About ANA

ANA was developed out of sheer desperation of the human spirit clinging to it’s last bit of hope.

Lost and confused after ending a long term relationship that at one point had felt like the greatest “love” of my life, I struggled to find answers and put a finger on just WHAT IT WAS that had gone so terribly wrong.

So desperate was my need for answers, I sat on my therapists couch, tears streaming down my face, begging him to tell me, “WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEE?”

His answer surprised me; and forever changed the way I view this world.

“You were in a domestically abusive relationship.”

“WHAT?????”  I asked in utter shock. “But he didn’t “hit” me?”

He answered with, “Not with his fists.  You are dealing with a narcissist. You have just ended an abusive relationship with a NARCISSIST.”

My mind whirled  – when I heard my therapist name what it was – I began to be flooded with many examples from the narcissist’s behavior that fit what the therapist was telling me.

The narcissist lured me into a toxic relationship with LoveBombing:  using charm, mind games, promises & flattery – sold me on a soul mate love that he’d never felt before and then proceeded to take every good thing he could from me; my love, my innocence, my trust, my sense of justice, my kindness, my empathy, my unconditional love, and my good name – and replaced it with abuse. Lies about me (he told others I was stalking him), death threats, false allegations,  got me fired from jobs, created a fake website about me claiming that I was crazy, delusional, a drug addict, and even talked poorly about my children, who he was a father figure to for years.

The therapist ran over the list of symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder:

Lack of empathy? Check!
Boasting about his image? Check!
Perfectionism? Check!
Lack of boundaries? Check!
Expects special treatment? Check!

Obsessive Compulsive and sexually perverted? Check!

Pathological lying? Multiple serial affairs and cheating? Check!

Guilt tripping?  Check!
Passive aggressive? Check!
Possessive, Jealous, downright mean? Check!
Controlling. Wouldnt ‘allow’ me to have feelings or express them? Check!
Loved by everyone on the outside – but HATED by those who know the real them? Check!

I was dating the poster boy for narcissism

For the first time in many years….I finally felt that IT WASNT ME,  like the narcissist had blamed me for over & over.  It explained why I’d never been able to do anything right to ‘earn’  his “love”.

From that day on, I promised God that if he brought me through the darkness, that I would pay forward the knowledge of everything I learned through my lesson, about the narcissist, their red flags, their abuse, my upbringing with a narcissistic parent, my own vulnerabilities and how to never allow myself to be exploited again by another narcissistic individual; be it a boss, boyfriend, family member or friend.

My philosophy is very simple: KNOWLEDGE IS POWER  – I am making available all the knowledge I’ve gained as a result of this experience with a narcissistic abuser in an effort to help empower you and let you know  that you are not alone in your suffering.

There truly is Light, Life, Love & Laughter after narcissistic abuse, It is my hope for you, that you truly come to know this for yourself.

xo,

ANA

 

 

  1. Wow, the one I knew also exhibits ALL traits from your check-list.
    Mine was even jealous of one of my soothing fantasies (where I imagined a nice person holding me whenever I felt lonely, sad and scared).
    He said that this was like being unfaithful (???).
    He also often accused me of doing things I never ever did.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jennifer Smith, True Love Scam Recovery

      None of that about “being unfaithful” is true feelings… it comes out of a sociopaths desire to keep us fooled so they can use us and never be held responsible – and out of their pretty inept skills at mimicking normal people. All sociopaths are identical. Every prey or target doesn’t see or have to experience all of the range of limited and specific traits and tactics of a sociopath – but never the less – they are there. — If we don’t have to see it all we’re very fortunate! Everything they say is “not truth” and not what we think it is. – They have abnormal brains so they are unable biologically to have any positive emotional bond or care or concern or love for nay living being. – They cannot change – and wouldn’t if they could. They love being what they are – this is one of their unwavering traits.

