What Does the Bible Say About Narcissistic Behavior?

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  1. Living my lifetime (46 years) with the first things I can remember after my siblings left was that I wasn’t going to be like, ****** **** or ***** ***! This was from the age of about 10 years old. The middle sibling was always described as having something against us. That one was put into a correctional facility to “straighten her up” the oldest one found God early in his adult life. Praise God for that because my Momma had the opportunity to go to church much more and that is the time that I really started hearing God! With an alcoholic father and what I know now as narcissistic abuse of all Daddy demanded from her and still to this day, I see the damage is has caused my family. They are 71 and I know Momma will finally have peace and happiness in heaven. But how can daddy ever give his severe narcissistic traits over to God when he has the “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!!!”, Mentality? He has always demanded that I sit down so he could Tell My Mama and I thought it was going to be. And this last time at my age of 46 and he proceeded to tell me that I was the only one with dysfunction in my life and that livingroom that I sat in only contained one person with dysfunctional life and that person should turn their finger back at their self and that would be me pointing my finger back in my face to show myself that the only person that needed help was me. I killed myself with 3 bottles of my Momma’s elavil in February of 2009. God, my Wonderful Father sent Jesus to the hell that I sent myself to because I was tired of worldly pain that people put each other through to feel like Superior beings… Jesus brought me back and I know that God has a better path ahead of me. Please keep my daddy in prayer. Please keep us in prayer. My Momma is at the point in her life that she just wants her baby girl to keep the peace and make my Daddy happy. And I see the disappointment in my momma’s eyes every time I can’t just let him run his mouth. Putting blame on everybody except his self. God could and can help him fall upon his knees and just give it all to God. I am a witness to the goodness that God can do! I apologise for this lengthy comment.

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  2. In reality, there is narcissus in a soul of every human being, of course in different proportions and consciousness of such existence. 😢

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  3. I have been dealing with this for more than 15 years. I did not understand what was happening to me until 2 1/2 years ago. At that time I began to study and read about this sickness. It is like going to war in your house every day. The mental gymnastics, the trickery, the manipulation, the deceit is so totally taxing to my soul. I understand the term “vexation of the soul.” All of this while I trying to raise up a Godly generation of four. I am stronger now because I understand what is going on and the attacks get stronger because this person knows I know what they are doing. I do aIot of “gray rock”. I mirror what they dish out. So when the “ghosting” happens I ghost, too. When the circular conversations happen, I mirror the same thing and they hate it. There is my chance to say, if you do not like it why do you think I like it. The biggest problem I have with this person occurs when they throw the bible in to justify foolishness and sin.

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  4. This is my mother too. My brother and sister and i are finally in recovery around her illnesses. Right now she is doing her ugly dance in the corner and we are loving her from afar and helping her in her old age, while she continues to make us into horrible people. Sad.

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  5. To make a long story short….a group of psychopaths I know have “found God”, and are manipulating a Pastor (who should know better because I warned her). I guess there’s nothing like that ol’ black magic of brainwashing that they excel at!

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  6. It is so good to read this from a Christian perspective. I’m a middle aged single mom who has been on the receiving end of NPD abuse since birth. The abusers were all in the church, often in leadership roles and extremely “spiritual”. Always charismatic and appearing like very strong Christians that everyone would go to for help. This adds a whole layer of abuse (spiritual) which is so hard to discern for a long time for a child/adult who wants nothing more than to please the Lord. It was all so ingrained as a young child and multiple times I repeated the abuse cycle with men in the church. I have had too many friends with the same experience. It is imperative that true church leaders today have indepth understanding of NPD. There are narcissists prevalent in the church pews, not to mention in leadership roles, and they are not there to grow in their relationship with the Lord. When a victim desperately needs support to get out of the abuse and for people in the church to know the truth, it is rare that she (or he) isn’t shut down by victim blaming, and it’s twice as devastating.

    Due to the effects of years of trauma, my kids and I today are dealing with what, some days, feels like insurmountable issues. Because I am unable to work, the financial dependence is the most difficult obstacle in moving forward and being completely free. Looking back helps me be very grateful for how far we have come, even though the road to health and wholeness still seems long. I appreciate this article very much.

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  7. This is my daugthers father.. Everything I just read is him to the mother freaking T…. I had no idea! What am I going to do!

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  8. This is my mother. Covert narcissist. Took me 48 years to see it. Her mask came off. I have seen the mask of two narcissists fall off. Their eyes are black. Void. Darkness. They have no soul. None. They are denims. Real life demons. You must get away from them at all costs. Their end game is destruction. They are satans minions.

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    • Wow your description sounds so much like my experience… not with my mother but with someone else..

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    • They are satans minions straight from the pit of hell. However, they are also victims of something traumatic that made them this way, kinda sad.
      Like the bible says, stay away.

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      • I am a stubborn person, I have come to realize that I am an empath. Always seeing the best in people, never giving up. Over the past few years one of these demons has entered my life. He has tried to destroy my finances, reputation and soul. He has tried to push drugs on me, steals, lies and ruins everything he comes in contact with. Through the power of prayer and inner strength, I have gone no contact. Not for him, but for me. Why did God burn Sodom and Gamorrah? He didn’t say oh stay and help these poor people, God said “Get out and don’t turn back”, and if these minions of satan are in your life you should do the same no matter what. There is no redemption for their evil. You can forgive them and wish them no harm, but you also owe it to yourself to be free and away from their demonic influence. God will give them what is due them as he sees fit. Get away and don’t ever turn back.

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      • D – I totally agree…I believe these narcissists are human shells for the demonic. They are pure evil, highly dangerous and as directed by Scripture “Stay away”. I thank Jesus for pulling me out of that darkness and through the comfort of the Holy Spirit I am healing each day. I pray for all victims of Satan and his demons in these last days. They are defeated foes. God Bless Kelly –

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  9. This fits someone in my family to a T. Very helpful article in helping me work through the ways this person thinks and sees life. Also very discouraging because it doesn’t appear to have a great deal of hope for change in the narcissistic behavior. Once a narcissist always a narcissist? I sure hope not.

