They ARE masters at manipulation and lying – so they can effortlessly FLIP the truth in an effort to make us always seem like we are wrong, bad, argumentative, and even abusive.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
How do they do it? With well placed lies mixed in with a tiny bit of truth. Understanding the reality about these emotional and psychological abusers. The truth is not a way of demeaning them as they have demeaned us, or ‘getting back’ at them — it is understanding the ‘reality’ of this abuse and putting a perspective on it so we CAN move forward without blaming ourselves to healing and working on OUR recovery.
As simple as it all sounds the Narcissist’s aim is impeccable and all of us are the targets and we make their life work. Think about their attacks. Who does the Narcissist call a liar? The honest person and usually that means you and me, but who is the real liar – the Narcissist? Who does The Narcissists say is bad, dangerous and the abusive person? Well again the good person that actually cares for them and probably loves them and that is us again. They will put themselves before their own biological children and family, and that speaks so loudly about how disordered they really are! Remember though they are quite talented at what they do and they have all of this down to an art form so their talent for farce is so great that MANY people mistake the Narcissist for stoic and astute as we have all done. They are working that image for sure and hanging onto that mask for dear life. But in that definition just remember that their insecurity is so intense that they have to seek out many mirrors (people) to constantly reinforce the big façade or the big lie of what and who they are. They have no room for anything else in their lives other than keeping that façade and themselves viable and alive – but it is not plausible because they are so out of control that they always get caught up in their own game. You can only fake it for so long!
So many times we see ourselves as foolish for falling for their lies, manipulation, and façade. But let’s put some thought into this, EVERYONE falls for their façade, even their minions, or the naysayers that find our stories too incredulous to believe. So are they foolish as well for not seeing through the Narcissists façade to? A big YES. So if we are to accept foolishness then the rest of the world must join in accepting their role as also being FOOLED by the Narcissist’s grand façade! Seriously we are not fools we were conned just like everybody else!
A Narcissist has the mental capacity of a child with no sense of measure or moderation – just wants and needs AND most importantly NO EMPATHY which defines their disorder. So a Narcissist is more dangerous with their thoughts, mouth, and complete lack of empathy than an angry child throwing a tantrum because they want what they want and WHEN they want it. They will spew out some poison about someone as easily and naturally as we take a breath of air. Remember a Narcissist only loves themselves and there is NO room for anything else but seeking out people or supply to reinforce their lame façade. They have no normal human relationships because they can only relate to people as objects. As I mentioned above, a Narcissists will project off of their own children as thoughtlessly as they would anybody else that stands directly in front of them and that is just too unnatural as it concerns the human love condition, yet alone what they will do to anybody. Since a Narcissist is really a ‘mental’ little child, the only reign on their behavior is what they feel they can get away with. So, the more The Narcissist gets away with, the more repressed guilt they have to purge onto some poor target/victim.
Look at their daily lives, the Narcissist is more than likely to totally discredit someone he/she owes gratitude, because needing help damages the Narcissist’s perfect image. So, the Narcissist repays help as though it were an insult. They must devalue it by devaluing the giver of it by making them a contemptible person that is incapable of really helping someone as grand and perfect as they are. The Narcissist’s world is compromised of devaluing people, discrediting them with horrendous lies, and using them as stepping stones to get to their desired source of newer and continued supply. This is what they are and what we must internalize to move forward by leaving THEM completely behind in every way. No/Minimal contact always! Greg