It is ALWAYS AND ONLY YOU! You are Worthless, you have Issues, you are the source of EVERY problem- it is always you, you, YOU, but NEVER them! The Narcissist’s singsong anthem that they use to diminish and manage down ALL their targets/victims AND what is at the very core of their emotional and psychological abuse.
It is ALWAYS AND ONLY YOU! You are Worthless, you have Issues, you are the source of EVERY problem- it is always you, you, YOU, but NEVER them! The Narcissist’s singsong anthem that they use to diminish and manage down ALL their targets/victims AND what is at the very core of their emotional and psychological abuse. CONTROL is power to the Narcissist! REMEMBER the person that is behind these words is personality disordered and abusive and THRIVES on harming you.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
One of the most obvious signs of malignant narcissism is the way they constantly abuse others. Narcissists manipulate in a manner to control their target by always reacting in a very demeaning, debasing, dehumanizing and perverted manner to EVERYTHING! They are constantly remodeling, redeveloping, and improving their own image at someone else’s expense through their acts of back-stabbing, triangulating, smearing, putting others down, constant negativity, betrayal, lies, extortion, etc. We must ALWAYS consider that ANY relationship or love should never hurt a person nor take them down a road of emotional and psychological destruction. Ultimately care or love can make us sad when we lose someone special but that is the reality of unconditional love when someone near to us is suffering, or we lose them completely – and that is grieving a REAL connection between two normally functioning people.
Abuse at the hands of a Narcissist is emotional and psychological abuse MEANT to intentionally harm and damage a target/victim that the Narcissist has chosen as their prey – it by no means is anything near a conventional and loving relationship. Real love grows and does not diminish another person’s spirit. Always remember that the love that you felt for this person was as much a part of the psychological abuse (love bombing) as was the devaluation stage. This was all the tools of the Narcissists trade – brainwashing, extreme manipulation, gas-lighting, pathological lying, hideous betrayal, many sexual partners, etc., or the cycle of abuse with a Malignant Narcissist.
In my situation, every very day was just a new day and new lies. Every day was just a little bit more managing down to take one more piece of my life away. Every day was just one more day to backstab me and smear my integrity to the very people I loved in my life. Every day were more incredulous stories to make me believe. Every day was a cover up story to hide this Narcissist’s perverted life of lies. Every day was one more day that this Narcissist used to ultimately destroy me because this Narcissist knew I would stop believing in them because my (and your) individuality will always come into the reality and set us free. A narcissist is a dictator that demands complete control over their world and people.
When I look back at the time, I spent with my Narcissist it is so clear to me that all of this manipulation and the pathological lies were the only aspect about this Narcissist that was real. I was embarrassed to see how I believed all the outlandish lies and stories, but like everyone else here I was brain-washed and managed down, BUT I want to believe that I am a strong person. What does that say – Narcissists are experts at their mind games AND our love blinded us many times and FAILED us too! Was I just that desperate and needy? No, the Narcissist is just that desperate and needy and they will do WHATEVER they can to employ their manipulative and destructive actions to brain-wash a person even if it destroys the very person they use! I pity my Narcissist’s new target(s) that is out there dancing like such a fool to the music this Narcissist plays. They are only blinded by the lies and love-bombing, but that inner voice is talking to them and telling them something isn’t quite right there – their actions speak louder than words.
They EXPLOIT your precious human emotions to make themselves seem human. They use this information to establish a strong foundation to create what seems like an intimate and healthy relationship. And again, as to the ‘why’ because they are biologically the same as you and I and they NEED the same things that you and I need like air, food, water, human bonding, sexual attention, money, and everything else but they are not a fully functioning human being. Put that shark next to you (with its mouth wired shut) and it still could not successfully fit into any aspect of your life and achieve even one these needs and survive in our world BECAUSE it is a terrifying and hungry predator. The shrewd Narcissist just cleverly disguises themselves by fitting in and becoming the best little boys or girls in the world! Just a quick note and some of my bad humor, Narcissists should also have their mouths wired shut because their words are poisonous, and they are just as destructive and deadly as that sharks’ teeth! Communication is their tool to manipulating, controlling, and extorting their prey.
REMEMBER THIS TOO – This abuse is NOT limited to ‘love’ relationships only. Narcissists can be family members like a mother/father, brother/sister, boss/co-worker, friend/relative or anyone for that matter. Targets/victims are often victimized by more than one person as well because they have only learned or known this dehumanizing abuse all of their lives. They internalize that something is wrong with them and that they deserve this kind of abuse, and then resign themselves to their fate. Targets/victims may not reach their potential in their personal or professional lives because they always must stand in the shadow of their abuser(s) – and that is all they have ever known in the case of Narcissistic parents. They learn to live in the shadows without knowing why – and that why is the debasing control from abuse at the hands of a Narcissist
Hindsight unfortunately is 20/20 as they say, so you have to experience their deception and abuse to understand exactly what I just said. It is definitely not something anyone should experience because the destruction reaches the very core of your heart, soul and mind.
We must remember and ACTUALIZE this truth about their mechanics just like we understand the predatory shark. If you think back to the Narcissist’s behaviors, charm, and unrequited love they professed, something was not quite right. We could not put our finger on it, but we knew something was off and WRONG. Their performance was always overly exaggerated or just plain flat, but it was never just quite right. BUT you always responded by caring and loving them more and they returned it with more abuse – that is subjugation, dehumanization, and torture when all is said and done.
Chart a course through new oceans – and yes there will be these nasty sharks still swimming all around us, but you will learn how to navigate through the treacherous waters with new boundaries, but your goal is to find your way back to safe land and get your feet firmly placed back into a real life by moving away from their control. This can only be accomplished through breaking the spell (that love) and denying its existence every single time it sends you a twinge to want it back. What you will always get back is more abuse and lost time. You have the ability to change but you must overcome every single thought that will return you to that bad place where you think this love was real, it wasn’t it was ABUSE. There is real love out there and you have the ability to find it again because you are strong and awesome, and you are here today to prove it.
The answer is complete awareness or accepting the truth we know. Next educating ourselves about this pathological Narcissist that depends on us believing their big lie to gain our trust that opens the doors for them to extort our world. Slam that door shut and lock it forever. No/minimal contact is the ONLY way out. Greg