The working mechanics of this abuse!
The working mechanics of this abuse! We must first understand that it was never about YOU or anything about YOU – it was a slow and methodical attack from an emotional and psychological abuser that conned their way into YOUR life.
From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
Emotional and psychological abuse is insidious and NEVER a onetime thing or singular because it affects whole families as well as any person in every walk of life. It is administered over time like a slow poison to destroy different aspects of the target/victim OR even an organization. The abuser is shrewd because they also add the element of CHARM to the mix to first trap you into believing they are sincere, have empathy, emotions, and the biggest lie that they care deeply for you or love you. Those are the very tools of their manipulative agenda they use to gain your trust so that you will form a bond with them. We must understand that ALL of this is part of the working mechanics of this abuse because it is always about power and control to fulfil the ABUSERS every need.
All of a sudden thing are said in a manner that they (the Narcissist) have a concern, but when you try to respond a brick wall is thrown up and one you cannot penetrate. These attacks can be subtle to complex, but they are constant and consistent now. That brick wall is part of their agenda to start managing you down or devalue you and control you. Bit by bit and piece by piece they attack your amazing virtues and disallow any responses whatsoever. The more you try to defend yourself the more they elevate the attack, dismiss you, and even accuse YOU of having issues. You begin to believe that something has gone wrong and even start to question yourself because you do not have an outlet in them to even speak. Their conversations become circular, and their words are spinning around in your mind and heart to a point that there are too many of them as well as too many levels of the devaluation to even start digging yourself out from underneath it all. In time you realize that you have no option but to stay silent. The Narcissist has brought the abuse to full fruition and erased your personality and corrupted your core values.
With children of Narcissistic parents this insidious abuse starts the very day that child is born into the family. The child does not have emotional guidance and love – they have disdain toward them and everything they do. Without knowing real love, they accept that this is normal – what else WOULD they know. It even spreads to other family members to the point the entire family is dysfunctional. The same goes for spouses and partners that have lived in this abuse for many years. They are made to believe that something/everything is wrong with them and they are the problem. If there are children, they too are abused as described above – again this abuse is NEVER singular. It is a slow and insidious abuse that poisons all minds. This abuse is apparent in organizations, with professions, in religion, or in every aspect of life.
Many times this abuse manifests itself in traumatization of the victim. Some of the symptoms may include any or all of the following: Anxiety, depression, fear, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, reliving the bad memories, flashbacks, constant fatigue, physical ailments, loss of concentration, increased startle reaction, hypervigilance, avoidance, isolating yourself, feeling lost and alone, feeling emotionally numb, complete lack of trust, and even suicidal tendencies. These are serious issues that need dealt with and sometimes we have to reach out for professional help.
The fix is never an easy one because in many cases there are so many levels of this abuse that some believe this is solely about them and THEIR issues – and they are lost to this abuse forever. To those of us that were/are fortunate enough to have found the truth it is still a long and ongoing struggle to regain our true self and TRUST that was stolen away from us with this abuse. It all starts with knowledge and education and support from other victims/survivors, dedication to the recovery process – that and no/minimal contact to BREAK the cycle of this abuse and shutting our abuser out of our minds and hearts forever. We MUST find our way back because there is no other option, and we cannot allow our abuser to leave us with the residual damage from this abuse. Please feel free to share your stories about recovery – sharing positive hope is very healing and motivating as part of the recovery process. TOGETHER WE HEAL! Greg