Closure? Not So Fast….

Closure is a healthy part of ending a relationship. You each get to say your peace. You both apologize for any unintentional and/or intentional hurts. You say goodbye and wish each other well. This is how closure works between two reality-based, reasonably sane adults who basically had a good relationship. It didn’t work because of different goals, values, interests, a lack of compatibility or you grew apart instead of together. A less satisfying form of closure is when you had a relationship with someone who wasn’t considerate, wasn’t invested in the relationship or just wasn’t ready for commitment. If this person is a reality-based, reasonably sane adult then you break up and state how they hurt you.

They apologize and give you an ego massage by offering, “It’s not you; it’s me. You deserve someone who really loves you.” You accept his or her apology and you both go away feeling a little better. The Paradox: Trying to get closure with a narcissistic and/or borderline woman usually results in reopening your old wounds. Attempting to obtain closure with an emotionally abusive, narcissistic and/or borderline woman is always a maddening exercise in futility.

You will never get closure with this kind of woman. NEVER. First, she doesn’t meet the three most important prerequisites for giving and receiving closure: A reasonable degree of sanity. A foothold in reality. Empathy. Being able to give an ex closure means you’re able to accept your responsibility for the demise of the relationship and when has your BPD and/or NPD ex ever taken responsibility for her behavior, especially when she was clearly in the wrong? Don’t you remember how she would rewrite ancient and recent history when you were together by portraying herself as the long suffering heroine and you as the terrible ogre, after every nasty blow-up, attack or cold shoulder episode that she initiated? Do you really think she’s going to admit to any of the relationship atrocities she committed during the relationship now that it’s over?

I hate to break it to you, but if you’re waiting for this to happen or, heaven forbid, an apology from this woman; IT IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. If you try to get closure from your NPD and/or BPD ex by detailing the many ways she hurt and tortured you, she’s not going to acknowledge what she did. Instead, she’ll puff herself up, look at you like you’re the crazy one, and mystifyingly tell you, “I was a wonderful and loving wife or girlfriend. How dare you say these things to me? You must be crazy or someone’s brainwashed you. Don’t you remember how good I was to you and the many things I did for you?” Somebody has a memory problem, but it’s not you.

If you seek closure from this woman, she’ll regale you with her revisionist relationship history as you have yet another NPD/BPD induced WTF-moment. You’ll be understandably rattled after walking into another one of her traps and she’ll tell you how worried she is about you because you seem so unhappy now (the “without her” is implied). This is evidence that the hard wiring in these women’s heads is truly out of whack.

1. They don’t get that when you look hurt, unhappy and “in pain” it’s because of something they’ve done. They think it’s because of something you’ve done because if she hurt you, you deserved it and she was right to hurt you. She’s confused hurting you with “showing you affection” and trying to take most of your assets as “generosity.” You cannot reason with this.

Once most men finally get out of an abusive relationship, they feel an intense amount of relief. They have regret and sadness that they fell in love with a woman who doesn’t really exist and put up with the abuse for so long, but that’s normal. Nearly every man I know who’s broken free from one of these women is infinitely happier—even with less money (if it’s divorce—a reader describes it as “the price of freedom, sanity and happiness”) and/or less time with their kid(s). Once the abuse stops, it’s a tremendous relief.

2. What they call love is really abuse and control, but they doggedly insist, “it’s love.” Enough said.

3. Some of them truly believe they were the best wife or girlfriend. You could show this kind of woman a video tape of one of her unprovoked rage attacks and she’d still deny she did it or find a way to blame you for it. Her defense mechanisms on this are impenetrable. This is why it’s crazy for you to seek closure from this woman. She may have brief moments in which she can recognize the truth of who she is and what she’s done. However, the reality of it terrifies her and shakes her to the core. Instead of apologizing to you, she’ll quickly revert back to her idealized false self or image that no one (who knows her well) believes.

Narcissistic women in particular believe that their facade is so slick that no one can see through it and many people don’t until they get too close, which is why these women don’t let anyone get too close. In other words, she believes her own bullshit. She has to believe it because if she doesn’t she fears she will fall apart. It’s a matter of ego preservation vs. ego annihilation except that she’s actually preserving her false self. Then she will either attack you or gaslight you by rewriting history yet again. Do you really want to get caught in one of these crazy-making, never ending loops with your ex again? Didn’t you learn your lesson while you were with her? Here’s how you get closure from an emotionally abusive narcissistic and/or borderline woman: Get as far away from her as you can and then get on with your life.

The best form of closure for you is living well and that means a life free of abuse, filled with love and happiness. This woman will never have the kind of relationships other people are capable of—she will be left with herself and that’s a fate I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. by Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD

  1. Wow thank you for this article. Like the others who commented before me, I too have just recently been dumped by my girlfriend. She has a severe alcohol problem along with being a narcissist. I also believe that she has BPD. She abused me physically as well as mentally in a seven month time span. I fell deeply I in love with her the day I first met her at some 15 years ago. We dated for a few months in 2008 2009 . At that time I saw signs that she was not healthy so I didn’t talk to her for about eight years. In February 2017 I got a hold of her via Facebook and we rekindled the relationship . She told me how much she missed me and how much it hurt her that I walked out of her life. Eight years prior. The relationship started off good however I knew she had an alcohol problem but as I got closer to her I realized she had a lot of other problems. Because I’m a rescuer I continued to stay with her and put up with the abuse hoping that she would change, not so. She would drink a fifth of vodka and a very short span of time along with taking antidepressants and anti anxiety drugs. She would have crazy manic episodes. One time hitting me because she woke up drunk and thought I was sleeping on her side of the bed. It was after this that she agreed to start counseling again. Things did start to improve, and I was hopeful. However as I explain it to my friend, we were fine on a Sunday. Actually great.! It was on e of the best days we had had. Monday she had a counseling appointment. I don’t know if she really went. She drank a fifth of Vodka that evening and Tuesday she was done with me. No rhyme or reason. I moved out the following weekend. I have not had contact with her nor will l. This has rocked me to my core shattering my confidence my self-esteem and my Will some days. However I know this too shall pass and I’m using it to better myself. It’s hard for a man to admit that he is been the victim of abuse of women. But I have. I’m hoping that other people will read this article and many others are narcissistic alcoholic’s with BPD. They have help me tremendously to try and move on. It’s a struggle every day but it gets better every week.

