It ALL starts with that ‘CHARM’ or the Love Bombing – appropriately named because a bomb is a tool meant to destroy!

It ALL starts with that ‘CHARM’ or the Love Bombing – appropriately named because a bomb is a tool meant to destroy!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist

Narcissists DO find their ideal victims, and usually they are emotionally giving, very caring, kind, loving and selfless – basically good people. Generally people that are centered in life and good natured, AND also loaded with positive empathy, emotionally generous, and unconditional as well. They will bend their boundaries just enough to accommodate the bigger picture, and that is keeping life in a positive direction, working through things, turning the other cheek, etc. There is nothing wrong with that nor should any person be judged or looked down upon as a weak person for these qualities or better yet taken advantage of, bullied and abused for who or what they are. What I am only describing is a good and INTELLIGENT person that strives to keep positive balance in their life. Basically these are just some of the messages that we grow up with and learn along the way through life or just call it ‘give and take.’ My point here is that there is no label that should be applied to any target/victim as being deserving of abuse from a Narcissist or anybody.

SO some personal information to explain ‘the charm and love-bombing I experienced. If I was able to make a comparison of the first years to the last few years of the ridiculous relationship I had with my Narcissist it would be like comparing apples to grasshoppers. In the beginning I was described as nothing less than amazing by my Narcissist. I was caring, warm, giving, handsome, motivated, intelligent, romantic, and the Narcissist said they could never see me with anybody else but them. I am the furthest thing from perfection but boy it felt good to think someone loved me that much and believed in me – that is what love SHOULD feel like between two people. The last few years I was made fun of physically, I was disgusting and repulsive, I was a liar, a cheater, mentally ill, I abused my elderly mother, stole from her, was a terrible instructor (I am a chef that taught culinary arts), my boss hated me, my brothers and sisters hated me, I was a mediocre cook, my gifts were given with strings attached, I had affairs with married partners, I was a porn addict, etc., etc. Funny thing how I could have changed so completely over a few years. I didn’t change and I am none of the negative things my Narcissist shoved down my throat. I was taken through the paces of standard abuse by a malignant Narcissist because THIS is what they do – BUT first they have to seduce us into this agenda. What we learn AFTER the fact is that THEY are everything they described us as – that is clinically called projecting OR projection.

The relationship happens so fast and they sweep all of us right off of our feet and into their destructive hands. The reality and the very scary thing here is that they knew exactly what they were doing (too bad we didn’t know this!) None of this was love at first sight, or two soul mates finally meeting up in life, or that prince/princess charming fairy tale that we have heard and read about! Furthermore this was not coincidental or an accident, you met certain criteria and were selected, targeted and then pulled into their cycle of abuse. This is all premeditated because a Narcissist does NOT know ‘love’ or act upon loving emotions/feelings in the realm of any relationship, nor are they a supportive partner, or in it for the long run. They are in this relationship (and I use this word loosely) to harvest their needs or SUPPLY just like you were a new washing machine. They will trade you in at the first sign of breaking down. They will overload your capacity and basically make you break down (just like a washing machine.) OH, and they probably are seriously entertaining a dryer (for supply,) a vacuum, stove, coffee maker etc. on the side. The point here is that they objectify people and we are basically an object to them and they have many objects that they are using at the same time. The difference is who provides the most supply gets the top billing with them.

You just don’t ‘spot’ a Narcissist because they don’t have a sign over their head that identifies them as one (they should so we can all be warned). Plus they are very evasive creatures that camouflage their true identity and darkness so they can walk among us freely and find supply to harvest. Even now the facts of how many Narcissists are out there abusing is probably way off. Do you think this predator is going to identify themselves in a census count? NO WAY because there false identity is part of their trade secret!

They charm people to death (figuratively) and this is what literally attracts us to them. But with a Narcissist it is a magnetism that makes you feel a sort of hypnotizing attraction that manifests itself in your psyche and your soul! In reality you are being charmed by their power of REFLECTING back everything that is YOU creating this intoxicating and deep rooted bond. This intense connection is created when a person gives you the feeling like you’ve known them a long time, soul mates, or you feel very safe with them – perhaps you have known them in a prior life or whatever fantasy belief that Narcissist has instilled in your mind.

This is the Narcissists goal and they are the biggest con artists that exist, and they mean to extort everything they can from you. They have unlocked the door to your head, and they are planning on using that entry to their advantage. They will move right in manipulate and manage down most everything that is your reality as you KNEW it. A skilled and extreme Narcissist knows just how to reflect your image right back onto you so that you feel like you are almost twins. What’s not to like and trust when you have EVERYTHING in common?

Forgive yourself in every manner possible because it isn’t possible to have known that this person was who and what they were/are. Psychological abuse is real – so much so that it warps normal reality. The strongest person in the world could be taken down and abused by a Narcissist. It doesn’t make a Narcissist strong, powerful or even smarter than us – they are cowards, liars, and not fully functioning people that would even include their own biological children in their abuse. This is not anything even near normal so don’t let it live within your heart, soul and mind. No/minimal contact. Educate yourself about this abuse, talk and be heard, find support from other targets/victims, reach back out to the world with new lessons and you WILL find your way back! START with NO/minimal contact tp pull yourself out of the fog to start gaining the clarity to purge all of these toxins from the Narcissist OUT of your heart, mind and life. Greg

Posted on May 14, 2020, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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