The Narcissist’s actions are meant to leave us in a very confused and vulnerable state, one that makes us challenge our own mind and reality and then pull us further into the abuse.

An extremely important reminder that Narcissists are severley damaged people that want to drive us to the point of insanity by getting into our heads with their actions and words.

From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

The Narcissist’s actions are meant to leave us in a very confused and vulnerable state, one that makes us challenge our own mind and reality and then pull us further into the abuse. You/we throw reality, our intuition, and everything that we know to be true right out the window. Your persona has been eroded by the many mixed messages and confusion that a Narcissist creates and has created (in the past) with so many other situations just like this. A narcissist sets this in motion with purpose and intent. The confusion keeps you frozen in time, vulnerable and blind to the reality that they are managing you down. This is the method to their madness to keep you/us right there with these distorted messages while they are away securing other supply, betraying you or whatever they have going on. You are left isolated and attacking your own reality through their words and actions. They start the abuse, and you finish it by going through the motions of blaming yourself and trying to make sense out of this darkness they left you in. REMEMBER the Narcissist preceded this horrendous managing down (devaluation) with their ‘love bombing.’ In the beginning we saw it (and still see it) as a viable relationship, but in fact it was part of their agenda to gain our trust first, then objectify us to harvest supply. An object just needs to be what it is and serve a purpose. If it doesn’t function in this capacity it is replaced. We aren’t objects but the Narcissist purposely manages us down to become one!

Once the Narcissist plants the intended chaos in your mind you tender it, fertilize it, and allow it to grow in order to make sense of it all. They purposely want to isolate you with their distortions to disable you. Without resolution or their presence, you are only in a debate with yourself. With their distancing and silence, you end up believing that their lack of contact is proof positive that what they have said is real to them and somehow you ARE the problem, and you must source this out with so many distorted thoughts of your own to bring about some sort of reconciliation. They will go as far as adding more insult to your injury if you should attempt to contact them by flatly refusing to give in. They may embellish the situation even more by posting something on a social site as if they are enjoying a great day or perhaps even being with someone you may not even know. It is not unusual for you to look at their social site page because you are in a relationship with them. But once there you see some of the craziest posts, pictures, likes, etc., that are meant to confound you more and reinforce their crazy making. You are now deeper into this and your goal is to fix it at all costs because now it seems to be threatening the relationship completely. You have been completely managed down and believing that YOU ARE THE PROBLEM even when there is no basis or truth to it! Narcissistic terrorism (psychological and emotional abuse) to control you completely! Greg

A Narcissist’s words are NOT used to communicate, they are POISON and used to con, diminish, and control people.

Their words are NOT used to communicate, they are POISON and used to diminish and control people. Their WORDS are only used to manipulate and control people. Their words are always lies that are used as weapons to harm people. Their words have NO basis of reality except to fulfill their agenda and one that ALWAYS benefits THEM. Do not allow them to use their WORDS to poison you.

From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

Narcissistic BABBLE, and their blah, blah, blah – or circular conversations, double talk, and word salads – just trickery, manipulation, diversion, and lies to create chaos – what else is new with a Narcissist – BUT these are dangerous emotional and psychological tools they use to diminish their target/victims. KOWLEDGE is power in understanding ENDING this abuse!

Narcissists are pathological hypocrites! They pretend to have morals and empathy, but they have NONE. Behind closed doors they are emotional abusers that demean, lie, silence, betray, and purposely harm the very people that care/love them. They believe all of that is OK and they can do whatever they want without reprise. They have standards and rules for everybody else, but do NOT abide by any of them OR practice what they preach! Make them accountable and you will be attacked and destroyed!

Skilled manipulative Narcissists intentionally use vagueness and ambiguity as a deflection so they can accuse YOU of misinterpreting what THEY said or did. This creates confusion, discredits the victim, and creates an avenue for the Narcissist to always evade responsibility from what they have said or done. Just another tool to gaslight, manipulate, and con their victims!

So, let’s start with the truth first – Narcissists use MANY deceptive and manipulative tools that are absolute and fundamental to the Narcissist’s survival in the real world – in other words everything is a manipulation of real facts to serve their agenda, opinions and actions – and the way it is conveyed is THROUGH THEIR WORDS. The Narcissist can’t change and, most importantly, they DON’T want to change. They inhabit a fantasy world which becomes reality for them and those they manage to brainwash. There is no reality or truth for any person that resides in their world. It is a train wreck waiting to happen and there are always many victims. In their world the truth and falsehood only hold instrumental meaning as they apply it to a situation and there is absolutely no morality contained in any of their thoughts or actions.

We must remember that at the core of the Narcissist psychopathy is a mindset governed by their grandiosity, lack of empathy for others, AVOIDANCE of the truth with a grand sense of entitlement and superiority that places them above laws and morality. The Narcissist grossly overestimates their abilities and accomplishments and underestimates the complete being of their target/victim. Simply put, the Narcissist should be able to do anything they wish, however harmful and destructive, because the Narcissist is better than others. In the Narcissist’s mind, by making us a part of their wonderful life by mere association with them, he/she passes on to us this grandiosity as if they are royalty and that is our reward. It is ridiculous and repulsive that they can believe this nonsense and more akin to pompousness and arrogance.

It is hard if not impossible to fully wrap our heads around the outlandish behavior of a Narcissist or their psychopathic mindset so we really shouldn’t try to as it relates to and describes our abuse because it really had nothing to do with who WE are. Narcissists believe the truth they create at the moment they need it to provide them with new opportunities – there is no rhyme or reason to it. I believe they even have their own language, and it is delusional at its basis and only ‘doubletalk’ to meet their agenda to extort other people’s lives.

They are only charmers and seducers that use their staged ‘word scripts’ to extort life and people. If I had to interpret SOME of their words, it would go like this — there are MANY more examples, TOO many to list – but most everything they say is weaponized – so please add to the list.