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  2. I was in a relationship with women who admitted to having a mental illness..i discovered she was narcissistic…everything bother her about me ..she belittle me ..embarrassed me around ppl question my intelligence…how i dress think n behave…she showed no affection hardly…she was never wrong about anthing…the littles things mad her so angry…

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  3. Borderline personality ex-girlfriend has literally fuckedmy life up . She was very pretty and thin and very charming . After having call the police eight times I finally figured it out . There was no way that was going to just go away . It’s very difficult to leave something so pleasing to the eyes but she’s just psycho . I thing you can do is look for different type of love another woman and be fulfilled that way . Otherwise you’re just going to be the caretaker doormat

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  4. narcissist is evil to all relationship.no matter how much one party truly do the best narc is always.win.flying is worst too no respect but I call them fuck and mentaleasy to brainwash.

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  5. narcissist is evil to all relationship.no matter how much one party truly do the best narc is always.win.flying is worst too no respect but I call them fuck and mentaleasy to brainwash.

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  6. narcissist is evil to all relationship.no matter how much one party truly do the best narc is always.win.flying is worst too no respect but I call them fuck and mentaleasy to brainwash.

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  7. narcissist is evil to all relationship.no matter how much one party truly do the best narc is always.win.flying is worst too no respect but I call them fuck and mentaleasy to brainwash.

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  8. I just broke you with my ex N female.met when we were 15 till 19. Broke and found each other now at 53..everything was going fine for the last 9 months until she started demanding money and showing signs of anger problems.(when she cant have her way).and way i text to break it off from her and she text back saying you can go because your cheap and dont like to spend money so bye and have a good life..so is there a chance she might try to come back..its only been 3 weeks of not hearing from her and i dont,so what should i do if she try to contact me.

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  9. Things are fresh for me with breakup from a female narcissist. All would have been okay if I had no emotions, believed in immoral characteristics, & lived like I deserved to be punished. Looking back, it seems just one big painful blur… Loving someone completely.. and then finally accepting they are not capable of the return… it was a long painful 3 years. Someone says why didn’t you see the red flags way before now… I saw them, but I was already too invested in the relationship. Being used…. mistreated as an object….it is so hard. It hurts and it seems so foreign to return to reality. The delusional 3 years-. overnight- back to reality. You see what it is they see.. the twist and misprint of life. I see Narcissism as a Deaf heart… searching for Feelin😢 it leaves a whole as big as they have about themselves-inside
    chest to recover from…. that they will Never recover from. I am shocked to know @ 43 yrs of age we have thousands.. and more of these people living among us. It is heartbreaking. Please 🙏 for me.. God knows me by name.

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  10. Wow!! Thats my ex gf to a T!!!

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  11. Hi Guys/Girls

    Reading this article and comments is frightening! I have spent the majority of time with my ex, thinking I was the one Narcissistic traits, they were pointed out to me enough, by her!

    The NC rule is hard for me, she’s expecting our baby next month. I have been labelled as the abuser and also accused of blackmail, after she demanded I leave the house. Thing is, she paid for me to retrain, we agreed she would financially support me throughout, until I qualified and could provide a better life for us and the baby. Half way through she pulled the plug and I now sit here in a bedsit claiming housing benefits and just getting by – luckily I’m still on the course and hoping to qualify soon.

    As with other posts, I love this person but can see no end to the drama cultivating and misery that the lady bestows on my life.

    It’s hard for others to understand as on the outside things don’t appear so dark, I have found the manipulation to at times be very subtle, and it really kills you. I’ve also been on the receiving end of intense verbal abuse, a lot of this I managed to record on my phone, but when you play it back….yup! Excuses, no apologies and “you drive me to this” – The penny is starting to drop, dissappearing, not coming home, unhealthy obsession with my past relationship. So, I’m reaching out, can anyone help and support me through this? Males and females who have survived such relationships?

    Just to add, I have to shoulder some responsibility as my ex has a history of drug abuse and her mum died when she was 3 or 4. I was her support worker, overstepping a major boundary while at work. The love did seem so intense and real and perhaps I was vulnerable myself and prime for the picking.

    Love and courage to all,

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  12. Reading through this does make a lot of sense and is helpful! For this reason, ill do a bit of sharing too. I was in a long distance relationship with someone I can only assume was a narcissist.

    Just like you all, it started amazingly. Met her on a work trip and instantly we both seemed to fall in love! I decided to go straight back to her country and continued to do so every couple weeks if possible. She was demanding though and very soon I was in a situation where I had to be talking to her all day, every day when I wasn’t physically with her. I didn’t mind at all, she was going through some genuinely hard times and I wanted to support her as much as possible. After all, i soon considered her to be the love of my life. The more I gave however, the more controlling she became. Very soon, any time I would see a friend, it was met with suspicion and inevitably a day or two of the cold shoulder.

    I’m relatively naive, and really thought my actions were wrong. For example, we’d send pictures and videos to each other throughout the day. If there was another girl in a photo I sent, she’d go mad. I just presumed I was being insensitive. I also presumed that it was just because of her current situation (her mum was very unwell), and accepted every moment that she was ‘irrational’, as she called it. Soon there was talk of marriage and children. After all, the times it was just the two of us, whether we were physically together or not, were amazing. How little I knew!

    Everything then took a massive turn for the worse. I have a history of depression, which I had made very clear to her on many occasions. I’d just returned from seeing her, and everything suggested another relapse into depression. I understand the symptoms, and during a Skype talk with her, Brought up the fact that I was not feeling well. She recommended seeing a friend, which made my evening as I really thought she was looking out for me. An hour later I thanked her, and mentioned I was feeling a bit better, only to receive the same cold shoulder I had received every other time I saw my friends.

    Something broke in me that night, she didn’t understand the one thing that I needed her to. A day of non contact ensued, where in that time her personal situation got much worse. For this I was instantly blamed for not being there for her. That was a hard thing to stomach, considering that is all I wanted to do. I got back on antidepressants and we made up as usual. A couple days later though things really got bad.

    This time on my side. I had a day from hell, My friend passed away in the morning. I went to my dad’s who I hadn’t seen for a long time. His drinking had become far, far worse than expected and he terrified me. I’m not sure if it was the tablets/depression making me over emotional, but I genuinely thought he wasn’t going to last much longer. Later that evening I then got news that my nan had also passed away. What a day! Obviously my instant reaction was to go to my partner for comfort. Big mistake! She shouted at me for having a beer (I’d just started anti depressants) and pretty much mocked the fact that my nan had died.

    The next day, I was massively shell shocked. Got back home later that evening, and had the expected break down with my flat mate. At which point my partner decides to call me and tell me that I was an immature, manipulative liar for saying that these things happened, and also stated that there was no way I would go to my flat mate for support (she was a girl, and therefore a threat).

    Immense disbelief is the only way I could describe it (what I later discovered was ptsd) I tried to salvage the situation and begged for understanding. Maybe my situation sounded implausible? After all, a lot had happened.

