Narcissists do NOT live in a real world, instead it is all manufactured based only on THEIR needs.
Narcissists do NOT live in a real world, instead it is all manufactured based on THEIR needs. The Narcissist’s manufactured world is about manipulating and maneuvering people and events through compartmentalization – we each have our place and our function to make their world work and even to protect it. None of us are the wiser about these other support people – and the Narcissist WANTS it that way or else we would start to see all the lies and manipulation. You are NEVER the only person in your relationship with them – just part of the mechanics of their façade.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
The Narcissist’s self-regulating and controlling mechanics always involves pulling people into their lair and extracting information from them AND in turn using this information for whatever GAIN they desire or to use against them! Be it the love bombing to harvest their main sources of supply, or people to prop up their hideous façade of saintliness (minions). If that entails being, charming, exciting, deceptive, controlling, or nasty, so be it – just technique! Their abuse is not only confined to a single person, but instead it is a complex network that includes their primary and secondary supply sources as well as their supportive adoring friends, family members, their own biological children – all of which are basically seduced into their roles! The Narcissist NEEDS this network to survive (supply) as well as enable them to escape exposure when they get caught in yet another extortion of a person’s life and there is a HUGE trail of destruction that follows them. They need a network of people to support their ‘needy needs’ so this is a full-time job for them to control the world around them. BUT the key element is that they are always on the defensive and everybody is essentially an enemy or someone to use for support because their world is full of lies and holes as it concerns the reality, they PRESENT to us! We are either a TOOL or an OBSTACLE in their world.
So back to basics! What is the one thing a Narcissist does not want other people to know? The truth. More specifically, Narcissists do not want the truth about them to be known that they are insecure, malicious, and devious people with a toxic agenda. Beyond being embarrassed by the truth of their behaviors and thoughts, they have a deathly fear of being exposed and REJECTED for who and what they are. This is in large part because they always use lies, manipulations, and distortions to control other people and get what they want. If people were to know about their true nature, they would want nothing to do with the Narcissist – the Narcissist is very aware of this and that is why they MUST build up their defenses. Let’s just say they are always prepared for the inevitable. Similarly, their whole grand façade is just part of their defensive pretense.
The Narcissist is basically grooming every single person in their orbit WITH a deceptive agenda to DIVIDE AND CONQUER. They feel such an intense high or euphoria when they play people against each other, ESPECIALLY when it becomes a competition for them to gain adulation/adoration. They will even make you think that the people closest to you are talking behind your back. The Narcissist will present the allegations as a concern of course to minimalize the real agenda to put wedges in between you and the people closest to you. The reverse is also true because the Narcissist will go to the people closest to you and make them believe you have said things about them as well – AND only out of concern of course! This basically isolates you from the people closest to you and forces you to become dependent on the concerned Narcissist. Pure deception that destroys you as well as your integrity.
BUT the minions cause just as much havoc in our lives because they are supporting the Narcissist’s agenda. There is strength in numbers and that is what the Narcissist’s goal is here by pulling in the troops! Really minions are just co-conspirators or co-abusers and should be treated as such by employing the same no-contact rule as with the Narcissist. Anybody that will basically join in on a disordered agenda that aims at destroying another person has serious issues and they are dangerous people to do what they do so never engage with them. Remember the Narcissist looks for the weakest and neediest links in society that feign attention from anybody to join in on their reign of terror. It is not unusual for the Narcissist to use whatever method possible to pull them into their deceptive agenda, be it extreme charm, sex or whatever, but basically these minions are just tools or objects like every other person and seduced into their roles. Narcissists are the grand extortionists of life! BUT remember when it comes to minions, they are willing to do whatever they can to fulfill their role to please the Narcissist. They are just as manipulative and will employ some of the same tools that the Narcissist does, even PRETENDING to be your friend. They will gather up information that the Narcissist is requesting of them so the Narcissist is always ‘in the know’ about their enemy (that would be us).
So these minions and co-conspirators are only extension of the Narcissist AND the Narcissist’s abusive methodology. A Narcissist uses every opportunity to feign attention to themselves as well as secure their little toxic playmates to be there right alongside of them when they decide to wage their battles. Their world is so distorted and toxic. They live in pure denial of their sickness. They mean to hurt and destroy people, family, organizations or essentially anything that they participate in. Backstabbing, smearing, triangulation and lying are their tools to create chaos and to damage and silence people. All of this of course falls under ‘no contact’ because the only way to shut this monster out is to completely remove yourself from any attachment, especially your emotional ties with them. Yes, we loved a monster! The Narcissist’s smear campaign is their way of hatefully acknowledging OUR denying them of their fake reality and identifying them AS THE MONSTER THEY ARE. The only viable solution is moving on and away from them with no/minimal contact! Greg