The Narcissist idealizes his/her victim for a while – just like “courting” in the ‘old’ days.

The Narcissist idealizes his/her victim for a while – just like “courting” in the ‘old’ days. This “courting” period is the most important aspect of the “big con” that the Narcissist is creating personally for us – it is an investment for them. The Narcissist brings out the best in their target AND mirrors our good qualities back to us. This could be the very reason we think our Narcissist is so AMAZING — because he/she is mirroring our belief system, our code of ethics, our every like and dislike, our morality, they become a part of our family and circle of friends – they are a dream come true – but the dream swiftly turns into a nightmare. We are only seeing ourselves being reflected back to us as if the Narcissist has everything in common with our life. These character traits are NON EXISTANT in the Narcissist and this is an insidious betrayal on their part to gain our trust through pretending to be real, as well as faking one of the most beautiful emotions LOVE (which comes with our undying trust), so they can extort our lives and twist our minds to destroy what they can.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else I Between with a Narcissist

 We thrive for a time on this amazing adulation from the Narcissist. What human being doesn’t want to be cared for, valued, treasured, recognized at a level where another person falls in love with us and vice versa? It is easy to be enticed and trapped by all this because we grew up with “love stories” and role models that reinforced a loving and growing relationship for life or as near as we could get to that.

 The Narcissist is effusively complimentary of us at times. He/she may have started to compliment us as well as degrade us in the same sentence – this is the start of the slow and insidious abuse – like administering a poison drop by drop. These underhanded verbal putdowns left us confused more times than we care to remember – that is where the clinical term “gas-lighting” came from where we are left questioning our own ability to think or comprehend normally because of that and the Narcissists grand arsenal of tools.

 As time goes on, the compliments are less frequent. The verbal put downs, the sarcastic comments and simply the body language, make us feel that we have done something horribly wrong. This becomes such a familiar scenario and that feeling of love seems to be constantly smothered by so much “blame and shame.”

Why did we care so much that we tormented ourselves into thinking that it was us and not them? It is all the manipulation that is laid out for us like a road map, STARTING with manipulating us into loving them. Let’s just say that if they are that good to get us to love them, they are going to do equally well or better to get us to believe we are worthless when they devalue and discard us. Almost like a psychological experiment where conditioning is used to train a rat to press a bar to get a treat. After that rat learns that pressing the bar is good and a treat will follow, the researcher now changes the game and shocks the rat intermittently when it presses the bar. That poor rat was conditioned to believe whole ‘rat-heartedly’ to trust its wonderful friend and provider for that food pellet, and now what happened. So that rat just keeps pressing the bar to see if it can get a treat – and it does every so often, but more than often it gets shocked now – but it just keeps trying and trying again without the slightest knowledge of why things changed. That is conditioning in its most basic form – but the real rat here is the Narcissist and you better believe that the Narcissist is going to shock the “ba-gee-bee’s” out of us too.

 So, the abuse continues, and the Narcissist will throw their target a ‘bone’ or give us a moment of value and maybe we’ll even get a glimpse of that fake love we once knew. BUT we are now constantly being devalued and all of this is protocol in the Narcissist agenda to abuse their target/victim. A better way to describe this abuse is like being dragged down a gravel road.

 In my experience this went on as long as it amused the Narcissist and damaged me, it was purely sadistic how this Narcissist devalued me time after time. When I had been drained dry and experiencing a tragedy in my life it was time for the final discard. Being discarded from this Narcissist was THE BEST thing that could have happened to ME!

 After the Discard comes the feelings of being worthless – but seriously it is the Narcissist who is worthless. This is the abuse in a nutshell – insidious manipulation to suck the life out of a good person and take whatever the Narcissist could. It is brainwashing, gas-lighting, hypnotism or anything that describes sucking the life out of a good person WITHOUT them knowing the game.

 We are weak and fragile when we go through the final stages of this abuse – but that is what this Narcissist counts on – that and their smear campaign to convince the rest of the world that we are insane or whatever else they want to accuse us of, but rest assured it will be done in a manner to damage our integrity and silence us so they can move on without being “outed” for the abusive Narcissist they are.

 What was it about us that drew the Narcissist to us? Why did the Narcissist target us? What was it that made us so very vulnerable to their abuse? HERE IS THE ANSWER; it was that magnificent con job they created for each of us personally that I outlined above. It doesn’t require a classification of person you are or anything else to justify the abuse – THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE so don’t blame yourself – grow with boundaries so it never happens again. It is while you are feeling these things like being weak, fragile and confused that you will call upon an inner strength you never knew you had AND you will recover from this insidious abuse. Just NEVER allow the Narcissist or your abuser to return because they will only twist the knife in your back as often as you allow them to – mine did and it was more hideous each time I allowed it. BUT then the anger and repulsion I felt from realizing the truth enabled me to discard and abandon the monster that played with my life FOREVER. NO CONTACT = YOUR FREEDOM.  Greg   

Posted on May 10, 2022, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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