    The next day I tried to reason with her, showing anything I could to prove my innocence. However I was painted as a monster and anything I said, she took as a deep attack on her personality. All in a couple of days I had gone from the love of her life, to an annoyance that she couldn’t care less about. All because I didn’t react the way that she wanted me to when she initally hurt me.

    After a few weeks of being severely mentally ill, and trying to talk to her, getting consistently nasty responses in return, she decided that she believed me and starting talking to me normally, but with no apology or any attempt at understanding what she had put me through. At this point, I was diagnosed with ptsd and concluded that there was no way on earth a normal person would do the things she did. I told her to stay away and promptly got cut off and blocked for the final time.

    It has been one hell of a difficult recovery from this and boy does ptsd suck! I guess it is all a learning process. Closure is an Immensely important thing if a relationship ends and having none, especially after a seemingly very intimate relationship is about as hard as it gets.

    I’ll never know for sure what she was thinking, if she had npd, bpd or was just going through a hard time. Maybe she even knew exactly what she was doing (that doesn’t bear thinking about!) Something however was very wrong with her though and at the end of the day, I am lucky that it happened while I was still in my home country (I was trying very hard to find a way to move over to her).

    It is easy to paint narcissists in the same way, as predators with no empathy etc. Whilst that is not far wrong, it is also important to realise that people don’t generally become this way without good reason. At the root of it is potentially a very hard upbringing. After all, narcissism is a defense mechanism in its own right. It’s very easy to just hate that person, but I think given the right amount of time, understanding that it is due to their own problems is important. They are still people after all. Npd or bpd is probably also a very hard thing to live with!

    Just try to be thankful that you made it out the other side (just about!), and know that bpd/npd etc isn’t all that common. Regaining trust in people is a very hard thing to do, but you will have become wise to the signs of personality disorders and lightning (hopefully!) Won’t strike twice!

    As an aside, pay real attention to signs of ptsd. Just because you weren’t in a literal war, it doesn’t mean you can’t have it. Treatment is really important as symptoms don’t often go away on their own.

    Happy recoveries people!

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  13. Great Article, I can also say that I was in a relationship with a Narcissist and didn’t realize it until it was too late. She is a physician and we met when she was in her residency program. During that time we lived in separate cities and I realized that she had a demanding schedule, so i would drive to her home to visit her every weekend. When we became engaged, I moved to her city so we could spend more time together which doubled my commute to work, but hey, I was willing to make that sacrifice. After doing that for a couple of years, she finished her residency program and decided to move across the country because she missed her family. We decided that I would quit my career and she would support me as I started graduate school and looked for another job. What I didn’t realize at the time is that this gave her full and complete control over me and didn’t see the red flag at the time of her obsession with “strong independent women”, making comments that she wanted a house husband, things like that. We planned our wedding, well I tried to participate but she wouldn’t allow me. I had bought her a $6K ring using my savings because she wanted it, her budget for me was $500 “because rings don’t mean as much to men”. I ignored all of this at the time figuring that it was not a big deal, however when we moved closer to her family, things took a nosedive.

    Fast forward a year into our marriage, I was going to graduate school and working more than half time which was difficult. I also cooked all the meals, cleaned the house, ran errands, started remodeling the house that we had purchased, paid the bills, etc….. I figured that I appreciated her working so I was happy to carry more weight; but I was working myself to exhaustion. I would frequently ask her to help take some of the responsibilities from me, it fell on deaf ears. I would clean the bathroom and kitchen, immediately after that she would mess up everything (food all over the counters, makeup splashed, clothes and towels on the floor, etc…) I asked her if she is not going to help if she could at least not make things more difficult for me and that I don’t feel like she appreciates what I do. Her response was that I don’t appreciate that she works. I was unable to find a full time job for several years despite 1,000 applications and would tell her that I want her to appreciate the sacrifice I made to give up my career and move for her to be close to her family. This was met with a response, “You moved to go to graduate school and you didn’t like your job there”. Any attempts to reason were turned back onto me. I came home from work one day and she told me that she scheduled a therapy appointment for “us” so she could “fix” me. That upset me and I refused thinking, who is she to tell me that I have a problem. I finally received a job offer after 3 years and talked to her about it, she told me that she doesn’t think I should accept because it is not what I wanted to do. It sounded reasonable and I declined; less than a week later we got into an argument because I asked her if I had to put time on her schedule for intimacy. She then told me that she wanted a divorce, packed her suitcases and left the home. A short time later, she withdrew all of the money from the joint account and justified it by claiming that I was spending everything. I showed her receipts that I paid for her medical bills, etc…. She refused to listen. She had complete control over me financially which took away my independence. I started counseling and asked if we could work on things, her response was that I should have started when she asked me to go a few months earlier, but would tell me that she still hasn’t told her family about her leaving dangling the carrot that we could reunify. Finally one day I noticed that all of her family had blocked me on facebook. When I met with her to discuss a financial plan, we agreed that it would take 4 months to fix the house and get it ready to be sold. 2 months later she messaged me at school telling me that she scheduled a meeting with a realtor to put the home on the market for sale “because I was dragging my heals”. I told her if she want’s it done faster, she could help or hire a contractor. The moment that the lightbulb went off that she was a Narc was when I told her that I think we both need to look at our own contributions to the demise of the marriage. Her response was “You mean to tell me that I am responsible for you hurting me”. After that I told her that I don’t want to have any contact outside of ‘business’ via email. Needless to say the divorce was brutal, I had to cash out retirement accounts to pay for an attorney, 10K in 6 months and I had nothing left, so I had to represent myself. I later found out that she only paid 3K and was running up my legal costs. That’s my story, I could go on, but when you realize that you are with a Narc, protect yourself because it will turn your life upside down.

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  14. I was with my female Narcissist for several years. She had me shaving my chest and other parts. She had me buy a different truck. She had me grow facial hair and change my hair style. She asked me to buy different clothes and boxers. Basically I allowed her to put a ring in my nose with a rope through it and lead me around. Everything was fine one day, then the next she said she needed space and went no contact with me. I was lost for four months. Chasing after her, pleading and begging. Then one day I see her facebook page and she is with a women. The pictures were shocking. I felt pretty stupid.
    She was in her car one day after that and she saw me and started kissing on the lady. Yup, over night she decided to like women. The lady was imported from Texas. Not too sure how they met? She moved her up and moved in over night. Her facebook said that she had been in a relationship with my ex while we were still serious. It is so messed up and I am in therapy. They think I have a form of PTSD. I can not get past it.

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  15. This doesn’t just pertain to women. I had this happen to me some years ago, we were engaged, moved in together, then two weeks later his ex girlfriend walked back into his life and he ended up marrying her. I had given up everything to be with him–my job, even moving to another city. I couldn’t figure out why he could be so loving one day and then overnight! Goodbye I don’t love you anymore, it wasn’t meant to be! Wait, wut? I never felt so used. I finally figured out I had involved myself with a narcissist. He’s on his third wife, so good riddance.

