A Narcissist’s design and scheme to diminish, control, and isolate people from one another – Divide and Conquer!
A Narcissist’s design and scheme to diminish, control, and isolate people from one another – Divide and Conquer! Narcissists USE triangulation on a regular basis to shore up their fake image through compartmentalizing people and information – this keeps their lies hidden from one person to the next.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
Triangulation is just another tool the Narcissist uses to create a powerful and seductive bond over their targets (and everybody else in the target/victim’s immediate world). Narcissists use triangulation on a regular basis to shore up their fake image through compartmentalizing people – this keeps their lies hidden from one person to the next because they come with MANY stories about who they are and none of them are real. Remember they are doing this with everyone AND putting that wedge in between people with a bit of their back-stabbing – again to compartmentalize people or divide and conquer. They triangulate your family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, ex partners (if they have anything to do with them,) and yes potential new supply (but they usually do that on the side, so we are none the wiser.) Whatever the situation they will triangulate so this even happens within the Narcissist’s own family structure and with their friends, etc. They are essentially triangulating everybody to stay in charge and control of their immediate world – or that ‘compartmentalization.’
The Narcissist is basically grooming others WITH a deceptive agenda – DIVIDE AND CONQUER. They feel such an intense high or euphoria when they play people against each other, ESPECIALLY when it becomes a competition for them to gain adulation/adoration. Narcissists will absolutely manufacture situations to make you jealous and question their connection with you, relationship, and even fidelity in a so-called love connection. They will even make you think that the people closest to you are talking behind your back. The Narcissist will present the allegations as a concern of course to minimalize the real agenda to put wedges in between you and the people closest to you. The reverse is also true because the Narcissist will go to the people closest to you and make them believe you have said things about them as well – AND only out of concern of course! This basically isolates you from the people closest to you and forces you to become dependent on the concerned Narcissist. Pure deception that destroys you as well as your integrity.
When you are going through this it is never apparent because so many levels of this abuse is circling around all of your thoughts that you never have the time to think anything through with any sense of reality or realizing the real truth that what they say is just more of their ‘crazy making!’ Triangulation is basically pitting YOU against a false situation AND people to make you feel that you just do not meet up with the Narcissist’s expectations or what they expect of you as well as making you feel worthless as compared to some of the very people that you care for in your life. It is the process of managing what you do or have done down through the Narcissist’s incredulous and fake stories to make everything, and everybody seem so much better than you OR anything you do for them. BUT that Narcissist being a shrewd manipulator also does this to keep people in their required compartments to keep their lies safe. A Narcissist NEVER wants people to meet up and talk about them or else they would be totally busted when people compare notes.
Triangulation is also woven tightly into the discard phase. They will particularly use it openly when they make the decision to abandon you. This is when they will begin speaking openly and freely about how much this relationship with YOU hurt or destroyed them, and they CAN’T deal with your horrible behavior anymore – AND they are broadcasting it to everyone. They will even mention (to us) about talking to a close friend/family about the relationship and going into great detail about how they both agreed that the relationship wasn’t healthy at all (and our fault.) They are blatantly sending you messages about your worthlessness and blaming you by backing it up with a third party. You will be amazed at their conjectures of what you have done wrong, and you only ask yourself why the Narcissist never spoke to you in a realistic manner about these crazy issues or even gave you the consideration to understand they felt this way and were moving on. After all you were part of the relationship, weren’t you? None of it was or is real and just part of the bigger game that always kept you confused and isolated. Now that they have found new supply and it is just more lies and avoidance to manage you down completely and disable you. NEVER ANY CLOSURE just a hit and run attack! We were not any part of a normal and conventional relationship, and we never were meant to be. It was just our turn as supply and after the harvest or extortion the Narcissists has moved on to newer and abundant supply!
In the end we MUST internalize the truth even as hard as it is to do so – but the truth will set us free. The sad reality is that this becomes clear once you are well on your way to recovery, so it is a process. If we would have understood this in the beginning, we would not have suffered through the abuse. BUT real information is necessary to move forward so you become clear, and CAN recover. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER! After the discard you are dealing with so many corrupt messages meant to only abuse AND control you more and more into a submissive role. The role is basically to silence you by making you out to be the ‘crazy one’ or the troublemaker so the Narcissist avoids exposure. Very much of the destruction that the Narcissist inflicts on us is ALWAYS done well in advance before we are aware of their real motives during the discard phase. They will keep pulling you into the crazy making to use as more proof that you are only obsessed and crazy by turning it all around. My Narcissist kept it up for a year after I decided I was done. Begging me, pleading with me, to stay, etc., and then turning it around if it was me doing the begging and pleading. This Narcissist would ask why I was saying such horrible things and would deny EVER saying anything negative about me. What a huge joke, this Narcissist said these negative things in so many emails/text messages, and I heard it from people all around me. It was some smear campaign, BUT again it must have been me misinterpreting EVERYTHING – nope it was the truth! Even when there is absolute proof staring them in the face they will still lie and deny! I had the clarity to establish ‘no contact’ and THEN and only then was I able to accept all the distorted truths that I met up with a real monster! Do not stay stuck to this monster because you will only remain a puppet to their disordered and abusive agenda. No/minimal contact to live and love again. Greg