      Liked by 2 people

      • I agree.
        I guess to them it is more about control, it is the losing of said control that makes them so angry- you’ll also never know what their real intention is, at least to me it was hard to see the truth.
        He also often acted like he wanted me to be a whore (though he was one, talk about projection!) so that he could judge and hate me for it (?).
        Just….strange.
        It seemed he really wanted to hate me…but as he realized that there was nothing there to hate he imagined misdeeds of me to somehow justify his hate.
        You would never believe what kind of person he really is when he has his mask on, he is a very good actor unlike the several sociopaths I’ve met before him.
        He believes his own lies, this is why he is so good at lying.
        Mine said he has ADHD and therefore can’t concentrate (i.e. listen to me) well or can’t remember things (of course this was also a lie as his memory is not impaired: one day he said he could not remember something when he previously told me exactly what he later claimed he could not remember).
        For me this was also a life lesson which is useful to “sociopath-scan” people I meet.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Jennifer Smith, True Love Scam Recovery

          Their “intention” is only to get what they want and not get caught or be held responsible. – They know they are lying. — Everything about them is a lie. They simply say things to us they’ve learned by experience get us mad, sad or afraid or in love with them so they can take what they want. — Normal people then ask: WHY? – Why would someone do this. One answer: because they are sociopaths, their abnormal brain makes them be thi sway. They can’t do or be any other way. -_ They do despise normal people. They thin we’re ridiculous. They love being what they are. They fully know they are different and don’t have emotions. – This means they also have no boundaries on what they will do or say. — It’s our emotional bonds with humanity and with individuals that cause us to behave well and treat people kindly – even treat strangers well. — They do not have this element. Their brains and so their functioning and thinking are entirely different than ours. – If we look at it with our way of thinking – which is always emotional – we will never understand it. — We have to look at it from the way the mind of a sociopath works. Read here: https://www.truelovescam.com/what-is-love-with-a-sociopath/ And: https://www.truelovescam.com/reframe-the-nightmare-with-a-sociopath/ Follow this like a strict recipe. Practice. Everything will start falling in place.

          Like

  2. As someone who just ended a 25+ year relationship with a narc, let me just say you describe narcissism itself better than most therapists could. In fact, over the years I went to many therapists trying to figure out what was “wrong”. It wasn’t until I started googling his actual behaviors and kept having page after page on narcissism pop up that I discovered what was “wrong”. That is how I figured out what he was. Then we went for our 3rd round of marriage counseling and the counselor told me that he was a narc, and also co-dependent (which is possible and even sadder than just being a narc because they waffle back and forth between self-absorption and clinginess/neediness). She referred me to a therapist with expertise in narc-abuse, and between those 2 great ladies I was finally able to realize that nothing in hell would ever change Mr Man. Anyway at least I am free now but sadly after the split it became even more obvious that he had no identity/sense of self. I am still shocked when I think about my life with him, how awful it was. Now that he is gone, the crazy is gone with him. They should teach about personality disorders in high school so that we can recognize these people and run before they manage to partially or completely destroy us.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I just don’t know how to get him out of MY house. Ugh.

    Like

  4. Going through this is he hardest thing we’ll likely ever do in our lives. I was so fortunate that I automatically did some things and trained myself to think about what happened, little moments and conversations, scenarios – things that went on between the two of us in the relationship, in a way that caused me to see what really happened and separate the fake relationship idea from what I needed to recover from which was grief loss trauma shock – a crime. Because these aren’t relationships, I wasn’t recovering from a lost or broken down relationship, I had to recover from a crime and at the same time be able to understand what had happened instead of the relationship that, all of us think we’re getting into and that were in. I had to see what really did happen. And I was able to do that. That heals us. Being able to see what really happened is key to recovery. While we’re with the sociopath in our daily life, everything that we think is happening and is going on between the two of us relationship wise, life wise, is absolutely not what is happening. There’s a whole parallel universe going on that is the real-deal – because of the sociopath. They have one brain we have another brain – it’s two realities colliding. We don’t know that’s happening, the sociopath does. This is normal for them. lying is their normal. Trusting, believing, being loyal, building relationships, striving to make things work, that’s our normal. And there’s nothing wrong with our normal, there is nothing wrong with us. We don’t need to change a thing. There’s nothing we could have done or should have done differently. What we do in the aftermath matters a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. hi
    I have just forwarded a blog post. PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT PUBLISH MY LAST NAME….THANKS