1. “I love you” means “I want something to give me a ‘high’ at this very moment like a drug addict taking a hit from their favorite drug.”
2. “I would NEVER intentionally hurt you” literally translates to “Watch your back because I can’t be trusted as far as I can be thrown, so I am gathering up all the information I can to smear you, back-stab you and WOUND you so you learn to fear my wrath!”
3. “You love me and you know it” translates to “You WILL forgo any and all of your needs and bend to my will and ALL of MY needs.”
4. “Trust me” means “Tell me what I want to know so I can use it to get what I want as well as use it against you when I have to.”
5. “You are the love of my life,” translates into “You are just the next one of a long, list or sequence of targets/victims that will be used and abused.”
6. “Mutual monogamy or fidelity” means “you WILL be faithful to me while I cheat on you.”
7. “Betrayal” in the Narcissist’s mind is defined and justified with this – “How dare you disapprove of something/anything I did or said. You broke the law, didn’t follow my rules and you disobeyed ME. I will show you what happens AND you must and will be punished.”
8. “Mutual commitment” translates into “Everything in your life revolves around me and me alone, BUT I will do exactly what I want.”
9. “Honesty” never means the truth “It is me (Narcissist) saying whatever gets me what I want at the moment.”
10. “I miss you SO MUCH” means “I miss the function you play in my life as supply, but there are plenty of other objects I can play with when I need MORE and better supply.
11. “I love you like no other, we ARE soul mates” means “I’ll give you attention, flattery, gifts, and ‘love bomb’ you to death only until I hook you emotionally and gain your trust AND can extort everything I can from you and your life, and then I am out of here.”
12. For the supply on the side “My wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend doesn’t really love me or satisfy me” really interprets to ‘Neither will you, in a few weeks or months, at most and I will toss you aside too.”
13. “We are MEANT to be together forever” means “ABIDE by my rules because I own you completely while I remain free to do as I please.”
14. “We can and will work this out” means “But it is NEVER my fault. If I did something you believe is harmful, you are over-reacting OR it’s because your services weren’t good enough for me.”
15. “I am tired of you ALWAYS bringing up the same arguments!” Which interprets as you have hit on the truth every time so the Narcissist will just turn it back around onto you!
16. “I hate you” means that YOU have caught them in their lies so they are going to divert to try to hurt you at any level they can.
17. “You have issues” literally means that again you have called them but on something and it is like a little child responding with – “I know you are but what am I,” or just psychobabble to create chaos.

Every word, phrase, or statement of the Narcissist’s so-called “circular truth” is only said in the moment or momentary and always contingent upon their immediate gratification. All their efforts, no matter what only represent an investment designed to satisfy the Narcissists immediate wishes and desires through positivity or negativity – none of which is real or a true reflection of you and I. Their feelings are shallow, so is the value of their ‘truth’s’ that they are always waving in our face. The best thing to do when they make one of their famous proclamations is to always add “for now” to the end of their declarations. There is no passion, and they are by far never grounded with any caring emotions, empathy, or love AND NEVER A COMMITMENT! They may pretend to care or love you FOR the moment but once they are not physically in your presence, they will be pursuing another source of supply or chasing after some new and temporary pleasure!

Lies and deception are a coward’s tool in re-writing and deflecting from reality, but the Narcissist does this with a very deceptive agenda in mind and that is to secure a steady base of SUPPLY! They feed off of our lives, pretend to be something to us when they are NOTHING, steal from us, backstab us to create chaos ALL AROUND our lives, live a perverse lifestyle while they are pretending to be someone special in our lives (and sometimes for MANY years), then blame and shame us into believing we are the PROBLEM and even take it to the point of convincing us we are mentally ill or insane on top of it all, and finally they smear our good name and integrity! BUT here is the truth – you are an amazing person, you have all your mental facilities, you can love, you have great empathy, and you are STRONG because you survived this and are here today. You will recover from this and be free from this abuser. It all starts now with education, knowledge, and support. You will align with all of this and the truth of your situation and purge all the abuse out of your life. It is a process that requires time, but it is worth it because you will get your good life back and freedom. It all starts with no/minimal contact to get the clarity you need! REMEMBER knowledge and education is imperative to move forward! Greg

How we get manipulated and stuck in between the complete POLAR OPPOSITES of the Charm and Harm! A Narcissist intentionally inflicts this duality upon us to keep us confused, disoriented, constantly performing for them, and walking on those eggshells, but we NEVER find any sense of reality as far as OUR part in this relationship with them!

That extreme CONFUSION or clinically what is called ‘cognitive dissonance.’ How we get manipulated and stuck in between the complete POLAR OPPOSITES of the Charm and Harm! A Narcissist intentionally inflicts this duality upon us to keep us confused, disoriented, constantly performing for them, and walking on those eggshells, but we NEVER find any sense of reality as far as OUR part in this relationship with them!

From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

This is a person we cared for, loved, or basically believed in no matter what the relationship was! But they demeaned us, hurt us, and made us feel wrong and worthless! How can both of these things coexist and be true. What did we believe in that now makes us feel so confused and lost – is it us? NO this is what emotional and psychological abusers do to people – tear their victims down piece by piece to control them. It is NOT you it is them and the abuse situation! Unfortunately, we bonded with them and that tugs at our heart and messes with our mind and makes it so hard to cross that bridge to the REAL truth that they abused us.

Most every conversation you have or had with them always seemed to leave you confused and drained. You and ONLY you were left with the burden of trying to figure out what they have said or basically what the heck just happened. It was like a hit and run accident and you are/were left in shock trying to gain a foothold of the incident. A basic conversation would go from zero to a hundred miles per hour and in a direction that put you in the path of an unavoidable crash, AND you were not able to control the direction you were headed in. FACT – it was meant to be that way!

You ask yourself how did this all start and what led up to it? You will end up spending hours, or perhaps even days, obsessing over the intent of the message or argument. You exhaust all your emotional energy to accomplish absolutely nothing – it was pre-planned to be this way by the Narcissist. There does not seem to be any rhyme or reason to it, but there is as far as it concerns the Narcissist that is controlling you. They do not care so there is no reality – but on the other hand YOU believed in this person and do/did care. You are left at such a conflicting place with polar opposite thoughts that only confound and confuse you – so you only try or tried harder to fix what you couldn’t.

Let’s look at this confusion. Everything they have absorbed or learned about you was being utilized in a manner to push certain buttons to keep you controlled and under their thumb. They know how to charm you because they know your likes and they also know how to HARM you because they also know your weaknesses and insecurities! The connection with them is built around your very persona and how they can and will manipulate it to control you. There is no you in any of this and there is never a real person behind the Narcissist. Narcissists like psychopaths are always going to pull you in a direction that makes you feel very small AND defective. This is the rhyme to their reason and again that is control!

So, what about these ridiculous and crazy arguments, etc. You could have NEVER kept up with the original conversation (or argument) in a realistic manner because it was basically nonsensical in your mind and had no real basis of reality. But it served a purpose as far as the Narcissist is concerned to deflect from something or the other, or there was an agenda to it, or to demean and dehumanize you – control, control, CONTROL. BUT it served its purpose because it confounded or confused you and forced you to process the CRAZY information with no real success. You will have many rebuttals going on in your head AFTER THE FACT because you feel a need to defend yourself or rationalize what happened. Basically, you are trying to fix the situation, but was it an argument because you really didn’t do anything but yet you feel like you did something, BUT WHAT IS IT YOU DID??

