Understanding the Narcissist’s GAME! Any conversation or interaction with a Narcissist is like a ‘hit and run’ accident – you are left in shock, dazed, damaged and trying to figure out what just happened!
Understanding the Narcissist’s GAME! Any conversation or interaction with a Narcissist is like a ‘hit and run’ accident – you are left in shock, dazed, damaged and trying to figure out what just happened! FACT: this is done on purpose to get YOU to react so they can now blame, shame, and diminish you for YOUR response and create chaos. Narcissists are serial provokers!
From my Book – Greg Zaffuto – Author – From Charm to Harm and Everything else in Between with a Narcissist!
Every conversation or interaction you have with them seems to leave you confused and drained. You will be left with the burden of trying to figure out what they have said or basically what the heck just happened. It is like a hit and run accident and you are left in shock trying to gain a foothold of the incident. A basic conversation can go from zero to 100 miles per hour and in a direction that puts you in the path of an unavoidable crash, AND you weren’t able to control the direction you were headed in. You ask yourself how did this all start and what led up to it? You will end up spending hours, or perhaps even days, obsessing over the intent of the message or argument. You exhaust all of your emotional energy to accomplish absolutely nothing AND it was pre-planned to be this way by the Narcissist – or how they manipulate you into this place. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to it, but there is as far as it concerns the Narcissist that is controlling you.
Everything they have absorbed or learned about you is now being utilized in a manner to push certain buttons to keep you controlled and under their thumb. They know how to CHARM you because they know your likes, BUT they also know how to HARM you because they also know your weaknesses and insecurities! The connection with them is built around your very persona and how they can and will manipulate it to control you. There is no YOU in any of this and there is never a real person behind the Narcissist. Narcissists like psychopaths are always going to pull you in a direction that makes you feel very small AND defective. This is the rhyme to their reason and again that is control!
So, what about these ridiculous and crazy arguments, etc. You could have NEVER kept up with the original conversation (or argument) in a realistic manner because it was basically nonsensical in your mind and had no basis of reality. But it served a purpose as far as the Narcissist is concerned to deflect from something or the other, or there was an agenda to it, or to demean and dehumanize you AND again, control, control, CONTROL. BUT, it served its purpose because it confounded or confused you and forced you to process the CRAZY information with no real success – or it deflected you AWAY from the truth as it concerns something or other that the Narcissist may have done. You will have many rebuttals going on in your head AFTER THE FACT because you feel a need to defend yourself or rationalize what happened. Basically, you are trying to fix the situation, but was it an argument because you really didn’t do anything but yet you feel like you did something, BUT WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DID??
BAM, this is exactly the place a Narcissist wants you to go to – total confusion and insanity. They have drawn from the vast wealth of knowledge they have gained from observing you and use it consistently to maneuver you into a place of confusion and isolation. There are many reasons behind each of these scenarios, but they are basically to manage you down and to control you. However, you will try to resolve this because you feel you need to address what happened and more than likely to defend yourself hoping for resolution but in the end, you’ll find that you are the person explaining yourself or apologizing. After a while these crazy arguments will have you stuck in confusion so much so that you have lost all perspective of your relationship, as well as your value in the relationship. You are always explaining yourself or responding to the Narcissist’s crazy making and never participating in a reciprocal or real conversation. You are being emotionally and psychologically abused!
What gets you there? The false connection or ‘con bond’ that this Narcissist created in the beginning. The one where you bonded with them and trusted them. More than likely you believe it is a real relationship and you LOVE them – but in any case, your emotions and heart are basically ruling and clouding your mind. The TRUTH – slowly but surely the Narcissist was tempering your emotions and love to disable you completely. This is a person that you explicitly trust, AND they care about or love you too (or so you believe,) so you put yourself into a place to always resolve these issues (as normal people do) so that you can continue with this amazing relationship. You believe that they will reciprocate in a healthy manner because they do care/love you, but unfortunately you are blind to the truth, so you fall into the trap and it becomes a dysfunctional habit.
This confusion will blind you to many other aspects of their abuse and the Narcissist walks all over your heart and imprisons your mind in the process. This is CONTROL and it will get worse over time and be more of a daily emotional beating meant to harm AND disable you completely. The WHY to all of this is because a Narcissist is severely defective and basically loathes people and life so they have to destroy the goodness that exists in us to justify their miserable existence? What kind of human could take another human to this place and WHY?
Even accountability as far as it concerns what they may have done to you, be it a huge lie, an affair or whatever will only end up at a dead end too. Whatever they may have done to you was done with intent no matter how it may have hurt you AND they just don’t care and feel justified in their actions. There is no real relationship or love as far as the Narcissist is concerned. They live in a amoral and out of control world and take whatever they can from people with NO CONCERN to the harm they inflict on anybody else. AGAIN, WE MUST UNDERSTAND that there is no real relationship with them! We BELIEVE there is BUT we are all just taking our turn as supply and even though we are their PRIMARY source that still doesn’t mean that it is real by any means. They probably have other relationships or supply on the side that we absolutely have no sense of. These are very dysfunctional individuals that grab at any opportunity to serve themselves. Our primary role is to serve them 24/7 as well as accept their psychopathy, their EVERY indiscretion, lies, betrayal, AND to accept the blame because you/we are not serving them COMPLETELY. No/minimal contact to end the chaos and achieve your freedom and start on your road to recovery! Greg