearts and giving our TRUST to them implicitly. Meanwhile that dark Narcissistic creature was using that information against you by ‘being in the know’ about personal situations when they needed it and building up their minions, flying monkeys or Narcissistic support soldiers.

The basic facts of life as it concerns those people that love to put themselves in the middle to judge others, or the Narcissist’s best friends and supporters or MINIONS – they are toxic and basically abusers too. BUT the bigger lesson of “damned if we do or damned if we don’t” is the culprit here too! Everybody knows that when somebody defends themselves from accusations with accusations, the majority will always believe the one who accused first. The views of the person DEFENDING themselves (the victim) are then looked at as questionable or the scorned one and retaliating as if the target/victim were caught in OR did the outrageous things that the Narcissist has alleged. This is irrational, because the initial accuser (the Narcissist) is the attacker and there is no more reason to believe one party over the other, but people do! Lastly if we don’t make an attempt to stand up or defend our integrity we are guilty by the design of the disordered Narcissist’s smear campaign. No win situation for the target or victim, especially when they are already vulnerable from the ABUSE and basically a shell of a person.

So, people DO believe the Narcissist first. The more preposterous the Narcissist’s accusations, the more firmly people believe them because they got there first spreading their poisonous lies! It is like when a child comes forward with accusations of abuse, people are going to (or basically have to) believe the child to get to the truth about the allegations. Any and all preposterous accusations will always yield very strong attention to the subject matter because you just can’t walk away from such a dangerous and damaging situation without offering support because it would seem if the person listening didn’t care or lacked the empathy to help the lying Narcissist out. Just the shrewd monster acting out their destructive agenda.

The disordered Narcissist commits moral mayhem by destroying the victim’s reputation, credibility, and integrity so that nobody will believe the target/victim when they start to tell the truth. Truthfully this description of mayhem that the Narcissist uses to destroy the target/victim’s integrity is purely projection, so the Narcissist gets a bonus by dumping their demons onto us as well AND we take the blame and shame that they deserve in reality! Thus, with the Narcissist this preemptive back-stabbing and smear campaign allows the Narcissist to reduce the target/victim to such a vulnerable and helpless state that it compounds the abuse at the highest level by accusing the target/victim of being the abuser as well.

Remember that the Narcissist used the ‘familiarity’ of knowing us personally to ‘be in the know’ about many of our situations and that familiarity will yield semi-valid but distorted ‘personal’ information and connections to events and other people. In other words, their smear campaign will be laced with small bits and pieces of a distorted truth that listeners can relate to. So, there you have it – the Narcissist carries out their abuse to fruition with their ‘smear campaign’ after they have discarded their victim and that gives them the protection to run off unscathed. If I had to use a word to describe what they do it would be purely ‘slander’ born out of destructive lies to harm another person. We have to remember that what they have said is ALL lies as well as consider that any so called ‘friends’ that know us AND would believe those lies without asking us is not worth our consideration yet alone our friendship. No/minimal contact to get away from this madness once and for all! Greg

In an effort to CONTROL you and I, a Narcissist will use ANYTHING to convince you that you are seriously damaged. Control is power to them and ANY abuser!

In an effort to CONTROL you and I, a Narcissist will use ANYTHING to convince you that you are seriously damaged. Control is power to them and ANY abuser!

From my book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.

Alternatively, a Narcissist will even use dime store psychology on you, or strong dogmatic religious beliefs, or a false consensus from friends, family, co-workers, etc. to justify their lies and inexcusable behaviors concerning you. For example, saying things like: “I pray for your healing daily” or “You have issues that you need to address with a therapist” or “My therapist agrees with me about your actions” or “So and so agrees with me and understood what I did because of the way YOU treated me.” “I think I am right and you are wrong.” These are nothing more than tactics for deflecting responsibility, conflating facts, and reinforcing them with ill placed and FALSE comments from other people that aren’t even involved. A Narcissist rarely, if ever, admits they are wrong unless it is to zap you with a thinly veiled insult weaved into a small acknowledgement of something or other. For example, “I am sorry for thinking you were a kind and generous person. I see that I was probably wrong about you.” A Narcissist rarely if ever takes responsibility for their hurtful actions. If you call them out on their bad behaviors, they claim it was your fault for pushing them into it (in other words, you deserved it) and you’re a bad person to make a good person like them (the Narcissist) act that way. You should be ashamed of yourself! I was continually blamed for my Narcissist’s horrid and raging temper with comments that I pushed the Narcissist to act this way. No, I was a great, caring and giving person. Everything I was accused of were only delusional and fake accusations of things I was supposedly doing that would come out of thin air to start an argumentative situation with toxic drama, silencing, and betrayal as my punishment – it was all part of managing me down or control.

The Narcissist also uses a simple technique of manipulation to make and keep their target/victim compliant and that is WITHHOLDING. By not giving you what the Narcissist knows you want or desire from them (things that are normal to any relationship like simple reciprocity) they can make themselves feel powerful, important, and in total control. Here is a simple example of withholding: Think of two pups playing, one pup can be totally bored with their dog toy and about to put it down when he/she notices that the other pup wants it, then he/she plays “keep away” by keeping the toy to themselves or withholding it, even though they are bored with it or finished playing with it. That pup is exerting basic dominance through control and establishing itself as the ‘alpha dog’ or by withholding through knowing the other pup wants something they have. The Narcissist displays this negative behavior constantly throughout their relationship with you in very subtle to very overt ways. Over time this constant withholding establishes the Narcissist’s dominance over their target/victim – it is in reality behavior modification. It is a process that has been preceded by their extreme attention and ‘love bombing’ to get you positively conditioned to trust and even love them, only to reposition us and start their abuse to extort every aspect of your life from you – especially YOUR individuality. Really with a Narcissist their behavior can be more aptly described as a three-year-old spoiled brat and not that of a fully-grown person.

