There are no facts, no truths, or reasoning with a Narcissist – only lies, diversions, fear of retribution, and manipulation to always serve whatever their needs are at the moment. SO, what does that mean? THERE IS NO REAL COMMUNICATING OR A CONNECTION WITH A NARCISST.

There are no facts, no truths, or reasoning with a Narcissist – only lies, diversions, fear of retribution, and manipulation to always serve whatever their needs are at the moment. SO, what does that mean? THERE IS NO REAL COMMUNICATING OR A CONNECTION WITH A NARCISST.

From my book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

SO – lets start with the “Ah Ha” quiz first!

The “Ah Ha” quiz! Do any of these statements define you, or have you experienced any of the following?

1. You always seem to feel physically tense, anxious, some aches and pains, stomach ache, fast heart rate, difficulties breathing and fatigued.
2. You never seem to know what to expect at any given moment on any given day with this PARTICULAR person. You feel like everything is about to turn upside down, even if you have a nice day planned. You just never know if some small thing is going to turn into an argument, or you will be raged at, made fun of, or silenced and punished. Your husband, wife, friend, partner, brother, sister, father or mother is seemingly caring and considerate one moment and then coldly dismisses you the next moment with no warning and no justification.
3. You have developed a severely damaged sense of self-worth and self-esteem and always seem to be second guessing yourself or your worth in every situation with this person.
4. EVERYTHING seems to have a negative spin attached to it. How you cook, how you clean, a gift you give, what you wear, your friends, your job, and your looks – everything is a TARGET FOR NEGATIVE COMMENTS.
5. You have had prolonged bouts of depression and anxiety. You seem to cycle in and out of these periods of depression and anxiety and this seems to be in direct correlation with the chronological time you have spent with this person.
6. You begin to doubt your own existence and your sense of reality as if somebody has kidnapped your spirit.
7. You experience lack of sleep for prolonged periods of time.
8. You feel as if you are not a real person in your relationship, more like a pet that is trained to do tricks like jumping through hoops, etc.
9. You feel as if you are not allowed to voice your own thoughts and opinions or you will be put in your place, raged at and even punished.
10. You feel it is an enormous struggle to be heard or acknowledged as an individual.
11. You feel that every problem in your relationship is somehow your fault and you are always blamed and shamed for everything.
12. You have experience exaggerated feelings of guilt and shame.
13. You are always drawn back into trying to fix or relate to him/her even though you only experience pain/blame/shame in doing so. It becomes a vicious cycle that seems to only get worse.
14. You feel trapped as if in an impossible situation, unable to find a way out.
15. You feel as if you have to fight all the time and are worn out and exhausted or basically forced into a corner all the time.
16. You are confused constantly with racing thoughts, as if you are losing your mind trying to find some sort of peace.
17. You feel as if you are surrounded with negativity. Everything you do, everything you say is met with some sort of comment that negates you or an action you do.
18. Arguments seem to appear out of nowhere.
19. You are made to feel physically ugly and mentally unstable with words or actions from this person.
20. You feel like you are going insane, or better yet pushed to believe you are insane by actions that are not you like forgetfulness, missing items, etc.
21. You are raw with emotions none of which make any sense to you anymore – but you know this feeling all too well anymore. Your thoughts may not even be clear enough at this point to understand that something is terribly wrong with you because you are always in a fog and basically DISSABLED. You are probably thinking of ways to “fix” the relationship AGAIN. Perhaps you may know that the situation is just not right but you are even willing to “fix” him/her, but at what cost to you? You may even be getting ready to crawl back to your partner, but you know the drill so well because it is like a reoccurring dream where you are screaming and can’t be heard or trying to run and you aren’t able to move.

The perceptions of the Narcissist are truly their reality. If you look back you have never been able to change or influence their perceptions because they got louder and completely ignored your every word to the contrary concerning any of their delusional outbursts – especially if it concerned their own accountability. If you couldn’t effect change living in a close relationship with them, then don’t waste your time and effort ever trying AGAIN. They live in their own world and no matter how false or unreal it appears to you, for them it is reality because it has to be for them to survive among us. As soon as a Narcissist begins to perceive that you have a voice of your own and a right to existence, the trouble starts and then there is no return because there is no possibility of two way communication with them and the more you push your individualism forward the more resistance from the Narcissist. Their façade is impenetrable and has to be or they would self-destruct if people knew the truth.

A little further with an explanation and the WHY. Lets use the example of a simple question concerning accountability, and it turning into a target/victim being told they are mentally ill, obsessed, confused, lying, jealous, etc.? Because we uncovered the truth about something or other and that exposes the Narcissist as the disordered and pathological creature they are, and they HAVE to protect just how disordered their life is. It is all about making that façade impenetrable!

It seriously wounds them when they are exposed even in the SLIGHTEST manner and they will RAGE or lash out to defend themselves as well as continually manipulate us AWAY from the truth about them. It would cause them great damage both personally as well as describe them as the deviant of society they are. Again, do they know this? They must because they go through great pain (usually our pain) to cover up the truth and turn the blame back onto us as if we are the abusers to keep up that façade.

When communicating, discussing, debating, or arguing with a narcissist, a target/victim usually finds themselves at a COMPLETE dead-end. The target/victim’s logic always becomes incompatible with that of the Narcissist and they always get diverted and steered in the opposite direction from the original topic, especially if it is around questioning them (the Narcissist) or accountability as it concerns the Narcissist. Basically, communicating with them is like walking through a ‘House of Mirrors’ at a carnival. Every thought you express is consistently distorted in so many different ways that you don’t even recognize the original thought and it causes complete confusion– just like your image in the many mirrors that are created to distort your image and make you lose track of your original starting point and destination.

The Narcissist will throw a pathological spin onto communication to divert reality and cause chaos so it fulfills whatever the Narcissist’s agenda is at THAT very moment. This agenda is many things, but basically to secure supply, from us and from whoever else is willing to give them supply – it supports their false mask/persona with MORE alternative lies. It took me a while to understand just how this worked, as well as how my Narcissist would divert from every aspect of their life/lifestyle – everything was always a mystery as far as the past and present. Let me put it this way – everything was MEANT to be kept this way so I would never learn the truth about this Narcissist’s abusive past, out-of-control lifestyle, as well as a perverted lifestyle. Any time I would speak to this Narcissist’s mother I would find out about something that this Narcissist had lied about AND I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TO ASK because the truth just always seemed to come out on its own. So, you can imagine just how much this Narcissist was lying, re-writing history and every other little diabolical action. I was always kept at a distance from the Narcissist’s family, but of course told that I never made an attempt to get to know them. They are shrewd characters at diversion!

Their agenda ALWAYS includes manipulating/punishing the target/victim into believing that anything bad or wrong they have been questioning concerning the Narcissist was all their imagination and basically we are confused, have issues, jealous or paranoid and this is why they have to get away from us. We stress them out AND they are concerned how WE are showing signs or issues around our INABILITY to see reality as it concerns them being saintly, moral, good, or basically perfect. Remember it is the Narcissist re-writing history and lying behind that mask, so beyond the pathological and cowardly aspect of that betrayal process, the Narcissist wants to get the most out of their manipulation skills by trying to make us believe we HAVE issues around OUR own mental stability – it’s all for the “cause” that protects their disordered and perverted lifestyle they live and we SUPPORT. SO, what does this all mean? There is no real communication with a Narcissist and where there is no communication there is never reality. There a lot of lies though and within that is where OUR vast confusion resides. That is why we MUST ‘get this’ so that we STOP believing in this Narcissist once and for all. NO/minimal contact! Greg

Posted on April 26, 2020, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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