A little more clarity about that extreme CHARM or love bombing that got us tangled up in a Narcissist’s web of abuse.
A little more clarity about that extreme CHARM or love bombing that got us tangled up in a Narcissist’s web of abuse. The Narcissist was studying and assessing you and then mirrored you and everything positive about you. The truth is that he/she was reflecting back onto and into you exactly what you wanted to hear – EVERTYTHING! The Narcissist was grabbing all of your attention and focusing it back onto you. If he/she didn’t gain this type of control over you then you might not be his/her most viable source of supply. Again this is purely a manipulation to gain your complete dependence on him/her and to control you. This love bombing or CHARM is used in every connection they make and doesn’t have to be just about love. They do it with all people that they deem as possible supply!
From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!
Think about it in simpler and non-clinical terms. Love bombing isolates you, it doesn’t give you much time to think about anything but them or what is happening, it hides the truth and within a very short period of time, it takes ALL of your time and attention away from others and again isolates you. It moves the relationship forward without giving you enough real time to assess the whole situation. It is just too good to be true so you go with it because we all grew up believing in relationships and people!
It is really mind control with an agenda. Wow he/she really likes me and is this the ‘real’ love of my life? We have SO much in common so how could this be anything but the real thing! You feel like you know him/her so completely perhaps in another life? This person really LOVES ME! It blinds you in a manner that reality is thrown out the window.
It is important that a Narcissist move the relationship forward very quickly and lock you right in, otherwise you might see the many red flags or all the negativity and destruction from their past lives. You might not notice that he/she is basically shunned from their biological family, has many enemies, doesn’t actually have a job, etc. You don’t see the real monster under that thin veneer of goodness they wear because they are deflecting the real truth to make you their next target/victim.
I so remember this love bombing and being swept off of my feet in such a short period of time – it was like a fairytale romance (we all grew up with that). This Narcissist was so attentive, fun, caring, loving, AND occupied so much of my time as well as my thoughts. BUT what was happening behind my back from that very first day we met was the reality that this Narcissist was a pathological liar and the great manipulator. This Narcissist was living another life that I was totally unaware of.
It is purely crazy that I was this blind, but this Narcissist knew how to play the game. YES, there was the same pattern with the Narcissist’s ex-spouse, but unfortunately, I didn’t have access to this information in the very beginning. I had clues from the Narcissist’s mother, but I also had the Narcissist’s side of the story, and I thought the mother was just overthinking this and her reactions were a loving mother’s concern over a divorce because of the kids. This Narcissist was also fired from their job for reasons I won’t mention, but you can probably well imagine, but I was told a story that was purely lies to cover up the hideous truth. My Point – a Narcissist is always going to thwart off any bad publicity about them with a ‘woe be me’ story and lots of lies! Narcissists do NOT come with a ‘past life resume’ of truth that we can look at first They also bury their past quite well.
Their motive is always to manipulate and control. So, they are very effective with this love bombing in a very short period of time. It gives you the impression that you are falling in love OR are in love and you have met your soul mate. Nope it is ownership, and this Narcissist has isolated you from people to hide the very truth of how disordered they are as well as their agenda to extort what they can from you by making you their primary supply. You want to pursue this grand relationship and who wouldn’t want to? This is someone you feel is so special and it feels like the real thing!
Having all of this attention, felt good. In your mind, you reason that this is that ‘special one’ or the right person. This really is/was special to you (us) because this feeling is what you understood or felt that love is/was – you believed in them. We rarely want to let go of that ‘feel good’ feeling. A Narcissist can and will walk in and fulfill this part very well because they are professionals at their scamming, and this is a major component of finding and securing their next source of supply. Remember that love bombing can occur in any type of relationship with them and why I call it ‘charm.’ Greg