Narcissistic AMNESIA or what I like to call Narcissistic DIVERSION & DENIAL amnesia! So important to understand the reason behind this, and that is to deny our sanity, make us feel that WE have ISSUES about most everything, and even deny our existence! Narcissistic Amnesia – I NEVER said that! YOU are overreacting! You are making this all up! The only thing they conveniently forget is telling the truth of what they do and who they are – because it is all part of the components of their control and ABUSE! More TOOLS of the Narcissists trade. Rewriting history, diverting, constant lying, and intentionally denying what they have said or done, or as the meme says – toxic Narcissistic amnesia. Remember also that this is GASLIGHTING too.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
Their conversations and interactions are not meant to connect or enlighten, but to confuse, deny, control, invalidate, and consistently create drama. They are a huge VOID, working to get whatever they can from you – basically they extort life and lives. They expect you to lend a listening ear and give them complete approval. They use emotional withdraw and silencing to create guilt, compliance, and control. They will betray personal information and secrets to feel more powerful. They will manipulate and use flattery or protests of their innocence (crying, pleading, and begging) like a stealth weapon to achieve their agenda and get their way. They will use verbal skills to block or deflect accountability for their perverse and out-of-control lifestyle and sift blame onto YOU. They impact lives negatively but miraculously escape exposure even appearing to have some positive effect and you end up the negative aspect of the relationship with them.
Think about this connection/relationship — on one side of the spectrum there is us ‘believing’ that there is relevance and reality to the relationship. On the other side is the Narcissist that does not have ANY connection to us emotionally and our relevance is nothing more than that of an object that serves them. Remember they have MANY tools they use that boils down to horrendous manipulation, gaslighting, out and out lies, emotional and psychological abuse, etc. Clinically we call this cognitive dissonance – or as I simply put it – when we learn that the truth is a lie, and the lies are the truth as it concerns a Narcissist.
OK so the nitty gritty to help you understand how a human being can be like this! Narcissists do not live in the real world OR a real world. Again, they live in their own world made up of fantasy, lies, rewriting history, gaslighting, denial, delusions, deceit, and perversion. They have their own reality that everyone that has any part of their life must accept or they will be deemed crazy, punished, and even destroyed – unfortunately, we do not see this right away. They live in a world where they make up all the rules and then break all the rules. In this world everyone must think just like them or better yet approve everything that the Narcissist does without question or prejudice. If you are a part of their life, you can never reflect upon YOUR individuality OR anything that would reveal their true Identity or ask for accountability.
Once again to drive the point home – living or participating in their world will ALWAYS involve gas-lighting, betrayal, pathological lying, isolation, triangulation, backstabbing, smearing, silencing, isolation, extreme manipulation, and abuse so they can keep their false identity in place and establish control over their target/victim. You constantly must tip toe around the Narcissist’s fragile ego to keep them happy so that their true identity and nature doesn’t rear its ugly face. Living in their world is like walking through a field of land mines or hidden bombs and you never know when they will explode but when they do the Narcissist is always there detonating them! THERE IS NOTHING OF VALUE IN THIS CONNECTION OR RELATIONSHIP – except saving your sanity and life by getting out and away from this abuser.
It is a distorted land of make believe and everything is fine as far as the Narcissist is concerned because it totally serves them. BUT it is a land of horrible secrets and painful lies. THE ONLY truth is a relative truth based on what YOU may believe the relationship really is. YOUR relationship IS ONLY held together through fear, guilt, and obligation – that and being a source of supply to this Narcissist until they find a replacement.
The Narcissist sabotages everything and everyone because NOBODY can be better or do better than the NARCISSIT! It is a place where your dreams will die quickly, and your self-esteem and self-worth die along with them. It is a place where friendship, family connections, care, or no love exists at all! No/minimal contact. Knowledge, education, and clarity are imperative to start on your journey to recovery. Greg