BAM, this is exactly the place a Narcissist wants you to go to – total confusion and insanity – THIS is the emotional/psychological abuse that disabled you. They have drawn from the vast wealth of knowledge they have gained from observing you and use it consistently to maneuver you into a place of confusion and isolation. There are many reasons behind each of these scenarios, but they are basically to manage you down and to control you. However, you will try to resolve this because you feel you need to address what happened and more than likely to defend yourself hoping for resolution but in the end, you will find that you are the person apologizing. After a while, these crazy arguments will have you stuck in the confusion so much so that you have lost all perspective of your relationship, as well as your value in the relationship. You are always responding to the Narcissist’s crazy making and never participating in a reciprocal or real relationship. You are being emotionally and psychologically abused! Again, this is because of the bond we have with them – or the bond we were manipulated into believing and what keep us or kept us attached at the hip trying to find cohesiveness where there was NONE!

With all of that being said, your mind is always trying to process a duality that exists – you care or love them and believe in them but on the other hand you don’t like what they do to you, and you find yourself buried under all of this confusion. How can the person you have come to care or love and vice versa, have changed so drastically? They have not changed; you are only seeing the truth about who and what they are. You just do not completely get it yet. What exists is cognitive dissonance. In psychology, cognitive dissonance is the mental stress or discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at the same time, or is confronted by new information that conflicts with existing beliefs, ideas, or values. The theory of cognitive dissonance focuses on how we strive for internal consistency. When inconsistency (dissonance) is experienced, individuals tend to become psychologically uncomfortable and they are motivated to attempt to reduce this dissonance, as well as actively avoiding the situations and information which are likely to increase it. The struggle exists within loving this monster and trying to avoid the unavoidable and consistent managing down (or the dissonance.) How do you avoid this when there is a bond or love is the reality that you are hanging onto?

So again – whatever they may have done to you was done with intent no matter how it may have hurt you AND they just do not care and feel justified in their actions. There is no real relationship or love as far as the Narcissist is concerned. They live in a perverted and out of control world and take whatever they can from people with NO CONCERN to the harm they inflict on anybody else. AGAIN, WE MUST UNDERSTAND that there is no real relationship with them! We BELIEVE there is BUT we are all just taking our turn as supply and even though we are their PRIMARY source that still does not mean that it is real by any means.

So, in a nutshell what does this cognitive dissonance do to us on our journey forward? You start the process of recovery in disbelief, fear, and shock! The shock in essence numbs you temporarily from going completely insane by giving you the ability to separate yourself from the totality of this disaster or some breathing room – it is nature’s sedative. Once the dust settles though you start to see the whole picture standing before you and now reality sets in. As you are setting out on this journey your emotions are going to be overwhelming as you try to understand all of this, and they get in the way and confuse you. You are trying to sort through pure chaos, and you may respond to it with tremendous ambivalence, anger, hatred, vengefulness, and MANY other negative feelings. Along with this you will be doing some deep soul searching trying to put perspective on so many opposing thoughts that do not correlate with the care or love you believed in AND it creates a huge void and a great sense of being so lost and alone in all of this.

You must constantly tell yourself and reinforce that this was not a normal or real person that COULD care, love, or bond with you. You must accept that it was a huge lie and most importantly that it had nothing to do with you because the Narcissist managed you down to believe that you are to blame and the disordered one! You must accept that it did happen to you and there is no rhyme nor reason to it because Narcissists are character disordered and in a class of their own. They are dangerous to human beings and destructive and you are so FORTUNATE to be FREE of them (in time you will clearly see this). You are a testament to the very reality and truth that YOU have experienced their psychological abuse and have been severely damaged by a relationship with them. You have to completely switch off from thoughts that pull you into believing they will change, or you can fix them – YOU CAN’T!

Now you must actualize that there is so much goodness in you and seriously that is what this Narcissist wanted to own and destroy and that is why they targeted and disabled temporarily. You ARE a good person and probably an AMAZING person so do not ever lose touch with this because the Narcissist told you differently. They are disordered and negative and they live with this premise to make everyone else around them unstable by managing them down. THIS is what psychopaths do to their targets, manage them down to nothingness to control them.

You have to create a discipline to stop looking at the ‘what ifs’ or ‘could I have done this or that’ or that somehow you caused this abhorrent treatment. You must stop yourself from trying to obtain information about what they are doing through social media OR trying to make any type of contact with them. You seriously must just stop thinking about them as being anything real to you and concentrate on YOU. Tell yourself that this is DONE! Yes, there are situations that you must stay in contact with them, but again you must separate the emotions and break the chain that binds you to their psychopathy and keep it to the business at hand. Ask yourself what it is you would want back (as in fixing the relationship?) Do you want to enter back into the abuse to experience more dehumanization, lies, betrayal and extortion? No of course not! Lock into this message and put your happiness first!

Now as far as connecting to the reasons WHY you were the target of this disordered Narcissist – in a nutshell it is because they are predators after prey pure and simple. With this type of encounter with horrendous abuse we have a strong desire to re-evaluate our life and behavior. Again, this is normal and can be progressive in your recovery because it is your desire and ability to grow, transcend and move forward. The encounter will provide a spark to grow and evaluate your inner self to correct anything that kept you tied to the abuse, and you will correct all of that with introspection and boundaries – but that will happen once you traveled through the truth that this was abuse and you are no longer vulnerable and caught up in the distorted emotions and confusion. Acceptance will move you forward, anything else will pull you right back into the confusion as well as more abuse and you will only have to start at square one AGAIN! No/minimal contact to start this important journey. You can and WILL get through this confusion if you empower yourself with knowledge, education, support from other victims/survivors for clarity, and using your voice to gain the information you need to move forward! Greg

Absolute control of their partner or chosen victim is the ultimate goal of the Narcissist. They do this so they can then extort supply through THEIR lies, manipulation, gaslighting, and betrayal! EVERYONE will experience this with them – THIS is proof of their real agenda and their predatory nature!

Absolute control of their partner or chosen victim is the ultimate goal of the Narcissist. They do this so they can then extort supply through THEIR lies, manipulation, gaslighting, and betrayal! EVERYONE will experience this with them – THIS is proof of their real agenda and their predatory nature!

From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

Absolute control of their partner is the ultimate goal of the Narcissist to extort supply. Here is the thing — this is very difficult to identify and understand in the beginning of a relationship with a Narcissist because they are among every other thing I outlined the world’s best CON artist and they absolutely intend to con us out of our worth, integrity, finances, self-esteem and anything else they can get their grubby little hands on – so the “game is on” with them! HOW do they do this – through the horrendous manipulation of our emotions – using them against us through BLAME and diminishing us piece by piece.

Add to the equation that Narcissists must BLAME and ultimately destroy the very person they abused or else they will be ‘outed’ as the abuser THEY are – so they do this with the BIG BLAME GAME – and they have been doing this or setting it up long before the end of whatever relationship they had with you. A Narcissist will ALWAYS blame/accuse THEIR victim of ruining THEIR life!

