That amazing and intoxicating CHARM – where did it go? Nowhere it was never real and just a trap! Who does something like this? A personality disordered and ABUSIVE Narcissist and a predator! Understanding how we were ALL set up!

That amazing and intoxicating CHARM – where did it go? Nowhere it was never real and just a trap! Who does something like this? A personality disordered and ABUSIVE Narcissist and a predator! Understanding how we were ALL set up!

From my Book: Greg Zaffuto – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist

I love you! As simple as those words are they are three of the most complex and most emotional words that a person can say to another. They are meant to convey a real message, one that entails a bond that is so special that two people will grow together, trust one another with their lives, build dreams on, and perhaps even produce a family based on this connection AND MANY DO. These are words that we grew up with and understood so clearly. These are the very words that a Narcissist hangs their hat on and opens the door up to manipulate, objectify, betray, weaken, damage, disable and extort everything they can from a target/victim. These are the very words that are pathological in nature as it concerns the empty soul of a Narcissist and their real agenda to harvest us for supply.

These poisonous words are uttered with such a complete and seamless reality that they unlock the very souls and mind of the person that gets trapped in the Narcissist’s big lie and con job! These words are heard every day throughout the world, and are such an amazing part of the human connection – what better choice of words could a thief of hearts, minds and life use to break into our world? A psychological rapist and terrorist! Did anybody here grow up with an understanding that a creature could convey a complete and loving relationship to con you out of your life? I never realized the magnitude of this abuse or just how completely disordered and hateful a Narcissist is. I still can’t wrap my head around it completely enough to make any sense out of this and instead I defer to this as purely evil. I don’t even want to define it because the truth of the matter is all the definition I need.

Their motive is always to control. So they are very effective with this love bombing in a very short period of time. It gives you the impression that you are falling in love OR are in love and you have met your soul mate. Nope it is ownership and this Narcissist has isolated you from people to hide the very truth of how disordered they are as well as their agenda to extort what they can from you by making you their primary supply. You want to pursue this grand relationship and who wouldn’t want to? This is someone you feel is so special and it feels like the real thing!

Having all of this attention, felt good. In your mind, you reason that this is that ‘special one’ or the right person. This really is special to you (us) because it is what you understand or feel that love is – you believe in them. We rarely want to let go of that ‘feel good’ feeling. A Narcissists can and will walk in and fulfill this part very well because they are professionals.

Within a short period of time the Narcissist may try to stay with you in your home or space and even trying to move in. Your friends and family might even raise an eyebrow or two at how quickly this has progressed. But you reassure them because they do not know how this feels, it feels so absolutely RIGHT – you believe in them.

When victims are still in the love-bombing/honeymoon phase or caught in the CHARM of the Narcissistic bond they (the latest victim) rarely believes that the person who appears in front of them that is so in love with them, adores them, showers them with romance, REALLY intends to use, manipulation, deceit, betrayal and control to ultimately destroy them. Remember too that Narcissists also abuse friends, family, co-workers, or everybody – it is not just limited to relationships! But as the relationship (any relationship) with a Narcissist unfolds, this underlying goal becomes more and more obvious. They will start to focus on your weaknesses and deepest secrets to use against you. They will criticize you and back it all up by saying that your friends, family, loved ones and basically everybody agrees with them. This is done so that YOU start to focus on the issues the Narcissist is alleging against you. Initially the criticisms don’t come from that shrewd Narcissist, they are the messenger repeating ONLY what they heard, and they are telling you this for your own good and to help you because they are only concerned about your welfare. Then, slowly but surely the allegations start coming directly from the Narcissist’s mouth and in a direct attack. The Narcissist has brought his/her scheming to fruition and is managing you down.

Then that ‘love bomb’ finally detonated and blew up in your face. It could have never been so completely wrong, so much so that many are lucky to recover from the devastation and destruction. BUT we can and do recover from this. So the message here is that this was not our fault and the love we though was real was purely manipulative and just stage one of the abuse. This is not the revelation that will end your suffering right this very moment, but it is part of the educational process to purge the abuse out of your life by understanding this bit by bit. The other alternative is to rehash the relationship in your mind over and over again asking yourself what went wrong and trying to get into the head of your Narcissist. That would be so scary because what you might actually find would be even MORE devastating and just more destructive. You know what went wrong and there was NOTHING you could have done to make it right and hopefully you can release from any other thoughts that will send you right back for more abuse. What an awful last chapter to this fictional book the Narcissist wrote for you and I that we believed was real, and THEN having to realize and believe that NONE of it was real. You are amazing – you got here today because you survived the abuse and you WILL get to recovery. You are stronger than you know and will be stronger on the other side of this as a true survivor that will thrive. No/minimal contact to start out on your new journey! Greg

Posted on January 28, 2020, in Narcissism. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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