A little extra information today: A Narcissist will always manage everyone down and condition us to believe that their every action/word (abuse) is a reality that we must accept because we don’t deserve any better. A Narcissist wants your reality, your goodness, and basically your life and to completely accept them as ‘perfect’ or jump ship and drown without them.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
A Narcissist will use ANYTHING to convince you that you are seriously damaged. Alternatively, a Narcissist will even use dime store psychology on you, or strong dogmatic religious beliefs or a false consensus from friends, family, co-workers, etc. to justify their lies and inexcusable behaviors concerning you. For example, saying things like: “I pray for your healing daily” or “You have issues that you need to address with a therapist” or “My therapist agrees with me about your actions” or “My mother/father/a friend agrees with me and understood what I did because of the way YOU treated me (that is a personal example of mine that concerned an affair my Narcissist had and the delusional response that I was supposed to accept), “I think I am right and you are wrong.” These are nothing more than tactics for deflecting responsibility and reinforcing them with ill placed and FALSE comments from other people that aren’t even involved. A Narcissist rarely, if ever, admits they are wrong unless it is to zap you with a thinly veiled insult. For example, “I am sorry for thinking you were a kind and generous person. I see that I was probably wrong about you.” A narcissist rarely if ever takes responsibility for their hurtful actions. If you call them out on their bad behaviors, they claim it was your fault for pushing them into it (in other words, you deserved it) and you’re a bad person to make a good person like them (the Narcissist) act that way. You should be ashamed of yourself! I was continually blamed for my Narcissist’s horrid and raging temper with comments that I pushed the Narcissist to act this way. No, I was a great, caring and giving person and so is everyone reading this. Everything I was accused of was only delusional and fake accusations of things I was supposedly doing that would come out of thin air to start an argument, create a chaotic situation with toxic drama, silencing, and betrayal as my punishment – all part of a Narcissist’s cycle of abuse or devaluation!
Please take this with you and internalize these words. Forgive yourself in every manner possible because it isn’t possible to have known that this person was who and what they were/are. Psychological abuse is real – so much so that it warps normal reality. The strongest person in the world could be taken down and abused by a Narcissist. It doesn’t make a Narcissist strong, powerful, or even smarter than us – they are cowards, liars, and not fully functioning people that would even include their own biological children in their abuse. This is not anything even near normal so don’t let it live within your heart, soul and mind. No/minimal contact. Educate yourself about this abuse, talk and be heard, find support from other targets/victims, reach back out to the world with new lessons and you WILL find your way back! Greg