FACT – this is not/was not a NORMAL relationship by any means – it is an attack on our world and life by a personality disordered NARCISSIST. They start their attack by using extreme CHARM to fool us into believing in them AND THEIR AGENDA, and then they start attacking our well-being after they have gained our trust and approval. It is a premeditated agenda to say the least!
FACT – this is not/was not a NORMAL relationship by any means – it is an attack on our world and life by a personality disordered NARCISSIST. They start their attack by using extreme CHARM to fool us into believing in them AND THEIR AGENDA, and then they start attacking our well-being after they have gained our trust and approval. It is a premeditated agenda to say the least! We MUST stop making ANY excuses for them or believing in them, thinking about them, or ruminating about what happened if we are to move forward to recovery and a healthy life.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist.
Narcissists intentionally use their extreme manipulation to manage people down and WHY? To CONTROL their target’s ability to think correctly by constantly twisting and distorting their thoughts and making them feel like they (the target) have LOST control over themselves or losing it.
Living with someone like this is tremendously destructive to your psyche and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly confused, frightened, unsettled, and off balance. THIS IS WHAT PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE IS! The other person may deny your perceptions, memory, and very sanity which again makes you begin to think you are crazy or losing your mind (gas-lighting). Narcissists are always making you reflect upon your weaknesses (real and imagined) and pointing them out to you. They also make you believe you are ‘losing it’ or you have many issues all in an effort to take you down as low as they can. That is tough and shrewd manipulation or CONTROL that a Narcissist uses to win this war they have with people and life. It is like being in a maze that constantly ‘shifts and changes’ and you just keep wandering around looking for that door that takes you out and back to a peaceful reality – you will never find it until you kick those walls down and get out of the endless maze of abuse!
So where did that care, or ‘love’ go? Until the fact sinks in that their time with us, or anybody is never a ‘relationship’, but instead more of a pathological parasite feeding off you/us — you just won’t get Malignant Narcissism. You will keep acting on the premise that the Narcissist has some feelings ‘JUST’ for you, or some sort of conscience, morals, ‘cares for’ or even loves you – and that premise could not be further from the truth. It NEVER makes sense to you, so you keep blaming yourself because that is what you have been conditioned to do as if everything is always your fault. You are always wondering whether it is you, or it is YOU that has temporarily lost your ability to relate NORMALLY in your relationship, or better yet you are crazy like your Narcissist is telling you. NO, no, no, no, no, no – it is the Narcissist that is ‘that crazy one’ or clinically has the ‘personality disorder.’ Well, it is classified as a personality disorder but still in all it is chaotic and crazy behavior or better yet dehumanizing, demeaning, debasing, and destructive behavior to make you think YOU ARE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. Control is power to an abuser so whether you are attacked physically or attacked mentally with hideous, destructive, and manipulating words, it is abuse from a disordered person, one that is not a fully functioning human being that lacks total empathy and love for their fellow man/womankind. You do not intentionally CONTROL, harm, hurt, or destroy any creature on this planet for ANY REASON and these monsters do it every waking moment of their lives. Knowledge is power that gives us clarity to move forward! Greg