Knowledge is our POWER to gain the clarity we need to move on to recovery and solutions. THE ABUSERS TRAP! Love Bombing or what I call ‘The CHARM Trap’ because it is NOT only just about love relationships – a Narcissist needs MANY forms of supply to make their EMPTY and DARK world work and seem functional – SO, they are emotionally manipulating and extorting MANY people out there.
Knowledge is our POWER to gain the clarity we need to move on to recovery and solutions. THE ABUSERS TRAP! Love Bombing or what I call ‘The CHARM Trap’ because it is NOT only just about love relationships – a Narcissist needs MANY forms of supply to make their EMPTY and DARK world work and seem functional – SO, they are emotionally manipulating and extorting MANY people out there. Let’s call it what it is, fake CHARM and extreme manipulation/behavior modification to get at what they want. REMEMBER they use this CHARM trap all throughout their time with us too – they literally take us from that CHARM to Harm and Everything Else in Between (with a Narcissist)!
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
Here is where the big game of manipulation begins. They snuggle right up to your emotions and mimic them to create an amazing connection. Add to the equation that they are charming, and intoxicating – they continually seduce their prey into their lair with lies and manipulation. They create a perfect connection with us and seriously it is only a story and one written precisely for us. It is a calculated move on the Narcissist’s part to figure out exactly how to find a place in our mind AND heart through their extreme manipulation. They are quite good at it because they have fooled us or better yet conned us to get us to a place where they will take advantage of our trust AND generosity. To a Narcissist it is just another day with no real thought or remorse to any of their adverse actions. They want something so they go after it and there are no rules or laws that they abide by as it concerns any harm they cause to people. Don’t forget that there is also NO empathy, so they don’t know care, friendship, or love – the don’t even have a clue what it feels like, but interestingly enough they mimic it very well and will support it as long as we are viable sources of supply. What an amazing and well thought out plan a Narcissist develops and uses to secure their supply that shouts out PREDATOR!
Think about it in simpler and non-clinical terms. Love bombing or that CHARM pulls you in and isolates you, it doesn’t give you much time to think about anything but them or what is happening, it hides the truth and within a very short period, it takes ALL of your time and attention away from others and again isolates you. It moves the relationship forward without giving you enough real time to assess the whole situation. It is just too good to be true so you go with it – who doesn’t want such a positive connection!
It is really mind control with an agenda. Wow he/she really likes me OR is this the ‘real’ love of my life? We have SO much in common so how could this be anything but the real thing! You feel like you know him/her so completely perhaps in another life? This person really could be a great friend or if it is a relationship LOVES ME! It blinds you in a manner that reality is thrown out the window.
It is important that a Narcissist move the relationship forward very quickly otherwise you might see the many red flags or all the negativity and destruction from their past lives. You might not notice that he/she is basically shunned from their biological family, has many enemies, doesn’t actually have a job, etc. You don’t see the real monster under that thin veneer of goodness they wear so well because they are deflecting the real truth to make you their next target/victim.
The relationship happens so fast and they swept all of us right off of our feet and into their destructive hands. The reality and the very scary thing here is that they knew exactly what they were doing (too bad we didn’t know this!) None of this was a friendship connection, love at first sight, or two soul mates finally meeting up in life, or that prince/princess charming fairy tale that we have heard and read about! Furthermore this was not coincidental or an accident, you met certain criteria and were selected, targeted and then pulled into their cycle of abuse. This is all premeditated because a Narcissist does NOT know ‘love’ or act upon loving emotions/feelings in the realm of any relationship, nor are they a supportive partner, or in it for the long run. They are in this relationship (and I use this word loosely) to harvest their needs or SUPPLY just like you were a new washing machine. They will trade you in at the first sign of breaking down. They will overload your capacity and basically make you break down (just like a washing machine.) OH, and they probably are seriously entertaining a dryer (for supply,) a vacuum, stove, coffee maker etc. on the side. The point here is that they objectify people and we are basically an object to them and they have many objects that they are using at the same time. The difference is who provides the most supply gets the top billing with them.
You just don’t ‘spot’ a Narcissist because they don’t have a sign over their head that identifies them as one. Plus they are very evasive creatures that camouflage their true identity and darkness so they can walk among us freely and find supply to harvest. Even now the facts of how many Narcissists are out there abusing is probably way off. Do you think this predator is going to identify themselves in a census count? NO WAY because there false identity is part of their trade secret!
Lastly this connection has harmed you because it was corrupt and abuse. Furthermore the effects of emotional or psychological abuse falls under the category of ‘traumatic shock’ a well-known and accepted theory. The definition defines it as this; any event that destroys our internalized set of assumptions patterns and understandings that we all use to operate in the world every day. It is saying that we become traumatized by one extreme action or a set of actions that come into our lives. These actions are usually associated with something we have never experienced before personally and very negative that has impacted and jolted our reality. The ONLY way is no contact or minimal contact to start on our journey to recovery! Greg