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  16. Yep, this describes my ex 100 percent.
    I video taped her after hitting me one night and questioned her about it while video taping her and she denied it and also remained calm and quiet. Everything we argued about was shot that she would bring up. She is still trying to piss me off and is living in a jointly owned house with my name on it and somehow believes that she owns the house. I have attempted to reason and bargain to sell the house and she is demanding a whole lot of money from me. I also had been assaulted by this woman physically 7 times while in the relationship and on the night I pushed her away and out of the bedroom before she got the chance to hit me again she called the cops and bingo!!! I had a dvo put on me. Many times she through solicitors she pulls the dvo card out. These women are nothing but cunts and the lowest form of scum on the planet. Like this says. Run away from them for your own sanity. Wishing 3 months I found a beautiful new lady.

    I am still waiting for her to agree and sell the house but it’s a total control thing. These type of women are mentally unstable. They can’t and do not move on. But you can.

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  17. This is exactly what I’ve been going through. Now to get off her phone plan…

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  18. Mindful grateful kinda guy

    Thanks for writing this. Had a year and a half long relationship with this girl. I thought things were getting serious and I thought she was finally sincere about us when she agreed to meet my parents and had me meet hers. She talked about marriage, but now I realised all she wanted was the approval of someone who could see her as promising wife material. Who the fuck would go that far just to seek approval? Also, several days after we both had a great time with her family, she decided it was a good idea to go grind on someone in the club and take his stench and bring it over to mine and attempt to use me to finish the job, seriously fucked up. And I had already been moulded and bitchslapped to a point where I just submissively agreed to her demands. I have forgiven myself since for such stupidity and such powerlessness against what was clearly wrong, what was inherently messed up, but I’m sure there’s still a long way to go in life. I deserve not to be treated so poorly, I deserve the opportunity to seek out in life a good partner just like everyone else!

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  19. Well I have finally found the reason, solution, much wanted peace and redemption for victims affected by these types viz – Psychopaths, Sociopaths, Narcissists, Bipolar disorder, Schizophrenia and more.

    I have been a victim of a sociopath and it was only God’s grace that set me free. Nothing else can.

    Before the must wanted conclusion let me tell you’ll my personal experience in short –

    It will be very disturbing initially to even confirm if a person can be classified with any of these disorders. Our genuine love for them leaves us blinded to the fact that we just cannot categorize them. However with time, spiritual intervention and realization will give us the much wanted answers that we have always been seeking all along.

    Yes, these people do have a very bad childhood and it is sad in reality, however it is not our responsibility to try and uplift an unruptured soul. We will surely fail at it to a point where it would make us doubt our own self nature. Everyone has a choice to make- to seek positivity, happiness and help in all aspects. Dwelling on a bad childhood is not a good sign. Acceptance is a must and such people just do not give in to change. All they want is to live in their own lost superficial fantasy world as long as it suites them. They are toxic and evil vampires who will put you into a web of misery and cause you only strife.

    Initially they will idealize you, study and value you to an extent you begin to wonder why you were so special. You feel a high and like never before. They will confess love too soon, soul ties, true love, deep romance, strong bonds, deep thoughts and this will happen in all forms through exchange of words, gifts and conversations. These people will bring out the best in you initially. Till slowly they being to start the gaslighting and ‘imaginary fantasy’ in our mind of a ‘love story’ with them – None like ever before.
    They will then begin to give you a slight insight into their life and quickly cover it up with a greener grass effect.

    Throughout the process they are constantly studying our weak points to eventually have the heartiest laugh ever. This is done because they suffer so much deep inside that our happiness, goodwill, genuineness and success is something that they envy secretly. The love was always lust. It’s more of their insecurity which they hide and mask a vibrant, bold, carefree wonderful ideal and perfect character.

    Then comes the devaluation phase where they will taunt you, judge you in all ways and criticize you in the sweetest possible way thus making you want to run to them for self pleasure all the more. The truth is that they are so frustrated with themselves that they need a validation for themselves from all sources of supply . They will be immature to play the relationship games of silent treatment, blocking, taunting, triangulation, 3rd party games and more to get their way and can just go to any length possible to have their victims left confused and injured.

    Then comes the grandoise attitude, taunting for personal shine, gaslighting, manipulation, lies, indirect runaway from confrontation, self victimization, lack of empathy, lack of remorse, guilt or shame and a final smash of everything into our court in very strategic ways. Notice this is happen much before you even anticipate it and you have just wished that you had a change to say your piece earlier.

    The much wanted betrayal and discard has begun and you are left totally shattered wondering and trying your best to pick up the pieces of your life. Your will want to seek answers and a healthy closure but it seems impossible…and then the abuser has got he/her hold over you and it’s a ‘Mission Accomplished’ to them. They will move on just as casually leving you bewildered and also make you feel guilty for your real attributes. They will use smear campaigns and victimization to lure you into harmful thoughts. Most importntly they do not have any identity and will move on in life by stealing your identity and this makes them feel good. You can never have a clarification, reasoning or seek responsibility of actions from these types. A closure with a sociopath is rather not worth having. It’s just best to cut them out of your life completely.

    As an add-on look for signs of mental paradoxial signs / dementia in the abuser. They will most likely not have an identity and at most times be associated to objects or organizations where they get a chance to gain control viz – Religions places, Volunteer groups, NGO’s, Pet organizations, Animal welfare groups and more. Their victims will always be the kind and innocent one’s.

    Well am here to tell you something special. This is the start of your life. There was a reason for everything and Praise God you were saved from this monster. These people have and will always do this for the rest of their lives. They seek a lifeline by ruining innocent souls. It gives them sadistic power and a change to see themselves as a better person. It’s not for us to see but the very fact it happened to us goes to show that they are incapable of relationships and this happens to most of their peers. Our genuine self has rubbed onto their totally wicked inner self and this has given them a boost to move on in their life.