    Like

  6. hi
    I have just forwarded a blog post. PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT PUBLISH MY LAST NAME….THANKS

    Like

  7. I left my wife after 25 years. One year on I’m still in bits. I ran my own business ..it’s now falling apart. I can’t concentrate. My self esteem is in the toilet. She managed to get me out of the family home. (which i recently built and paid for with my inheritance) She stole over 50000 from our joint account and hid it well. Worst of all..she has turned our two young children against me..says they don’t want to see me. Has blackened my name in our small town…I’m a drinker, I have abandoned the children, etc..lots of other lies. For years she used to disappear off to see her boyfriend, subconsciously I knew ..but I couldn’t face her down. I lived like a scared rabbit. I’m broken… sites like yours help me. But I still blame myself. Mostly because I can’t see my children… I lost everything. I still say to myself ..if only I had done this or done that..it would be ok. But reading about narcissism it seems likely once she got new boyfriend I was history. The past 5 years were just tactical …abusing me so I would ask for separation…I never knew there were human beings as evil and cold. Why do I regret leaving even now.
    was it all a fraud ? I am broken but I will fix.
    ..

    Like

  8. I would like to know what is being done to lock up these vampires? It is not enough to “get out” and “move on”. I do not want my future X to do this to another person!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I have joined a Narcissist support group on Facebook and I am glad to have found this one also.

    Like

  10. I was in a narcisstic abuse my whole life… I fell in love with him when we were children, and I admired him for over 20 years. He was my first kiss and sexual relationship, but always keeping me at distance, forbiding me to tell anyone about our affair. My whole life he kept telling me I am worthless, ugly and stupid, just to Tell me the next Moment that I am his One and only, that I am so Important to him etc.
    When I broke up our sexual relationship he was suddenly all Sweet and caring.
    After I found my now boyfriend – the best man I could ever imagine – he told me that he wanted to be in a relationship with me. Now, All thought I Never want another man than my current boyfriend, it is hard to let Go the past and sometimes in weak Moments I feel like a shadow is overwhelming me. I feel like I am not worth to be with my boyfriend, like I Will Never be a good Woman to him and that One day I might have to Return to the Monster I Spend so many years of my Young life with.
    I just wish I could forget the past, let Go off all the regrets and all the what-ifs, the good and Bad memories. I just want to be happy with my boyfriend, the man I truly want to Spend my life with!

    Like

    • Nadine Lockhart

      Oh, boy, would the Narcissist love to know he’s still in your head and therefore, poisoning what you have now. Let it go, the good and the bad memories of him. The good was false and the bad was aimed at your destruction; otherwise, even the bad had nothing to do with you in particular, only you as victim in general . You could have been anyone that fit his profile for a victim.
      If you feel you don’t deserve the new man it is because of the negative programing all those years BUT it has no truth.
      I hope the new person is not a Narcissist as they don’t show all their cards in the beginning and we tend to repeat our poor selection patternns.

      Like

  11. Thank you for sharing your journey and discoveries that are helping me through the aftermath. Praying for blessings for you.

    Like

  12. Would love to talk to you more about your blog. Thank you for posting all this.

    Like

  13. I was thinking I am looking back on my marriage and i think I am wrong about my husband what I love him what should I do I want him home for his birthday party is tomorrow. Im so lost without him

    Like

    • Oh my gosh, I totally understand what you’re saying, I really get how you’re feeling. But please don’t do it I hope you didn’t do it I know this date has passed where in February now. Everything about these relationships is a scam, it’s fake, sociopath don’t love anyone. It’s so confusing because we think it was a relationship. Actually there’s like two worlds going on at the same time our normal loving, relationship building, loyal take on everything trying to make everything good. And then there’s the sociopaths life going on at the same time which is all fake. They don’t love us they don’t love anyone, they use and destroy other people and that’s all there is. So this is the hardest thing you’ll ever do in your life but you can do it find a way to see these two realities I did instinctively and trained myself content to continue looking at it that way and then recovered well from what was real the financial damage, loss of something I thought was going to be my future for sure, I had grief shock had to go to quarts police all kinds of big messes, but it was not a relationship, it’s not relationships that we are getting over. And going back to them…? The damage will be exponentially worse to the point of our total destraction if they have their way.