Why do they do this? Because they want the whole world to revolve around them, to serve them, and SUPPLY all of their wants and needs, but anything you do WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH OR RIGHT! A Narcissist doesn’t give a ‘hoot’ about anything that concerns us, because it would embrace that we are an individual with needs, and the Narcissist sees individualism as abhorrent and against their every grain. It is “me, me, me and always ME” with a Narcissist. We are ONLY an object for them to use at will. Never think you are the ONLY object and special, because there are many other sources out there supplying them, AND we ALL have an expiration date with them! Knowledge is power, so we can break this cycle of abuse by blocking their attempts to manipulate us, condition us, and manage us down into one of their objects. Stop allowing them to infiltrate your thoughts, with their toxic words and actions because NOTHING good will ever come out of ANY association with a Narcissist. No/Minimal contact to start on the process of recovery. Clarity comes with k knowledge and education about this abuse and the support of other victims/survivors. Together WE HEAL! GREG

The unfortunate TRUTH – we are just a means to an end – that is all!

From my Book: From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist! @http://www.amazon.com/Charm-Harm-Everything-Narcissist-Narcissistic/dp/1523820179/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1462614209&sr=1-1&keywords=from+charm+to+harm

So how could you have been such a fool? The painful realization often comes with the disbelief of just how could we have not realized that he/she was like this? That’s another thing that educating yourself about this disorder will teach you very clearly and that is the Narcissistic personality is especially good at being pathologically deceptive and manipulative, at simulating genuine affection and caring to gain our trust so they can essentially abuse us. In reality, the Narcissist is only capable of caring about themselves and satisfying their needs. The Narcissist can BASICALLY imitate that they care about you or even love you as long as he/she continues to see you reflect extreme adulation and admiration for them, which is usually in the beginning of your personal relationship with them. Underneath all of that is a delusional and out-of-control amoral person that lacks respect for life and people and has no conscience about how they debase people to GET WHAT THEY WANT and that is supply. That is what it all boils down to, we satisfy some sort of need and they have many needs, and many people they use to satisfy their immense needy void hole.

The perceptions of the Narcissist are truly their reality. If you look back you have never been able to change or influence their perceptions because they got louder and completely ignored your every word to the contrary concerning any of their delusional outbursts, especially if it concerned their own accountability. If you couldn’t effect change living in a close relationship with them, then don’t waste your time and effort ever trying AGAIN. They live in their own world and no matter how false or unreal it appears to you, for them it is reality because it has to be for them to survive among us. As soon as a Narcissist begins to perceive that you have a voice of your own and a right to existence, the trouble starts and then there is no return because there is no possibility of two-way communication with them and the more you push your individualism forward the more resistance from the Narcissist. Their façade is impenetrable and has to be or they would self-destruct if people knew the truth.

Lies and deceit are as natural to the Narcissist’s world as is breathing. A Narcissist has the amazing ability with their ‘shrewd deception’ to make ‘others’ believe their lies EVEN when they fly right in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Heck they are so smooth at their LIES that the Narcissist also believes THEIR own lies. Mine could have been given an honorary PHD in lies and lying! Take the position that everything they say to you is a lie and or based on a lie OR as my friend once told me “if they are breathing they are lying!”

It is extremely painful, to come to the conclusion that people who have meant a great deal in your personal (or professional) life can ACTUALLY destroy you and you have to disengage with them to literally save your life. It is EXTREMELY painful, but the alternative is only to continue the descent along the dark path of self-destruction. Stop it all and finally break the chain that keeps you tied to an abuser. Everything you have built with this person was done in vain, and if you keep believing or buying into the games/lies with the hope to catch a glimpse of what things were like when you lived in the illusion they fabricated for you, you will only be drawn back into the abuse over and over again. The promises like a lifelong journey together or sharing the joys of REAL love, a future, intellectual fulfillment, dreams, goals, etc., were part of the abuse to only control you and keep you chained to the abuse.

Unfortunately, you have to learn and accept that the psychological and emotional investment you made in a Narcissist is/was valueless, and you have to write them off completely as a bad debt. If you continue any type of association with them, you will only lose your soul and hand it over to a deceitful, perverted and loathsome character that will use and drain the life right out of it. Just like the “un-dead” fictional characters that are looking to feed off of the life force of other human beings to BECOME alive again. It is just incomprehensible that they have the cognitive ability to plan and scheme as they do to trap us, debilitate their target, know it is wrong, lie about their actions to cover up their tracks, destroy our good name, extort everything they can, and run off as they do to another unsuspecting target. Sounds more like a well-planned out process to me.

One day you will see the complete picture and it will never make what they did better, but you will understand because you have finally been educated into what they are and what YOU aren’t. A Narcissist is a dead giveaway in the way they create their delusional turmoil after each and every departure from one of their con jobs or relationships as the Narcissist prefers to call them. While they are running away like the thieves they really are with their tails between their legs, they are really running away from the truth of who and what they are. We are the truth they are running from as they are throwing lies at us in an effort to smear our integrity and destroy us. They never can or will admit to what they have done, instead they will always slither into someone else’s life to find shelter and take what they can emotionally and physically. Please understand this completely even as hard as it is to accept, because it is the ONLY platform that will start you on your journey to recovery, AND you will recover if you continue to educate yourself and align the truth of this disaster that was once part of your life. No/minimal contact ALWAYS! Greg

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