Those ‘Red Flags’ and what they are – YOUR wise INTUITION – trust what YOU are feeling.
Those ‘Red Flags’ and what they are – YOUR wise INTUITION – trust what YOU are feeling. Anytime a Narcissist makes it easier or harder for YOU to make a decision or to do something, they are really manipulating you because they have some sort of manipulative agenda in mind! There are never any REAL concerns surrounding you and I – there are only opportunities for THEM because we are ‘utilitarian’ or not individuals in the mind of a Narcissist – so everything they act on benefits THEM and NOT us. EVEN a simple hello or small gesture can open the door to MORE of their manipulation and ABUSE because there is always an agenda with any connection, they make with us or anybody!
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
So, what are ‘RED FLAGS?’ The very things that confuse you and spark your intuition that something is not quite right! While you keep trying to hang onto this relationship you are only burying yourself deeper and deeper into the darkness and the void that defines a Narcissist. It is this daily struggle that is so unfulfilling and damaging, as well as makes you feel so unhappy and worthless. Beyond that there is going to be a huge eye opener with the full devaluation this creature is going to throw at you when your time is up with them as supply. It is virtually impossible to friend, care for, or love a Narcissist normally because you are only plugging yourself into their game of abuse as their PRESENT source of supply. They are literally using up every bit of your life and reaping all the benefits. You cannot have any type of relationship with a Narcissist because they are not real and all you are doing is buying into a projected image personally designed just for you to con you completely into their agenda.
We constantly struggle with the vision of that amazing connection in the back of our mind (the one that we were CONNED into believing). We reflect on it, hold onto it, nurture it, and try to bring it back and make the relationship work and make our Narcissist happy by working harder at the relationship – but in reality, it is blinding us to the truth that is right in front of our face. That struggle in our mind is our intuition or those RED FLAGS that we are ignoring and instead we are trying to work through the nonsense. We are even asked (more like demanded by threats) to do things differently or do what this Narcissist wants, it only leads to more demands and making us sink deeper and deeper into this distorted and desperate love. We are occasionally thrown a bone with “I love you so much,” or something positive that makes whatever relationship you have with them SEEM to achieve a cohesive peace but again it is not real AT ALL and the Narcissist cashes in on another lie that manipulates us once again! But despite our intuition or the deep-rooted sense that something is totally wrong with this relationship it still feels familiar to care, friendship, or love because that is what we hold onto to alleviate the struggles and pain. We begin to feel increasingly unhappy because we are never having any of our needs met as well as totally confused and lost. The struggle to get this person to care or love and accept you is not working so you employ all kinds of tactics to try harder but to no avail. It is the vicious cycle of this abuse or the trap that keeps you running in circles until it ends – and that end is always devastating and destructive because of the emotional and psychological damage that the Narcissist inflicted that kept this toxic relationship going. The Narcissist just closes the door and moves on to the next victim AND that basically defines a predator and ABUSE!
So, the truth here is that the lies, manipulation, betrayal, etc., is absolute and fundamental to the Narcissist’s agenda and survival in the real world to fit it and achieve the supply they so desperately need from us – we cannot change them or fix them because THIS is their mode of operation. The Narcissist cannot change and, most importantly, they DON’T want to change. They inhabit a fantasy world which becomes reality for them and those they manage to brainwash. There is no reality or truth for any person that resides in their world. It is always a train wreck and a catastrophe waiting to happen and there are always many victims. In their world the truth and falsehood only hold instrumental meaning or functionality as they apply it to a situation and there is absolutely no morality contained in any of their thoughts or actions. TRUST YOUR INTUITION ALWAYS – and follow through with keeping your distance until you are sure about what has you concerned – it is worth it because YOU are worth it! No/minimal contact ALWAYS. Greg