      Like

  14. From my heart….THANK YOU !

    Like

  15. its 9:16 and I found your blog site and this is how I feel completely why does he not love me like i love him its me i feel like im going crazy i got to the point of putting a post on my page i feel like im having a break down he keeps me isolated my only outlet is my dreamcatcher cause for cancer and my facebook page and some close family n friends but i feel like im loosing them all because they dont believe me anymore im not lying he portrays that im the one at fault for all of it im hurting so bad i left and cameback and no one believes me he tells others different things than does the opposite when hes home with me im tired hurt and emotionally drained from all of this help me please someone 😢😢😰

    Like

    • It’s not you. And you’re not alone. Sociopath do not love anyone all of the bad is the real with a sociopath. They have a different brand than we do. Really. Biologically, scientifically I refer to them almost as a different species. They absolutely have a different brain then other normal loving people. Their reality is lying stealing, and ruining. I live off of normal people. Were fuzzy soft loving mammals, and they are snakes lizards the reptiles they would eat their young they eat anyone and everyone in their path and yet ironically at the same time everyone in their path, everyone in their life is how they survive, literally: financially how to get food, have a place to stay. Everything about their life is fake, it’s a house of cards. – you’re not crazy. How you feel right now it’s completely normal under the circumstances. Everyone of us that has been in snared by a sociopath has felt this way. There’s nothing wrong with you. Our safety is in getter my away from the monster – and not confronting him not telling them we’re breaking up. That seems very strange I know it’s hard for us to just walk away but it is what we have to do for her safety: find someway to get them to go or we leave without telling them. And then we all go “no contact” – it means we block them on social media we block them in our phones we block them in Facebook (not “unfriending” that doesn’t protect us) we use the block function in all our devices and apps and on social media there’s always a way to block someone with in Facebook or Pinterest or Twitter or whatever it is and that’s what we have to do change our door locks keep them away from us until they stop trying to come back. And we can never respond to their appeals because it’s all fake it’s a trap. You can break free there’s nothing wrong with you nothing at all you’re perfect.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I can’t thank you enough for your blog. After 22 years with the narc; two children, and a move to a new country for his work (which he lured us to with promises of a new start). He ditched us and now is on a terror tirade toward me. Keeping my home stable and drama free and love is my goal for me and my kids. He seems to have ditched the kids too…which is a source of pain for me to watch him play them too. He has taken so much of my life. You finally describe the horror and I thank you. God bless you.

    Like

    • Oh my gosh, when I escaped the sociopath who had hijacked me I did it by getting him to leave I discovered many things he had done that were absolutely horrific. And one of those things was one of the other women he was involved with and actually lived with for four years in another country with their children and she was waiting for him to send for her and the children to come and live in the city he was in with me and married to me. She knew nothing about me I knew nothing about her and there were many other women and many other children as it turned out that she and I both have discovered she and I have become great friends and we blew up his world. Sociopaths do abandon their children, they don’t want their children at all – they don’t love their children, they don’t love anyone and for some reason they love to leave children scattered all over the globe. The best thing you could do is never respond to him again block him in every way in your phone from your emails never respond. My friend in the other country who has his children made the mistake of sending back emails that he would send to her accusing her of being friends with me and that I’m evil and that’s why he doesn’t take care of their children which of course is a lie. He would never take care of the children anyway he’s never seen them since they were six months old and now they are five and six years old. But at this moment – because she answered his email saying, “all I want is peace” and things like that – it wouldn’t have mattered what she said in the emails it’s the fact that she stayed connected to him staying in contact ruins us because it leaves the door open for them. – He is now taking her to court to try to get the children of course he won’t there’s many reasons he won’t but nevertheless he’s never given up trying to harass her. This is possible only because she did not block him. Best way to go as always to block them from our lives forever. – Sending all good things your way.