Nobody likes to be blamed for something, BUT a responsible person will accept blame for something appropriate. Narcissists do not accept blame for anything, even if it is deserved (which it is always deserved as it concerns them) – they are always the victim and the blamer! I have to say that part of this is their typical omnipotence or “I’m better than you” and “rules don’t apply to me” attitude, but there is seriously more to it than that. Blaming is how they control others OR harm the targets they are viciously attacking as well as releasing guilt by blaming everybody else. These are more than likely friends, family members, partners, or former love interests or people that are the closest to the Narcissist. They know all too well and understand that the use of destructive and defensive strength behind their blaming approach (bullying) and smear campaign weakens/destroys the integrity of their target and puts them in a defensive role that will only make them seem guilty of the Narcissist’s negative campaign against them. Narcissists make regular use of this method to destroy people, and they start it well before their target is wise to the destruction that is waiting for them.

There is no having a real relationship with a Narcissist, you may be in what you believe is a relationship with them, but they are not in relationship with you – you are Narcissistic supply and you/we always have an expiration date with them – and they are scheming and setting it up well before we realize it. You are only in their life to make them look good or because you are useful to the Narcissist as an object to satisfy a variety of needs. Nothing is ever internalized with a Narcissist like emotional bonds, caring, love or EMPATHY. Their world is totally external, and everyone is objectified like a shiny new car that the Narcissist drives/wears to make them look however special they feel they need to be. Their image is a fake aspect of their chameleon like nature – and it constantly changes just like the chameleon changes its colors to blend into an environment.

The Narcissist constantly violates boundaries albeit physical, emotional, and mental. They follow no rules in life, or respect human dignity/rights, or adhere to any written laws. They will make decisions that are not theirs to make and they will assume that they have the right to use, borrow, or take/steal anything that belongs to others – as well as betray people without a care. Ownership is their birthright or so they feel because they are above the normal order of life. They will violate your standing with figures of authority in an effort to cause trouble/destruction, triangulate, or just to “one up” you. They are truly extortionists and they take everything and anything they can get their hands on. BUT remember this chameleon camouflages itself with CHARM – so they get away with virtual murder because they have been doing this all their lives and they are just that good at it. The people that know the truth about them are mostly their targets/victims – the rest become their minions at some useful level that they charm into believing just how special they are AND they protect the Narcissist’s lies and disordered life – they are the enablers of their abuse.

The habit of treating a human being or a person to an end is utilitarian (to satisfy a need or fulfill an AGENDA) and fundamentally derelict, inhumane, abusive and a pathological and perverted manipulation of our basic human rights. The Narcissist is feeding their endless ‘depravity void’ through injustice by his/her regard for others as mere instruments of the Narcissist’s own gratification AND destroying their victims when they are done with them. The closer the association to a Narcissist the more pathological the Narcissist becomes, and the more damage done to the target/victim. Their needs are far more than just extorting basic life and biological needs – it is their psychological needs that cause the most damage to their target/victim. It is their need to control and gain dominance or power over other people that damages and destroys them. They are BASICALLY human with most of the same biological needs (like eating, breathing and sexuality) but when it comes to mental functions, they are delusional and seem to have a battle that rages in their head to seriously harm people that love them as if they loathe all people and need to destroy them one by one.

Lastly the Narcissist cannot maintain their façade without exposing their true colors, and exposure is their greatest fear. So, the Narcissist exerts their last bit of power to annihilate the very source that could expose the truth – their target/victims – so BAM we are blamed for what they actually did. Hence all those clinical terms that describe the repercussions of our relationship with them like backstabbing and the ‘smear campaign’ and BOOM we are BLAMED, destroyed, done, and gone forever. No-one is ever the wiser, so life goes on FOR THE NARCISSIST while we pay for it. Don’t forget that there are always THOSE subjects that the Narcissist has been grooming while they were abusing us so there you go again – BOOM – they have a brand new ‘subject’ (target/victim) ready and waiting to serve them and new soldiers to protect their lies and shore up the fortress (the very ones they have been backstabbing us to).. Truthfully, they are a universal manipulator and abuser! YOU are not to blame for ANY of this – it was situational abuse! No/minimal contact to break the cycle of this abuse. Greg

This Abuse was never about YOU or anything about YOU – it was a slow and methodical attack from an emotional and psychological abuser that conned their way into YOUR life.

This Abuse was never about YOU or anything about YOU – it was a slow and methodical attack from an emotional and psychological abuser that conned their way into YOUR life.

From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Emotional and psychological abuse is insidious and NEVER a one time thing or singular because it affects whole families as well as any person in every walk of life. It is administered over time like a slow poison to destroy different aspects of the target/victim OR even an organization. The abuser is shrewd because they also add the element of CHARM to the mix to first trap you into believing they are sincere, have empathy, emotions, and the biggest lie that they care deeply for you or love you. Those are the very tools of their manipulative agenda they use to gain your trust so that you will form a bond with them. We must understand that ALL of this is part of the working mechanics of this abuse because it is always about power and control to fulfil the ABUSERS every need.

All of a sudden things are said in a manner that they (the Narcissist) have a concern, but when you try to respond a brick wall is thrown up and one you cannot penetrate. These attacks can be subtle to complex but they are constant and consistent now. That brick wall is part of their agenda to start managing you down or devalue you and control you. Bit by bit and piece by piece they attack your amazing virtues and disallow any responses whatsoever. The more you try to defend yourself the more they elevate the attack, dismiss you, and even accuse YOU of having issues. You begin to believe that something has gone wrong and even start to question yourself because you do not have an outlet in them to even speak. Their conversations become circular and their words are spinning around in your mind and heart to a point that there are too many of them as well as too many levels of the devaluation to even start digging yourself out from underneath it all. In time you realize that you have no option but to stay silent. The Narcissist has brought the abuse to full fruition and erased your personality and corrupted your core values.

With children of Narcissistic parents this insidious abuse starts the very day that child is born into the family. The child does not have emotional guidance and love – they have disdain toward them and everything they do. Without knowing real love they accept that this is normal – what else WOULD they know. It even spreads to other family members to the point the entire family is dysfunctional. The same goes for spouses and partners that have lived in this abuse for many years. They are made to believe that something/everything is wrong with them and they are the problem. If there are children they too are abused as described above – again this abuse is NEVER singular. It is a slow and insidious abuse that poisons all minds. This abuse is apparent in organizations, with professions, in religion, or in every aspect of life.
Many times this abuse manifests itself in traumatization of the victim. Some of the symptoms may include any or all of the following: Anxiety, depression, fear, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, reliving the bad memories, flashbacks, constant fatigue, physical ailments, loss of concentration, increased startle reaction, hypervigilance, avoidance, isolating yourself, feeling lost and alone, feeling emotionally numb, complete lack of trust, and even suicidal tendencies. These are serious issues that need dealt with and sometimes we have to reach out for professional help.

