BLAME – it is all a diversion that an abuser uses to step up their game to protect THEIR lies, manipulation, gaslighting, and betrayal that EVERYONE experiences with them!
BLAME – it is all a diversion that an abuser uses to step up their game to protect THEIR lies, manipulation, gaslighting, and betrayal that EVERYONE experiences with them! Narcissists have to BLAME and ultimately destroy the very person they abused or else they will be ‘outed’ as the abuser THEY are – so they do this with the BIG BLAME GAME – and they have been doing this or setting it up long before the end of whatever relationship they had with you. A Narcissist will ALWAYS blame/accuse THEIR victim of ruining THEIR life!
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
Absolute control of their partner is the ultimate goal of the Narcissist to extort supply. Here is the thing — this is very difficult to identify and understand in the beginning of a relationship with a Narcissist because they are among every other thing I outlined the world’s best CON artist and they mean to con us out of our worth, integrity, finances, self-esteem and anything else they can get their grubby little hands on – so the “game is on” with them! HOW do they do this – through the horrendous manipulation of our emotions – using them against us through BLAME and diminishing us piece by piece
Nobody likes to be blamed for something, BUT a responsible person will accept blame for something appropriate. Narcissists don’t accept blame for anything, even if it is deserved (which it is always deserved as it concerns them) – they are always the victim and the blamer! I have to say that part of this is their typical omnipotence or “I’m better than you” and “rules don’t apply to me” attitude, but there is seriously more to it than that. Blaming is how they control others OR harm the targets they are viciously attacking as well as releasing guilt by blaming everybody else. These are more than likely friends, family members, partners, or former love interests or people that are the closest to the Narcissist. They know all too well and understand that the use of destructive and defensive strength behind their blaming approach (bullying) and smear campaign weakens/destroys the integrity of their target and puts them in a defensive role that will only make them seem guilty of the Narcissist’s negative campaign against them. Narcissists make regular use of this method to destroy people, and they start it well before their target is wise to the destruction that is waiting for them.
There is no having a real relationship with a Narcissist, you may be in what you believe is a relationship with them, but they are not in relationship with you – you are Narcissistic supply and you/we always have an expiration date with them – and they are scheming and setting it up well before we realize it. You are only in their life to make them look good or because you are useful to the Narcissist as an object to satisfy a variety of needs. Nothing is ever internalized with a Narcissist like emotional bonds, caring, love or EMPATHY. Their world is totally external and everyone is objectified like a shiny new car that the Narcissist drives/wears to make them look however special they feel they need to be. Their image is a fake aspect of their chameleon like nature – and it constantly changes just like the chameleon changes its colors to blend into an environment.
The Narcissist constantly violates boundaries albeit physical, emotional, and mental. They follow no rules in life, or respect human dignity/rights, or adhere to any written laws. They will make decisions that are not theirs to make and they will assume that they have the right to use, borrow, or take/steal anything that belongs to others – as well as betray people without a care. Ownership is their birthright or so they feel because they are above the normal order of life. They will violate your standing with figures of authority in an effort to cause trouble/destruction or just to “one up” you. They are truly extortionists and they take everything and anything they can get their hands on. BUT remember this chameleon camouflages itself with CHARM – so they get away with virtual murder because they have been doing this all of their lives and they are just that good at it. The people that know the truth about them are mostly their targets/victims – the rest become their minions at some useful level that they charm into believing just how special they are AND they protect the Narcissist’s lies and disordered life – they are the enablers of their abuse.
The habit of treating a human being or a person as a means to an end is utilitarian (to satisfy a need or fulfill an AGENDA) and fundamentally derelict, inhumane, abusive and a pathological and perverted manipulation of our basic human rights. The Narcissist is feeding their endless ‘depravity void’ through injustice by his/her regard for others as mere instruments of the Narcissist’s own gratification AND destroying their victims when they are done with them. The closer the association to a Narcissist the more pathological the Narcissist becomes and the more damage done to the target/victim. Their needs are far more than just extorting basic life and biological needs – it is their psychological needs that cause the most damage to their target/victim. It is their need to control and gain dominance or power over other people that damages and destroys them. They are BASICALLY human with most of the same biological needs (like eating, breathing and sexuality) but when it comes to mental functions they are delusional and seem to have a battle that rages in their head to seriously harm people that love them as if they loathe all people and need to destroy them one by one.
Lastly the Narcissist can’t maintain their façade without exposing their true colors, and exposure is their greatest fear. So, the Narcissist exerts their last bit of power to annihilate the very source that could expose the truth – their target/victims – so BAM we are blamed for what they actually did.. Hence all those clinical terms that describe the repercussions of our relationship with them like backstabbing and the ‘smear campaign’ and BOOM we are BLAMED, destroyed, done and gone forever. No-one is ever the wiser, so life goes on FOR THE NARCISSIST while we pay for it. Don’t forget that there are always THOSE subjects that the Narcissist has been grooming while they were abusing us so there you go again – BOOM – they have a brand new ‘subject’ (target/victim) ready and waiting to serve them and new soldiers to protect their lies and shore up the fortress (the very ones they have been backstabbing us to).. Truthfully, they are a universal manipulator and abuser! YOU are not to blame for ANY of this – it was situational abuse! No/minimal contact to break the cycle of this abuse. Greg