      Like

  17. The healing process can be so slow. It’s been ten years since our divorce, four years since he died and STILL he lives on in my head and dreams. He was my life; married 25 years and although life is better the man I believed in (not the one who really existed) remains the love of my life. Our children now have children, and I still delude myself thinking he would’ve changed. In my head I know better but my heart still wants to hold on.

    Like

  18. I am trying to figure out if my soon to be ex husband is a narcissist. He never put me down like I see in these other stories. He was pretty good to me, always asking me how my day was when I got home from work. He was affectionate, giving me kisses and hugs. We were together for 6 years (married for 2). He did leave me for a few months after we had been together for 2 and a half years.The reason he left me this time was because I had noticed a change in his behavior so I checked the phone records and found out he was having very long phone conversations with someone else. My first marriage ended in my ex cheating on me so I was devastated when I saw this. It only lasted a week before I confronted him. He completely dismissed what I was accusing him of and turned on me saying that I was controlling him and treating him like he was a child! I couldn’t even bring up the fact that he was having an emotional affair with someone else! He left me and said it was over. He has told me and my daughter that he will sign the house (that we just purchased a few months ago) over to me and he won’t try to take any money from me (he’s on Social Security and I have a full time job) as long as I am nice about the whole situation. In some ways I feel that he is a narcissist but we had a good relationship prior to this. Very confused.

    Like

  19. Thanks for this. Like you Ana my partner of 37 years is a classic narcissist. He is also an alcoholic. He has not been physically abusive for a year and a half but continues to rage at me. I can’t seem to leave. I too have the classic symptoms of shame, withdrawal, shaking, fear. I have no one to talk to. I’m reading lots, trying to heal, trying to do good things for me.

    Like

  20. Well, here I am. The classic victim of a narc. Only it took me 40 years of marriage to figure out that I was NOT to blame. After I found that his web porn had graduated to transgender porn, I was destroyed. I was so angry I would have killed him ,but the wasn’t worth going to jail for. I have been in therapy for the last 5 years. That is where I discovered what I was really dealing with. Now, I have grown children and grandchildren who think he is just fine because they know nothing of who he really is. I can’t bring myself to tell them because I can’t devastate them like he has devastated me. So I am stuck here just trying to get to the end of my life with some self respect. I have turned to God for love and companionship. I try to be decent to my spouse, but also try to not spend much time with him. I volunteer to help others through my church, which allows me to be away from him and receive the kindness of those who love me for who I am. If only I had seen him for who he is before I married him. It is so depressing to think that my whole live has been wasted on a person who can’t even see me as a good and worthy human being.

    Like

  21. Thank you so much, it’s been so hard dealing with this great pain! As a man having been a victim in a nine year relationship with a narcissistic woman who I swore was the love of my life destroyed my life. No one believes the horrific things she’s done, the numerous cheating, the comparisons, the putdowns! Why has this happened to me! You can imagine how many examples of men that have had there whole lives changed by a narc woman that don’t exhist…. thinking that something must be wron with me has been the only thing that makes any sense now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jennifer Smith, True Love Scam Recovery

      There is nothing wrong with you. There is everything wrong with narcissists or more accurately narcissistic sociopaths. They truly – biologically – have a different brain than normal healthy people that leaves them very limited in hoe they view the world, themselves and hoe they think and without a conscience. The only things they care about are getting what they want, taking from others and not getting caught – they do love to destroy — destruction varies, but is always fallout and damage for any person entangled, ensnared by a sociopath – this is who they are. There is nothing else.

      Like

  22. I am freshly getting out of this and i’m not coping well. We have a daughter together and still have to get a divorce. What do I do? I’m hurting and most do not understand.

    Like

  23. I think our greatest gift is being able to help others avoid the pain we have gone through with narcissists. There is something noble and wonderful about helping others avoid the pain we went through in those types of situations.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Im so glad you discovered it wasn’t you! That day is very freeing and healing begins then. Thank you for bringing awareness to this very difficult issue, for being brave enough to heal, and brave enough to help heal others.