The fix is never an easy one because in many cases there are so many levels of this abuse that some believe this is solely about them and THEIR issues – and they are lost to this abuse forever. To those of us that were/are fortunate enough to have found the truth it is still a long and ongoing struggle to regain our true self and TRUST that was stolen away from us with this abuse. It all starts with knowledge and education and support from other victims/survivors, dedication to the recovery process – that and no/minimal contact to BREAK the cycle of this abuse and shutting our abuser out of our minds and hearts forever. We MUST find our way back because there is no other option and we cannot allow our abuser to leave us with the residual damage from this abuse. Please feel free to share your stories about recovery – sharing positive hope is very healing and motivating as part of the recovery process. TOGETHER WE HEAL! Greg

The truth is irrelevant to a Narcissist because they do not even know what ‘truth’ is. Truth or lies, it is all irrelevant to the Narcissist, so whatever works for them and that is usually lies – they are ONE BIG LIE.

Narcissists are shameless self-promoters AND experts at carving out the perfect (false) image for themselves so that they can fit into ANY scenario to get at what they want. They use our precious emotions to manipulate us into their world and then take everything they can!

From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

They just fake it whenever possible or cheat their way through life and that includes faking love, relationships OR anything and everything to get at what they want. Many, if not all Narcissists get away with psychological terrorism and they murder their targets self-esteem, mind, and soul. Be it bullying, slander, backstabbing, triangulation, or ANY of the tools in their arsenal of abuse. The things that they do should be prosecutable offenses, but they do this all of their lives and get away with it. So just how do they do it all without any consequences AND why do people believe them? WELL, first off because the Narcissist KNOWS that they are creating outrageous and dehumanizing acts against people and humanity, so they also think up ways to avoid the consequences, especially because of what they fear the most or EXPOSURE! They create an impenetrable fortress with other forms of lies, manipulation and an army of minions that will sing their praises. Supply is many things even their little soldiers that protect them. THAT and they will completely destroy the integrity of any person that catches on to them.

So, what goes on in the omnipotent Narcissists distorted version of life? There is no such thing as a POSITIVE value judgment, truth, or reality as it concerns any other human being on this planet – people are merely living objects for a Narcissist to use abuse and discard at will. Normal people respect all life, but a Narcissist does not see life as worthy of THEIR respect, nor do they follow any rules, regulations, or obey any laws. So, by treating others as unworthy (and blaming them) the Narcissist is acting as if they are beneath ANY reprieve for their actions, and we are totally insignificant, very disposable, and infinitely less important than the all-important Narcissist. A Narcissist has no more regard for us than a person that steps on and squashes a poor bug that is minding its own bug business on the ground. Basically, and unequivocally, we are nothing and the Narcissist is everything in their world and they protect their standing at all costs even if it means total destruction of an individual that threatens their accountability! You must always remember that the Narcissist has many other relationships going on as well so there is always a source of supply on the side to replace you as a friend, partner, etc. No one relationship is as real as it seems (or seemed) or has any of the significance we placed on it – especially as it concerned caring or loving them and the Narcissist caring or loving us back! People are extensions of the Narcissist or the working mechanisms that keep the ‘Narcissist machine’ running and there are always spares when any single part of it breaks down.

The Narcissist is really re-enacting or projecting the distorted and hateful images that live inside of them ONTO US because they constantly come to the surface in their world as envy and they MUST dump them on to everybody. The Narcissist is the eternal victim in this world, and they blame the world for everything so they can live their out-of-control and perverse lifestyle AND justify it. They pathologically compensate for whatever got them to their dark place and make everybody pay for it. They are so demeaning with their value judgments that live on the surface of that thin skin they wear to hide the dark soul inside of them. Once they have lured you in with the CHARM trap watch out because the HARM is sure to follow. Perhaps this is how the Narcissist so easily edits the real and shameful image of him/herself. They can fortify it by reflecting (projecting) it back onto the world with that contemptuous eye they have for everybody they meet. To me it does not matter what got that Narcissist to where they are, because they are abusers plain and simple and destroy lives. It is not my or anyone else’s responsibility after being psychologically kicked in the head (and purposely) to the point of severe damage to use any justification that abuse was OK. We have all been bullied in life and dealt with hurt, but we cognitively grew up to respect people and life and not take it out on people – the Narcissist does not respect ANY life, nor do they want to change, nor do they care.

So, what a Narcissist puts into motion is pathologically treating us like dirt and maligning us behind our backs to control and destroy us. They are predators that are pre-loaded with delusion, psychopathy, and abuse – they just put a mask on to hide it all. This seriously puts Narcissists in their own special class with Psychopaths or like a branch from the same Psychopath tree. The class of people who do not wish you, me, or any other human being any sense of well-being, no matter what or how friendly, caring or loving their façade or mask is. This is the same class of predators as physical, sexual or ANY other kind of abusive predator and Narcissists are just as dangerous. Seriously we MUST internalize Narcissists really are predators and dangerous, but many people just do not appreciate the true meaning or the reality of Narcissistic abuse basically letting it in one ear and out the other as the saying goes!

Some simple logic! A Narcissist is not acting on any normal human premise. All the Narcissist is doing is playing (manipulating) you for the reaction he/she wants to control and abuse you. The truth is irrelevant to a Narcissist because they do not even know what ‘truth’ is. Truth or lies, it is all irrelevant to the Narcissist, so whatever works for them and that is usually lies – they are ONE BIG LIE. They are with us for ONE reason only ‘objectification” and we are there to serve them as Narcissistic supply and that is it. Why do they create the huge production with the entire love bombing – to gain our trust first so they can gain access to our head, heart and life and get at that precious supply they need so badly? It is ONLY a working relationship as far as they are concerned and NOT one that has any benefits for us. We are none the wiser, PLUS they gain access to our trusting nature and then attack us by preying on our emotional vulnerabilities to drive the psychological abuse to a point that can and will disable us. But do not forget they were so good at that CHARM and we were singing their praises at first while they were destroying our integrity behind our backs – they were that good at their game. So, when you start telling the truth more than likely you will hear, “I thought you were in love with him/her the way you were talking how great he/she was”.

So, to support this let us just say it would be more correct to say that there is no such thing as truth to a Narcissist, because there is no such thing as truth when you are playing pretend with the whole world and conning everybody in it. They even routinely fool and manipulate family, mental healthcare professionals, teachers, law enforcement, judges, social workers, OR you name it, and they can fool them. Really builds up a strong case that these critters are everywhere in our world! It is not a matter of their intelligence by any means it is a matter of practice and experience – and they have a lifetime of this experience because it is really their survival. You CAN’T always trust an institution or organization to filter out the personality disordered Narcissists either because they are just that good at getting behind a job that makes them seem to be goodness personified and they will use this guise to abuse also. The Narcissist I knew has been associated with these ‘social work’ organizations for a lifetime and that is very discerning to know.

