Narcissists are absolutely NOTHING that they pretend to be OR say they are – in fact they are the complete polar opposite. A Narcissist presents themselves as a ‘beautiful’ gift, with all of the ‘beautiful’ adornments until you unwrap them and they are JUST an empty bottomless box that we fall into!
Narcissists are absolutely NOTHING that they pretend to be OR say they are – in fact they are the complete polar opposite. A Narcissist presents themselves as a ‘beautiful’ gift, with all of the ‘beautiful’ adornments until you unwrap them and they are JUST an empty bottomless box that we fall into! That whole façade is all a tool and a trap to pull you into their orbit to make you their NEXT source of supply! That is ALL they are, or a heavily embellished façade with those many adornments meant to lure you in and trap you into that empty, bottomless, and DANGEROUS box (or better yet PIT) that they really are!
From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist
Psychological abuse is a grooming process whereby the abuser conditions or manages down the target/victim through subtle to extreme CONTROL. There are so many tactics that a Narcissist uses to do this that every aspect of the target/victims conscious world is manipulated into dealing with the abuse tactics and this diverts and warps a target/victims reality over time. It becomes a 24/7 or full time job as it concerns the target/victim dealing with so many mind games that are thrown their way. It literally causes their world to fall apart around them.
The grooming process puts the target/victim into a place of trust first where they are joined at the hip with their abuser. Clinically the Narcissist CHARMS or ‘love bombs’ the target/victim literally to death to create this strong emotional bond so they can easily achieve their agenda to pillage, extort and destroy their target/victims reality, mind, and soul. It conditions the target/victim to value the Narcissist above themselves because the Narcissist successfully managed the target/victim down so they DON’T value themselves anymore. It is a constant barrage of a combination of manipulative and negative actions as well as the LACK of positive and supportive actions. It is also punishing the victim through silencing, raging, ignoring, putting them down and forcing them into complete compliance. The target/victim is forced to only consider what the Narcissist needs are, and the Narcissist NEVER considers a single need of the target/victim.
Conditioning changes behaviors and thus the abuser successfully changes or manipulates a person’s normal reality and transforms it into some form of fear and compliance (control) for the target/victim. Fear can be interpreted as many things with psychological abuse; fear that the target/victim BELIEVES they really have mental issues, fear of abandonment, fear of punishment, fear of loss, fear of rage, fear of destruction at the hands (or better yet the mouth) of a Narcissist, fear of being harmed, and fear of not being worthy of love AND life.
The Narcissist acts out like a dictator and disallows individualism and demands complete compliance and adoration of themselves. Failure to do so will only lead to stronger attacks to comply or else. There is no reward for meeting the Narcissist’s needs because they will demand more and more. The target/victim is drained of their self-esteem and reality and the Narcissist will only go in for the kill with more dehumanizing, destruction and ‘smearing’ their target/victim and then abandoning them and moving on to abuse another.
The Narcissist’s reign of terror and destruction begins with small negative comments about the victim. The Narcissist will begin to mentally disassemble the victim’s self-esteem and beliefs about themselves and the relationship. What was once considered the perfect relationship now becomes a relationship that is unnerving, controlling, debasing, dehumanizing, gut wrenching, unstable and full of blame and shame. The victim is constantly kept emotionally and psychologically off balance by the insidious behaviors of their narcissistic partner. The Narcissist will make plans with the victim and cancel at the last minute. The Narcissist will talk only of themselves and THEIR needs and desires. If the victim dares to express a personal need, the Narcissist will instantaneously strike, like a venomous snake to harshly remind the victim that the Narcissist needs are more important. The narcissist will talk of making plans with the victim for their future and then the next day speaks of the future only in terms of the Narcissist’s future. The Narcissist will conveniently forget to pay back money he/she has borrowed from the victim as well as conveniently undermining many daily activities to make the victim seem and even feel unstable. The Narcissist is disassembling the victim’s self-esteem, spirit, psyche and ENTIRE life little by little to gain complete control and drain the target/victim completely of every resource they can. This is considered brain-washing and even terrorizing a victim into submission through these destructive CONTROL tactics. Remember this Narcissist is also pursuing supply on the side that the target/victim will soon come to realize so the betrayal is a HUGE issue as well.
After they get you there a Narcissist figures out what you like, he/she is sure to take it away from you – and the flip side to this is when they figure out what YOU HATE they will use that against you – the DIRECT OPPOSITE of a real relationship because it is not that in any form or fashion – it is a utilitarian relationship where you are slowly groomed to perform for them! !
Narcissists are primarily takers and that is why they lured us in because they needed the next source of that precious supply. It’s definitely a one-way street when you’re involved with them and this is a subtle form of withholding whereby they manage down the wonderful things you do by never showing any reciprocity by returning the same to you like two normal people in a relationship would do.
Why do they do this? Because it is always and ONLY about them — they want the whole world to revolve around them, to serve them, and SUPPLY all of their wants and needs, but anything you do WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH OR RIGHT because nobody or nothing can fill their need and addiction to supply! A Narcissist doesn’t give a ‘hoot’ about anything that concerns us, because that would embrace that we are an individual with needs – and in their mind WE ARE JUST AN OBJECT! The Narcissist sees individualism as abhorrent and against their every grain and every GAIN. It is “me, me, me and always ME” with a Narcissist. We are ONLY that object for them to use in every way possible, and never think you are the ONLY object and special, because there are many other sources out there supplying them.
Forgive yourself in every manner possible because it isn’t possible to have known that this person was who and what they were/are. Psychological abuse is real – so much so that it warps normal reality. The strongest person in the world could be taken down and abused by a Narcissist. It doesn’t make a Narcissist strong, powerful or even smarter than us – they are cowards, liars, and not fully functioning people that would even include their own biological children in their abuse. This is not anything even near normal so don’t let it live within your heart, soul and mind. No/minimal contact. Educate yourself about this abuse, talk and be heard, find support from other targets/victims, reach back out to the world with new lessons and you WILL find your way back! Greg