    Like

  25. I just found your blog. Tears are rolling down my cheeks. This describes my situation. I kept on asking myself what was wrong with me. He didn’t display a couple of the behaviours you listed in your checklist, but he did have all of the others. We’re now going through a divorce. He filed because now I guess it’s time to discard me. I’m not good enough for him. Guess what: I am too good for him. I don’t hate him; I don’t love him. I’m just indifferent. We have a toddler. All I care is for her to be fine. I have that to look forward to and I desperately need to grow a NPD radar so she doesn’t fall pray to the same type of (miss)treatment I felt. Thank you so much!

    Like

    • Jennifer Smith, True Love Scam Recovery

      You’re soooo right! We are way too good for them. I was briefly hijacked by a narcissistic sociopath married – 10 months later told him to leave (All their scams fail – they expect it.) I fought like crazy to get an annulment (green card fraud / marriage fraud on his part.) I had no kids with him but he’s abandoned at least 7 we know of, none of whom I knew about when I married him. – Luckily all the kids are in Europe (I’m in the USA) so they are not forced to see him at all, he can get no rights in Europe because he abandoned them. Such monsters. – Now I can spot them a mile away – radar engaged!

      Like

  26. Andrea Westlake

    Hello good evening, I’m Andrea 38yrs young. 2kids. Live in Arizona. I’ve been in the most messed up toxic horrid miserable relationship w-a narcissist for last five yrs now. Hez made me hate myself in all WAYZ. I’ve abandoned my kids n family for him lied for him endless times he got me fired f-me own clients of my own business has posted online many many things bout me that I have screwed all of Arizona I’ve EVN went to jail for this creep. Now that hez been caught up by the police recently for the crimes his been into & has somehow worked my kids & I into almost being part of & may possibly getting us into trouble w-the law again here in last few days. I’m scared. I’m lost confused down n out on myself DONT KNOW WHERE OR WHOM TO TURN TO. ITZ sooo very easier said then done to LEAVE THEM FOR GOOD FOREVER FOR THEY’RE MASTER MINIPULATORS N SO ON. . I’ve TRIED FOR THE LAST TWO YRS TO LEAVE HIM FOR GOOD N IT JUS SEEMS TO NVR HAPPEN… PLEASE OHHHH PLEASE for the love n sake of all things holy to the future of my life n my kids my family. For MY SANITY N MY OWN WELL BEING.. . I’M HERE ASKING U POSSIBLY EVN BEGGING FOR UR HELP SOME HELP ANY HELP TO HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THIS (alive as well)!!!!!!! In need indeed could u would u please oh please help me………… I’ll b anxiously awaiting ur response…. So until then.

    Sincerely, Andrea

    P. S. THANK U SOOOOO TRULY N DEARLY FOR YOUR TIME…….

    Like

  27. I only just recently just came to the realization that no one, and I mean ABSOLUTELY “NO ONE” can and will NEVER be able to understand this kind of abuse unless they have actually experienced it.

    My life for the past 10 months has been so different, I as a person have been so different I at times don’t even recognize myself. Married to a Narc for 15 years and up until 10 months ago, I had no idea what was wrong but I knew in my soul something was.

    10 months ago I came home from work and he was gone. Left his wedding band on my nightstand, left everything he owned and was just gone. It would be a week before he called me and said that “MARRIAGE” just wasn’t going to work for him anymore…

    Like

    • Jennifer Smith, True Love Scam Recovery

      Congratulations on the END! That’s totally normal for sociopaths to take off… I realized the one who hijacked me was about to sneak off in our new car, that he had stolen jewelry and cash from me. I got him out – and got him kicked out of the USA. I really recommend if you haven’t that you change all your passwords, logins, account numbers, take all your money into one new bank account he isn’t part of. Put an alert on your social security number. – When we’re still married they can do funny things with our credit and money, even get loans using our SS number. — You can get a divorce even with him gone. asap is best. (I had to get evidence to get an annulment and green card fraud proof.) I made the impossible possible – you can too!!!! : ) The grief and loss is real — they are not. The nutter who hijacked me disappeared to a Caribbean island for a year and a half and is now back in Europe with a whole new theme of scam: pretending to be a pastor.

