A Narcissist wants to do all the talking and criticizing but none of the listening! The silent treatment is used as a TOOL – and part of a much broader pattern of control by emotional abusers to diminish their target/victim.
A Narcissist wants to do all the talking and criticizing but none of the listening! The silent treatment is used as a TOOL – and part of a much broader pattern of control by emotional abusers to diminish their target/victim. When it is used regularly as a power play, it can make you feel rejected and totally excluded. This can have a huge effect on your self-esteem.
Silencing/isolating or the mechanics behind THE SILENT TREATMENT – the Narcissist’s prison they create to lock up your heart and mind in chaos and confusion. It is one of the MANY tools they use to manipulate, malign, and control every situation to avoid ANY dissention from their victims? A Narcissist is completely pathological in every single aspect of how they relate to the people and world around them because it is ALL ABOUT MANIPULATION, CONTROL, and POWER!
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
So, to start, a simple definition – pathological – when a person behaves in extreme and unacceptable ways, because they have very powerful feelings which they cannot and will not control.
Let’s define these Narcissists and their pathological ways! Their world is completely delusional, one in which they do not allow individuality because they are absolute rulers (dictators) in that world. The unfortunate fact is that a Narcissist needs people in their lives to SURVIVE but they just do not ‘like’ or ‘relate’ to people, so it is a hideous, demeaning, debasing, ANGRY, and abusive coexistence that we get TRAPPED into. They do not have ‘relationships’ by any normal means, they live among us like zombies that are after our ‘brains or our ability to function normally because they attack our thought processes with extreme measures like gas-lighting, fear, brainwashing, manipulation, and betrayal – ALL extremely abusive measures.
Remember this ALWAYS — Narcissists ONLY relate to other human beings as objects. You know objects, the things to use and abuse for self-serving purposes. Things that have no rights, things that are inanimate, things that have no feelings, things that can be easily replaced – perhaps a good example would be like a tool that performs a certain function – and each of us are just one of MANY of these “tools” that they USE.
A Narcissist lacks all social graces in the most extreme ways because underneath their ‘seductive’ façade, they do not honor any human rights, respect individuality, or obey any written law. They live life in an extremely pathological and abusive manner. They imitate a functioning human being and take everything they want and need through some extreme and manipulative methods. They also get bored easily with their conquests SINCE they lack the mechanisms to form healthy bonds (and decisions), so they STRAY very easily to keep the excitement and adulation flowing in their world. Now it is bad enough they are life’s extortionist, but they also seem to loathe all healthy, happy, and loving people that would dare express their individuality, question them, or demand accountability, so they lose their patience with us quickly and psychologically attack our minds in an effort to destroy our life as we know it.
This behavior is damaging, and it puts you on edge or walking on “eggshells.” You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and you can never know what is expected of you. You become hyper vigilant, sensitive, confused, and controlled waiting for the other person’s next outburst or change of mood – YOU DON’T EVER KNOW WHAT TO DO, SAY, OR HOW TO act so you constantly stay SILENT, isolated, and in this state of confusion or basically existing as a shell of the person you were – the one that HAD a real personality, as well as loved and lived a normal, fun and loving existence. They take that and play with it, manipulate it, destroy it, and alter you so what is left is not a person, it is a prisoner of their abuse. It is PURELY control to keep you constantly disabled.
Unreasonable expectations and demands are put onto you so you feel like you have to ALWAYS put YOUR needs aside to tend to their needs and you always feel incomplete with your own PERSONAL needs as well as participation/interactions in this relationship or connection to them (if it is a ‘love’ relationship, friendship, co-worker, family, etc., or any and all of the above) – somewhere you are LOST in all of this. You are basically TOLD or manipulated into what you must to do or else it is wrong, and the situation will fall apart, so you just give in. But no matter how much you give; it is never enough. You are subjected to constant criticism, and you are constantly berated because you do not fulfill all this person’s needs and you could NEVER fulfil the Narcissists needs.
Like any other bully you must disengage from the Narcissist because if you do not, they will only attack you in unimaginable ways to destroy your integrity as well as your life – they have to win the battle they have with life, people and essentially the WHOLE world! You will ‘seemingly’ end up being the crazy one and the abuser because they will make you out to be everything bad/wrong just like a psycho bully would react to remove any blame from themselves and pass it onto you, basically their backstabbing and smear campaign. Not a very pretty package at all. Just always remember, you have not done ANYTHING wrong to deserve this because they do not function like other human beings. They do not even have a clue what liking, caring or LOVING is so they live without it by pretending they know it, but you CAN’T pretend to care or love especially when you have no morals, and it catches up with the Narcissist very quickly.
Connecting with OR living with someone like this is tremendously destructive to your psyche and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly confused, frightened, unsettled, and off balance. THIS IS WHAT PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE IS! The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity which again makes you begin to think you are crazy or losing your mind (again gas-lighting.) Narcissists are always making you reflect upon your weaknesses (real and imagined) and pointing them out and making you believe you are losing it, or you have many issues all in an effort to take you down as low as they can. That is tough and shrewd manipulation that a Narcissist uses to win this war they have with people and life. It is like being in a maze that constantly shifts, and changes and you just keep wandering around looking for that door that takes you out and back to a peaceful reality – you will never find it until you kick those walls down and get out of the endless maze of abuse! No/minimal contact to move forward into a healthy lifestyle and world. Narcissists smother the life out of all people and situations. Take your power back by disallowing any of their emotional and psychological manipulation or chaos in your life again because THAT is all there is to their abusive agenda and NOTHING more! Knowledge and education provide clarity and THAT becomes our superpower to move forward with recovery. Be safe out there my friends! Greg