That Brain Fog – or the overwhelming feeling of being lost and surrounded by utter confusion!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Who could EVER believe the truth that presented itself to us and now lives in us about this abuse and how someone just used us for the time they did and how they were inclined to destroy us as well. It is still hard for me to accept, but I know better because I lived through it and the truth is right there to back it up. What I can’t believe is that there are human beings capable of this and as a normal person with empathy it is not within my realm to understand them! That says a great deal within my words. If after experiencing and recovering from this abuse it is still hard for a person of empathy to get it completely. But what I learned is that I don’t have to ‘get it’ so completely, I just have to understand it and accept the truth to forget about that Narcissist because they are what they are and that HAS to be enough. Knowing and believing this enables you to move forward and work on everything else that involves getting healthy. Don’t waste your time on getting into their heads, or trying to understand them, or trying to fix THEM because you are only denying the truth YOU ALREADY KNOW! It is now time for you to get past this psychological abuse so you can enter back into a great world feeling healthy! It is a necessity to focus on yourself!

 All those memories and the time you spent together, the plans, goals, dreams, holidays, and fun. Well let’s put a little spin on that. How much fun comprised the relationship from day one to the final discard. Perhaps 1/100th of it. I didn’t have fun past the first year. Seriously I was a full-time babysitter and servant to a mental child, I spent more of my time dealing with justifications and bending over backwards to try to fix what was unfixable. I was always in the corner sitting on a stool getting my verbal beatings and told how awful I was (just imagery.) But I wasn’t any of that.

 Was I crazy, insane, off my rocker? Probably so but not by choice. The effects of the slow abuse took me there day by day. I became disabled because I was meant to be taken there by this destructive person. That is victimization and even as much as I hate that word it is the REAL definition and I had to understand it or stay frozen in denial. It helped me understand the process – and the rest of it was up to me as far as my personal responsibility, new boundaries and moving forward. I have found those wounded parts of me that helped me understand my part and I worked through them. I understand the process and I separated the facts, and I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS ABUSE! I am not crazy, or felt that this is all I deserved, or anything like that!

 There are drugs that paralyze the mind that predators use on their victims, and then there is manipulation that brainwashes a person’s mind. One is quick (the drug) and the other (manipulation) is a slow and insidious process administered over time, but both methods essentially do the same thing to the target/victim and that is altering their state of consciousness with a destructive agenda that is meant to dehumanize the target/victim by debilitating their normal thought processes. So, we don’t (and didn’t) react as a healthy person would. Yes, this betrayal and huge con job was psychological terrorism or psychological rape. Both designate the same meaning that this was mediated by a highly dysfunctional person with an agenda to extort through disabling a person’s mind. Yes, I defined this using a different angle, but it does put the definition of this abuse in a shocking but realistic portrayal. I guess I am saying this to help targets/victims get a stronger sense of the manipulation to help lead them to their ‘ah ha’ moment.

 When you came out of this you felt like you were in a fog, or better yet that your reality was altered and basically it was through the slow process of brainwashing and the manipulation from your perpetrator. You are traumatized, confounded, and confused and wondering what hit you squarely in the brain. We are functioning, but not as we once did. If we were the person we were before this abuse we would have had a much clearer perspective AFTER discard, but unfortunately we are not that person anymore. We have gained the knowledge but we are vulnerable and damaged, so we really struggle.

 We weren’t in denial in the beginning we were tricked, conned, manipulated, etc. But here is the point we also never realized this in its entirety while we were with them and WHY? Well because the agenda of the Narcissist was not apparent, and the manipulation was subtle and consistent. We were always drawn back into the abuse through Narcissistic magic or trickery. Day by day we were managed down more and more through the Narcissist’s vast arsenal of tools to the point that we were not in our original state of conscious thinking – our reality was altered by our perpetrator so they could harvest us as supply!

 Just as I was writing this I heard the words of an actor on a crime show say “was this a Narcissist?” Wow what a better way to drive a point home than hearing that word used in a phrase and on TV. Most people watching this TV show will let that word go through them as if they were transparent because it is so widely used anymore that NOBODY understands it in its truest reality – but WE do. Narcissists are mostly depicted as murders on TV, but they are not the TV show variety that does a hit and run murder. The Narcissists that we experienced were mind murders and they don’t leave fingerprints, or bodies – just damage and destruction to all of their targets/victims.

 One last point! So many times our family seems like they don’t care. This may be true for some, but for the most part remember that our stories are incredulous and personal to us. They don’t know how deep the abuse is and deeply rooted in our subconscious. It is not as personal to them as it is to us. We would have to drag them through every day of the abuse while we were living it for them to actually get it – and to explain it would take just as long. They would also have to experience every day that we grieve (after the discard) to see how isolated and disconnected we have become because of the abuse. It doesn’t say that it is OK for people to shun us because it all sounds so unreal, BUT they do know and they would be there for you when you really needed them. Nobody can understand how the target/victim needs to keep repeating things over and over again because it is within this process that targets/victims purge the abuse outward. Our voice is the tool for others to hear to gain support as well as to vocalize and actualize the truth. There is no closure with these creatures, so how do we become validated? We search for that validation through our voices until we find something that we can turn to that HELPS. Without validation we will just run in a circle chasing our tails. We do eventually find validation within our personal truths.

 We are very inquisitive creatures, and we know none of what happened to us can be ALL of our fault! We weren’t problematic in our other relationships, or mentally ill, insane AND everything else we were led to believe – SO WHAT IS UP? That is what gets us out there searching on the internet, or seeking support through the behavioral sciences, etc. But once we start traveling through all of the questions and confusion, we find some answers and usually when we hear the real stories of survivors or other victims. We start to see the similarities and find the validation we deserve. Knowledge and education on a personal level are imperative to clarity and recovery. Greg

Posted on October 9, 2022, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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