      Like

  28. Wow, I am 4 months out of being abused. It seems as if it has only been 1 day. I spend every day trying to figure everything out. I really prayed hard today asking God to please help me move on and get through this. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

    Like

  29. I’m in the pit of dispair, where it sounds like you all climbed out of. Where/what do I do first to get out?

    Like

    • Please know that you are good enough. Think about yourself,what you need and want to feel calm And comfortable. Don’t waist a second thinking about what has happened or what your abuser has done. Instead take your own hand and think of you.x

      Like

  30. John Chamberlain

    Dealing with narcissism is the key to it all.

    Like

  31. How do I leave a narcisstic relationship? I have been dating a man for 9 years that has pushed me into a bottomless pit. I am daily told of my many flaws, last week alone…I was told, “Look at you, who would want you?”…I need help! I feel utterly powerless, I am scared to be alone, I am scared to see him, I can’t concentrate on my work as I can’t understand how I can love someone so much who treats me so horribly.

    Like

  32. Thanks for sharing this information ! I was married to a narcissist for 17 years fortunately he left our marriage for another woman . No matter what I try to do I couldn’t keep it together everything was always my fault ! I’m still dealing with his behaviour over our children and he is trying to get them to chose a side. I’m married to a good man now! It’s so so different:)
    Don’t let a narcissist tear at your self worth! Get out as soon as you can! He will destroy you emotionally! I often though if it was physical I’d have bruises and people would believe me! Sometimes I feel like only through death will I escape! Such sneaky people! A wolf in Sheeps clothing:(

    Like

  33. Need guidance.

    Like

  34. Thank you I loved reading this .xo

    Like

  35. This all rings so true. I feel sick reading it, because i am facing a truth i didn’t want to, but i also feel so relieved to come out of this cloud. And I thank you for your insightfulness and clear speech. It’s what I needed. Thank you for taking the time to help people like me who are struggling with the grief.

    Like

  36. I have recently ended an 18 year relationship with a man who I believe us a narcissistic sociopath. I have only come to terms with that 3 months ago. I have never felt so lost, alone, and broken on my life. Every day gets better, but I think the recovery Time will be slow and painful. I am 43 years old , and I don’t ever see myself trusting a man again. Thank you for the insight.
    Rw

    Like

  37. Hi Ana. Thank you for writing this. I recently broke up with a guy that was a narcissist. He took advantage of my beliefs and my morals. I felt so hurt and angry when I came to the realization that he never loved me. It felt like my world got crushed. The way I found out was when we were in a heated argument and he slipped on his words. When I retracted back on what he met it all came out. The mask came off and I was truly terrified. I left his apartment in bewilderment. How can I be so blind?

    Now, I’m seeing that there are other survivors from these toxic people. It is so hard to call them people, because it felt like there was no soul there. Th me again as Ana. This totally opened my eyes on the world now. I can’t unsee what I have experienced.

    Like

  38. Have a blast, and answer. Since 1959 I have been trying to figure out what it was all about. I was married 20 years to one of these people at last I separated and vowed never to speak another word again or allow him to speak to me. It was my only defense against the way he tore me down and told people I was crazy. I went to school searching for answers, what was wrong? He told everyone I was crazy. He told everyone I was a man chaser even though he gave me seven children in 10 years. The mental abuse became physical abuse and I could not stay any longer. My only defense was to move and never speak a word to him again in this life. Never allow him to speak to me ever again. Now at last , Here is the answer, he is a narcissist!

    Like

  39. I wish I had found this post five years ago when considering divorcing my extremely and dangerously narcissistic ex husband. I felt like I was losing my mind! Now I know better. Thanks for this