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    • There is always hope in the Lord? Through prayer and fasting if one is able, miracles happen.

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      • All things are possible with God….the cycle of.the.narcissist is a downward spiral of.self.destruction but every comment I have read here or elsewhere, says to stay away and have nothing to do with them. I see why but there is hope for.the narc. There is am loving way to bring them out of. their evil state to where they should be……prayer and sacrifice can be used as intercession for one who cannot help themselves.

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  10. Thankyou so much! Can I just ask , if it is a narcissistic Pastor, are they really born again.

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  11. This is so scary because when I read through this I see exactly what my husband is, it is not easy for me, I love him but he undermines me, he doesn’t value me, wants me and the kids to be happy only when he is. He doesn’t care about how I feel, even when I’m sick he never cares but in the beginning he was loving and caring to me and my kids. I don’t know what God wants me to do but I’m dependant on him financially because I’m still looking for a job. Please pray with me and help me find a job.

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    • Praying for all narcissistic individuals their families and friends.

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    • I pray for you and your kids and I am a 46 year old kid of one. My parents are 71 and my mother lived with it her entire marriage to him and is still but he’s got her trained well and I am the baby girl that still should keep her mouth shut and watch as the abuse continues! And I pray to God that he is not also an alcoholic or a drug addict because if he’s able to give those up the narcissistic abuse will still continue and you and those precious kids will be the reason for anything he has a problem with for as long as his eyes stays close to his own choice! And once again you have my prayers and your kids and that husband of yours.

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    • I will certainly be praying for you and myself. I don’t have children of minor age in the marriage. 4 years ago they elected to live with their father. They have since all graduated from high school. I’m now thankful because they didn’t have to witness my pain and hurt. I’ve only been married to my present Narcissistic husband 4 years.

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      • I’m praying for you too and I’m glad your children didn’t have to see your pain and hurt! I’ve been married to mine for 18 years and my eyes were just opened to this evil just a couple of months ago. The covert narssistic is the evil if them all but let’s believe together that we’ll thrive!! Ill recommend try to listen to youtube videos by Dr Linda Martinez-Lewi https://youtu.be/hQaDfw65t4E

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  12. Thank you for this wonderful article.
    I met this man of 60 years…… very educated with a degree as a pastor and further studies in psychology. ( ?? If i can believe it)
    He claimed to be divorced as he wife is a narcissist. At this tine I did not even know this word or the meaning.
    He treated me with so much respect and I felt safe and at home. Within a week he told me he loves me and I am his long awaiting “soulmate”. I started to trust him and confined in him in such a way that he started to educate and councel me. He send me many wapp and duscussed the ego psychology, soulmate lecture, operates through how holy he is a man from God and how to enjoy sone me time with God alone.. Within a day he phoned and wapp me with the news that his grown up children dont like me. They accused me as a nervoys wreck, very bad behaviour no sense of goodness in me and I am a misfit to him and many more ugly bad thing. I was so much hurt as I am just a normal honest person. Now he wants to end the relationship as he is going to protect me from his children and rather give me up ……but he will love me for ever!! Within an hour he blocked me from wapp.
    I felt so much hurt but accepted it and thought woh ….. what kind of love is this???? I never contacted him.
    10 days later he phoned me and said he knows what he wants in life and he wants to to see me. At this time I was on my way to Caoe Town for a 10 days. He was suppose to spend it with me. He was also not very happy to hear tgat regardles of what happened between us I managed to cgange our bookings and re arrange my own visit.
    He tgen asked me if he can fetch me from the airport on the day of return. I agreed and thought ok …. maybe he soryed his children out!!! He started to contactme daiky as he use to do and akso start planning our next holiday and all the things we are going to do together. A week later …. i am still on holiday he send me a wapp and said he had a family meeting and during thus he realised ge made a lust of his perfect partner in life a year ago and this came up in this meeting. He realised I do not tick any of these boxes and he can not go through with our relationship as we are not compatible. He even went to see his psychologist that heloed him through hus divorce and he agreed I am no good!!!
    He even send this list to me via wapp and that he is not going to communicate with me through wapp anymore as this is my weakest spot ……I can not communicate. He instantly again blocked me from his wapp. I must send him a miss call and he will phone back to speak and communicate with me.
    I have not contacted him and I googled his behaviour and your website came up with the word narcissism. I would like you to answer me if he is a narcissist as I believe so now and can he be a threat to me as I am feeling sort of scared as i think he is not getting the response from me that he needs to feel to be in control

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  13. Im comming to grips with god has been trying to tell me about this marriage and what or who I married never knowing there were people out there who do this until one day a post came up during my biblestudy saying does your husband direspect you and here are the signs of why i keep feeling the way i doand god has been tryi g to tell me from the first time i actually was going to go on my first date with him I had so many red flags and he pulled me in with his charm and I feel the same I didnt want to listen to anyone when i should of now im here 7 years later trying to get healthy and finally trying to get away from him why do u keep believing it will change when in reality it never does? Ty so much for all the topics advice etc.on this

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    • Same here. Be prepared for how nasty an evil person is when you take your life back. They will not let you go easily without damage unless they found someone to replace you. If you have young children they will use them against you forever. If you have no children with this person, count yourself very blessed. Don’t ever let anyone in your church tell you your suppose to submit to an abusive partner. Leave them that they might repent. Seek, fast, and be still in the counsel of God’s word. You are the head, not the tail. You are adored beloved whom is the Apple of God’s eye. The consequences for disobedience is God teaching you, guiding you and thank him for drawing you near to him and teaching you. You are not alone!!!

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  14. Why do they make you feel like your the narcissistic one when your planning to leave them ? For the abuse they did to you? And say youll never find anyone out there like me Im the best man around and make you feel so guilty ?

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  15. I would like to know how to pray for a person like this. I have a family married to said person and will not leave because they do not want to hurt said person? Or how do I pray for my family involved with said person?
    Thanks T

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  16. Vanessa Stirling

    It reads like TODAY’S NEWS!

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  17. What excellent information. Thank you! I wish I had seen this before November 8th to share with other Christians. Many people don’t have any idea what narcissism is, how to recognize it or how very dangerous it is.

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  18. What excellent information. Thank you! I wish I had seen this before the election to share with other Christians. Many people don’t have any idea what narcissism is, how to recognize it or how very dangerous it is.

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    • If you are inferring that President Trump is a Narcissist…..I beg to differ with you-
      I know the mainstream media like to throw that term out there along with a lot of other ones that honestly are not warrented towards him…. As they miscontrue and unfairly distort everything Donald Trump stands for to meet their narrative.
      Now….I can understand that Trumps personality might rub some the wrong way. He can come off as overly confident and bombastic iwill give you that. You either like his personality and see the good in him like I do— or you dont— But the man does have a lot of goodness in him – but if you’ve already allowed yourself to be brainwashed against him and are committed to loathing him –most likely you will never see his many good qualities!…And with Trump— he is what you see…..He’s himself—- not a wolf in sheep’s clothing which is way more sinister!
      He dosnt have TWO DIFFERENT FACES like the majority of politicians on both sides of the isle. So he’s not politically correct– hallaluya!!! At least he’s not two faced !!!
      ……And Trump is NOT a Narcissist
      He’s overly confident yes—but you can see the love respect and adoration he has for his wife. He is capable of true caring and love for a woman— and the man has compassion and empathy for people—– that is so apparent– if you are paying attention to the things he’s doing- and watching once in a while some fair and balanced news sources you would be able to see that. So…..someone capable of loving and caring about others– someone who can feel empathy for others as Donald Trump DOES is the exact opposite of a Narcissist.!

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  19. Describes T.Baldwin perfectly.

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  20. Wow. This was my life. I wished I had been able to see it coming. But instead I was the perfect victim. Trusting, young believing the best out of someone. I had no idea how sick a mind could be in controlling and another person or how sick an twisted their thoughts of others could be. I truly didn’t understand. But thru this I became deeply depressed and trapped for 18 years. And for the past two years suffered with self blame. Nice to be reassured that I wasn’t crazy but instead a victim.

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  21. Thanks so much for your awesome article it helps me to know that it’s not me which I was blaming myself not good enough not smart enough do everything wrong but thank you for enlightening me now I know it’s not me my friend has diabetes he’s an alcoholic and he’s narcissistic so that’s three mind altering illnesses thank you so much now what I do is just lean on the Lord to help me understand and not ever letting another one in my life again

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  22. The bible is FULL of information about it! For more info: http://www.jw.org/en (also in many other languages). Romans chapter 1 for example.
    Psalm 10 is also a very interesting chapter: it explains the reason why they don’t obey god: they think they can get away with whatever they do. Verse 4 – In his haughtiness, the wicked man makes no investigation; All his thoughts are: “There is no God.”verse 7 – 11 His mouth is full of curses, lies, and threats;+
    Under his tongue are trouble and injury.+
    8 He waits in ambush near the settlements;
    From his hiding place he kills an innocent one.+
    ע [Ayin]
    His eyes are watching for an unfortunate victim.+
    9 He waits in his hiding place like a lion in its lair.*+
    He waits to seize the helpless one.
    He seizes the helpless one when he pulls his net shut.+
    10 The victim is crushed and brought down;
    The unfortunate ones fall into his clutches.*
    11 He says in his heart: “God has forgotten.+
    He has turned away his face.
    He never notices.”+

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  23. Jim Birkenbach

    I would like a hard copy of this topic..very informative.

    Thank You,
    Jim Birkenbach

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  24. I am a Christian and My father in law is a textbook narcissist. He has hated me for 8 years ever since I called him out in disrespecting his son (my husband). You can tell he hates me with a passion and only tolerates me to see his grandkids. We see him about once a month out of obligation. But he is still very rude to my husband when he sees he can’t control us. I called him out on it a few days ago and of course he blasted me. I just won’t allow this man (he’s in his 50’s) to demean his adult son any longer. My husband told me he just ignores it but that is why he gets away with treating people like crap all the time and I won’t put up with it anymore. I see what a toxic person he is and am constantly conflicted in how I should handle him. I keep reading about going “no contact” but that goes against “honoring your father and mother”. What should we do?

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    • You can’t fight Fire with fire. Meaning you can’t fight evil with evil. Its very hard to be in a situation like this because it’s family. Once a month, or even once a year can to a nightmare. now either you’re going to do this GOD’s way or you’re going to do this you’re way. If you do it your way your going to tap in to bitterness and hatred. This will make you sick and ruin your relationship with your husband. You will eventually disrespect him because he doesn’t defend himself. When you honor a father in spite of, his actions you fulfill the word of God. Do you want to be right with God? Then honor him. If you’re nor praying you won’t be able to do this. You overcome evil with love. To do this you need the love of God. Prayer will give you insight on how to deal with him.
      Somewhere along his life he was rejected and delved into bitterness and hatred. Anyway someone has to break this cycle. I pray you do the right thing for your soul sake.

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    • Hi, Jill. I thought at first you were describing my father! I do not live near my father, but my brother, his wife, and their kids live very close to him. However they have basically no contact with him. My sis-in-law does not want to expose her children to his narcissistic behavior: his lies, his emotional instability, his selfishness, etc. And you’re right, it’s hard to find the balance between that and “honoring your father.” My brother still tries to speak respectfully and calmly whenever he speaks to our father (although that doesn’t have much effect on a narcissist, it seems.) So I would suggest that you and your husband do what is best for your kids. You may feel that it is dangerous to have him around them. But you can still attempt to be respectful and direct with him. Even though as I said, narcissists will still react badly to any kind of “threatening” response, even if it is presented respectfully.
      I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I hope things get better for your family!

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    • First of all, let me say that I admire your strength of character and your ability to stand up to him like that. I’m no Counselor or Pastor, a friend of mine is and I’ll pass this on to her. For what it’s worth, don’t let anyone try to shut you down by making you question your Christian faith if you take a stand to protect your family and your husband from any toxic influence by inlaws that can be very manipulative. I would think that it’s time that your husband stands up to his father and shows that he will not tolerate anything that causes ill-will or anxiety, tension or even an atmosphere that causes the children to feel scared or even uncomfortable while your father in-law is present. That is where the most harm can be done. The kids pick up on this sort of thing and those crucial first years need to be tension free. I’ve at least read enough books that tell me that normal serotonin and dopamine build up in the brain only comes from happy times and joyful mental stimulation. I have my own experience with being raised as a single child of Austrian descent who both were severely scared by WW2. Childhood needs to have healthy interaction with other kids and there must be no fighting amongst adults. You father in-law must earn the right to visit those kids and he better not manipulate you into thinking that he is the one that has the right. Unless you owe him something where he uses that against you or bullies his way into seeing the Grand Children I would have your Husband set things straight that unless he recognizes you as a separate family unit and needs to earn that right, respect his son and respect you (his generation probably prefers women to “keep silent”, then he just doesn’t get to visit the kids. Besides, again, kids pick up on this and would probably feel uncomfortable or maybe even a bit scared; I certainly would not leave them alone with him. If you see no reason why he shouldn’t respect or love his son (your husband) then he isn’t the type of individual who I would want my kids to spend any time with. The big thing here is that there is disharmony and right away that is a “virus” that you don’t want to expose the kids to. Somehow your husband hasn’t stood up to his father yet and that needs to happen. I’ve spoken to married couples who told me that their father or their spouse’s father weaseled his influence into their marriage by coming on strong with giving financial help in the beginning, only to become a “control friek” later on and caused a lifetime of regret. Anyway, I hope I haven’t been out of line here. May the Lord bring about healing and a humble spirit to your father in-law.

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    • Ephasians 6

      1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2“Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3“that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
      4And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

      This extra phrase ‘fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath’ helped me lots. It took me way to long to make the decision to end the contact with my father. In the end I asked God to take care of him after I literally got sick of my father. No contact gives so much peace to your life. You will have more energy left to take better care of others.

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    • The hardest decision in the world is to go no contact with a father. You go no contact with the ‘ disease ‘ to save the only person you can and that is yourself.

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  25. Thank you for this insightful and soul repairing article. I have been through hell with family members who have NPD. Everything in this article is so spot on and the biblical parallel is so reassuring. After being away from my immediate family for 20 years, I moved to be with them after the sudden loss of my husband. I cannot begin to describe the almost total destruction of my life trying to “fit in” again with these people. Mainly this concerns my siblings who are steps and halfs. Everything the Apostle Paul describes is what I have been through with these people, so much so that I checked myself into mental care a little over a year ago. Things are much better now as I have no contact with these sibs and continue to heed the advice of my counselor. The pain and betrayal is something that I pray God will release me from, it is my daily prayer. I find myself seeking out information such as this when I begin to doubt my decision to no longer be a part of my family. It is reassuring to read and know that I am not the “crazy” one. I am working hard on forgiving myself, because I feel I let these people steal all that was good in me. I know with my continued hard work and faith in God I will be able to love myself again and forge healthier relationships. Thank you for the opportunity to share.

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  26. Thanks for your time explaining all about the malicious Narcissists. I am one of the victims. I am a slave in My own home .I am powerless, nothing works fo r me. I trained as a driver since 20005 and yet I don’t drive till now on.I live with a narcissist husband and i work with some agencies which I got a signed to a narcissist client.so I can see myself drowning in a deep ocean of whales.I even decided to move to my leaving room to sleep on the couch,but still it doesn’t seem to help.I could see my husband standing in front of me while am in a deep sleep. As soon as he realizes that I saw him,he would pretend as if nothing happens and walk away. I now have the third learners permit and there is still no hope of me getting my drivers licence. I am an empath who is vulnerable from all the corners and it really worry me because it has affected my older son who is 17yrs old.please if there’s any sort of help

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  27. Quite interesting article! I was in this “trap” for years, the saddest part is we have a child (he doesn’t see him much) but this behavior truly hurts our son (who is now 13) if his dad does “decide” to touch bases with him.
    It’s very difficult as his dad blames his “leaving” multiple times to my behavior.
    I know at some point my son will understand what’s really going on , yet in the meantime it is devastating to my child and he feels at fault. What a horrible way to live, I am grateful for the information finally coming out about this illness! God bless:)

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  28. I was in a narcissistic relationship for six years with a man who claimed to be a Christian. Everything was about him. His fits of rage were beyond words. He would spit on his bible, curse God when he didnt get his way and then proudly stroll into church the next morning as if nothing happened. we ended up living in a hotel homeless after losing 4000 square foot house that he couldn’t afford. only by the grace of God he was arrested for fraudulent financial activity and God released me from the relay the faux relationship. I didn’t think I would ever get out of it. God had to personally hand deliver me wickedness of that man.

    your article touches on every aspect of what I experienced. thank you for validating me and the terrible pain I suffered.

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  29. Thank you so much! I will be sure to look it up on kindle and read it.

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  30. Not all narcissist are men. I was with a narcissistic women for two years and gave up everything for her including almost my life. I am still trying to recover. I go back and forth between wanting revenge and wanting to see her hit bottom. I truly know I will never see either one. My last words to her was that I won’t let her kill me like she did her husband. Her husband committed suicide and I blame her because she kept stringing him along offering false hope during the time she was seeing me. We were together for 14 months before I found out the truth that she was still married. My advice to anyone who has doubts about the women they are seeing is to pay attention to your gut instinct it is usually right on.

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    • I’m right with you Henry, I was with an ex girlfriend for a a consistent 7 yrs or so. My situation varied due to the fact that we have a daughter who is now 8. First few years were fine, but I drove truck, still do, but locally the past 3 years. So with me being in and out a lot, I didn’t know or see a lot, but with general activity I had my suspicion s. After the 7 th year, we were on again off again. Everything just kept getting uglier, and she even got the kids involved. She had 2 others with different fathers. Anyway her oldest daughter who is 23 is basically her gate keeper. Her daughter is just as bad as the mom if not worse. I have wanted to get as far away as I could, but if I did our daughter would be in more brain washed trouble if I didn’t at least stay in the neighborhood. She s already been trying to manipulate the crap out of our daughter and that kills me every time. I’m still twisted around myself, trying to make things work for my daughter and myself trying to neutralize any nonsense that comes our way. The lying, manipulation, using. What Doesn’t Make It any better. I do believe in God and going to church. But just to empower that self ego, she goes to church also, she’s suddenly all about the church. She just uses that as a tool as empowerment of self entitlement. That’s apparently her new victim. And I only say that because I know how she truly works. Honesty that in itself is scary. Because she also has family courts believing her non sense.

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    • I was and still am married to someone who suffers from such disorder. Before this man came into my life i was a confident woman and full of life & dreams…….
      Shortly after wooing me off my feet…….this man kept finding faults with everything that i am ……if i tried to leave he would change for a day or two and then the demon would be back….no empathy….no conscious…no true emotions….lost and trapped i almost committed suicide twice…..but my god intervened and stopped me on both occasions by coming across a helpful scripture at just the right instant…..thing is that i didn’t want to die….i wanted life….but i was so trapped and this man played so many mind games with me that had he himself killed me…in the end he would have convinced me that it was me who did it…..that is how good they are at their own game…….next month our divorce should be finalized….and i see that he is trying to play with my head again to stop the divorce so he can keep toying with me…..but no way….once you see what they really are…..there is no going back. Ever

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  31. I love this reading it is such great knowledge considering my experience in dealing with a mother and sister narcissism All I can say is thank you Jesus. This has really helped me and I will continue to study this in to learn more about my family’s history. I am writing a book about my experience in dealing with this behavior with my family. It has been a great challenge in my life. But with the. Lord by my side he will see me through. God bless. Sharlene

    Liked by 1 person

    • Me TOO moment. I have that same dynamic and reading about it gives clarity. I want to understand and handle them appropriately while keeping my heart safe and balancing civility

      Like

  32. Was die Entschließung angeht, über die wir abstimmen wollen, so enthält sie keine großen Neuigkeiten.

    Like

  33. I think spiritual blindness plays into this as well. They can’t see themselves how they really are. I’m a mother of two under two and this article is the closest I’ve come across to what I’ve have been experiencing the last seven years. Since I recently had two children in the last two years it has gotten much worse. Unbearable. I believe the children took my focus off him to much. I’m in a hopeless situation and I don’t know how to help him.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Angela, may I encourage you to immediately give him an ultimatum that requires him to commit to counseling and progress toward change? I have been married to a man I love for 23 years and have seen my children and myself deeply wounded by his behavior. I believe there is still hope for God to redeem his life and our marriage but I KNOW I should have stepped in many years ago when I saw him sinning and was too afraid to insist on change. Please do not give in to fear. If he is willing to let God work in his life your future is brighter, and if he is not willing, you and your precious children will be less hurt without him. I am not suggesting divorce, but that you insist on change or him leaving. I pray for your protection and that God would wrap you in his love and give you wisdom.

      Like

      • This is what passes for “Christian” advice? Based on what she says there is no indication of “abuse” or “danger.” The Bible is clear on how she is supposed to behave but you suggest the precise opposite when there is no indication whatsoever for an “ultimatum” or to throw her weight around. She is stressed about her young kids and you want to damage her marriage so she can unstress? What an outrageous suggestion straight from the mouth of the serpent.

        Like

    • Been married to a narcissist for 28 years and only discovered in the past year that all this drama and trauma had a name, NPD. I could write you a book.

      Like

      • I am at almost 27 years with my husband. My story is the same as yours. I have been incredibly blessed to have excellent Christian counselors and a pastor/pastor’s wife that see clearly what is going on. We are still all trying to figure it out moving forward but the support for the first time in my life is so amazing.

        Like

    • Help you and your children..that is in your circle of control. He will…or most likely will not help himself, but that isn’t yours to own. Protect truth and love for you and your children…they deserve to be brought up in love and from true love.
      I know first hand what you may be feeling as I was trying to fix and help mine for 14 years only to find out, that the evil he possesses is not fixable by me or man, but by God and in God… If chosen. I have hate for him at times, but I pray that away to pray for him…. All while I’m focusing on me and my child because God trusted me with a precious gift and I intend to give that gift my all everyday.
      Pray…every spare moment… There is a light at the end of it all. I am praying for you too.

      Like

  34. I have been on a 30 year journey through bi-polar disorder and a PTSD diagnosis that I spent twelve years denieing. Fortunately, I entered into counseling with a woman who never professed faith to me but who recognized that it was primarily my faith that had brought me to a higher level of healing than she customarily sees. She new what had me “stuck” and was preventing me from progressing further, but she was patient and simply “allowed me” to see it. I came to recognize and accept that my childhood trauma is what had caused total relational dysfuntion in my life; despite the fact that my relationship with Christ, first, and relationships with others is what I most valued.

    In the past, when reading the Bible, or anything for that matter, my mind has tended to apply the infirmation to others rather than myself. Praise God He revealed that to me and has turned it around; so that now I foucus on how what I’m reading can help me transform further into that wich He created me to be. At the same time, my compassion for others has been greatly strengthened, ESPECIALLY for the narcissistic people in my life.
    Most if this article showed me how much I really have changed. 30 years ago, most of these descriptions would have applied to me in one way or another. But what I am most greatful for is the revelation that I still need some sculpting, I am still very “headstrong”. The revelation gives me a new area to change through the power, love and mercy of Jesus Christ, this too will be a part of my past, for the glory and honor of HIS name.

    Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  35. The freedom from him, felt much better than the time spent with him.It was no comparison.

    Like

  36. Thank you so much for posting this article. There is a huge void within the church (as a whole) regarding teaching about people like this. In my experience, most counselors or pastors that are counseling individuals and couples don’t know enough about this type of abuse. I was raised by a Narc/ BPD stepfather and there was NEVER anyone that my mom could confide in, that would give her the correct biblical counsel regarding her abusive marriage. It seems that there is always the belief that forgiveness and reconciliation is the goal. You can forgive but you cannot reconcile with these people because its all a game to them. I currently have a Narc in my life on my husband’s side who is without remorse, empathy, concern etc for anyone but herself, including her small children. I have pretty much walked away from my church because the biblical counselors don’t understand what this is like, and continue to teach reconciliation. After being raised for 16 yrs by someone like this, i know its impossible to fix. I have also watched a good friend be “sidelined” by the church when she discovered that she was married to a Narc. He’s very charming and very convincing, and he had the pastoral staff fooled. The pastors called my girlfriend to try to help reconcile their marriage, although after a while she was POSITIVE it couldn’t be saved. Because Narc hubby was saying all the right things, the church treated her like she abandoned her marriage and that she was the one who destroyed her family. Its very sad, and it hurts so much to be destroyed first by these Narcs, then destroyed again when you realize you have no one left, even your church family.

    Liked by 4 people

  37. Thank you for posting this. I believe that there is considerable misunderstanding within the church regarding these personality types. Most churches will teach forgiveness and reconciliation in all circumstances. What is not well understood is that these people will “play along” with your attempt to forgive and reconcile if it makes them look good, but their hearts are without the ability or desire to see lasting change. They LIKE the relationship in all it’s turmoil. I’ve sort of stepped back from my church due to this exact situation, and feeling like I’m the bad guy because I refuse to “kiss and makeup” with an abusive family member in my husbands side. I was raised by a person just like this so I know what comes next. There is no true reconciling. I wish more pastors and church counselors were more aware of this. I also watched my friend be sort of sidelined by our church because her husband was a full blown charismatic “Christian” man who was fully fooling the men who were counseling him. He said all the right things and the pastoral staff was calling my girl friend to help them “reconcile” their marriage. She KNEW what she was dealing with at home and the church treated her like she abandoned her husband. It was quite painful for her.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. My 23 yr old daughter is dating someone like this…he has no job and he deals in drugs and likes the flashy cars and nice clothes but yet he still lives at his parents. He has been in a prior relationship and has a six yr old son. He constantly cheats on my daughter with his baby momma and even when he gets caught, he finds a way to wiggle out of it and somehow finds fault in my daughter. He always seems to turn it around to make it her fault. When I finally get her to get away and go out with her old friends, he gets mad and seems to somehow control her as if she was toatlly under her control. Then she starts truely believing she did wrong and runs back to him. He enjoys keeping her isolated from her friends and her family and don’t even trust her to go to the store. Its awful…and I don’t know how to save her. We all see what is happening and yet she won’t listen. She has told me and her friends that she don’t love him and can’t picture marring this guy, so all I do is pray. I’m so ready for this nitemare to end and for her to get ahold of her life and see this jerk for what he really is. Any bit of advice would really be helpful to me. I’m her mother and love her more than life itself and I hate seeing her so controlled. Thanks.

    Like

    • She really has to go totally “No Contact” and stick to it 100%. I’m currently doing that, and you wouldn’t believe the clarity that results. Quinn Holliday has some excellent info he shares on his YouTube videos, and Kim Saeed has some good articles on
      Let Me Reach online. Your daughter is basically being a narcissist to herself-translated: she’s not giving herself compassion and empathy, and she needs to focus on her life, not the idiot’s. She needs to busy herself with positive things, school, work, health, exercise, and studying the Bible. As Quinn says in his video-“don’t worry who he’s with now, that’s just another target, if anything, feel sorry for that person, whatever he’s doing now, it’s not your concern.” The negative energy the narc puts out along with the energy she is allowing him to take is ultra draining, and he doesn’t deserve any of it. She needs to surround herself with positive people, not this selfish jerk who is more than likely a big baby that will never change.

      Like

  39. Thank You so much this has really helped me find out that my family are narcissit. for a very long time I COULD NOT MAKE UP OF THEIR BEHAVIOUR but now it is clear before my eyes of what my situation is. please send me more on narcissim and how to survive living with such people and tips on what to do Thanks.

    Like

  40. Cynthia, get out now, I foolishly lived with this man for 23 years, he became ill the last 7 years of our marriage, I stayed with him so he would have insurance and someone to take care of him. after a liver transplant he is now well and turned into a monster. ”Anything that he thought I liked I was prevented from doing, I would pray every night for God to just let me die, because I didn’t want to live like this…..My now ex. got a P.O.box so I knew something was going on. One day I went out to get the mail which I usually didn.t do. I opened the letter to my ex that he was approved for a concealed weapon permit .I know that this was God letting me know he has purchased a handgun. he kicked me out of our house (lied and got a restraining order) thankfully the judge saw him for the liar he is and dropped it. he sold gave away most of my things, kept things that meant a lot to me. He did his best to destroy me, old friends of ours will no longer talk to me because of his lies. We lost the house, when he moved out a Friend told me there was a bullet hole from his bedroom into my bedroom mattress high. I remember one night after he bought the gun he came into my room and woke me up saying he had a dream that I died. My divorce was final 2 months ago, I lost a lot but, gained my freedom and most important peace.I thank God for that..God doesn’t want you to live like this and it will only get worse. Before you do please research divorcing a Narcissist, he will much worse if he thinks you want to leave…anything that means anything to you, give to a friend or family member to keep for you. Be strong, be careful. May God bless you and keep you.

