Their words/actions are always poisonous to ALL people, whether they use them in a positive way or in a chaotic or negative attack.

Their words/actions are always poisonous to ALL people, whether they use them in a positive way or in a chaotic or negative attack.

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else I Between with a Narcissist

There is NO real communication with a Narcissist or better yet lets just say there is no reality with them at all. They only use their words to manipulate, divert from the truth (lie), distress people, confuse people, harm people, con people, or anything that SERVES THEM – and they actually BAIT you into these conversations to create this conflict because it is a necessary component to their abuse. You would be better off communicating with a brick wall because at least it will not harm you in the process. Words and actions from a Narcissist are all part of their manipulative and FAKE façade/agenda – none of which have ANY basis of reality and only meant to control people and situations to THEIR advantage.

Unfortunately, we try to communicate at the only level we know and understand – and that is with humanity, empathy, understanding, integrity, and honesty – none of which is familiar to a Narcissist – BUT we do not realize what they are until we do!

Again, they use THEIR words to create chaos, or to make us question ourselves, explain ourselves, to blame everyone, to lie, to divert, to divide and conquer, to triangulate, to backstab someone, to manipulate, etc. I could go on and on but here is the point – WE CANNOT TRUST THEIR WORDS EVER because they are always used to create some sort of reaction that is meant to serve THEM by controlling us – their words are poisonous to ALL people and we should NEVER ingest any of them EVER!

Lets reason through this – take a moment and look at yourself after your abuse and then compare that to when you started out on this hideous journey with them. If you would seriously take inventory you would see so many levels of confusion and loss, to the point that this Narcissist has basically disabled you emotionally and PSYCHOLOGICALLY – let this define who and what they really are or ABUSERS. They started out with this very intent in mind because you and me were the next source of supply – YES it was our turn and unfortunately we fell into the trap.

Write everything down in a journal and make the comparison. Whatever you attempted to do in a positive manner because you believed in them was snatched up by the Narcissist and then they beat you down and made what you did wrong AND you only tried harder because there was no sense in their actions but somehow you believed that you did something wrong that needed fixed. AGAIN – their words and actions are abusive and poisonous to support their disordered agenda. This became a deceptive and debilitating dance with them, part of their plan to manage you down more and more to keep taking what they could and harm you more in the process – and what did they use and manipulate – your emotions. These are not just jerks, or users, these are destructive individuals that enjoy the chaos and harm they deliver as they extort your life away from you. That Narcissist (just like the thief) has pillaged and taken everything (emotionally and physically) they could, or all you had to give and then basically abandoned you for more and better supply! They conned you into believing they were a friend, cared for you, a beloved family member, or the person you LOVED – and why – to get you under their spell to do all of this!

I have said many times before, that hindsight is 20/20. When you are still in the fog about all of the deceit, you are at a loss because you can’t see or understand the overall picture of this abuse and just how damaging they are. Heck immediately after the discard you are still under so many levels of this abuse that it is amazing that you can see the light of day, yet alone realize what you need to do to get away from them without all of the damage they cause. After that you start to discover WHAT they are and that involves a learning curve that also takes time and a lot of energy – so remember that recovery is a process and that is why you are here and reading, sharing, talking, etc., and that is to get your balance back so you can move forward with healthy solutions. What I can say is that ‘no contact’ will save you from a great deal of grief and help you get to more clarity as it concerns your situation so you can move forward to recovery! Greg