Remember EVERYTHING that Narcissists say or do has an agenda behind it – and that is to ALWAYS benefit their need for CONTROL, GAIN, and POWER over others.
Remember EVERYTHING that Narcissists say or do has an agenda behind it – and that is to ALWAYS benefit their need for CONTROL, GAIN, and POWER over others. Getting to KNOW these Narcissists and their manipulative and destructive games! The dynamics of PROJECTION, or how they dump their many wrongs onto/into us AND diminish something good about us at the same time. Narcissistic hocus pocus/magic to MANAGE US DOWN!
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist.
Projection and smearing at the same time is a work of art for the Narcissist, and it is uncanny how they manage to accomplish it. It’s all in the way their words are carefully placed, because not only do they ditch one of their faults, but they also muddy up one of our virtues in the process until they eradicate some of our goodness that they envy and truly despise. They are so glib and amazingly adept at ‘killing two birds with that one stone,’ or with projection.
But understand and remember this, the Narcissist is not attacking your ‘faults and shortcomings,’ he/she is attacking your ‘virtues and accomplishments.’ Consequently, when the Narcissist is conducting a smear campaign or a one-on-one character assassination against someone, the proverbial gun the Narcissist shoots never hits one of your real flaws, it is shot to just wound you enough to disable you emotionally and psychologically. Believe me they will keep shooting and wounding you in the hopes of completely crippling you as time goes by because they must. Remember they will also find something/anything (usually an insecurity of ours) and super-embellish it in a manner to make us feel wrong or bad too. It is all about managing us down in every possible way.
Think of it in your own normal and functioning world as to why you would ever project slander and lies onto another person Well first off because you would be hiding some sort of ugly action and trying to redeem yourself, so you will not be cast off and out of your circle of friends, family and loved ones. Lying is the use of words to project a false image to correct the real or bad image – the Narcissists whole image is based on this! Lies could also be used in a good way by over complimenting or flattering someone to win them over, perhaps even exaggerate a few things here and there, but basically lying has a deceptive agenda attached to it. With the Narcissist think of it in bigger terms or EVERYTHING that constitutes their personality or life is based on lies and hideous distortions and it is pathological in nature and all consuming. You or I could never have known this when we met them, nor could we have done anything to correct any of their dysfunction. This is their normal and they just utilize their talents to jump from one relationship to another and they are not looking back at any of the damage they have caused to anybody – they are only looking for personal gains from every relationship – and nothing else matters.
This is how they justify the HUGE denial of their disordered life AND make it work. If they are creating these amazing qualities to hide the truth, then they are obviously cognizant or aware of just how damaged they are to HAVE to hide them. They can’t hold onto that awareness of being damaged and destructive, so THIS IS WHY they are projecting an altered and amazing persona. Just part of the process to create their false world as well as dragging us into it to see this amazing BUT self-created reflection through us! This process holds them together, so the truth doesn’t make their head implode. BUT always remember there is absolutely NOTHING real about them – let me repeat this again – NOTHING IS REAL ABOUT THEM!!
They absolutely know this so when that damaged child starts surfacing after they have betrayed us, cheated, lied, stole or any number of things, they need to dump those feelings of inadequacy and guilt ASAP and usually in the form of BLAMING us. They MUST patch up that mask or false image to save themselves from seeing their REAL image or reflection – as well as making sure the public doesn’t see WHO they really are? So, they just dump it onto and into somebody else and that would be our role in all of this. We are the mirror or big screen, and they are a self-contained fortress full of fake images to adorn themselves with as well as establish and enable some sort of reality to hide all of their damaged parts! STOP BELIEVING IN ANYTHING ABOUT THEM it is all chaos and CONTROL! No/minimal contact because Narcissists are not real by any means and damaging to all people that orbit in their chaotic world. Greg
REMEMBER – you are amazing, you KNOW love, you HAVE empathy, and you can move forward to recovery because you are stronger and even more amazing than you know – that is why you are here today! Greg