    THE SECRET LIES IN THE BIBLE IN CHAPTER 1 & 2 KINGS. IT’S CALLED THE “JEZEBEL SPIRIT”. THESE PEOPLE ARE NO DOUBT INNOCENT PEOPLE WHO ARE AFFECTED BY THIS SPIRIT AND IT WANS’T A CHOICE THAT THEY MADE. HOWEVER IT’S A GENERATIONAL CURSE THAT HAS AFFECTED THIS PERSON AND LIKE I SAID IN THE EVERY START – “EVERY PERSON HAS A CHOICE TO MAKE”. SADLY FOR THESE PEOPLE THEY WILL ALWAYS LET GO OF THAT CHOICE, BECAUSE THEY WANT TO BE THE NEW GOD/GODDESS IN THE EYES OF PEOPLE CONSTANTLY WANTING APPROVAL, POWER, DOMINANCE & SUPPORTERS. THEY CAN NEVER BE THEIR GENUINE SELF NO MATTER WHAT BECAUSE THEY NEVER TRULY REPENT FOR THEIR SINS AND DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE. NEITHER ARE THEY EVER CAPABLE OF LOVING SOMEONE IN A REAL WAY. THEY SUBJECT THEMSELVES TO TORTURE AND VERY CALMLY FLING IT ONTO OTHER INNOCENT SOULS. IT BECOMES VERY IMPORTANT TO SEEK INNER HEALING BY YOURSELF AND SEVER THE UNGODLY SOUL TIE. THIS ENTAILS CONFESSING, ADMITTING, DELIVERANCE AND LIVING A “NEW LIFE”. MAKE SURE TO CLAIM THE PROMISES GOD MADE TO US.

    Getting rid of that person in all ways by maintaining no contact and removing / getting rid of / deleting any trace of them is a must. It is not our duty to change them or be their one in shining armour. It becomes more of our responsibility to let go of them, release them unto God and condemn them completely.

    We were born to be humble individuals to live in harmony and be self sufficient in all forms. No one deserves an abuser of this sort.

    Take time off, it is during this no contact period that you will begin to realize all the red flags and you will get your much deserved answers – Each and every one of them will be answered. The internet space has comprehensive information on ‘The jezebel spirit’ wrt its origin, characteristics, know – how and treatment on the Google pages, forums, blogs, youtube, facebook and more.
    Pray over this, get your answer and run and never look back again. These people are just plain sick and cruel. There’s a better and much peaceful life awaiting you.

    I would like to close by saying that I fell for a sociopath woman and I was deceived multiple times. I was totally blinded to her false charm and love scam. I learned her completely only towards the end. I gave the relationship everything in it’s true real essence whereas she was callous always and almost always casually tried her “extreme love bombing” techniques in the most appealing / deceiving way. Her confessed deepest feeling of insecurity was wanting to be loved but she wasn’t the type anyone could love because she was too much of a mess to everyone around. She was a split personality, rough, bold, immature, selfish, negative, demeaning, disrespectful, a false self, wicked, arrogant and had traits of schizophrenia. She gradually learned all my weak points and damaged them all the more. I was judged and criticized on my favorite passions. She seemed to be happy for me and complimented me in the most exaggerated way only for me to later realize that she was actually cursing me in her heart. She masked her identity on all spaces creating superiority vibes and confusion around. She created a mess for multiple men by stringing them along, including me. The triangulation technique she used was too good to be true and I happened to face this twice. She was a victim at all times but whenever questioned always twisted and turned everything around. She would taunt men to gain their attention and was a compulsive liar. She wanted to feel like a queen at all times and I later realized that she managed to rope in souls to boost her ego and pride. She would seek attention from suffering souls by offering her help and also through her trade by dealing with pets. Happy for her that it gave her a lifeline to move on in life. That was her only redemption. She did not like the idea of humanity and only affiliated herself with people she could use, take, smear and discard. She has conned men including me in the worst possible time / situation / way only to seek the much wanted attention. A closure with such types is just never possible and the end will make you feel that you were the one who was the much dreaded sociopath. Later after a long time I realized that she came from a family affected by a generational curse of violence, divorce, hatred and unhappy remarriages. (The spirit of Jezebel) She didn’t get along with her own mother well. I couldn’t blame her for hating men all along having been brought-up in an unhealthy environment but the truth was hidden in her dark, unruptured soul. I realized that as a normal individual, I least of all deserved to be subjected to someone like her. She just didn’t want to change and her only method of survival was to empty her sadness and frustration onto others which would give her a sense of sadistic relief. She did not have a real heart, felt no empathy, no guilt, no shame and no remorse at all. The height was that she eventually questioned me on my manliness. Long later I realized that she had unhealthy relations with almost everyone. She was twisted in her mind and weird to no extent. She claimed to be naive, wise, intelligent, innocent, understanding, truthful, faithful and more but was exactly the opposite. I never had a decent conversation with her at all. It was just never possible.

    Very honestly I liked this girl a lot and wanted to change her life by simply loving her naturally in a real way but she always wanted it to be superficial and structured to her likings. Her presumptuous and dangerous master crooked mind is something I could never deal with. I failed at trying to save her only to get the worst of it and have my self shattered. It ended with confrontation which they most dread and till the very end she twisted events in her favor and had a master backup to redirect her actions onto me. The truth is that she did like me and so did I, but her miserable attitude and fake self brought me to a conclusion that all she wanted was to smother me and that she was thoroughly envious of me. It was lust at her end and I was a fool for having loved her and wanting to change her life. When I confessed to her that I was hurt by her words & actions, she was rejoicing in joy and boldly admitted that I was hurt. This is where I finally lost it, it gave rise to my righteous humane anger, followed by a decent closure thankfully and I Praise God for gifting me with wisdom and sanity and the post peace of having being delivered from this cruel monster and demonic woman.

    Today I am set free of the misery she came along with and am a new creation. I am back to my usual happy outgoing self and am enjoying life to it’s fullest. Ever since I’ve stopped all correspondence / contact with her, I’ve been blessed with the finest, real and most authentic things/people in life. I can’t wait to love someone deserving and experience the best that life has to offer. I will maintain my self-respect and dignity and not mention her where-a-bouts. Leaving this woman has opened new doors for me in my business, family & friends life, my self and everything that I look up to. After all that I have faced I have forgiven myself and her and sincerely hope that she seeks the kingdom of Heaven to a point where she learns to be a real authentic person and that she changes her ways and not continue to destroy souls. I hope she finds her happiness in all walks of life even though she’s been a pain to me and hurt me. I also hope that God saves these kind of people for all their ‘crimes’ and that they don’t torture other innocent loving people. I’ve forgotten her completely only by the grace of God. I hope this article brings peace to those affected by sociopaths.

    Much Love,
    Calvin Brako.
    (+91 9619474238) India.

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  20. I must admit, this caster robinson buckler is real. i Emailed robinson.buckler when my boyfriend departed from me. but since my boyfriend came back I definitely believe robinson.buckler@ yahoo.com is real….

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  21. Thank you. This is the first time in my life I have ever replied to an article like this but had to. I’m in the middle of a break up (at least I think I am) with the girl I have been with for over 2 years. When I first met her she swept me off my feat like no other. I’m 40 years old and have quite a bit of experience with women and this never happened to me before. Texting me all the time, praising me, hard to put into words but as embarrassing as it is I was wowed. She presented herself as recently divorced, who had become close with her ex husbands daughter that he had from a previous woman that had passed. The first 5 months were great, and after that things just stopped adding up. Lies in her stories, disappearing , makin fake texts (yes i caught her. Put her phone number in her phone with someone else’s name, sent texts to make it look like a convo, and then sent it to me to make me believe more where she was) etc . At the end of the day that daughter that she said he bonded with from her ex is hers, the “ex” husband isn’t and ex (although she still claims they are divorced. I had it checked out and they are 100 percent legally married. i do believe however that they are just together for the kid at this point)I have a lot of reason to believe that she has slept around on me on more than 1 occasion. When she gets mad she “shuts down” as she calls it. She gives me the silent treatment which I never have experienced in any relationship ever. She once said (before our first argument ever) that the meanest and cruelest thing u can ever do to someone is ignore them. It’s true. It makes u feel invisible , like u aren’t worth shit to them, hopeless, depressed. Times I have caught her in a lie and she will do this to me and it kills me so much that I wind up being the one apologizing just to get to reconcile. And it makes me a person I wasnt before her. The reason she is giving me the silent treatment now is because of something so small and dumb, but I could tell she got mad, and in panic mode i start blowing her phone up- calling her constantly and texting non stop. It’s because I know what’s to come. This silence that just kills me on the inside. So I act this way which is wrong and just makes her more stressed out and pissed and everthing goes bad. The crazy part is she has told me that she has had the silent treatment done to her before and knows how it feels. I don’t understand how u can love someone and purposely hurt them. I could never do this to her or anyone I have dated. I think back and a few months into our relationship she made a joke saying she could be a little self center and narcissistic. I knew nothing about narcissistic. I confused it with being vein . She is above average pretty and is very much into her looks. Like no other woman I have dated. She has to have her Botox, her hair done all the time, nails, new clothes, drive a mercades Benz truck that I believe straps her financially. Very image oriented which hey, nothing wrong with that. But how someone just can’t communicate with u, and is never ever wrong, and it’s always everyone else’s fault, I just don’t get it. I’m a man and have no shame owning up to being wrong and apologizing, or seeing things from someone else’s shoes if they say I offended them or hurt them. But her, it’s like that mechanism isn’t there. And u know what the saddest thing is. More than anything I would love my phone to ring right now, or a text to come in from her wanting to talk. I know it’s not healthy and things won’t change, but a part me does want that.. Because when things are good they are way better than any relationship I’ve had. The laughs, the convo, and that doesn’t include the sex. Most amazing ever.. But this is the first time I haven’t caved and texted her after a few days. And after reading so much on how a narcossist mind works , I know she isn’t suffering or feeling down like I am. She is probably out with someone in her supply (or getting new supply) and that’s how it works. I’m sorry about the long post. Guess I kind or just needed to get this out.. Again, thanks for writing he article because I am sure I won’t be getting any closure at all and this explains a little why.

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  22. Hi, I’d like some advice. Me and my wife separated for 7 months 4 years ago as she was depressed and unhappy. I played a part in her decision as I will admit I took her for granted and ignored her depression even though she was put on suicide watch. She had a relationship with a younger man and dragged our 3 children along for the ride. I was literally devastated, and made myself poorly during this time. I slowly picked myself up and moved on myself. This seemed to spark a reaction from her, comparing her new fella with me and not liking the difference. We got close again and ended up back together for 3 years. However, she dumped me before Christmas saying she loves me and cares for me but Is not in love with me. Exactly what she said last time. She’s now been in a relationship with an older guy, who has dumped her 4 times and refuses to be seen in public with her. Won’t accept her fb request. Etc. She’s recently told me she is back on medication for her depression, and seems to be more talkative when her and him have had a row. Not about us, but her ‘little girl lost ‘ attitude on the odd occasion makes me melt and I shower her with positive vibes as I swore that if I ever saw the signs of depression again I would act, not only for her sake but the children’s as well. She has no trouble enjoying herself socially, and her recent behaviour leads me to believe that her mental state is worse than I thought . I’ve been told she gets angry at me (not directly) for interfering, even though I’m not, but she also gets angry if I instigate limited contact. I believe her relationship isn’t helping her, but I can’t and won’t raise that with her. She’s told me on many occasions to move on yet I made the mistake of a one night stand and she found out, and called me a dirty bas**rd and she wasn’t mad at me for doing it, she was mad at the girl as the girl knew we were still married !!. So any advice on my predicament would be appreciated. M.

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  23. It is going on 7 years with my narcissistic/manchild/asshole/Mr perfect. I have video recorded his insane tantrums over the years I guess for my own sanity that no, what i witnessed was not my imagination. I have allowed this fka to ruin my life to the point I’m exhausted.. I have no job and have recently for the first time have bad credit. I feel trapped depressed and sometimes suicidal..the only hope I have is the hope that one day, his senseless tantrums will cause him a heart attack and die.

    Like

  24. Thanks for your article. You describe my former long term Girlfriend exactly in it and I have driven myself absolutelty crazy trying to seek answers since she ended things through not geting her own way 5 months ago. (although I suspect its another fellow she ended it for in reality- same way she met me).

    She met me whilst going to marriage guidance to fix her marriage and was seeing me during all of that secretly, She never wanted her three kids to find any of this out though as they may start to beleive it wasnt their dads fault but her thinking on it in retrospect
    She told me lots of stories about her ex and how terrible he was and im also now wondering how much of that was actually true too.

    She was never ever sorry, ever, never ever wrong ever. Aways tit 4 tat vindictive if felt wronged , very jealous of any interactions i had with opposite sex no matter how innocent including suggesting my nephews wife had a a thing about me because was chatting! I had to hide all inoccent friendships i had with females just to placate her as it wasnt worth the outbursts !

    She transposed her version of reality onto actual reality while bringing up the past frequently and was actualy violent to me on a number of occasions. Once kicking her own elderly dog during an argument causing a fatal complication requiring it to be put to sleep next day at vets, Did she acknowledge this or show remorse for it or feel guilt ? no of course not it was just old age and it was never spoken of again ! ( why on earth didnt I see then ? I sort of pretended it never happened as felt sorry for her )

    It has left me in a terrible terrible place mentally and the sad ironic thing is she has everyone totally completelty fooled around her that Im the villain! It cant be her she is never wrong ! I suspect she has even convinced herself of this too!

    She seems to react to anytihng publicly that i do Where i seem to be geting on with my life , she doesnt like that at all as it shows her hold on me is diminishing.

    Im not perfect by any means but im not like her thank God ! She is superb at what she does and how she manipulates I have to conceed that as I didnt notice it its that subtle at times.

