Narcissists wear many faces/masks to meet all of their particular needs which are MANY AND UNENDING – but basically, they are ALL just variations on two distinct ones. The ‘working one to snare their supply in’ or charming and saintly face they wear outside or publicly for everyone to see and the REAL one that they unleash onto those they abuse in PRIVATE.
Narcissists wear many faces/masks to meet all of their particular needs which are MANY AND UNENDING – but basically, they are ALL just variations on two distinct ones. The ‘working one to snare their supply in’ or charming and saintly face they wear outside or publicly for everyone to see and the REAL one that they unleash onto those they abuse in PRIVATE. Only those of us that are/were close to the Narcissist know the reality of that REAL face – the rest of the world do not see past the saintly one the Narcissists works so diligently at to hide the truth of who they are.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist
Some simple logic! A Narcissist is not acting on any singular ‘normal’ human premise and all the Narcissist is doing is playing (manipulating) people for the reaction he/she wants – to control you because they WANT SOMETHING. The truth is irrelevant to a Narcissist because they do not even know what ‘truth’ is. Truth or lies, it is all irrelevant to the Narcissist, so whatever works for them and that is usually lies. They are connecting with us for ONE reason only ‘objectification” and we are there to serve them as Narcissistic Supply and that is it. Why do they create the huge production with the entire ‘charm’ factor? To gain our trust first, and then in turn we speak highly of them in the beginning and that reinforces their con job of a life to the masses. We are none the wiser, PLUS they gain access to attack us using our trust and vulnerabilities to drive the psychological abuse straight to our minds to disable us. Be it backstabbing, triangulating, and smearing our good name or whatever they decide to do to get us! But do not forget we were singing their praises at first and they were destroying our integrity behind our backs. So, when you start telling the truth more than likely you will hear, “I thought you were great friends, co-workers, (or whatever causal relationship you had with them), but you are reminded that you were talking how great he/she was”. We are damned if we do, or damned if we don’t!
So, to support this let us just say it would be more correct to say that there is no such thing as truth to a Narcissist, because there is no such thing as truth when you are playing pretend with the world and everybody in it. Kids do this but there is an innocence in their make-believe world. A Narcissist creates delusional ‘make believe worlds’ and there is NO innocence whatsoever to the reason why they do it – instead, it is diabolical and meant to control people. Therefore, Narcissists and psychopaths beat lie detector tests! Narcissists and psychopaths are known to get so good at manipulating people that by the time they are teenagers or young adults, they routinely fool and manipulate family, mental healthcare professionals, teachers, law enforcement, judges, social workers, OR you name it, and they can fool them. Really builds up a strong case as to just how destructive these critters are in our world!
It is not a matter of their intelligence by any means it is a matter of practice and experience – and they have a lifetime of this experience. You CAN’T always trust an institution or organization to filter out the personality disordered Narcissists either because they are just that good at getting behind a job that makes them seem to be goodness personified and they will use this guise to abuse at the worksite also.
Narcissists are experts at tearing down whoever is above them on the ladder of success in their choice of fields or careers. That is what Narcissists do nonstop all their lives, or ‘one up’ whomever they can because that is what is at the core of their disorder and they have to feel superior to everyone. They get exceptionally good at it too, because this aspect of their personality disorder is part of an agenda that benefit them. In fact, they get so good at climbing over those they throw down that they come out smelling like a rose, because nobody even knows that the Narcissist instigated the talk that destroyed their person of choice. BUT they are not always as smart as they believe they are and eventually you do come to find out the truth. Narcissists have no boundaries about exploiting and tearing down their ‘betters’, because they have no empathy, and no conscience. It is just everyday life to a Narcissist.
This is also true if they are an administrator or in charge of an organization. They live for and enjoy the chaos or what they think is “getting tough” with their subordinates and firing them. They love doing that, because that is what Narcissists do, vaunt themselves on others by bullying whomever they can and sometimes it is with a smile – they love or better yet crave control and power. It can actually be observed as an asset by some, because it makes them look like good “tough” managers of personnel. Often you will hear a Narcissist praise themselves with phrases like, “people don’t like me because I speak my peace!” No people do not like them because they speak with their lies – but a Narcissist re-writes everything to suit their distorted vision of themselves – they feel omnipotent.
Narcissists are shameless self-promoters, experts at carving out the perfect (false) image for themselves. In fact, they see no reason to work for credits or credentials, so they just fake it whenever possible or cheat their way through life. They may do this with fake credentials, cheating their way through college or even buy a fake degree. On the job, they steal the credit that belongs to others constantly!
So, then what is the kiss of death to a predator like the Narcissist, EXPOSURE because it’s like a repellant that warns people or exposes the truth about them? So, with this in mind a Narcissist lives in constant fear of people finding out that they are a wolf behind sheep’s clothing, or that they just use people, or they want to take away or extort everything that you have that they do not have, and that they will vandalize your integrity and good image to improve their own. They will sabotage you in an effort to virtually destroy you or something you have done, and they don’t even flinch at the idea of how they have lied to accomplish this – they just try to hide in the shadows thinking they are all the wiser for getting away with their attempt to smear the integrity of someone they are envious about. Oh – you are probably guilty of doing some infraction to them – quite possibly you simply disagreed with them and that was enough for them to try to annihilate you, your work, your project, OR your life.
They also live in constant fear of ANYBODY learning the shocking truth about their past exploits, or the many other people they have intentionally destroyed. They also live in constant fear of people discovering, what they do in their immoral and dysfunctional world. They are really all around us – you have experienced them as well as I have too. Given enough rope they do eventually hang themselves – but seriously they will slip out of the noose and lie even more. Remember no matter what capacity a Narcissist resides in your life; they are dangerous to your well-being – they take anybody and everybody from Charm to Harm! The only solution is to cut ALL ties with them with no/minimal contact! Greg