    Blind but now I see.

    Liked by 2 people

  41. Most of us have an element of this. We need to look at ourselves honestly and hard. We will see what needs to change in us….the only person in our lives that we can change.

    Like

  42. After 11 years of pure hell…and all forms of abuse directed at me during that time, i left. I was very determined, tl leave him…and to never allow that to happen again. I had to ask my Lord, to give me a way out. he answered my prayer, literally…the following day. My situation, was very violent and could have easily ended with my getting killed. I asked my lord, to protect me, while…he provided me with a way out of there….and he did just that. I also prayed for the strength, not to ever be weak enough, to go back to him..or allow myself to fall for his manipulating ways again. I asked for strength in moving forward, with a life..no longer abused. I was on my knees, in my sisters house, the next night..free, finally free!! the good Lord had provided me with all my needs…and stayed with me the entire time. he has been with me since then, showing me…that it was not my doings, not my behavior, that was wrong…even though i was always the one being blamed for everything. i cannot express to you enough, the thanks I had for my lord, for literally saving me from that situation. It was a few days later, i get a phone call. it was from a priest…who was telling me, that i should go back to my husband. he had convinced the priest, that i was the one who done wrong, was to blame…and he was the victim in all of that. he denied, shifted the blame..and made excuses yet again, for his behavior. i was appauled at the preist, he even offered to come give me a ride back, to my abusive husbands arms.I quickly let him know, that was not an option for me anylonger. I was finsihed, done..it was over! i tried to make him see things my way, he refused to. So, i cut it off, the conversation..and ended it. i let him know, hie efforts were useless and not to try it again. i told him that my Lord had got me outta there, set me on the road to freedom and peace. That, if he was a man of God, he would leave peace and freedom alone, but especially the Lords will.I went for no contact, was succesful at it. He died 12 years later, a very miserble, hate filled..never been happy in his life..person. Never taken resposnisbility for his behavior…only escaped from it.And died with his supporters, right there with him. However, not one friend was there, or at his funeral. The ONLy people who he allowed in his life, were those who enabled his behavior. Trust me, it was just a few family members..who allowed his behavior to continue like it did, without holding him responsibile for his behavior. Nobody could be a friend to that, that was unexceptable as far as building any type of relationship with. He always blamed others, for his misery, problems..never was anything his fault. He was after all, a god himself…by his own creation.

    Liked by 3 people

  43. Queen Goldie

    God has called us to be a peace, he said that he did not give you the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind…. God said that he will not put on you what you can not bear, he will always make away of an escape for you,,,
    I do understand all that you have encounter with that man… the beautiful part of it, is that God keeps revealing and exposing his prideful ways, and making it seems that’;s impossible for us to actually have true love by a GOD FEARING CHRISTIAN MAN, WHO IS SOLD OUT FOR CHRIST.
    I just thank GOD as well, even though that I am a minister of the gospel, it was love that blind me from seeing it earlier, and even when I have seen the manifestation of his prideful, self righteous, lying, lustful ways, I went ahead and marry him, because of his ways, that seems do loving, and gentle, and kind, and knowing that I am a minister that he will line up, because he quoted scriptures, knew alot about ministries, church ways etc, but that;s when God revealed to me, not only was I was dealing with a prideful, self-righteous, but a strong religious spirit, that’s likes to challenge you, but if you do not know the word or have that personal relationship with the heavenly Father, I would have fail into believing he is a true christian, but the word says that you will know them by the fruit they bear…
    To encourage, just repent and ask God to forgive you for falling prey to the prepatrator, and God allow to heal you and deliver you from him.. So that you will be prepare to meet the TRUE MAN OF GOD THAT IS SOLD OUT IN CHRIST, That’s what I am standing in the need of prayer to be DELIVER FROM A MAN THAT I MARRIED WHO IS NOT MY GOD SENT HUSBAND, AND I REALLY THOUGHT HE WAS, BECAUSE I WAITED FOR OVER 15 YEARS AND I MYSELF FAIL PREY, BUT GLORY TO GOD,,, HE SPECIALIZES IN DELIVERANCE AND HEALING AND AS WE BEING HIS DAUGHTERS, HE JUST WANT US TO LET GO AND LET GOD,…
    i got marry March 28, 2015, and seeking to be deliver from him,,, the verbal abusive harsh words, emotional abuse, yet he calls his self a christian, but all the characteristics of what was mention above is alllllllllllllllllllllllll himmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. Dr. jackel and mr, hyde.
    MAY GOD RICHLY BLESS YOU AS YOU ARE IN YOUR TRANSITION OF MOVING ON AND BEING FREE,,,,
    NO LONGER A VICTIM BUT VICTORIOUS IN CHRIST JESUS OUR LORD, FOR GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN US, THEN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD, AND WE CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH WHICH STRENGTHEN US… AMEN AMEN, AND AMEN

    Like

    • The Lord will deliver you. Keep calling on Him and when He makes that way out RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK. The blood of Jesus shall prevail.

      Like

    • The Lord will deliver you. Keep calling on Him and when He makes that way out RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK. The blood of Jesus shall prevail.

      Like

  44. I too experience the same feelings as Cynthia. Although my relationship was only for 3 months, this person turned out to fit a narcissistic psychopath to a T. I had not been in a relationship for 15 years. Then he came along. I kept questioning myself, “WHY DOES THIS GUY LIKE ME SO MUCH”. he made me believe we had a future life together. . He professed his love for me so deeply. The breakup happened literally overnight. I was suicidal feeling i would never achieve this kind of love again. A week later, i made a list of all the things that i thought were so wonderful. Then i researched what a narcissistic personality was. It actually scared me to think there were actually people in this world who could inflict so much damage on another, and feel good about it. I know he will never feel any kind of emotions toward anyone, and he will continue this behavior. I felt justified in getting the last word to him thtu an email, stating, “you will go from woman to woman and they will all find out what an narcissisticpsychopath who will end up alone, and you are not capable of having empathy for anyone,nincluding yourself. Just a shell of a person, no feelings.