    Like

  40. Would like to join your group how do I do that

    Like

  41. Thank you for your writing and insights.
    I didn’t realise till I was into my forties and had been through many counselling sessions that my mother had been Narcissist #1. By then she had died from Alzheimer’s Disease.
    When I was 24 I had a very destructive 2 year relationship with Narcissist #2 who I finally managed to get away from. Having been charming in the extreme to begin with (to get his own way, I now know), he took everything he could from me and took complete advantage of my kind nature. He was very scary in the end and for many years I felt like I had PTSD or something similar, like a physical reaction to the memories etc. I was petrified of any contact with him and changed address, phone number, job.
    A few years later I found myself being charmed by another man, Narcissist #3. Unfortunately the alarm bells didn’t go off until three months after the wedding, when he took his mask off and took me into his particular type of hell. He was cruel and controlling but people he worked with etc thought he was wonderful and believed the horrible crazy stories he told them about me. I was married to him for 5 years with all the symptoms you mention. We had a daughter who he idolised. He used to tell me he was #1, she was a close 2nd and me and my other child were way down the bottom of the list because, he said, I was such a terrible person. He took me away from all my family and friends, took everything from me, even my own self, and left an empty shell of a person. We ended up living far away from my family in a different country. When my father was dying he wouldn’t give me money to go and see him. He said I should have thought about that before I left home. My sister paid for my flights and I saw him just days before he died.
    It was a miracle how I managed to gain the strength to take my kids, get the car keys from the N and go to a refuge where I got help. He blamed me for everything that had ever happened to him, every single thing was my fault. After we left he committed suicide.
    I have had many more counselling sessions since then and came to fully understand what madness I had been living in since I was a child. It certainly messes with your mind and skews your perspective on life. I found my authentic self again and now I’m very happy in my life and am very aware.
    Recently Narcissist #1 tracked me down after 35+ years wanting to meet up for a coffee. I thought about it long and hard before agreeing (very careful to not let him know where I live etc). It didn’t take long for the old patterns to raise their ugly head when things weren’t going his way, and I put a stop to it right away. It catapulted me right back like a kick in the guts. Very interesting to witness it quite objectively years later and see how he’s still blaming everyone else for his failures and still not taking any responsibility for himself.
    Thanks again ANA!

    Like

  42. Thanks Ana….. now I know the name. … suffering at the hands of one such for the last 18 years….. and continuously thinking it’s me. Now my path is clearer.
    is there a way to reform a Narcissist? I would really like to help if it’s brings out a better person …. there must be some way.

    Like

  43. I became best friends with a narcissist. It wasn’t until it was all over that I realized what she really was. She is now engaged to my ex husband. There affair started 6 months before my marriage ended. They both make me feel like it was all my fault. My ex has no clue what he’s dealing with. Neither do all our old friends. I have kids, so they are exposed to her as well. And the woman is still trying to take me down. She has a career, but decided to make my career choice her hobby and I still have to run into her. She’s mental and no one (outside my close friends/family) believe me.

    Like

  44. Thank you so much for wanting all of this information to get out free of charge! You are a welcomed light in a dark forest. I was married to one for fifteen years. No psychologist, psychiatrist, or marriage counselor could ever figure him out. I had to sit there through it all and watch him manipulate everyone around me. Leaving everyone wondering what my problem was. As he got older of course he couldn’t hold it all together as he once did. He spiraled out of control in a big way. He tried to kill us. That was eight years ago. Now, one of the twin boys has started displaying the Narc behavior. It was something I didn’t see coming. I’m just so sad that this is going to be his life and I will never have a normal relationship with him. I had to kick my own son out of the only home he’s ever had because he didn’t want to follow the rules. It makes it really tough because he’s a brittle, type one diabetic. I am heartbroken.

    Like

  45. Life with a narc = DEATH BY A MILLION PAPER CUTS
    How safe is it to post here….he is a sneaky bastard

    Like

  46. Thank you so much for creating this website. It is a god send.

    Like

  47. Do you have advice for one parent protecting their kids from their other Narc parent. The kids and I have left him and have no relationship with him (they are 14, 19 and 21) but I have concerns that in the future he will try to win the kids back to him. His mother is telling the kids “he really loves you” and “you should respect your father” and blames me for the breakup of course! It seems from my reading that you can’t warn people and the Narc is so good at charming people that it’s inevitable others will get sucked-in by him….wish they could be locked up!

    Like

  48. Thank you, from the depths of my soul, thank you, fight the good fight 😍

    Like

  1. Pingback: About ANA – specialguyblog

Thoughts or Feelings you'd like to share?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: