Words are NEVER real with a Narcissist; they are TOOLS and WEAPONS utilized in their cycle to abuse! There is NEVER a dialogue with a Narcissist it is always a self-serving monologue with an agenda in mind or to create a smokescreen or diversion of some sort.

Words are NEVER real with a Narcissist; they are TOOLS and WEAPONS utilized in their cycle to abuse! There is NEVER a dialogue with a Narcissist it is always a self-serving monologue with an agenda in mind or to create a smokescreen or diversion of some sort.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

A Narcissist will employ cleverly hidden emotional blackmail, mental abuse and shrewd manipulative linguistic or language patterns to CONTROL people around them and force them to question their own sanity. Narcissists will also smear their target/victim’s good nature/name behind their back destroying their integrity to others (friends, family, co-workers) so they will also start questioning the sanity of the target/victim. It is like a game of “power and control” using these various methods so that the Narcissist’s is always in charge of their environment and controlling every aspect of it with lies, false appearances, coning people, etc. Narcissists have everybody around them fooled by their charm that hides their true pathological self – they even fooled their target/victim with their “love bombing” and extreme charm.

 When communicating, discussing, debating, or arguing with a narcissist, a target/victim usually finds themselves at a COMPLETE dead-end. The target/victim’s logic always becomes incompatible with that of the Narcissist, and they always get outwitted and then steered in the opposite direction from the original topic, especially if it is around questioning them (the Narcissist) or accountability as it concerns the Narcissist. Basically, communicating with them is like walking through a “House of Mirrors” at a carnival. Every thought you express is distorted in so many different ways that you don’t even recognize the original thought and it causes complete confusion– just like your image in the many mirrors that are created to distort your image and make you lose track of your original starting point and destination.

 If you say the sky is blue the Narcissist will somehow negate the possibility of it being blue to make you wrong. The Narcissist may even hint that you have certain psychological issues concerning your thoughts about the sky being blue. The Narcissist will back it up with concerns that your friends, family, or associates have over your “wild allegations” of the sky being BLUE. Then the Narcissist will accuse you of having an affair and using your story of the “blue sky” as a diversion tactic to trick THEM. Finally, that Narcissist will employ punishment and the silent treatment because of your argumentative views, lies and betrayal concerning your “blue sky” story. The Narcissist then runs out to find a little extra supply on the side to betray you since they now have some “free time” after the chaotic and wild “blue sky” story. After a day or so they come back and tell you that IN FACT the sky is blue as if the issue over the blue sky never even came up at all, and you may even get flowers, or dinner, BUT you end up paying for it as usual! OH – and they will tell you that they were taking care of a sick relative and that is why you did not hear from them for that day or so that they disappeared. Do we call this denial on the Narcissist’s part that they are just this delusional or are they just denying us access to them using all of these “crazy and chaotic” diversions that deflect us away from the truth about them so they can get away with everything and anything?

 The Narcissist will throw a pathological spin onto communication (their monologue) to divert reality and cause chaos, so it fulfills whatever the Narcissist’s agenda is at the moment and this is always reflected in their words. This agenda is many things, but basically to secure supply, from us and from whoever else is willing to give them supply – it supports their false mask/persona. It took me a while to understand just how this worked, as well as how my Narcissist would divert from every aspect of their life/lifestyle – everything was always a mystery as far as the past and present. Let me put it this way – everything was MEANT to be kept this way so I would never learn the truth about this Narcissist’s abusive past, out-of-control lifestyle, as well as a perverted lifestyle. Any time I would speak to this Narcissist’s mother I would find out about something that this Narcissist had lied about AND I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO ASK because the truth just always seemed to come out on its own. So, you can imagine just how much this Narcissist was lying, re-writing history and every other little diabolical action. I was always kept at a distance from the Narcissist’s family, but of course I was told that I never made an attempt to get to know them. They will always flip that script and use diversion to steer a conversation in their favor!

 Their agenda ALWAYS includes manipulating/punishing the target/victim into believing that anything bad or wrong they have been questioning concerning the Narcissist was all their imagination and basically we are confused, have issues, jealous or paranoid and this is why they have to get away from us. We stress them out AND they are concerned how we are showing signs or issues around our INABILITY to see reality as it concerns them being saintly, moral, good, or basically perfect. Remember it is the Narcissist re-writing history and lying behind that mask, so beyond the pathological and cowardly aspect of that betrayal process, the Narcissist wants to get the most out of their manipulation skills by trying to make us believe we DO HAVE ISSUES around our own mental stability too – it’s all for the “cause” that protects their disordered and perverted lifestyle they live, and we SUPPORT.

The habit of treating a human being or a person as a means to an end is utilitarian (to satisfy a need or fulfill an AGENDA) and fundamentally an inhumane or a pathological and perverted manipulation of our basic human rights. The Narcissist is feeding their endless ‘depravity void’ through injustice by his/her disregard for others and using them as mere instruments of the Narcissist’s own gratification. The closer the association to a Narcissist the more pathological the Narcissist becomes, and the more damage done to the target/victim. Their needs are far more than just extorting basic life and biological needs – it is their psychological needs that cause the most damage to their target/victim. It is their need to control and gain dominance or power over other people that damage and destroys them. They are BASICALLY human with most of the same biological needs (like eating, breathing and sexuality) but when it comes to mental functions, they are delusional and seem to have a battle that rages in their head to seriously harm people that love them as if they loathe all people and need to destroy them one by one. The key lesson here is to STOP allowing their monologues by empowering yourself with the truth that their world is full of chaos and lacking any reality as far as bonding or connecting with human beings. DO NOT REACT to anything they say and go no/minimal contact to start on your road to recovery. Greg

Posted on June 18, 2021, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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