    I was that bad mentally as a result that I sought councelling which was very helpful and revealing having a professionals take on it Councillor told me she has worrying extreme narsisist traits and I need to totally avoid any contact at all.
    There is a particularily serious thing she has done to evidence this which finally opened my eyes to her sick, bitter, twisted, sympathy seeking, justifications and councillor is now logging incidents as she believes this woman will go further and get more extreme, which is pretty worrying actually.
    Councillor told me to try to look at her actions and things done as a reflection of what is deeply wrong with her and not with me because its her that has the problem. this helped as I had been conditioned by Ex to think it wa always me.

    Thank you for your article. Sitting reading some one describe your ex partner to a tee even though they never met them is quite an eye opener, I realsise now i will never ever get closure ever and ive tried to for months to do just that at a terrible mental cost personally.

    Many thanks

    Steve

    Like

  25. Thanks for your article. You describe my former long term Girlfriend exactly in it and I have driven myself absolutelty crazy trying to seek answers since she ended things through not geting her own way 5 months ago. (although I suspect its another fellow she ended it for in reality- same way she met me).

    She met me whilst going to marriage guidance to fix her marriage and was seeing me during all of that secretly, She never wanted her three kids to find any of this out though as they may start to beleive it wasnt their dads fault but her thinking on it in retrospect
    She told me lots of stories about her ex and how terrible he was and im also now wondering how much of that was actually true too.

    She was never ever sorry, ever, never ever wrong ever. Aways tit 4 tat vindictive if felt wronged , very jealous of any interactions i had with opposite sex no matter how innocent including suggesting my nephews wife had a a thing about me because was chatting! I had to hide all inoccent friendships i had with females just to placate her as it wasnt worth the outbursts !

    She transposed her version of reality onto actual reality while bringing up the past frequently and was actualy violent to me on a number of occasions. Once kicking her own elderly dog during an argument causing a fatal complication requiring it to be put to sleep next day at vets, Did she acknowledge this or show remorse for it or feel guilt ? no of course not it was just old age and it was never spoken of again ! ( why on earth didnt I see then ? I sort of pretended it never happened as felt sorry for her )

    It has left me in a terrible terrible place mentally and the sad ironic thing is she has everyone totally completelty fooled around her that Im the villain! It cant be her she is never wrong ! I suspect she has even convinced herself of this too!

    She seems to react to anytihng publicly that i do Where i seem to be geting on with my life , she doesnt like that at all as it shows her hold on me is diminishing.

    Im not perfect by any means but im not like her thank God ! She is superb at what she does and how she manipulates I have to conceed that as I didnt notice it its that subtle at times.

    I was that bad mentally as a result that I sought councelling which was very helpful and revealing having a professionals take on it Councillor told me she has worrying extreme narsisist traits and I need to totally avoid any contact at all.
    There is a particularily serious thing she has done to evidence this which finally opened my eyes to her sick, bitter, twisted, sympathy seeking, justifications and councillor is now logging incidents as she believes this woman will go further and get more extreme, which is pretty worrying actually.
    Councillor told me to try to look at her actions and things done as a reflection of what is deeply wrong with her and not with me because its her that has the problem. this helped as I had been conditioned by Ex to think it wa always me.

    Thank you for your article. Sitting reading some one describe your ex partner to a tee even though they never met them is quite an eye opener, I realsise now i will never ever get closure ever and ive tried to for months to do just that at a terrible mental cost personally.

    Many thanks

    Steve

    Like

  26. Thank you so much Tara. I’ve been so stupid in trying to get closure from my ex narcissist from hell after I was discarded for another guy. There has never been any ownership of the emotional damage she created when our relationship was ended. I’ve been foolish enough to email her and inform her of her personality disorder and the reply was an analysis of what she thought was wrong with me. It doesn’t help that she is a psychiatric nurse as she knows the lingo. Absolutely amazing that all blame goes right back to me! Anyhow, I’ve got to let go as any interaction is just damaging to myself.
    Is there any hope that these women get better if they accept their personality disorder? I’ve read that the chances of recovery from this disorder are very slim.

    Like

  27. My son has been in a relationship with a narcissist for the last year. In the beginning she was a great girl. Fun, smart, and outgoing. In time she displayed her true personality and temperament … Moody, jealous, controlling, egocentric and imo the most important… Lack of empathy.
    She created drama at every opportunity and manipulated his time until he lost contact with his friends and family. He was and is a willing participant despite numerous attempts by me and others who care about him to point out that this relationship is unhealthy.
    She has issued veiled ultimatums concerning his relationship with me and his Dad and by his one admissions has kept him on egg shells for most of the entire year.
    His Dad has a chronic (almost certainly terminal ) health condition. Not once has she asked about his health, or even offered get well wishes (ca diagnosis, surgery and numerous hospitalizations).
    His personality has changed as well…at times he is withdrawn… At other times he is snide.
    The most recent event is that she ended the relationship to “find herself”.. She distanced herself for a few weeks (exploring possible new victims most likely). She continues to contact him and makes tentative plans then cancels at last minute.

    How can I help him realize that this is not normal… Someone who loves you does not abandon you when you are vulnerable?

    Like

  28. Ugh. Thank you thank you THANK YOU. In my relationship, I am a female and my ex was a female. And oh my god, I have never met anyone like her in my entire life. Everything you said above was true. On March 22nd, I finally, after 4 years of crap, had enough.

    She was from NY and I was from PA. She moved in with me for a year and a half and it was the worst 4 1/2 and 1 1/2 years of my life. Things just got progressively worse. She lied, she probably cheated – even though you know she would never admit that! She hurt me more times than I can count. And she pretty much wasted the best years of my life. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to let go. Because I though with my forgiving, loving, attitude, I could somehow fix it. Pisces. Ugh. Anyway through it all she never apologized and when she did, it was simply to appease me. Man, the things I went through with this girl, was crazy. at times, I FELT CRAZY! I couldn’t actually be in a relationship with someone like this right? I mean I must have been doing something wrong! No. She did things, started fights, did unscrupulous things to me and my mom, my dad, my family, my friends, were ALL like, Um hello, ITS HER NOT YOU!!!! On December 2015, she moved back to NYC.

    Anyway, March 22nd comes rolling around, she’s playing games as usual. And I decide I had enough, finally, FINALLY! So I changed my number, blocked her from everything, I mean everything! And she starts calling me and texting me from these apps I don’t even know about. Telling ME she deserves closure. I had to laugh at that. I’ll never have closure. I’ll never know if she cheated. I’ll never know who Carlos is. I’ll never know if she slept with Phil. I’ll never know why she chose me out of the millions of people in the world, to be with. I’ll never know if she ever really loved me. I’ll never really know if this was a game all along. etc.

