What are we to a Narcissist?

The processes the Narcissist utilizes to obtain, preserve, and accumulate supply is just an imaginary or what I call a FAKE-believe environment, and a comfort zone, invented by the Narcissist. It has clear geographical and physical boundaries, and the Narcissist keeps complete inventory of people, places, and events. The Narcissist assigns what each and every person’s role is and he/she keeps everyone isolated from each other so nobody becomes all the wiser to his/her lies and make believe world The Narcissist compartmentalizes everybody by virtue of the needs that the Narcissist assigns!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

 The Narcissist strives to maximize the amount of Narcissistic Supply that he/she can obtain from the people within his/her environment. The Narcissist MUST seek out and have total admiration, adoration, approval, and applause at all times. The Narcissist will step it up to even fabricate fame and notoriety with outrageous lies of achievement. None of it is real, it is all contrived and imagined – a concocted and forced “uniqueness”.

 The Narcissist makes an investment based on people whose role is designed to applaud, admire, adore, approve, and attend to the narcissist’s every need. Extracting this Narcissistic Supply from them calls for emotional and cognitive investments from supply to lock them in. In turn it provides the Narcissist stability, perseverance, long-term presence, attachment, forced collaboration, unreal emotional agility (Narcissist fakes this), and people skills and so on and so forth – it makes them seem real to us and the world. Unfortunately, nobody can be held to the Narcissists rigid standards, and we all fall short of their expectations and graces far too easily. We can’t live life as a statue for the Narcissist to adorn his/her façade, because we live, breath and think as an individual human being in a world where interactions are real.

 So we are merely ‘people objects’ (my description) in their make believe world or supply. We are substitutes for them having a real life, a real vocation, or actual achievements. We displace the emotional rewards of intimacy for the Narcissist with whatever role we were designed for. The Narcissist’s permanent existence in fantasyland is based on us and intended to shield him/her from the real self-destructive urges that they act on. They do for a fact act on every urge they have but it is in direct opposition to what they make us believe is real and that is where our conflict begins – holding them accountable for the lies and promises. Our role is to accept the lies and promises, to believe this was love no matter what – and the ‘what’ is horrendous abuse. It is always a growing disappointment and disillusionment for us because we get caught up in the Narcissists delusions of grandeur and reality, and it is really ugly for us when we experience this.

 The Narcissist feels that he/she is entitled to special, immediate, and preferential treatment. The narcissist demands to be recognized as outstanding, talented, and unique ALWAYS. The Narcissist does not see why this recognition should depend on his/her achievements and efforts and feels unique by virtue of his/her sheer existence.

 Additionally, the Narcissist is simply unable to behave in certain ways because he/she is in constant need of all the supply available and the Narcissist always gets tangled up in their own web of deceit and their extreme addiction for constant supply. The Narcissist just can’t get attached, be intimate, persevere in a relationship, be stable, predictable, or reliable because it is too limiting for them. It protects the Narcissist from being held accountable for anything and from being abandoned. If the narcissist does not get attached, he/she can’t be hurt. If the Narcissist avoids intimacy, he/she can’t be emotionally (or otherwise) blackmailed. If he/she does not persevere there is nothing to lose. If he/she does not stay put in one place, he/she can’t be dismissed either. If he/she rejects or abandons first, he/she can’t be rejected or abandoned, and the Narcissist’s grandiosity lives on and on with someone new that they will jump to because they have a vast supply out there they have already engaged and waiting in the wings.

 The narcissist anticipates the inevitable destruction of every connection he/she makes with any other human being, because life with a Narcissist is purely an emotionlessness journey with them that is laced with pathological dishonesty and ABUSE.

 This is the basic conflict of the Narcissist. The two mechanisms the Narcissist employs to achieve supply are distorted and incompatible in reality. The Narcissist must establish long term Narcissistic supply to feed their addiction with continuous gratification and to conceal their darkness. Unfortunately, the Narcissist can’t embark on any long-term or real relationship because that requires empathy and the ability to love. The Narcissist doesn’t possess any mechanism to love and only offers a reflection of love that is empty, void and fails every time. So, the plan always fails because of the conflict that exists and we pay for it!

 So, the Narcissist needs people to feed their Narcissistic Supply. But he/she refuses to create or associate with any person in an emotionally meaningful way. The Narcissist lacks the basic skills required to obtain his/her drug in reality. The very people who are supposed to sustain the Narcissists grandiose fantasies through their adoration and attention will always find the Narcissist repulsive and too dangerous to interact with after the truth becomes apparent that love and life with a Narcissist is one big lie. No/Minimal contact to stop the chaos and crazy making that their lies create within our time with them. Greg 

Posted on May 4, 2022, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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