    Like

  45. I married my husband a year ago. He said and did all the right things, which allowed me to believe he was the “one”. A month later, my whole world was shattered. He did a complete 180 and life for me has been a living nightmare. I have searched and searched for Godly advice as to how to handle my situation. Two months ago I began studying as much as I could find about narcissism and found that he fits the criteria to a T. About two weeks ago, I believe the Lord layed this very scripture on my heart. I heard it but it didn’t completely penetrate. Then about four days ago, there it was again! Big and bold. I did a quick search this morning and this was the first article I saw. It was very informative, as it is based on scripture. My question is this, the secular world says to go no contact. Leave and never look back. But in my daily struggles to hear from my Father, I’m either too consumed with all the pain and confusion, or He has not given me an answer. Someone please pray that He will speak through you and help me! I am desperate! I am so very unhappy and my life is in turmoil! Thank you in advance….

    Cynthia

    Like

    • Hello Cynthia , I am a 5 yr survivor of a narcissistic marriage that turned from honeymoon to nightmare within the first few weeks of marriage. My whole world crumbled right before my eyes. I had seen so many red flags during the idealization phase but my love for him was so strong I guess I didn’t want to see them. But they were there!!
      Within the first 6 months of marriage I had to call the police for assault charges against him. This was so foreign to anything I had ever experienced in my entire life. In a previous career before I had met him he worked in Corrections/prison officer and through that he knew exactly how to manipulate the situation when the police arrived. Long story short, no charges were laid and I left. Although this incident should have been a wake up call, my heart overruled my judgement. After a year apart I wanted him back and to work on the marriage. I convinced myself he just had a bad day and didn’t mean to hurt me.
      He had me right where he wanted me and took me back with open arms.

      Initially I was idealized just like when we first met. I was so happy and in love. However that phase didn’t last very long before the devaluing stage started. What I didn’t know was he was telling our friends and family behind my back many twisted versions of what had happened the previous year and obviously because I wanted him back , I was the one with issues and he was going to help me through them because he loved me and wanted the marriage to work. It was so important to him.

      Looking back now I see exactly what he was doing. His plan was to control me so that I was totally submissive to his needs. And at the same time the outside world would believe he was the stable honourable man and I was the unstable one. He had his stage perfectly set unbeknownst to me.

      It was a living hell and I felt I had less and less support as time went by.
      The ending was nasty and to this day I, with all my heart, believe my Lord got me out. As excruciatingly painful as it was I also believe it was a blessing from God that I had to experience this as it brought me to a place of realization that I was not honouring the person God had made me. God was opening my eyes to save me. Those valleys you don’t understand til you get through them to the other side

      May I suggest that if you are experiencing ANY signs of narcissism in your marriage whether it be as soon as the first month, DO NOT second guess your instincts EVER!
      They are as accurate as you can get. No one deserves to have this evil inflicted on them and God tells us to turn away from them.

      I will pray you make the right choice and that God keeps you safe.

      Marianne

      Like

    • Cynthia, first I want to say GOD BLESS YOU and I am sending many prayers your way. When I was going through a similar situation, I came across this book. It really helped clarify what direction I needed to go. Please borrow it from your library or buy it because it is worth every penny!

      Write It Down, Make It Happen: Knowing what you want and getting it.

      By Henriette Anne Klauser.

      P.S. This website is awesome! I like all the sayings on the right side of the page. Very inspiring. I will be putting them on my bathroom mirror, refrigerator, etc to remind me of what good things await me in the future.

      Healing and Peace to you. God bless.

      Like

    • When you can’t hear clearly, God often uses other ways to confirm what you already know or believe to be true. RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

      Like

    • When you can’t hear, God often uses people to get you to confirm what you already know or believe to be true. RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!!!!!!

      Like

  46. This is so amazingly describing what my daughters inlaws have done and are doing to us both. My daughter has 2 sons with thier son and yet has he done anything to fight for his family being either afraid to let his parents down if he does not do as he is advised. They seem to have this protection or very controlling affect on both their son and my daughter and my grandsons. They have done so much against me, they have turned the things they have done toward me and blaming me for reacting in my defense against what they have done and do. My daughter lost her baby girl do to the munipulating and guilt their son has put on my daughter for the things hes done. They make it all her fault , my fault and now they have her as to dispise me hate me with the most hateful ways of being…I am and have done all i can to be there for them both and yet are so hateful and disrespectctful towards me , My daughter almost lost her life after losing baby November 2014, and they acted as if i was at fault for it , i am her mother how can these people treat me and lie doing what they do to us both…I am in state of mind that i want to give up and let it all go because they have somehow in my daughters mind to call me and see me as the cause of all of that has happened ,I dont know where to begin to help myself nor my daughter or her family. But i need help restoring myself to what they do and have done to my life and my daughters, and gbabies. .. i am in disbelief people if such exist. Why ? What can i do? I am being pulled from my grandsons now that they can speak and see to understsnd thier ways of needing to be who they are in their lives, ive had them most of the time till now , and its hurting us but thry dont see it , they think i am putting things in their head or something all because they cry for me or ask for me and i cant see them as i used too,WHAT CAN I DO ? They are killing my daughter physically mentally emotionally… Thank you for posting it has given me relief to know im not crazy and to they way it fits their every step in our lives. Thank you.

    Like

    • Eventually she will open her eyes. Eventually she will need you. I am ashamed to say I allowed my ex to turn me against my family. But they were there for me when I needed them anyway.

      Like

  47. Omg you know Merritt? Wow

    Like

  1. Pingback: After the Abuse | Shannon Vaut

  2. Pingback: A Biblical View on Narcisstic Personality Disorder | Diary of a mad white woman

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