    My mom says I don’t owe her anything. And I keep feeling like that. But, then I also feel guilty. Its like the angel and the devil. One shoulder – give her what she wants. The other shoulder – NO!

    2 weeks goes by and she finally sucks me back in, partially. I don’t feel ashamed saying that to you guys, because, well you know what its like. The promises, the fake I’m sorry’s, the words. Words! Nothing but words. Words at this point mean crap but she sucked me back in anyway! Finally, I talk to her, not wholly, but we start talking more than I meant to. Its day 3, and here we go again. Lies, silent treatment, blah blah blah. On Tuesday, April 5th. She finally really definitely broke me. She cracked me right in half. I called her damaged, I told her this was all her fault and could have easily been fixed if she wanted to change. I mean not to blow smoke up my own ass, but I was a really good gf. We could have had a really GOOD life. If the shoe was on the other foot, and it has been, I would do everything and anything I could to be better, do better, change, etc. But, she has no interest in that. Honestly? I feel bad for her. You’re right, she is forever going to be alone. Even if she finds someone else to be with, she won’t be able to hide this hideous being forever. Eventually, she will run everyone off. And that to me is damn sad. Just the same, I was wondering today as I was taking a break between this positive thinking video I was watching (Norman Vincent Peale) and I thought, does she actually deserve closure or not?

    Came to your article. And I came to my senses. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you for making me see I shouldn’t be beating myself up. Thank you for allowing me to be self-aware again, that people like that, don’t not only deserve closure but that you can never really GET closure from a person / for a person like that. I have not talked to her since the 5th and I feel no need to. Really. I tried a million times to help this person, to help her change, to be loving towards her no matter what, to be kind, to walk on egg shells, to be forgiving, etc. And it did….. absolutely… nothing. Not on my end anyway. Not for my benefit. All it did was hurt me more.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Ugh. Thank you thank you THANK YOU. In my relationship, I am a female and my ex was a female. And oh my god, I have never met anyone like her in my entire life. Everything you said above was true. On March 22nd, I finally, after 4 years of crap, had enough.

    She was from NY and I was from PA. She moved in with me for a year and a half and it was the worst 4 1/2 and 1 1/2 years of my life. Things just got progressively worse. She lied, she probably cheated – even though you know she would never admit that! She hurt me more times than I can count. And she pretty much wasted the best years of my life. That’s one of the reasons I didn’t want to let go. Because I though with my forgiving, loving, attitude, I could somehow fix it. Pisces. Ugh. Anyway through it all she never apologized and when she did, it was simply to appease me. Man, the things I went through with this girl, was crazy. at times, I FELT CRAZY! I couldn’t actually be in a relationship with someone like this right? I mean I must have been doing something wrong! No. She did things, started fights, did unscrupulous things to me and my mom, my dad, my family, my friends, were ALL like, Um hello, ITS HER NOT YOU!!!! On December 2015, she moved back to NYC.

    Anyway, March 22nd comes rolling around, she’s playing games as usual. And I decide I had enough, finally, FINALLY! So I changed my number, blocked her from everything, I mean everything! And she starts calling me and texting me from these apps I don’t even know about. Telling ME she deserves closure. I had to laugh at that. I’ll never have closure. I’ll never know if she cheated. I’ll never know who Carlos is. I’ll never know if she slept with Phil. I’ll never know why she chose me out of the millions of people in the world, to be with. I’ll never know if she ever really loved me. I’ll never really know if this was a game all along. etc.

    My mom says I don’t owe her anything. And I keep feeling like that. But, then I also feel guilty. Its like the angel and the devil. One shoulder – give her what she wants. The other shoulder – NO!

    2 weeks goes by and she finally sucks me back in, partially. I don’t feel ashamed saying that to you guys, because, well you know what its like. The promises, the fake I’m sorry’s, the words. Words! Nothing but words. Words at this point mean crap but she sucked me back in anyway! Finally, I talk to her, not wholly, but we start talking more than I meant to. Its day 3, and here we go again. Lies, silent treatment, blah blah blah. On Tuesday, April 5th. She finally really definitely broke me. She cracked me right in half. I called her damaged, I told her this was all her fault and could have easily been fixed if she wanted to change. I mean not to blow smoke up my own ass, but I was a really good gf. We could have had a really GOOD life. If the shoe was on the other foot, and it has been, I would do everything and anything I could to be better, do better, change, etc. But, she has no interest in that. Honestly? I feel bad for her. You’re right, she is forever going to be alone. Even if she finds someone else to be with, she won’t be able to hide this hideous being forever. Eventually, she will run everyone off. And that to me is damn sad. Just the same, I was wondering today as I was taking a break between this positive thinking video I was watching (Norman Vincent Peale) and I thought, does she actually deserve closure or not?

    Came to your article. And I came to my senses. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you for making me see I shouldn’t be beating myself up. Thank you for allowing me to be self-aware again, that people like that, don’t not only deserve closure but that you can never really GET closure from a person / for a person like that. I have not talked to her since the 5th and I feel no need to. Really. I tried a million times to help this person, to help her change, to be loving towards her no matter what, to be kind, to walk on egg shells, to be forgiving, etc. And it did….. absolutely… nothing. Not on my end anyway. Not for my benefit. All it did was hurt me more.

    Liked by 1 person

    • OMG you have said EXACTLY everything I’ve been going through with my ex wife (I’m also female). I married this woman thinking if I just loved her and supported her enough, she’d be able to change her ways, but all she did was treat me like dog shit and take and take and take. She was never willing or even capable of meeting any of my needs no matter how much pain she caused me. SAME thing about the cheating. I will never know for sure but she was ALWAYS talking to some dudes and would get all defensive about it anytime I’d ask about it. She never cared about my feelings or how much pain she caused me. I finally moved out about 3 1/2 weeks ago and am still trying to get over her. I still find myself missing her (because mixed in with all the bad stuff, there were some good times, too), feeling sympathy for her and feeling like maybe there was more I could have done to make it work with her, maybe I could have put up with it or “get used to it”… but after she called me a cunt and told me to go f*** myself when I asked her if she was dating already, I remembered why I left in the first place. This woman will ultimately be left alone with herself without any true love and happiness in her life because she runs everyone into the ground. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps to know other people have been through the exact same thing.

      Like

  30. It’s like this could have been written directly to me. So true. I could be flat broke and she knew it and still would beg me to go out to eat breakfast when she knew I didn’t have two pennies to scrape together, then blame me for being selfish. If she knew I had to work at 7am she would be awake in the middle of the night yelling at me that I don’t really love her be chase I didn’t hold her tight enough. I could go on and on and on and thank god I’m free of her with no children and all of my faculties intact!!

    Like

  1. Pingback: There Is No Closure with a Narcissistic or Borderline Woman – Cluster B Survivor

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