So, to put it all in a nutshell Narcissists are expert con artists – here are some red flags to look out for. They put on a conspicuous display of goodness and kindness but in reality, there is NOTHING to back it up. They damage the images of many people. They have a consistent history of past upheavals. They seem to be disliked or hated for mysterious reasons by people close to them. They exhibit unnatural and perplexing behavior or backward reactions to things. They are control freaks, trampling on other people’s privacy and personal boundaries. They are extremely self-absorbed. They have a hostile reaction to attention and credit given others. They rage very easily. They are very private and dismissive about the particulars of ANY situation especially as it concerns them personally.

So, if you get to know a Narcissist’s history, you will usually see a track record of destruction followed by mysterious upheavals in their life – but the Narcissist will lie and blame every other person, and citing every possible excuse they can. Narcissists really keep their past separated from the present and the future. Never be silent about this abuse because too many people have been harmed by these creatures – even their own biological children and family. If they are forced out of the darkness, and made accountable for their actions, they would be forced to stop their abuse or run like the cowards they really are and maybe live with other Narcissists in a world so full of chaos and crazy making that they would no longer need us to support their delusional world. That was just a bad attempt at some humor because a Narcissist could not live in a world where other Narcissists were controlling THEM and using THEM for supply because without it they couldn’t survive. No/minimal contact! Greg

FACT: Narcissists always rewrite history whether it is lying, manipulating FACTS, switching out their story to confuse us, manipulate us with FAKE events that lack reality, deny OUR memory, or any number of things to keep us in that constant maze of desperation and blame to ultimately push us to the edge and over if they can.

FACT: Narcissists always rewrite history whether it is lying, manipulating FACTS, switching out their story to confuse us, manipulate us with FAKE events that lack reality, deny OUR memory, or any number of things to keep us in that constant maze of desperation and blame to ultimately push us to the edge and over if they can. YOU ARE NOT THE CRAZY ONE – you are being manipulated to FEEL like you are – disengage completely!

From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!

The Narcissist has successfully developed strong and shrewd communication skills that basically invalidate and manipulate our own perceptions about ourselves and distort all logic and reasoning rendering OUR communication with them useless. All interpersonal communication becomes twisted, circular, and an opportunity to make us feel invalidated, wrong, mentally unstable, invalidated and basically worthless. This within itself is often overlooked (the subtle abuse) but it is as dangerous as any of their other tools in the arsenal of Narcissistic abuse!

Well let us go to the source of your abuse, a Narcissist. NOW, let us define this Narcissist. They are mentally unbalanced, and not a fully functioning human being so with that thought in mind they are quite capable of poisoning our minds and harming our reality – JUST FACT. Whether they have a disdain for all things human or are cruel, evil, despicable or whatever THEY ARE TOXIC and destructive to us. If you educate yourself and understand what we lovingly call their ‘arsenal of tools’ it will spell out their agenda and a definite pattern of what all Narcissists do to ALL of their targets/victims. The key words that describe the whole cycle of abuse are love-bombing, devaluation, discard, and I always add DESTROY! In a nutshell they are the reason that our reality has been so distorted and disabled.

So, what goes on in the omnipotent Narcissists distorted version of life? There is no such thing as a POSITIVE value judgment as it concerns any other human being on this planet – people are merely living objects for a Narcissist to use, abuse, and discard at will. It is a very controlled mechanism in their arsenal of abuse. Normal people respect all life, but a Narcissist does not deem life as worthy of THEIR respect. So, by treating others as unworthy the Narcissist is acting as if they are beneath reprieve for their actions, and we are totally insignificant, very disposable, and infinitely less important than the all-important Narcissist. A Narcissist has no more regard for us than a person that steps on and squashes a poor bug that is minding its own business on the ground. Basically, and unequivocally, we are nothing and the Narcissist is everything in their world and at all costs even if it means total destruction of an individual!

Here is a quick ‘personal’ example from my past abuse situation of the flip flop rhetoric and tactics a Narcissist employs to constantly keep us on that up and down dizzying roller coaster ride: In one breath my Narcissist would say I was ‘the one,’ we were soul mates, and the perfect person the Narcissist had searched for all their life. I was praised for being intelligent, physically attractive; I had wit and charm, as well as many other wonderful accomplishments. Then in an about face this Narcissist would deny all of what they said and find fault with everything I did, criticize the way I looked by making fun of me, denigrate my profession as a chef instructor calling me a cook that only serviced other people, scream at me, tell me I had no breeding or culture, had an ugly home, had no friends, was thoughtless, unaffectionate, selfish, etc.

What does all of this shout out at us? Many opposite and damaging extremes and the actions of a highly dysfunctional and manipulative abuser. Specifically, one that uses CHARM and HARM to constantly modify their victim’s behavior AND security to keep them totally off balance — and in a constant thick fog of confusion by purposely manipulating with fake emotions and psychological abuse tactics. It completely distorts the victim’s thought processes and creates a form of trauma bond or a mishmash of intense feelings stretching from intense NEGATIVE rejection/putdowns and then back to the POSITIVE lifting up and attraction again. All of this takes up a great deal of your brain’s real estate and hijacks your emotions and ‘normal!’ AGAIN, like a ride on a roller coaster that leaves you craving the highs. Remember those highs you experienced seemed so great – but they were NOT. Everything became VERY painful/agonizing and that is what leaves you craving and ruminating about the old highs you ONCE believed in. BUT it will NEVER change, and you will be left on this roller coaster ride but without those highs because one day it all crashes OR YOU GET OFF FIRST.

The journey to recovery is now a process because we were unconsciously living and dealing with all the manipulative and destructive messages we internalized and validated as our reality. We must seek out education about this abuse and the truth about our situation as a key to unlock the door to our recovery. Yes, those messages are going to be in our head for a good while BUT we must create a healthy balance and desensitize them. What this means is that we must move into a place where it is possible for us to recognize that a person HAS betrayed us in a manner to control us through mental abuse. We must think about it in terms to validate the truth of the situation, but not to try to dissect the Narcissist and put our energy into trying to get into their heads. We spent a great deal of time trying to fix or basically heal them and we gave away too much of ourselves and ALL we got in return were MORE lies, manipulation, twisted stories, diversion, blame and more chaos. Turn this around and accept the truth that they are completely disordered and put that healing power back into yourself.

You HAVE the ability to change if you deprogram the messages that have been imprinted on your mind if you ALLOW yourself to be your OWN motivator in this process. Just say ‘NO’ to Narcissist. Remember the old drug campaign that showed an egg as describing your ‘healthy’ brain, and then it showed that same egg in a frying pan stating this is your brain on drugs (the fried egg.) Well just switch that around to the fired egg being your brain after being with a Narcissist. Please understand no/minimal contact and start of your road to recovery, it is imperative to moving on! Greg

The pathological Narcissist is a long-term plotter, like one of those brilliant chess players who can see the whole board and then plans ten or more moves ahead to achieve their goals.

