WHY do Narcissists always play the victim? Because it is just another mask/façade they wear to make their many DECEPTIVE agendas work!
WHY do Narcissists always play the victim? Because it is just another mask/façade they wear to make their many DECEPTIVE agendas work! They also LOVE to play on and USE the sympathies of others for gain and while they are doing that they are also able to get a ‘smear’ in the mix where they are condemning a past victim or destroying the reputation of someone they want to attack. Actualizing the truth empowers us and takes their power away.
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
A Narcissist is COMPLETELY calculating in every area of life – and refuses ANY connection or obedience to the basic requirements of life or the natural moral laws as they apply to life and human rights – so they void all of that with BLAME and playing the VICTIM. Obedience to a Narcissist implies that there is something larger or better than what they are and they will never comply because it would define them as being weak to allow anyone to feel significant enough to be their equal or better. It is almost like the Narcissist completely relates everything in life to a measurement – but this measurement begins with them – or as the saying goes, the sun rises and sets on a Narcissist because they feel they are above all life.
The Narcissist creates the terms of how THEY measure life – so if they were a “tape measure or a ruler”, they would determine the dynamics of each and every measurement OR define every inch of every foot – and you can believe that it would not be consistent as it is SUPPOSE to be. The Narcissist has to be ‘that’ which measures (and judges) and NEVER that WHICH IS MEASURED and NEVER judged. Literally they “coin” the phrase “give them an inch and they will take a mile.” Well that and anything they can get their tentacles around. Along with this remember that they will ALWAYS move the goalposts – especially to keep our emotions tangled up trying to please them. THEN when it is time for them to move on because they found something new – they will kick those goalposts so far away and out of reach by making you and I out to be the abuser. That is their way of saying goodbye as well as a way of protecting themselves from being exposed as the real abuser. Victimization gives them just another path to avoid facing their past if questioned and just their lack of empathy. NO, they do not care if they destroy you or I as long as they are not outed. Remember too that sympathy is also another form of supply to them too.
A Narcissist is calculating for the sake of procuring power! Power allows them the control over others that they need to function and survive in our world. It also protects them from exposure and facing the truth of their own disordered and abusive lifestyle. This false mask hides AND protects the Narcissist from having to face themselves off in the mirror and see the reality of WHAT THEY ARE – a modern day ‘DENIAL’ monster that is destructive and abuses life and people. They most assuredly destroy a target that catches on to them, plus they already have the replacement waiting in the wings to pick up the whole process where they left it off with us, stealing ‘supply’ and sucking the very life out of the new target. No fuss, no muss, and never emotions or love just a symbiotic relationship where the Narcissist has a new host ready and waiting – seriously this is the truth.
Their entire life is built upon this premise to find “supply” to shore up their façade and they will employ the most devious means at their disposal to get it. So this chameleon like Narcissist has many colors that help them adapt to every situation that exists that include every gambit of life – from like, love, dislike, hate, destruction and victimization – and this is all very functional to them as well as mechanical to them and their lifestyle to GET WHAT THEY WANT. The key thing here is that they are abusive and psychologically damaging to people because they loathe people and life and create personal battles to make us pay for their hate.
Nevertheless our first experiences with the Narcissist has allowed us to believe in a prince/princess ‘charming’ who have done great things in our lives like “loving us” so we hold on to/keep the faith, and live with this Narcissist’s amazing BUT fake integrity. It is our empathy, love and basic trust that are targeted. The Narcissist has bamboozled us through this wondrous and seemingly normal façade that IMITATES extreme goodness as well as fake virtues that we hold in good faith BUT really with little or no real accountability and that was a BIG OOPS. SO there within the problem LIES – the Narcissist is so very adept at circumventing the intellect and manipulating man/womankind by their craft or better yet craftiness that they have perfected all of their life, so they target us where it counts – OUR EMOTIONS, TRUST, and LOVE!
Because Narcissists have depleted or deleted their character so profoundly through choices contrary to the norms of reason or basic DENIAL, they will even begin to see themselves as what they project, mirror, and bounce off of us. If you are not governed by any natural or moral laws, but by the law of “whatever you want to be to get whatever you want” well then you hold great power, but you need to CONTROL the world to achieve this superiority, so the narcissist is fundamentally a dictator in all of their relationships because this is what they want to be – it is always about controlling their victim and using whatever they can to get there. In the end they will ALWAYS play the victim card to throw blame back onto us.
That CHARMING person that swept you off of your feet and became the HARMING person in your life will always become increasingly more and more transparent and show that VAST array of fake personalities. From beginning to end, this was a phony relationship that only offered you a toxic dose of fake care, love and real abuse. The Narcissist created a psychopathic bond through deception and manipulation – LIES, LIES, LIES – and we were seduced by them as well as the many others that were played by them too! We only bent more and more until we almost snapped in half to maintain this relationship through self-sacrifice and denial. It is not what we wanted it was what we were led to do because of the vast arsenal of tools a Narcissist used/uses to psychologically seduce a target/victim. Internalize this completely so you can purge the lies out of you forever and move onto healthy solutions and recovery. You are an AMAZING individual and CAN do this! No/minimal contact so that you can return to a healthy life. Greg