Reactive Abuse from a Narcissist: A Narcissist always uses their toxic and abusive words to purposely create a negative reaction that they can turn around on their target/victim and use it against them! THEY are the abusers without a doubt, but they bait us into nonsensical arguments – ones where they accuse us, maybe make fun of us, belittle us, malign us, etc. – so that WE react and then they call us the abuser!
The magical Bait and Switch – Tricks of the Narcissists trade or baiting their victim into reacting to THEIR abuse so they can then turn it around to BLAME the victim and accuse THEM of abuse. Reactive Abuse from a Narcissist: A Narcissist always uses their toxic and abusive words to purposely create a negative reaction that they can turn around on their target/victim and use it against them! THEY are the abusers without a doubt, but they bait us into nonsensical arguments – ones where they accuse us, maybe make fun of us, belittle us, malign us, etc. – so that WE react and then they call us the abuser!
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in between with a Narcissist
Again, a Narcissist will always set this TRAP for their victim – basically pushing or better yet FORCING us into a corner so that we react and even verbally reply/lash back out to protect ourselves from something so toxic and negative that they have said to us – and what they say is always horrendous and shocking. It is that very reaction from us that they are looking for and baiting us into because they want to use it against us and makes US out to be the toxic person. They will then react to our reaction with pure intent, maybe with a sigh of pure disgust, act fearful of us, state how WE have hurt them, how we overreact, shame us and even blame us for starting an argument, or whatever they can muster up to pin this on you and I!
So, what goes on in the omnipotent Narcissist’s distorted version of life? DIMINISHING THEIR VICTIM and they want them to feel isolated and insecure. There is no such thing as a POSITIVE value judgment as it concerns any other human being on this planet because people are merely living objects for a Narcissist to use and abuse, play with, and discard at will – and ‘in between’ they will completely manage their victim down in any way they can. It is a very controlled mechanism in their arsenal of abuse. Normal people respect all life, but a Narcissist does not deem life as worthy of THEIR respect – it is there for them to use and manipulate. So, by treating others as unworthy the Narcissist is acting as if they are beneath reprieve for their actions, and we are totally insignificant, very disposable, and infinitely less important than the all-important Narcissist or we DESERVE this treatment!
A Narcissist has no more regard for us than a person that steps on and squashes a poor bug that is minding its own bug-business on the ground. Basically, and unequivocally, we are nothing and the Narcissist is everything in their world and at all costs, even if it means total destruction of an individual OR squashing us like that poor bug! They will even step up their game by making a person feel physically unattractive by making fun of them and backing it up with FALSE testimony from friends, family, co-workers, etc., again – NONE of which is true.
Let us take it a step further – and to another level of how they malign us through their ‘CON BOND’ with us. IF you believe in their sincerity or participate in any of their ‘poison laced conversations’ you are allowing a Narcissist to access your mind and uncover your deepest and darkest secrets and insecurities AND they will exploit them completely at a future time, but always under the guise of concern and caring to exploit those very secrets. They will even fuel a conversation to manipulate you into ‘providing’ personal information about yourself, a situation, or a familiar person to extort the knowledge and use it against you. Narcissists are backstabbers pure and simple!
What is carefully hidden under their ‘fake’ empathy is an agenda to manipulate and exploit those weaknesses and use them against you in any number of different ways. They will call upon this personal information AT ANY TIME to dehumanize you and invalidate you USING those thoughts that you genuinely trusted them with. They will take those ‘innermost thoughts and secrets’ and make themselves ‘in the know’ about your private and personal life issues with ‘others.” They will run with this information and negatively triangulate with friends, family, your boss, and co-workers with that ‘very personal’ information they have gained through sharing your private concerns with them. It is natural to vent with the person you love or trust, but NEVER with a Narcissist because they will use it against you. Give them a little bit of information and they will find out everything and anything connected to it that they can use against you – and they are very shrewd and sneaky about it – you will not know what hit you. They are ALWAYS looking for that ‘in’ to manage a person down! Most importantly is understanding that this is not ANY type of love, caring, friendship, or relationship – it is subjugation and abuse. No/minimal contact ALWAYS. Greg