Narcissists are abusive to people, families, organizations, and ALL life in general. The pathological Narcissist is a long-term plotter, like one of those brilliant chess players who can see the whole board and then plans ten or more moves ahead to achieve their goals.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

The most dangerous predators among us are ingeniously masked, veiled, or disguised. They carefully surround themselves with people entirely unlike themselves (their minions or flying monkeys.) Basically, deeply empathic human beings who wish to please others, who are slow to judge, who are excessively tolerant and who have an eye for digging up the good to be found in others. They know how to exploit these character traits to their own advantage and surround themselves with these types of cheerleaders. It is their association with these people that maximizes the Narcissists chances of perpetuating the most of their “FAUX” facade and keeping themselves from exposure. Remember a Narcissist is really in conflict with themselves and in chronic anguish so they will keep up this façade as if a matter of life and death.

It is almost impossible for anyone to uncover the complex manipulation and multi-layered schemes of such a person unless you are entirely aware of the depths of their level of pathology (and delusion) to manipulate and hide their disordered self – THEY ARE ALWAYS A STEP AHEAD OF THE GAME. So, to know one requires knowledge we didn’t always have, OR could have never completely understood if we did possess it, and even if we did unlock all of the truth, we couldn’t fix them or even relate. So basically, we are always left wide open to being perpetually deceived (and manipulated). That is just how good they are at this game to get their supply AND get away with it. We were ALL targets of this abuse, and it is never singular in nature because it destroys whole families, organizations, businesses, etc., and they shrewdly camouflaged themselves to hide among us and to protect themselves from being exposed. They are predators after prey and the chaos they inflict annihilates anybody that crosses their path. When we accept that and close the book to the emotions or whatever binds us to them, then we can accept the ugly truth and start to move on!

Furthermore, the awareness that others may have is a constant source of anxiety and fear for the Narcissist and thus a huge need to control their immediate world. The Narcissist is also aware of the limitations surrounding their facade of lies. When people talk with one another, they begin to acquire a much larger perspective and they begin to see a bigger picture of the Narcissist and his/her flimsy façade and lies. The Narcissist CAN’T afford to have people talking amongst themselves and sharing stories. So, he/she will go to great lengths and carefully produce very devious and underhanded schemes to keep people divided. The Narcissist will create division among colleagues by planting lies about one person to another, and another about someone else. This can be a successful strategy because no one expects a seemingly intelligent adult to be carrying on like a scheming child or an emotionally disturbed adolescent. And since most of us avoid confrontation, it is much easier to believe the liar. This is the Narcissist’s damage control to protect their abusive agenda and keep an endless “SUPPLY.”

Again, WE MUST understand that this abuse is intentional and as much as it was such a personal part of us, it was purely the act of an emotionally UNBALANCED and deviant human being. Greg

What is the Narcissist’s main objective to succed with their agenda? Absolute CONTROL of their partner or chosen victim WITHOUT LIMIT — THAT is the ultimate goal of the Narcissist ALWAYS.

What is the Narcissist’s main objective to succed with their agenda? Absolute CONTROL of their partner or chosen victim WITHOUT LIMIT is the ultimate goal of the Narcissist. They do this so they can then extort supply through THEIR lies, manipulation, gaslighting, and betrayal! EVERYONE will experience this with them – THIS is proof of their real agenda and their predatory nature!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Absolute control of their partner is the ultimate goal of the Narcissist to extort supply. Here is the thing — this is very difficult to identify and understand in the beginning of a relationship with a Narcissist because they are among every other thing, I outlined the world’s best CON artist and they absolutely intend to con us out of our worth, integrity, finances, self-esteem and anything else they can get their grubby little hands on – so the “game is on” with them! HOW do they do this – through the horrendous manipulation of our emotions – using them against us through BLAME and diminishing us piece by piece.

Add to the equation that Narcissists must BLAME and ultimately destroy the very person they abused or else they will be ‘outed’ as the abuser THEY are – so they do this with the BIG BLAME GAME – and they have been doing this or setting it up long before the end of whatever relationship they had with you. A Narcissist will ALWAYS blame/accuse THEIR victim of ruining THEIR life!

Nobody likes to be blamed for something, BUT a responsible person will accept blame for something appropriate. Narcissists do not accept blame for anything, even if it is deserved (which it is always deserved as it concerns them) – they are always the victim and the blamer! I have to say that part of this is their typical omnipotence or “I’m better than you” and “rules don’t apply to me” attitude, but there is seriously more to it than that. Blaming is how they control others OR harm the targets they are viciously attacking as well as releasing guilt by blaming everybody else. These are more than likely friends, family members, partners, or former love interests or people that are the closest to the Narcissist. They know all too well and understand that the use of destructive and defensive strength behind their blaming approach (bullying) and smear campaign weakens/destroys the integrity of their target and puts them in a defensive role that will only make them seem guilty of the Narcissist’s negative campaign against them. Narcissists make regular use of this method to destroy people, and they start it well before their target is wise to the destruction that is waiting for them.

There is no having a real relationship with a Narcissist, you may be in what you believe is a relationship with them, but they are not in relationship with you – you are Narcissistic supply, and you/we always have an expiration date with them – and they are scheming and setting it up well before we realize it. You are only in their life to make them look good or because you are useful to the Narcissist as an object to satisfy a variety of needs. Nothing is ever internalized with a Narcissist like emotional bonds, caring, love or EMPATHY. Their world is totally external, and everyone is objectified like a shiny new car that the Narcissist drives/wears to make them look however special they feel they need to be. Their image is a fake aspect of their chameleon like nature – and it constantly changes just like the chameleon changes its colors to blend into an environment.

The Narcissist constantly violates boundaries albeit physical, emotional, and mental. They follow no rules in life, or respect human dignity/rights, or adhere to any written laws. They will make decisions that are not theirs to make, and they will assume that they have the right to use, borrow, or take/steal anything that belongs to others – as well as betray people without a care. Ownership is their birthright or so they feel because they are above the normal order of life. They will violate your standing with figures of authority in an effort to cause trouble/destruction, triangulate, or just to “one up” you. They are truly extortionists, and they take everything and anything they can get their hands on. BUT remember this chameleon camouflages itself with CHARM – so they get away with virtual murder because they have been doing this all their lives and they are just that good at it. The people that know the truth about them are mostly their targets/victims – the rest become their minions at some useful level that they charm into believing just how special they are AND they protect the Narcissist’s lies and disordered life – they are the enablers of their abuse.

The habit of treating a human being or a person to an end is utilitarian (to satisfy a need or fulfill an AGENDA) and fundamentally derelict, inhumane, abusive and a pathological and perverted manipulation of our basic human rights. The Narcissist is feeding their endless ‘depravity void’ through injustice by his/her regard for others as mere instruments of the Narcissist’s own gratification AND destroying their victims when they are done with them. The closer the association to a Narcissist the more pathological the Narcissist becomes, and the more damage done to the target/victim. Their needs are far more than just extorting basic life and biological needs – it is their psychological needs that cause the most damage to their target/victim. It is their need to control and gain dominance or power over other people that damages and destroys them. They are BASICALLY human with most of the same biological needs (like eating, breathing and sexuality) but when it comes to mental functions, they are delusional and seem to have a battle that rages in their head to seriously harm people that love them as if they loathe all people and need to destroy them one by one.

