The Narcissist’s world lacks all principle, thus the constant inconsistency of morals and anything and everything else that goes on in their world – NO MATTER WHAT THE COST IS TO ANYBODY. There is no one functioning basis of reality only entitlement to whatever they want AND the premise of whatever serves them!
Let us remember EXACTLY what we are dealing with or what is REALLY behind the mask, façade and con job – AND never forget! The Narcissist’s world lacks all principle, thus the constant inconsistency of morals and anything and everything else that goes on in their world – NO MATTER WHAT THE COST IS TO ANYBODY. There is no one functioning basis of reality only entitlement to whatever they want AND the premise of whatever serves them!
From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!
Often, we hear that a Narcissist just does not care and THAT becomes such a confusing point of contention with us! Just what does that mean – how can another person possess such a void that they have absolutely no ability to care for another human being? Well, it means that a Narcissist does not have the internal and normal functioning mechanisms required to PROHIBIT them from feeling the reality of the harm that they cause to the people that care or love them. Their whole being is a working mechanism (or a façade) and it lacks all empathy, emotion, and the ability to bond with other human beings. WE on the other hand can logically differentiate what caring is as well as what hurt feels like because we do possess empathy, emotion, and the ability to bond and love. A Narcissist just cannot understand this, and they wonder what goes on in our mind and why we make such a fuss about their lifeless emotions – they don’t know what we know, or feel what we feel – if you don’t know it you can’t feel it.
You can logically understand that a Narcissist does not possess the ability to care but you cannot understand or put yourself in the position to actually feel what it is like to be totally void of that ability to care so you CANNOT wrap your head around it at all. Your normal emotions will ALWAYS trump any understanding that a person could be so void of life, emotions, care, and love. We CANNOT know what makes a Narcissist tick – but we can believe from our experience with them that it is a non-functioning and destructive relationship. We MUST get out of TRYING to understand a Narcissist and just accept the truth around the fact they are disordered, and dangerous to our well-being. You cannot fix them, heal them, get back at them, or expect them to come to your aid in any other manner than with more manipulation and abuse – there is no closure that exists within the Narcissist as far as it concerns getting any sort of validation of the destruction and pain they caused to your life. You NEED to totally understand this to move on and recover – you need to do this so you concentrate on yourself and healing to move forward!
The Narcissist’s world lacks all principle, thus the constant inconsistency of morals and anything and everything else that goes on in their world – NO MATTER WHAT THE COST IS TO ANYBODY. There is no one functioning basis of reality! The only standards a Narcissists has are DOUBLE standards – none of which are ever consistent from one situation to the next. Narcissists are NOT consistent, and they despise anyone that is consistent with their ethics, goodness, life, etc., because it exposes the Narcissist’s inconsistency and a constant reminder of their own self-deception. Like garlic to a vampire – they will hiss at it, try to destroy it, and run off into the darkness.
I cannot emphasize enough just how much we underestimate the truth/reality of the destructive pathological Narcissist who operates behind a facade of FAUX respectability and altruism. They are abusive to people, families, organizations, and life in general. The pathological Narcissist is a long-term plotter, like one of those brilliant chess players who can see the whole board and then plans ten or more moves ahead. It is almost impossible for anyone to uncover the complex and multi-layered schemes of such a person unless you are entirely aware of the depths of their level of intelligence used to manipulate and hide their disordered self – THEY ARE ALWAYS MANY STEPS AHEAD OF THE GAME. So, to know one requires knowledge we don’t have OR could never understand if we did possess it, and even if we did unlock all of the truth we couldn’t fix them or even relate – so basically we are always left wide open to being perpetually deceived. That is just how good they are at this game to get their supply AND get away with it. We are ALL targets and objects of this abuse and it is never singular in nature because it destroys whole families, organizations, businesses, etc., and they have the right camouflage to hide among us and to protect themselves from being exposed. They are basically predators after prey and the chaos they inflict annihilates anybody that crosses their path. When we accept that and close the book to the emotions or whatever binds us to them, then we can accept the real and ugly truth and start to move on!
Lastly the awareness that others may have is a constant source of anxiety for the Narcissist and thus a huge need to constantly control their immediate world. The Narcissist is also aware of the limitations surrounding their facade of lies BUT only through the reactions from the people they abuse. When people talk with one another, they begin to acquire a much larger perspective of things and they begin to see a bigger picture of the Narcissist. The pathological Narcissist CAN’T afford to have people talking amongst themselves and sharing stories because it will expose them and destroy their façade. So, he/she will go to great lengths and carefully produce very devious and underhanded schemes to keep people divided. The Narcissist will create division among colleagues by planting lies about one person to another, and another about someone else. This can be a successful strategy because no one expects a highly intelligent adult to be carrying on like a scheming child or an emotionally disturbed adolescent. Since most people are unaware that they are truly dealing with a’ terroristic gossiper’ like a scheming Narcissist that is triangulating and maligning a target – it is much easier to believe the liar (Narcissist). This is the Narcissist’s damage control to protect their abusive agenda and keep an endless “SUPPLY.”
Again, WE MUST understand that this abuse is intentional and as much as it was such a personal part of us, it was purely the act of an emotionally and psychologically UNBALANCED and deviant human being. It seems insurmountable to try to erase what was reality to us as nothing more than a Narcissist sourcing us out to provide themselves with what they only needed to survive. Why do they go through such lengths to do this and why also destroy good people? Well, I would say because it works for them, it gives them power to control us and maintain their constant supply from us. What other reason would motivate a person to act in this manner if it wasn’t tied to an agenda?
Yes, it is how they are wired, no empathy, no emotions, and they CAN’T love that is why this is labeled a personality disorder. But why do they destroy and damage good and unsuspecting people when it is bad enough that they extort them of their lives and love, yet alone have a knife to their back ready to destroy them at any given moment? WHY if they are getting what they so desperately need do they destroy a good thing then? BECAUSE they are not a fully functioning human being and cannot act on the same normal human premise to bond, care for, or love other human beings! So basically, they are psycho bullies, emotional manipulators, users, and abusers as well as destructive and dangerous so never stay a moment longer with them once you know the truth. Your sanity has been pushed to the point that you are so vulnerable and basically functioning after the time you have spent with this person. Is it worth that to try to stay a moment longer and for what – to lose your sanity? Their truth is hidden behind so many lies, so if they can lie so easily to themselves to protect their damaged self, they will most assuredly lie to us and about us to keep their dirty secrets hidden and take us down first!
Remember YOU are the amazing and normal person here that only believed in a person like we ALL would do using your empathy to connect/grow – and THAT was manipulated and used against you for gain, THEIR gain. We did not walk into this knowing we were going to be abused – or wanting to be abused. We did what NORMAL people of empathy do but were fighting a silent war that we didn’t even know was happening – and that is called emotional and psychological abuse – and that broke us bit by bit. Forgive yourself in every way possible and allow yourself the life you deserve. You can and will become that person you once were if you discard EVERYTHING you can concerning this Narcissist and empower yourself with the clarity and truth to move forward. NO/MINIMAL CONTACT! Greg