Lastly the Narcissist cannot maintain their façade without exposing their true colors, and exposure is their greatest fear. So, the Narcissist exerts their last bit of power to annihilate the very source that could expose the truth – their target/victims – so BAM we are blamed for what they actually did. Hence all those clinical terms that describe the repercussions of our relationship with them like backstabbing and the ‘smear campaign’ and BOOM we are BLAMED, destroyed, done, and gone forever. No-one is ever the wiser, so life goes on FOR THE NARCISSIST while we pay for it. Don’t forget that there are always THOSE subjects that the Narcissist has been grooming while they were abusing us so there you go again – BOOM – they have a brand new ‘subject’ (target/victim) ready and waiting to serve them and new soldiers to protect their lies and shore up the fortress (the very ones they have been backstabbing us to).. Truthfully, they are a universal manipulator and abuser! YOU are not to blame for ANY of this – it was situational abuse! No/minimal contact to break the cycle of this abuse. Greg

‘Woe is Me.’ Playing the Victim card – another façade the Narcissist relies upon! They are ALWAYS the victim.

ALWAYS THE VICTIM – just another scam and con the Narcissist uses to manipulate people! ‘Woe is Me.’ Playing the Victim card – another façade the Narcissist relies upon! WHY do Narcissists always play the victim when THEY are clearly the problem, the provoker, the chaotic person, and the ABUSER? Because it is just another mask/façade they wear to make their many DECEPTIVE agendas and lies work! They hide behind sympathy to cover up how THEY have abused another person – and use it as an opportunity to BLAME and create a smear campaign against the very person they abused! They also LOVE to play on and USE the sympathies of others for gain and while they are doing that, they are also able to pull a ‘supporter or minion’ into the mix to help them condemn a past victim or destroying the reputation of someone they want to attack. Actualizing the truth empowers us and takes their power away. Remember that they have compartmentalized MANY sources of supply and have charmed them into their roles as they did to us to achieve every possible agenda.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

A Narcissist is COMPLETELY calculating in every area of life to CONTROL people and their environment. They refuse ANY connection or obedience to the basic requirements of life or the natural moral laws as they apply to life and human rights – and they void all of that with BLAME and playing the VICTIM. Obedience to a Narcissist implies that there is something larger or better than what they are, and they will never comply because it would define them as being weak to allow anyone to feel significant enough to be their equal or better. It is almost like the Narcissist completely relates everything in life to a measurement – but this measurement begins with them – or as the saying goes, the sun rises and sets on a Narcissist because they feel they are above all life.

The Narcissist creates the terms of how THEY measure life – so if they were a “tape measure or a ruler”, they would determine the dynamics of each and every measurement OR define every inch of every foot – and you can believe that it would not be consistent as it is SUPPOSED to be. The Narcissist must be ‘that’ which measures (and judges) and NEVER that WHICH IS MEASURED and NEVER judged. Literally they “coin” the phrase “give them an inch and they will take a mile.” Well, that and anything they can get their tentacles around. Along with this remember that they will ALWAYS move the goalposts – especially to keep our emotions tangled up trying to please them. THEN when it is time for them to move on because they found something new – they will kick those goalposts so far away and out of reach by making you and I out to be the abuser. That is their way of saying goodbye as well as a way of protecting themselves from being exposed as the real abuser. Victimization gives them just another path to avoid facing their past if questioned and just their lack of empathy. NO, they do not care if they destroy you or I as long as they are not outed. Remember too that sympathy is also another form of supply to them too.

A Narcissist is calculating for the sake of procuring power! Power allows them the control over others that they need to function and survive in our world. It also protects them from exposure and facing the truth of their own disordered and abusive lifestyle. This false mask hides AND protects the Narcissist from having to face themselves off in the mirror and see the reality of WHAT THEY ARE – a modern day ‘DENIAL’ monster that is destructive and abuses life and people. They most assuredly destroy a target that catches on to them, plus they already have the replacement waiting in the wings to pick up the whole process where they left it off with us, stealing ‘supply’ and sucking the very life out of the new target. No fuss, no muss, and never emotions or love just a symbiotic relationship where the Narcissist has a new host ready and waiting – seriously this is the truth.

Their entire life is built upon this premise to find “supply” to shore up their façade and they will employ the most devious means at their disposal to get it. So, this chameleon like Narcissist has many colors that help them adapt to every situation that exists that include every gambit of life – from like, love, dislike, hate, destruction, and victimization – and this is all very functional to them as well as mechanical to them and their lifestyle to GET WHAT THEY WANT. The key thing here is that they are abusive and psychologically damaging to people because they loathe people and life and create personal battles to make us pay for their hate.

Nevertheless, our first experiences with the Narcissist have allowed us to believe in a prince/princess ‘charming’ who have done great things in our lives like “loving us” so we hold on to/keep the faith and live with this Narcissist’s amazing BUT fake integrity. It is our empathy, love and basic trust that are targeted. The Narcissist has bamboozled us through this wondrous and seemingly normal façade that IMITATES extreme goodness as well as fake virtues that we hold in good faith BUT really with little or no real accountability and that was a BIG OOPS. SO, there within the problem LIES – the Narcissist is so very adept at circumventing the intellect and manipulating man/womankind by their craft or better yet craftiness that they have perfected all of their life, so they target us where it counts – OUR EMOTIONS, TRUST, and LOVE!

Because Narcissists have depleted or deleted their character so profoundly through choices contrary to the norms of reason or basic DENIAL, they will even begin to see themselves as what they project, mirror, and bounce off us. If you are not governed by any natural or moral laws, but by the law of “whatever you want to be to get whatever you want” well then you hold great power, but you need to CONTROL the world to achieve this superiority, so the narcissist is fundamentally a dictator in all of their relationships because this is what they want to be – it is always about controlling their victim and using whatever they can to get there. In the end they will ALWAYS play the victim card to throw blame back onto us.

That CHARMING person that swept you off your feet and became the HARMING person in your life will always become increasingly more and more transparent and shoe that VAST array of fake personalities. From beginning to end, this was a phony relationship that only offered you a toxic dose of fake care, love, and real abuse. The Narcissist created a FALSE emotional bond through deception and manipulation or simply put LIES, LIES, and more LIES, On our part we were seduced by them and tried to maintain this relationship through self-sacrifice and denial. It is not what we wanted it was what we were manipulated into because of the vast arsenal of tools a Narcissist used/uses to psychologically seduce a target/victim. No/minimal contact so that you can return to a healthy life. Greg